feeling "accomplished" as the most important thing in life

[lillo9546]

TLDR: How would a human being be able to lead a fulfilling life, feeling realized, even after taking the red pill and understanding how the whole system works, being "ill" in a natural way as we no longer feel gratification from the reward system we were programmed for since school, and therefore ended up in psychological limbo with the right knowledge, the right experiences, but the lack of decision on the road to take?


In the city the traditional lifestyle, work, home, children, marriage, mortgage, car, luxuries, travel, is what we were programmed for. So for us, our "realization" is with a big house, a big car, travel, money etc. We all know this fable.

However, after you become aware of the rules of the game, (you took the red pill), therefore the capitalist pyramid, lifestyle inflation, and much more, you are no longer able to live like before, or in any case see life from the same perspective.
So we are told to try alternative ways to life, in order to reach happiness and realization. You won't feel contentment anymore from that "work" and "reward" system, which in the past fed your brain. This will cause a human being to go into a natural illness.

In a simpley way of viewing this, we have two broad and general options:
1) Traditional way of living. a) exploited - or - b) exploiting.
2) Alternative way of living.

Which of you has been through this process, how did you manage to settle down and fulfill yourself?
How can a man reach realization?
Is the "reward" system something we would need for our life?

[suomalainen]

We're all living in loops, as tight and as closed as the hosts do. You can't escape your biology (biological programming, if you will). You can, with resources, choose a society (a "matrix") that feels like a good fit for you (sociological programming, if you will), but as a social animal, you probably need some semblance of society in your life. No one escapes a "matrix" that doesn't enter a new one. Even Dick Proenneke had someone fly him supplies a few times a year.

To rephrase your "exploited vs exploiting" simplification, I would probably say that we're all producers and we're all consumers, and we get to choose how much of each we do each day. You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do. In terms of fulfillment, scratch your biological needs and then find something interesting to do with people you find interesting. There's not much more to it.

[ertyu]

TLDR: How would a human being be able to lead a fulfilling life, feeling realized, even after taking the red pill and understanding how the whole system works, being "ill" in a natural way as we no longer feel gratification from the reward system we were programmed for since school, and therefore ended up in psychological limbo with the right knowledge, the right experiences, but the lack of decision on the road to take?

You reprogram yourself to feel accomplished according to a different system you actually choose.

The way this works in practice is, you watch out for crummy feelings arising (e.g. you catch yourself feeling bad about not having a "cool" corporate job) and you tell yourself, "yeah but I have [all these other things}"

Choose [all this other things] according to your new rational belief system. If the standard "rewards" are not available, choose different rewards. Notice, and praise yourself for executing a diy project well, for going out of your comfort zone and acquiring new skills, for the money you've saved, for how resilient and ingenious you're becoming, etcetera.

[Frita]

+1 to ertyu’s suggestion to come up with a new system

Reinforcement can be internal or external of oneself. If one needs praise, status, accomplishment, etc. to be okay; there’s going to be a lot of chasing and fear. There will always be something better, plus what if you lose what makes you good enough? That involves surrendering one’s personal power, plus those stress hormones wreck havoc with the immune system. Ironically, these stress hormones produce dopamine that keeps the loop going.

The solution is to develop an inner locus of control. Observe emotions as information, not facts, and get curious. Learn and change what one can; accept the rest. This is a process.

[Henry]

Temperature vs. thermometer. Don't confuse dualities with dichotomies. Or better yet don't reduce dualities to dichotomies. It's not a zero sum game. That being said, best to cultivate a meaningful interior life just in case you end up like one of those shut in people trapped in their own bodies being that there is no shut-in Olympics.

[suomalainen]

find something interesting to do with people you find interesting.

I wanted to add - in my experience, the "people" is more important than the "doing". Have you ever noticed that when you're doing something shitty with someone [funny / pleasant / agreeable / hard working / something], that the shitty thing becomes more bearable? And that when you're doing something awesome with some who is [an asshole / disagreeable / cynical / something] that the awesome thing becomes a "when will this be over?" thing? Yeah.

[fingeek]

What are you optimising for? In your previous model you suggest that people optimise for "stuff" (and what that is a proxy for - status, recognition etc.)

As you grow out of that and realise that stuff either is no longer a meaningful pursuit (whatever that means to you - accomplishment, belonging, security, status etc.), then you might start to ask the question of What are you optimising for next?

Looking at the traditional Maslow's hierarchy of needs, then you'd start to look upwards at Belonging, Esteem or Self-actualisation depending on where you sit today.

If it's "Happiness" you're ultimately optimising for, I've found PERMA-V a very useful model and lens to shape my behaviour: https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/learn-more/pe ... -workshops

[grundomatic]

@fingeek

I like that link, and this part is important:

"There are many different routes to a flourishing life. People will derive well-being from each of these five building blocks to varying degrees. A good life for one person is not necessarily a good life for another."

So just like what everyone else is saying, you have to find or create a better reward system that works for you.

[PhoneticNachos]

Just turned 36, the older I get, the more I am content to be true my own core values and principles, and willing to ignore most societal pressures towards traditional conformity.

I have always danced to the sound of my often off-tempo beat. Being more comfortable around adults than kids my own age, due to a plethora of circumstances like GATE classes, excessive reading habits etc.

Being able to live off of one of my paychecks while I save for a house is a big stress reducer.