I cannot tell you how much what you said meant to me, especially coming from a "stranger" . . . wow. Thank you.
Once again, I so connected with what you said about love and then solitude. I may be a little more prone to moments of intense romance and feeling and getting caught up in a beautiful exchange with someone or loving certain parts of a person (which deserve to be appreciated) and then being reminded by the other parts of myself which start screaming for attention that I have not yet found my match.
I am an introvert but I also very much need genuine and meaningful connection with others. I also need "physical" connection. In my attempts at finding satisfaction in any one of the important categories of connection for me (emotional, intellectual, sexual, aesthetic) I swing between the extremes of trying not to need others/companionship and then "breaking" and taking what I can get when one of those categories comes around. Inevitably, I come up wanting and swing back to the hermit side. It's usually out of disappointment and loss of faith in the human race, which could translate into "preferring to be alone", but is that preference contextual to the lack of what one needs being offered by those around them?
As I just wrote in my journal, I have recently found a potential love, and one that seems to understand my feelings about fearing relationships due to a perceived loss of freedom that almost HAS to come with them. I want to believe that it is possible to find a relationship that enhances and encourages freedom instead of limiting it, but I've yet to see it in my experience.
Anyways, these are my thoughts on your recent topics. Thanks again for your encouragement and I look forward to more amazing insights from your journal postings.
My_Brain_Gets_Itchy's Journal
-
My_Brain_Gets_Itchy
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:29 pm
@spoonman: Most certainly! My attempt is to integrate solitude in my life not necessarily as a one off catalyst of change, but more as a structural thing. I.E a regular basis of solitude in my life, be it a weekend thing, a daily thing or a 90-100 day thing.
@JoThomas: Incredible. What an amazing story, thanks so much for sharing your experience with me. I feed on that type of inspiration your life story provided. Thank you.
I read Wild by Cherryl Strayed and was rivited by this type of experience. I love reading the trivial details,the minutia of the mind in the momment, the nuance of the experience.
I hope that I can build up the courage and strength to do something of this nature quite soon.
@sshawn: Thanks so much @sshawn. "Careful growing of children is one of the most difficult endeavors we face". Truer words cannot be spoken. For what it's worth, your family sounds wonderful, and your genuine nature as a father comes through in your journal.
@zarathustra: Thank you again for sharing with me your thoughts, your life, and emotions.
Your faith in love is inspiring. Feed it.
It should not be compromised. It is who you are. It is your strength.
I wish I can say the same for myself.
I wish I was not able to surpress loneliness.
I wish I felt I really needed someone.
I wish I was not able to marginalize or rationalize love.
I wish I was not able to control love.
But I can, and I do.
Despite my idealisms about how I see love, the sad conclusion so far is that my heart does not beat as strong.
But hearing stories like yours, hearing your testimony, chips away at my resistance, makes my heart beat stronger.
So thank you.
I send you thoughts of happiness and encouragement that the gentlemen you met in your travel adventures brings you much love.
@JoThomas: Incredible. What an amazing story, thanks so much for sharing your experience with me. I feed on that type of inspiration your life story provided. Thank you.
I read Wild by Cherryl Strayed and was rivited by this type of experience. I love reading the trivial details,the minutia of the mind in the momment, the nuance of the experience.
I hope that I can build up the courage and strength to do something of this nature quite soon.
@sshawn: Thanks so much @sshawn. "Careful growing of children is one of the most difficult endeavors we face". Truer words cannot be spoken. For what it's worth, your family sounds wonderful, and your genuine nature as a father comes through in your journal.
@zarathustra: Thank you again for sharing with me your thoughts, your life, and emotions.
Your faith in love is inspiring. Feed it.
It should not be compromised. It is who you are. It is your strength.
I wish I can say the same for myself.
I wish I was not able to surpress loneliness.
I wish I felt I really needed someone.
I wish I was not able to marginalize or rationalize love.
I wish I was not able to control love.
But I can, and I do.
Despite my idealisms about how I see love, the sad conclusion so far is that my heart does not beat as strong.
But hearing stories like yours, hearing your testimony, chips away at my resistance, makes my heart beat stronger.
So thank you.
I send you thoughts of happiness and encouragement that the gentlemen you met in your travel adventures brings you much love.
-
My_Brain_Gets_Itchy
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:29 pm
#031 06/06/2013- Solituding: FI Newbie and the Canoe Portage
It is a direct result of becoming FI, that I went on my first canoe portage a few weeks back, during the Canadian Victoria Day long weekend.
The intention was to get a greater education and experience on solitude, and evaluate how or if this would be something I would like to further integrate into my early retirement life.
It is something that I always wanted to do but never made the right moment or time to do it in the past.
Translation: I was lazy and compromising.
But no more. Becoming FI opened my mind to do precisely that which I always want to do.
To live a bucket list life.
FI Newbie
Being an FI newbie, I have a combination of restlessness and a sense of obligation to myself, as I stated before.
I want to expand a bit on this thought on what it means to me and how it feels.
In the past, I would try to tell myself that I am grateful for living in the first world, being of able body and mind, and coming from a mostly stable and supportive family.
But this gratitude and awareness of abundant fortune, was fleeting.
It rang hollow and insincere a lot of the time, and only truly became sober thought during times of tragedy, death, travel or fairly intense meditation.
Gratitude and awareness was a sneeze.
It was my human nature to be simply ungrateful, most of the time.
To make excuses for myself.
To not make the most of things.
To compromise.
Living in a society that was fueled and powered by hedonic adaptation was my excuse.
My life was less than Mr Jones, therefore it was unfulfilling. There was always want.
Want shadowed everything.
There was always "If only..".
However, being newly financially independent, has smashed and shattered this illusion.. This excuse.
I feel extracted and ex-communicated from the cult of consumer society.
With one foot fully out the door, and the realization that there is no longer a Mr Jones to keep up with, there is a flavour of an existential crisis that kicks in.
A phase of de-programming.
It feels both good and bad.
I thought I had this figured out in my lead up and accumulation phase. I posted and wrote quite a bit about this in the past. But it is not the same as reality.
I guess that's what the freedom of FI can do if you think too much.
In many ways, following the endless cycle of hedonic adaptation is much easier. There are rules to follow. Everything in a certain way, makes sense.
One thing for certain, it's better to figure this out now, before I actually retire. Being FI has given me the breathing space to explore this.
No Excuses and Fears..
So then, the sobering realization is that I have no more excuses in life. There is no more "If Only.."
Gratitude and awareness are no longer a sneeze or a dream, but my breath. My stark reality.
There is nothing standing in my way to do what "I always wanted to do" and "be the person that I wanted to be".
It's time to see what I am made of.
Being FI was not necessary for this revelation but has made it a lot easier.
Having this awareness is the root of my restlessness and sense of obligation.
I fear at times this awareness, this freedom and power can run amok.
Especially as a single person, there are no rules, and nothing to grasp, and little obligation. A single leaf blowing in the wind.
I fear I may become a perversion of myself. Slothful. Hedonistic.
In an odd way, I identify and understand a little more the retreat and decay of the reclusive years of someone like Marlon Brando or Howard Hughes. Not that being FI is anything comparable to them, but more so the correlation of having in your mind, everything you need and then having to find out truly what's inside you. To face yourself.
As of now the only things that ground me, that ties me down from flying away from reality is my home, my obligation as an uncle, a son, and a brother.
The rest is blank.
As an FI newbie, my experience so far is that for me, this awareness and freedom is difficult to control and harness.
Like riding an untamed animal.
Perhaps this will settle some as time goes on, i am just a newbie after all, and perhaps I am being too idealistic, too grandiose.
But I digress..
The Canoe Portage
I had many opportunities in the past to go on a canoe portage.
Typically, it would be an invite with a mess of alcohol driven social peoples.
Large groups seeking distraction and debauchery.
I didn't know then why I would always say no, but I do know now.
I can handle one night of this type of activity , and quite frankly, I admit at times in the past I could be the guy who actually stirs the pot of debauchery. But a weekend of it is for me is too much.
The weekend I went on my portage, my friend and I were perhaps the only portagers not part of a large group.
Where we went was crown land (ie government land- google or youtube "Crown Camping" its is extremely ERE for all interested) which was free to portage and camp in. This ofcourse attracts a lot of young(er) groups looking for a cheap good time.
Most of these groups, and also the groups from the invites in the past, were seeking an 'increase' in stimulation and distraction (i.e. fireworks, music, drinking, marshmellowing, camp fires, partying) from their day to day life, rather than a decrease in stimulation and distraction.
It seemed to me to defeat the purpose of being in nature, counter productive for my purpose.
The appeal for me for the portage was meditative.
Solitude. Decompression.
The trip for me was a mental detox, an exercise in voluntary discomfort, a lesson in solitude, and also an opportunity to gain and brush up on some skills.
Since every camp ground was pretty much taken, we didn't change camp sites but stayed put on our site for the entire three nights and four days.
With the exception of dinner, my friend and I mostly did our own thing.
We didn't drink.
I slept a lot, and I dreamed a lot. Crazy dreams every night. Extremely vivid. My friend also experienced crazy dreams every night as well.
This is something I have read in books on solitude and silence. As the mind detaches from the constructs of its normal existence and usage, it wanders free, uncontrolled. It can be dangerous or enlightening. Some authors have compared this forms of brain trickery in solitude to LSD.
My friend had a paranoia of bears, and one night he had a dream of a bear and me chasing him.
Why he had me in his dream chasing him I do not know.
Fishtailing a canoe
On one of the days I took the canoe out alone to practice. If I want to eventually do I portage solo, I need to learn to navigate a canoe by myself.
My goal was to do a complete sharp circle. And "O" with the boat. It would be a simple trial to practice my paddling skills.
When I got in the boat and I started to paddle and do the first curve/turn, I could not turn it into the current (it was fairly wavy and windy). Every attempt to turn, only made me go straighter, faster.
I couldn't get the nose of the canoe past the waves of the current and the wind. The canoe was huge and meant for a large portage, and not designed for soloing, but still an experience paddler would have been able to do the circle I think.
I was getting further and further away from our island. The water was extremely cold. I had a mild sense of panic for being so incompetent, and overestimating my ability to do such a simple thing.
After a while I abandoned the trial, and my focus was to just get back to our island/camp ground safely.
The only way I could figure out how to get back was to actually paddle backwards, since I couldn't turn the boat around.
After some struggling, and the oddity of paddling backwards, I finally did get back to the island/camp ground.
I was relieved. And I was disappointed.
The next day I challenged my friend to do the same task. Circle the canoe.
He ended up doing the same thing, which gave me odd comfort that I wasn't a total idiot as he was the more experienced one.
Also, since he chastised me for not knowing what I was doing, I rubbed it in. He was paddling furiously, but it only got him further and further out, making him go faster and faster, in a straight direction.
I had a genuine belly aching laugh.
However, because I challenged him, and was hysterically laughing, and his male ego was on the line (never underestimate the ignorant power of the male ego) he was completely engaged and determined to figure it out.
He eventually did after about 10 minutes.
He came back beaming and pumped. Then he taught me.
Solution: Lean strong on one side, paddle the other.
I went out immediately and tried it and was able to do it quite easily.
It felt like fishtailing a car.
We spent the next few hours doing this. "pulling donuts" with the canoe.
I challenged him to try and do what I called the hand of a "clock". Spin the canoe around turning, while remaining stationery. He eagerly accepted.
Yet again another example of how the male ego is so simplistic.
He got to about a quarter past twelve, and then he tipped the canoe and fell into the freezing water.
Another belly aching laugh from me. Fortunately we were doing this very close to the shore so he was in no danger.
Anyhow, he later told me falling off the canoe was the favourite part of the trip.
The whole canoe fish tailing and donuting experience, made me feel like a kid again. I felt totally present. Just a rare moment of feeling completely in the now. It felt nice.
Anyhow, Fishtailing and donuting a canoe, that was my skill learned for the weekend.
<>
On another one of the days, after an accumulation of rest and relaxation, I got a rush of manic energy.
Quite spontaneously I decided to do a crossfit/circuit workout. "Woods" version.
-Plyo box jumps on a rock
-Axe chopping our entire accumulated pile of ungroomed wood and branches (when my friend woke from his nap he was stunned to see our little mountain of wood chopped into nice small pieces for the fire)
-jumping jacks
-decline push ups
-squats
-situps.
This also felt very good. This kind of made me feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway for some reason.
<>
Other stuff on the trip:
I packed entirely freeze dried food and a water pump. I packed as light as I could.
I hung my food in a tree.
I made lot of fires.
I read a lot.
I though a lot.
I stared and listened to nature a lot.
I slowed down and cleared my mind.
I shat in the woods.
Conclusion
On our drive back home we left early morning to beat the traffic.
We stopped along the way at a KFC and gorged.
I inhaled a KFC chicken bowl.
Fast food never tasted so good. Voluntary discomfort: mission accomplished.
I also felt a good recharge of my introverted battery.
This was my first time doing a portage and was very happy with it.
However, when I do it solo, I learned how I will want to do it, a more pure form of solitude.
Firstly: the benefit of a weekend cottaging/camping from the city to the country can be severely impacted by the experience of the masses doing the same thing. The commute, the traffic and the filled up sites on every camping spot, lessens your solitude and clutters your mind. From our site, we could here the echoes of other camp sites, and could see other people canoeing and boating all the time. We were not alone. In retirement however, this can be done when no one else is there. During the weekday.
Secondly, I was with a good friend. Despite having a lot of individual time, we spent a huge amount of time in one on one conversation (typical male bonding stuff-girls, career, hopes, dreams, etc). It does not compare to being alone. The challenge, the mental confrontation with oneself can only be accomplished alone.
Thirdly, I will most likely kayak instead of canoe. I am planning on taking some kayak lessons. I want to be competent enough not simply to steer and paddle, but to handle more emergency situations. I found two places in the city that teach it, and have been researching and reading up about kayak portaging. Ultimately, it looks a lot more fun and easier.
Fourthly, the idea of doing a solo portage terrifies me now more than it did before I left. I've done a lot of solo things before (which I will most likely talk about in another post), but imagining doing what we did solo, even for one night, is frightening.
Which is why I have to do it.
It is a direct result of becoming FI, that I went on my first canoe portage a few weeks back, during the Canadian Victoria Day long weekend.
The intention was to get a greater education and experience on solitude, and evaluate how or if this would be something I would like to further integrate into my early retirement life.
It is something that I always wanted to do but never made the right moment or time to do it in the past.
Translation: I was lazy and compromising.
But no more. Becoming FI opened my mind to do precisely that which I always want to do.
To live a bucket list life.
FI Newbie
Being an FI newbie, I have a combination of restlessness and a sense of obligation to myself, as I stated before.
I want to expand a bit on this thought on what it means to me and how it feels.
In the past, I would try to tell myself that I am grateful for living in the first world, being of able body and mind, and coming from a mostly stable and supportive family.
But this gratitude and awareness of abundant fortune, was fleeting.
It rang hollow and insincere a lot of the time, and only truly became sober thought during times of tragedy, death, travel or fairly intense meditation.
Gratitude and awareness was a sneeze.
It was my human nature to be simply ungrateful, most of the time.
To make excuses for myself.
To not make the most of things.
To compromise.
Living in a society that was fueled and powered by hedonic adaptation was my excuse.
My life was less than Mr Jones, therefore it was unfulfilling. There was always want.
Want shadowed everything.
There was always "If only..".
However, being newly financially independent, has smashed and shattered this illusion.. This excuse.
I feel extracted and ex-communicated from the cult of consumer society.
With one foot fully out the door, and the realization that there is no longer a Mr Jones to keep up with, there is a flavour of an existential crisis that kicks in.
A phase of de-programming.
It feels both good and bad.
I thought I had this figured out in my lead up and accumulation phase. I posted and wrote quite a bit about this in the past. But it is not the same as reality.
I guess that's what the freedom of FI can do if you think too much.
In many ways, following the endless cycle of hedonic adaptation is much easier. There are rules to follow. Everything in a certain way, makes sense.
One thing for certain, it's better to figure this out now, before I actually retire. Being FI has given me the breathing space to explore this.
No Excuses and Fears..
So then, the sobering realization is that I have no more excuses in life. There is no more "If Only.."
Gratitude and awareness are no longer a sneeze or a dream, but my breath. My stark reality.
There is nothing standing in my way to do what "I always wanted to do" and "be the person that I wanted to be".
It's time to see what I am made of.
Being FI was not necessary for this revelation but has made it a lot easier.
Having this awareness is the root of my restlessness and sense of obligation.
I fear at times this awareness, this freedom and power can run amok.
Especially as a single person, there are no rules, and nothing to grasp, and little obligation. A single leaf blowing in the wind.
I fear I may become a perversion of myself. Slothful. Hedonistic.
In an odd way, I identify and understand a little more the retreat and decay of the reclusive years of someone like Marlon Brando or Howard Hughes. Not that being FI is anything comparable to them, but more so the correlation of having in your mind, everything you need and then having to find out truly what's inside you. To face yourself.
As of now the only things that ground me, that ties me down from flying away from reality is my home, my obligation as an uncle, a son, and a brother.
The rest is blank.
As an FI newbie, my experience so far is that for me, this awareness and freedom is difficult to control and harness.
Like riding an untamed animal.
Perhaps this will settle some as time goes on, i am just a newbie after all, and perhaps I am being too idealistic, too grandiose.
But I digress..
The Canoe Portage
I had many opportunities in the past to go on a canoe portage.
Typically, it would be an invite with a mess of alcohol driven social peoples.
Large groups seeking distraction and debauchery.
I didn't know then why I would always say no, but I do know now.
I can handle one night of this type of activity , and quite frankly, I admit at times in the past I could be the guy who actually stirs the pot of debauchery. But a weekend of it is for me is too much.
The weekend I went on my portage, my friend and I were perhaps the only portagers not part of a large group.
Where we went was crown land (ie government land- google or youtube "Crown Camping" its is extremely ERE for all interested) which was free to portage and camp in. This ofcourse attracts a lot of young(er) groups looking for a cheap good time.
Most of these groups, and also the groups from the invites in the past, were seeking an 'increase' in stimulation and distraction (i.e. fireworks, music, drinking, marshmellowing, camp fires, partying) from their day to day life, rather than a decrease in stimulation and distraction.
It seemed to me to defeat the purpose of being in nature, counter productive for my purpose.
The appeal for me for the portage was meditative.
Solitude. Decompression.
The trip for me was a mental detox, an exercise in voluntary discomfort, a lesson in solitude, and also an opportunity to gain and brush up on some skills.
Since every camp ground was pretty much taken, we didn't change camp sites but stayed put on our site for the entire three nights and four days.
With the exception of dinner, my friend and I mostly did our own thing.
We didn't drink.
I slept a lot, and I dreamed a lot. Crazy dreams every night. Extremely vivid. My friend also experienced crazy dreams every night as well.
This is something I have read in books on solitude and silence. As the mind detaches from the constructs of its normal existence and usage, it wanders free, uncontrolled. It can be dangerous or enlightening. Some authors have compared this forms of brain trickery in solitude to LSD.
My friend had a paranoia of bears, and one night he had a dream of a bear and me chasing him.
Why he had me in his dream chasing him I do not know.
Fishtailing a canoe
On one of the days I took the canoe out alone to practice. If I want to eventually do I portage solo, I need to learn to navigate a canoe by myself.
My goal was to do a complete sharp circle. And "O" with the boat. It would be a simple trial to practice my paddling skills.
When I got in the boat and I started to paddle and do the first curve/turn, I could not turn it into the current (it was fairly wavy and windy). Every attempt to turn, only made me go straighter, faster.
I couldn't get the nose of the canoe past the waves of the current and the wind. The canoe was huge and meant for a large portage, and not designed for soloing, but still an experience paddler would have been able to do the circle I think.
I was getting further and further away from our island. The water was extremely cold. I had a mild sense of panic for being so incompetent, and overestimating my ability to do such a simple thing.
After a while I abandoned the trial, and my focus was to just get back to our island/camp ground safely.
The only way I could figure out how to get back was to actually paddle backwards, since I couldn't turn the boat around.
After some struggling, and the oddity of paddling backwards, I finally did get back to the island/camp ground.
I was relieved. And I was disappointed.
The next day I challenged my friend to do the same task. Circle the canoe.
He ended up doing the same thing, which gave me odd comfort that I wasn't a total idiot as he was the more experienced one.
Also, since he chastised me for not knowing what I was doing, I rubbed it in. He was paddling furiously, but it only got him further and further out, making him go faster and faster, in a straight direction.
I had a genuine belly aching laugh.
However, because I challenged him, and was hysterically laughing, and his male ego was on the line (never underestimate the ignorant power of the male ego) he was completely engaged and determined to figure it out.
He eventually did after about 10 minutes.
He came back beaming and pumped. Then he taught me.
Solution: Lean strong on one side, paddle the other.
I went out immediately and tried it and was able to do it quite easily.
It felt like fishtailing a car.
We spent the next few hours doing this. "pulling donuts" with the canoe.
I challenged him to try and do what I called the hand of a "clock". Spin the canoe around turning, while remaining stationery. He eagerly accepted.
Yet again another example of how the male ego is so simplistic.
He got to about a quarter past twelve, and then he tipped the canoe and fell into the freezing water.
Another belly aching laugh from me. Fortunately we were doing this very close to the shore so he was in no danger.
Anyhow, he later told me falling off the canoe was the favourite part of the trip.
The whole canoe fish tailing and donuting experience, made me feel like a kid again. I felt totally present. Just a rare moment of feeling completely in the now. It felt nice.
Anyhow, Fishtailing and donuting a canoe, that was my skill learned for the weekend.
<>
On another one of the days, after an accumulation of rest and relaxation, I got a rush of manic energy.
Quite spontaneously I decided to do a crossfit/circuit workout. "Woods" version.
-Plyo box jumps on a rock
-Axe chopping our entire accumulated pile of ungroomed wood and branches (when my friend woke from his nap he was stunned to see our little mountain of wood chopped into nice small pieces for the fire)
-jumping jacks
-decline push ups
-squats
-situps.
This also felt very good. This kind of made me feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway for some reason.
<>
Other stuff on the trip:
I packed entirely freeze dried food and a water pump. I packed as light as I could.
I hung my food in a tree.
I made lot of fires.
I read a lot.
I though a lot.
I stared and listened to nature a lot.
I slowed down and cleared my mind.
I shat in the woods.
Conclusion
On our drive back home we left early morning to beat the traffic.
We stopped along the way at a KFC and gorged.
I inhaled a KFC chicken bowl.
Fast food never tasted so good. Voluntary discomfort: mission accomplished.
I also felt a good recharge of my introverted battery.
This was my first time doing a portage and was very happy with it.
However, when I do it solo, I learned how I will want to do it, a more pure form of solitude.
Firstly: the benefit of a weekend cottaging/camping from the city to the country can be severely impacted by the experience of the masses doing the same thing. The commute, the traffic and the filled up sites on every camping spot, lessens your solitude and clutters your mind. From our site, we could here the echoes of other camp sites, and could see other people canoeing and boating all the time. We were not alone. In retirement however, this can be done when no one else is there. During the weekday.
Secondly, I was with a good friend. Despite having a lot of individual time, we spent a huge amount of time in one on one conversation (typical male bonding stuff-girls, career, hopes, dreams, etc). It does not compare to being alone. The challenge, the mental confrontation with oneself can only be accomplished alone.
Thirdly, I will most likely kayak instead of canoe. I am planning on taking some kayak lessons. I want to be competent enough not simply to steer and paddle, but to handle more emergency situations. I found two places in the city that teach it, and have been researching and reading up about kayak portaging. Ultimately, it looks a lot more fun and easier.
Fourthly, the idea of doing a solo portage terrifies me now more than it did before I left. I've done a lot of solo things before (which I will most likely talk about in another post), but imagining doing what we did solo, even for one night, is frightening.
Which is why I have to do it.
Great post, as always!
”In many ways, following the endless cycle of hedonic adaptation is much easier. There are rules to follow. Everything in a certain way, makes sense.”
Yup. An externally imposed structure in your life can feel comforting because you don’t really have to think.
You made an excellent point about the fact that in retirement there are no more excuses. I know that when I’m in FI I will not have an excuse for not eating well, sleeping well, and exercising well.
“Why he had me in his dream chasing him I do not know.”
ROFL!!!
I wish you good luck in your future portage adventures!
”In many ways, following the endless cycle of hedonic adaptation is much easier. There are rules to follow. Everything in a certain way, makes sense.”
Yup. An externally imposed structure in your life can feel comforting because you don’t really have to think.
You made an excellent point about the fact that in retirement there are no more excuses. I know that when I’m in FI I will not have an excuse for not eating well, sleeping well, and exercising well.
“Why he had me in his dream chasing him I do not know.”
ROFL!!!
I wish you good luck in your future portage adventures!
-
My_Brain_Gets_Itchy
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:29 pm
-
My_Brain_Gets_Itchy
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:29 pm
#032 06/08/2013 - And The Mountains Echoed
This post doesn't have anything to do really with retirement, FI or money.
Unfortunately, my journal really has already long been derailed from that purpose..
So if that is what you are interested in, than please disregard this post.
I only write this post in hopes to give the possible gift of a referral to a book, that is perhaps a referral to something greater.
The book is "And The Mountains Echoed" by Khaled Hosseini.
I hope that you may find this book and read it.
This post doesn't have anything to do really with retirement, FI or money.
Unfortunately, my journal really has already long been derailed from that purpose..
So if that is what you are interested in, than please disregard this post.
I only write this post in hopes to give the possible gift of a referral to a book, that is perhaps a referral to something greater.
The book is "And The Mountains Echoed" by Khaled Hosseini.
I hope that you may find this book and read it.
-
My_Brain_Gets_Itchy
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:29 pm
#033 06/14/2013 The Inflation of Time
Time is in a permanent state of quantitative easing in my life.
If M3 denotes all money in circulation for a currency, 'T3' is all the time that has circulated in my life.
T3 continues to grow ever day. And as each day passes, one hour, the currency of my time, is devalued.
An hour today, buys me much less than it did when I was a child. Coincidentally at that time, a chocolate bar cost 25 cents.
Summer holidays when I was a child, lasted for what seemed forever.
It was actually only two months.
Two months today for me go by in the blink of an eye.
It's barely noticeable. A blip.
The proportional value of an hour in my life today, will always be worth more than it will be tomorrow.
Can I beat this inflation?
No.
There is no follow up rationalization to dispute this fact. One cannot multiply time like one can with money. There is no feel good rebuttal to tell myself.
I only post this to make me sober. A reminder.
To be aware, conscious, and present.
The best I can do is slow my time down, by buying more with my time 'dollar', the hour.
Be smart with my time.
Be present.
Time is in a permanent state of quantitative easing in my life.
If M3 denotes all money in circulation for a currency, 'T3' is all the time that has circulated in my life.
T3 continues to grow ever day. And as each day passes, one hour, the currency of my time, is devalued.
An hour today, buys me much less than it did when I was a child. Coincidentally at that time, a chocolate bar cost 25 cents.
Summer holidays when I was a child, lasted for what seemed forever.
It was actually only two months.
Two months today for me go by in the blink of an eye.
It's barely noticeable. A blip.
The proportional value of an hour in my life today, will always be worth more than it will be tomorrow.
Can I beat this inflation?
No.
There is no follow up rationalization to dispute this fact. One cannot multiply time like one can with money. There is no feel good rebuttal to tell myself.
I only post this to make me sober. A reminder.
To be aware, conscious, and present.
The best I can do is slow my time down, by buying more with my time 'dollar', the hour.
Be smart with my time.
Be present.
Interesting post. Indeed, as we get older our perception of time is a lot different. But I do wonder if there are ways to mitigate this effect, to slow the rate of time inflation. For instance, time might have a different feel if you go off backpacking somewhere for two months instead of sitting at work for two months. We will probably never recover that old sense of time (might have something to do with the insane number of new connections happening in a child’s brain compared to an adult’s).
I like reading about your journey to early retirement, keep it up!. I am also in Toronto and we are probably around the same age, within 5-7 years, so your story is somewhat easy for me to relate to. The place by High Park sounds great. I used to live downtown and having beautiful parks, subway, museums etc. close by was one of the best things about living in that area.
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jacob
- Site Admin
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- Contact:
@spoonman - The perception of time is definitely related to the number of connections of new neurons being established. This can happen regardless of age but mostly it doesn't because people get into a habit/grove/comfort zone and stop changing their brain. At this point time perception starts accelerating.
I've often heard parents, most of whom by construction now has a fixed routine that won't change for the next 20 years+, say that "these kids grow up so fast". That's exactly why. The parents don't change anymore. Change is not measured in wall-clock time but in comparing what I know now compared to what I knew before; what I've done now/where I am now/etc. compared to before. Many people aren't getting anywhere after age 25. (Ask a 60 year old if they still feel like they're 25 on the inside ... many will say yes... because they didn't really grow after that time.)
The times I've changed my lifestyle completely (e.g. retiring, going back to work, signing up for the CFA, living in an RV, moving to another country, etc.) the first few weeks have subjectively felt like several months have passed.
On shorter time scales, when long bike rides (20+ miles) become a habit, the brain slows down enough so that it still feels like I just started even after 30 minutes. Conversely, for something intense like stickhandling a hockey puck in front of the goalie, it feels like time slows down to half speed. I think that's different issue(?)
I've often heard parents, most of whom by construction now has a fixed routine that won't change for the next 20 years+, say that "these kids grow up so fast". That's exactly why. The parents don't change anymore. Change is not measured in wall-clock time but in comparing what I know now compared to what I knew before; what I've done now/where I am now/etc. compared to before. Many people aren't getting anywhere after age 25. (Ask a 60 year old if they still feel like they're 25 on the inside ... many will say yes... because they didn't really grow after that time.)
The times I've changed my lifestyle completely (e.g. retiring, going back to work, signing up for the CFA, living in an RV, moving to another country, etc.) the first few weeks have subjectively felt like several months have passed.
On shorter time scales, when long bike rides (20+ miles) become a habit, the brain slows down enough so that it still feels like I just started even after 30 minutes. Conversely, for something intense like stickhandling a hockey puck in front of the goalie, it feels like time slows down to half speed. I think that's different issue(?)
@Jacob: I definitely feel like a perpetual 25 year old. Sometimes I wonder when I’ll start to feel like a “real grownup” =).
Yeah, the whole subject of time perception is incredibly fascinating. I once saw a science show where they talked about special neurons in our frontal lobes that undergo some sort of pulsing or oscillation that helps up keep track of time. It’ll be interesting to see what comes out of brain research in the coming years.
I think the awesome thing about FI is the freedom to make those sharp lifestyle changes that you spoke about, whether it’s ERE or taking up another challenging job. I look forward to the time-dilating activities that will come easily after reaching FI.
Yeah, the whole subject of time perception is incredibly fascinating. I once saw a science show where they talked about special neurons in our frontal lobes that undergo some sort of pulsing or oscillation that helps up keep track of time. It’ll be interesting to see what comes out of brain research in the coming years.
I think the awesome thing about FI is the freedom to make those sharp lifestyle changes that you spoke about, whether it’s ERE or taking up another challenging job. I look forward to the time-dilating activities that will come easily after reaching FI.
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My_Brain_Gets_Itchy
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:29 pm
@Bluenote:
Great to hear from another Canadian and Torontonian. Looking forward to hearing your experiences!
@jacob and @spoonman:
I think the distinction of the proportion value of time and the perception of time is a fair one to make.
There is the actual portion, ie. 1 hour of a six year old has more proportional value than a 40 year old, this I refer to as time inflation.
And then there is the perception.
I see it similar to how one can spend a dollar. Getting value for your money, getting value for your time.
Our perception of time most definitely can be 'slowed down', 'distorted', 'bent' , 'stood still', 'clear', or 'realized', depending on how you want to interpret it.
@jacob mentions one method, making new 'neural' or brain connections via change. ie. making wholesale life change, learning a new skill.
The other examples I have come across are meditation, solitude, nature, travel, flow and passion.
All of these things I see as an effective solution to combat proportion time inflation.
Great to hear from another Canadian and Torontonian. Looking forward to hearing your experiences!
@jacob and @spoonman:
I think the distinction of the proportion value of time and the perception of time is a fair one to make.
There is the actual portion, ie. 1 hour of a six year old has more proportional value than a 40 year old, this I refer to as time inflation.
And then there is the perception.
I see it similar to how one can spend a dollar. Getting value for your money, getting value for your time.
Our perception of time most definitely can be 'slowed down', 'distorted', 'bent' , 'stood still', 'clear', or 'realized', depending on how you want to interpret it.
@jacob mentions one method, making new 'neural' or brain connections via change. ie. making wholesale life change, learning a new skill.
The other examples I have come across are meditation, solitude, nature, travel, flow and passion.
All of these things I see as an effective solution to combat proportion time inflation.
On Time
Only my bodily condition is now about the same or even better as I had when I was thirty.
My mind and skills are more developed now (65). Sometimes I behave even mature
My perception of time is steared by my actions or inaction. The more action the more I hardly notice that time passes by.
Only on the moments of reflection I see how quick it goes, not during sports, working on a project, learning new skills, traveling, study etc.
But there is one (for me) remarkable thing: since I make time to rest and reflect, I enjoy life more, I make beter choices, can be of better help to other people. And I know now to set my goals reasonable, to avoid to be in a hurry.
I am very aware of my limited time, but it set me no limits.
Only my bodily condition is now about the same or even better as I had when I was thirty.
My mind and skills are more developed now (65). Sometimes I behave even mature
My perception of time is steared by my actions or inaction. The more action the more I hardly notice that time passes by.
Only on the moments of reflection I see how quick it goes, not during sports, working on a project, learning new skills, traveling, study etc.
But there is one (for me) remarkable thing: since I make time to rest and reflect, I enjoy life more, I make beter choices, can be of better help to other people. And I know now to set my goals reasonable, to avoid to be in a hurry.
I am very aware of my limited time, but it set me no limits.
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My_Brain_Gets_Itchy
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:29 pm
@J_:
That's a great approach and good way in general to live life.
I think for myself as I become more aware of time, especially in the context of FI/ERE, the more I see it as scarce and extremely valuable.
This is regardless of my activity. Perhaps this has to do with having now a greater appreciation/awareness of time than I did before.
When I was younger, regardless of activity, it seemed time was something that I was hardly aware of. Time was treated as infinite, like a limitless buffet.
I would take one bite out of time, and throw the rest away.
In the run up to the pursuit and accumulation phase of FI and ERE, evaluation of decisions is very financial centric:
How can I maximize my dollar.
Some of these decisions, are made at the compromise of time.
I.E I will have x amount of dollars in so and so years.
(some of this is not necessarily a bad thing, as some things simple require an investment of time).
I've shifted a lot from thinking/evaluating things in terms of the financial/dollar cost to now where I evaluate everything in terms of it's time cost.
How can I maximize my time.
I.E I will have x amount of time, if I give up x amount of dollars.
Being time wealthy, instead of money $$ wealthy. (In many ways these two things have a strong union/overlap, and they are not necessarily mutually exclusive).
Time is my central currency now not a dollar.
Time wealth to me doesn't necessarily mean having all the free time in the world, but more so filling my time with those things we have mentioned above, time bending, time slowing, time engaging, time quality things.
This may or may not mean I am working or retired, and it may or may not be that I am being productive.
That's a great approach and good way in general to live life.
I think for myself as I become more aware of time, especially in the context of FI/ERE, the more I see it as scarce and extremely valuable.
This is regardless of my activity. Perhaps this has to do with having now a greater appreciation/awareness of time than I did before.
When I was younger, regardless of activity, it seemed time was something that I was hardly aware of. Time was treated as infinite, like a limitless buffet.
I would take one bite out of time, and throw the rest away.
In the run up to the pursuit and accumulation phase of FI and ERE, evaluation of decisions is very financial centric:
How can I maximize my dollar.
Some of these decisions, are made at the compromise of time.
I.E I will have x amount of dollars in so and so years.
(some of this is not necessarily a bad thing, as some things simple require an investment of time).
I've shifted a lot from thinking/evaluating things in terms of the financial/dollar cost to now where I evaluate everything in terms of it's time cost.
How can I maximize my time.
I.E I will have x amount of time, if I give up x amount of dollars.
Being time wealthy, instead of money $$ wealthy. (In many ways these two things have a strong union/overlap, and they are not necessarily mutually exclusive).
Time is my central currency now not a dollar.
Time wealth to me doesn't necessarily mean having all the free time in the world, but more so filling my time with those things we have mentioned above, time bending, time slowing, time engaging, time quality things.
This may or may not mean I am working or retired, and it may or may not be that I am being productive.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole productivity thing myself. Doing in things in ERE that are not perceived as productive is actually going to be a challenge for me. Notice I said “perceived” as productive. Making money, organizing one’s personal affairs, cleaning the house, and doing the dishes are examples of activities that are easily perceived as productive. But hitting every museum and art gallery in the city may not be perceived as productive, at least by my institutionalized self =). I’ll have to remember how to slow down and appreciate the little things.
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My_Brain_Gets_Itchy
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:29 pm
#034 Commuting - Transit/Biking/Walking/Jogging 8km to Work
#034 07/03/2013 Commuting - Transit/Biking/Walking/Jogging 8km to Work
This post is about the evolution of my work commute in combination with my exploration and education of solitude in FI.
The Past Commute
For over 10+ years, i was living in the downtown core and was always doing a 1.7km/1 mile, 20-25 minute walking commute (each way). Needless to say over 10+ years, I got very use to this pattern. Although 40-50 minutes of built in walking a day isn't the most strenuous exercise, it did a nice job of supplementing my workouts, and keeping my joints active.
In addition to the physical health benefits, was the financial benefits-saving money on have a free commute, the time benefits - spending very little time commuting, and the psychological benefits - avoiding the stress and aggression of congestion, and also giving me a time of day that was quite meditative.
The Transit Commute
Three months ago (i.e. starting April 2013), I moved from the downtown core to an area in the city called High Park. The transit commute time is approximately 35 minutes, 14 stations away, with one transfer point. The transit distance is 9km (5.5 miles).
I have always disliked transit commutes, which is why I always lived close to where I would work. However, I didn't want my dislike of for my transit commute to stop me from plan to FI, i.e. my ERE silver bullet.
Negative Hedonic Adaptation
There were four primary areas of negative hedonic adaption (ie, adjusting to something 'downward') I had to deal with in moving to my new place:
1. Not having a dish washer
2. Not having an ensuite washer/dryer
3. A smaller space
4. Transit Commuting
Over coming the first three, I found quick and easy. I may be rationalizing here, but I feel now that I actually prefer items 1-3, given my priorities in life. It keeps me very humble and grateful, primarily because it makes a living a simpler life, well, simpler.
Having to adapt to the transit commute however, has been a little more difficult. I dislike transit commutes primarily because of the congestion/crowds of people and the confinement. I also sometimes get the mental feeling of being in a herd of cattle shipped off to a slaughter house a.k.a work.
For the first two months of my new transit commute, I adapted, somewhat.
The first month (April) I bought pay-per-use tokens @$2.65 a ride. The cost for the month was $111.30.
The second month (May) I bought a Metropass. The cost was $128.50. The nice thing about the Metropass was that i did a lot of hoping on and off to different parts of the city to explore during the month I had it. I ended up using the transit 61 times that month, so I actually extracted a total of $161.65 from the metropass.
I was able to pounded out my book reading, which was great since I fell behind during the period and lead up to the move and renovation.
On the negative however, despite shifting work hours to 7:15-3:15, wearing ear plugs, and using my eReader (which have all helped), subway commuting was draining me. I would feel exhausted after the subway despite expending almost zero calories. Additionally, without my walking commute, I gained weight.
At 6 feet, I prefer being at 168 pounds, but I climbed to 180 pounds over the last 6 months. The weight gain had more to do actually with me eating horribly and disrupting my regular workout pattern in the last 6 months of my transition, however not having a walking commute anymore still played a crucial part.
Finally, in light of my exploration of solitude, I found that the subway commute was taking a toll on me mentally.
Bike Commute
So, at the beginning of June, my third month of my new commute, I decided to ride my bike to work. I have a clunker bike, and I didn't really use it too much when I only lived <2km away from work. It didn't really make sense then, because it didn't really save me time or money, and the actual walk was better exercise.
My new 10km bike route I took to work is not the most direct route, but it is the safest and most scenic route. It takes about 35-40 minutes, just a little longer than my transit commute. Almost the entire route is path exclusive, with no stop lights or cars.
It took a few rides to get used to things. The first few days my legs were sore and tight. But my body soon got used to it. Because I still left my home at 6:30am, the rides in the morning were incredibly meditative and tranquil. The city at this time of day is absolutely perfect for solituding.
What was so enlightening was being exposed to other 'early birds' who are out doing their thing at this time of day.
In particular, I was amazed at the amount of joggers and bikers out at 6:30 in the morning. In addition to the bikers and joggers, were the rowers on the lake and many seniors doing daily walks. Most of these people were also solo, so in a way I felt a certain kinship. I felt I was with 'my' people. Yes, weird, I know.
In terms of the $$$ numbers, the goal was to ride my bike 12 times during the month. There were 20 work days in June, an I managed to ride exactly 10 days, or half the working days of the month. It rained a lot in June, which is my lame excuse for missing my target. But I did feel it was so energizing that had the weather co-operated, I would have road my bike every day, once my leg muscles got used to it.
I ended up spending only $55.65 in transit fares in June, which was a savings of exactly half of my first month ($55.65) and $72.50 over the Metropass second month.
However the biggest gain was not financial, but primarily the mental, and secondarily the physical. It gave me an extremely healthy dose of daily solitude, that was even better than my walking commute of my previous 10 years.
Walk Commute
One morning I woke up early, around 5am. I couldn't get back to sleep. I knew it was going to rain in the afternoon, but then a manic thought popped in my mind. Why don't I walk to work?
The walking distance from my place to work is 8km (5 miles). It crosses the entire span of the west side of the city going diagonally from North-West to South-East. On the day I decided to walk to work on a whim, I really didn't prepare myself at all. I left my place at 6am. I wore Converse all-Stars, my work clothes, and carried my messenger bag.
I made it to 6km of the 8km, or approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes, until my feet and lower back started to kill (never wear converse all stars on a long walk) in combination with feeling pretty grimy in my work clothes, and additionally needing to use the bathroom real bad.
So, I ended up taking a street car the last 2km of the way to work. Despite not making it, I felt awesome for trying and challenging my status quo.
I felt invigorated walking the city at this time in the morning. It was an even purer dose of solitude than the bike ride, and I felt a certain psychological barrier break within me.
I was determined to do this again and make it. It felt like I was trying to beat the 4 minute mile.
Rationalizing this was pretty easy:
-8km is not that far.
-I used to train/run 10kms just a few years back.
-It's not like it is a half marathon or a marathon.
But the best reason was:
-Walking to work is at this time of day is not only a multi-task but for me it feels like a triple/quadruple task time thing:
1. It's a commute
2. It's my exercise/workout
3. It's high quality solitude/meditation
4. It's a tourist in your own city (the city at this time of day is just another world).
Second Attempt
My second attempt at walking to work came on a day in June fore-casted sunny in the morning, and thunderstorms in the afternoon. Which is perfect for my morning walk commute, since biking was a risk.
I left home again at 6:00am, this time wearing shorts and a t-shirt and running shoes, with my clothes and lunch in a backpack. I made it to work, 1.5 hours later. Despite 1.5 hours of walking, instead of feeling drained, I felt energy.
I did however, feel very sore. It's quite sad my body couldn't take 8km of walking without feeling sore
Jog Commute
This morning I completed my third attempt, a full out jog (with healthy doses of walking breaks). I made it in exactly one hour. I still carried a small back pack for my clothes, but I learned that was a mistake.
So here is what I found will be ideal for me next time:
1. Pack days- Pack lunch and work clothes and bring them to work the day before jog so I don't have to carry anything and jog more comfortably. Or always leave a set of spare clothes at work.
2. Pack days should always be the day it rains, bicycling days should be on a full sunny day, and jog/walk days should be on nice mornings that have rain forecasted in the afternoon.
Closing Thoughts
On the days I bike or walk to work, my commute doesn't feel like a commute. I feel less like a robot.
I find at this time of day, ie. 6:00am-6:30am in the morning, to be an incredible fertile time for solitude.
I find it incredible easy to be conscious and present, mindful and aware. My mind is settled.
During the brief 1+ months I have been doing this, I had the following experiences in the morning:
-Seeing a duck and its ducklings stop traffic crossing a road
-being approached by some young guy wearing a bandana over the lower part of his face, who was up all night doing graphitti, asking me to take his photo
-having a homeless man whine (in a very child like voice) to buy him a donut ('buuuuuy meee a dooonutttt!!')
-a skunk suddenly appearing out of nowhere 10 feet in front of me, looking for food
I know these things sound quite trivial, but to me, I cherish these types of things. I think if these things happened during the clutter of day, I would neither notice them nor appreciate them as 'experiences'.
I have 2.5 more years (at least) of working before retirement, but I am glad I found now at least one outlet of solitude that will sustain me till then.
I hope to find more.
This post is about the evolution of my work commute in combination with my exploration and education of solitude in FI.
The Past Commute
For over 10+ years, i was living in the downtown core and was always doing a 1.7km/1 mile, 20-25 minute walking commute (each way). Needless to say over 10+ years, I got very use to this pattern. Although 40-50 minutes of built in walking a day isn't the most strenuous exercise, it did a nice job of supplementing my workouts, and keeping my joints active.
In addition to the physical health benefits, was the financial benefits-saving money on have a free commute, the time benefits - spending very little time commuting, and the psychological benefits - avoiding the stress and aggression of congestion, and also giving me a time of day that was quite meditative.
The Transit Commute
Three months ago (i.e. starting April 2013), I moved from the downtown core to an area in the city called High Park. The transit commute time is approximately 35 minutes, 14 stations away, with one transfer point. The transit distance is 9km (5.5 miles).
I have always disliked transit commutes, which is why I always lived close to where I would work. However, I didn't want my dislike of for my transit commute to stop me from plan to FI, i.e. my ERE silver bullet.
Negative Hedonic Adaptation
There were four primary areas of negative hedonic adaption (ie, adjusting to something 'downward') I had to deal with in moving to my new place:
1. Not having a dish washer
2. Not having an ensuite washer/dryer
3. A smaller space
4. Transit Commuting
Over coming the first three, I found quick and easy. I may be rationalizing here, but I feel now that I actually prefer items 1-3, given my priorities in life. It keeps me very humble and grateful, primarily because it makes a living a simpler life, well, simpler.
Having to adapt to the transit commute however, has been a little more difficult. I dislike transit commutes primarily because of the congestion/crowds of people and the confinement. I also sometimes get the mental feeling of being in a herd of cattle shipped off to a slaughter house a.k.a work.
For the first two months of my new transit commute, I adapted, somewhat.
The first month (April) I bought pay-per-use tokens @$2.65 a ride. The cost for the month was $111.30.
The second month (May) I bought a Metropass. The cost was $128.50. The nice thing about the Metropass was that i did a lot of hoping on and off to different parts of the city to explore during the month I had it. I ended up using the transit 61 times that month, so I actually extracted a total of $161.65 from the metropass.
I was able to pounded out my book reading, which was great since I fell behind during the period and lead up to the move and renovation.
On the negative however, despite shifting work hours to 7:15-3:15, wearing ear plugs, and using my eReader (which have all helped), subway commuting was draining me. I would feel exhausted after the subway despite expending almost zero calories. Additionally, without my walking commute, I gained weight.
At 6 feet, I prefer being at 168 pounds, but I climbed to 180 pounds over the last 6 months. The weight gain had more to do actually with me eating horribly and disrupting my regular workout pattern in the last 6 months of my transition, however not having a walking commute anymore still played a crucial part.
Finally, in light of my exploration of solitude, I found that the subway commute was taking a toll on me mentally.
Bike Commute
So, at the beginning of June, my third month of my new commute, I decided to ride my bike to work. I have a clunker bike, and I didn't really use it too much when I only lived <2km away from work. It didn't really make sense then, because it didn't really save me time or money, and the actual walk was better exercise.
My new 10km bike route I took to work is not the most direct route, but it is the safest and most scenic route. It takes about 35-40 minutes, just a little longer than my transit commute. Almost the entire route is path exclusive, with no stop lights or cars.
It took a few rides to get used to things. The first few days my legs were sore and tight. But my body soon got used to it. Because I still left my home at 6:30am, the rides in the morning were incredibly meditative and tranquil. The city at this time of day is absolutely perfect for solituding.
What was so enlightening was being exposed to other 'early birds' who are out doing their thing at this time of day.
In particular, I was amazed at the amount of joggers and bikers out at 6:30 in the morning. In addition to the bikers and joggers, were the rowers on the lake and many seniors doing daily walks. Most of these people were also solo, so in a way I felt a certain kinship. I felt I was with 'my' people. Yes, weird, I know.
In terms of the $$$ numbers, the goal was to ride my bike 12 times during the month. There were 20 work days in June, an I managed to ride exactly 10 days, or half the working days of the month. It rained a lot in June, which is my lame excuse for missing my target. But I did feel it was so energizing that had the weather co-operated, I would have road my bike every day, once my leg muscles got used to it.
I ended up spending only $55.65 in transit fares in June, which was a savings of exactly half of my first month ($55.65) and $72.50 over the Metropass second month.
However the biggest gain was not financial, but primarily the mental, and secondarily the physical. It gave me an extremely healthy dose of daily solitude, that was even better than my walking commute of my previous 10 years.
Walk Commute
One morning I woke up early, around 5am. I couldn't get back to sleep. I knew it was going to rain in the afternoon, but then a manic thought popped in my mind. Why don't I walk to work?
The walking distance from my place to work is 8km (5 miles). It crosses the entire span of the west side of the city going diagonally from North-West to South-East. On the day I decided to walk to work on a whim, I really didn't prepare myself at all. I left my place at 6am. I wore Converse all-Stars, my work clothes, and carried my messenger bag.
I made it to 6km of the 8km, or approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes, until my feet and lower back started to kill (never wear converse all stars on a long walk) in combination with feeling pretty grimy in my work clothes, and additionally needing to use the bathroom real bad.
So, I ended up taking a street car the last 2km of the way to work. Despite not making it, I felt awesome for trying and challenging my status quo.
I felt invigorated walking the city at this time in the morning. It was an even purer dose of solitude than the bike ride, and I felt a certain psychological barrier break within me.
I was determined to do this again and make it. It felt like I was trying to beat the 4 minute mile.
Rationalizing this was pretty easy:
-8km is not that far.
-I used to train/run 10kms just a few years back.
-It's not like it is a half marathon or a marathon.
But the best reason was:
-Walking to work is at this time of day is not only a multi-task but for me it feels like a triple/quadruple task time thing:
1. It's a commute
2. It's my exercise/workout
3. It's high quality solitude/meditation
4. It's a tourist in your own city (the city at this time of day is just another world).
Second Attempt
My second attempt at walking to work came on a day in June fore-casted sunny in the morning, and thunderstorms in the afternoon. Which is perfect for my morning walk commute, since biking was a risk.
I left home again at 6:00am, this time wearing shorts and a t-shirt and running shoes, with my clothes and lunch in a backpack. I made it to work, 1.5 hours later. Despite 1.5 hours of walking, instead of feeling drained, I felt energy.
I did however, feel very sore. It's quite sad my body couldn't take 8km of walking without feeling sore
Jog Commute
This morning I completed my third attempt, a full out jog (with healthy doses of walking breaks). I made it in exactly one hour. I still carried a small back pack for my clothes, but I learned that was a mistake.
So here is what I found will be ideal for me next time:
1. Pack days- Pack lunch and work clothes and bring them to work the day before jog so I don't have to carry anything and jog more comfortably. Or always leave a set of spare clothes at work.
2. Pack days should always be the day it rains, bicycling days should be on a full sunny day, and jog/walk days should be on nice mornings that have rain forecasted in the afternoon.
Closing Thoughts
On the days I bike or walk to work, my commute doesn't feel like a commute. I feel less like a robot.
I find at this time of day, ie. 6:00am-6:30am in the morning, to be an incredible fertile time for solitude.
I find it incredible easy to be conscious and present, mindful and aware. My mind is settled.
During the brief 1+ months I have been doing this, I had the following experiences in the morning:
-Seeing a duck and its ducklings stop traffic crossing a road
-being approached by some young guy wearing a bandana over the lower part of his face, who was up all night doing graphitti, asking me to take his photo
-having a homeless man whine (in a very child like voice) to buy him a donut ('buuuuuy meee a dooonutttt!!')
-a skunk suddenly appearing out of nowhere 10 feet in front of me, looking for food
I know these things sound quite trivial, but to me, I cherish these types of things. I think if these things happened during the clutter of day, I would neither notice them nor appreciate them as 'experiences'.
I have 2.5 more years (at least) of working before retirement, but I am glad I found now at least one outlet of solitude that will sustain me till then.
I hope to find more.
Re: My_Brain_Gets_Itchy's Journal
Thank you for your nice commuting story. I too love the silence and calm of early mornings and late nights for that matter. There is a reason why this time of the day is traditionally recommended for spiritual practices/meditation.
Have about a 7 km bike commute myself at the moment biking past fields with grassing cows and feel so fortunate to see it each day and getting the free exercise for someone who can be quite lazy is so convenient.
Have about a 7 km bike commute myself at the moment biking past fields with grassing cows and feel so fortunate to see it each day and getting the free exercise for someone who can be quite lazy is so convenient.
Re: My_Brain_Gets_Itchy's Journal
It is nice to read about you working through your commute.
"-Seeing a duck and its ducklings stop traffic crossing a road
-being approached by some young guy wearing a bandana over the lower part of his face, who was up all night doing graphitti, asking me to take his photo
-having a homeless man whine (in a very child like voice) to buy him a donut ('buuuuuy meee a dooonutttt!!')
-a skunk suddenly appearing out of nowhere 10 feet in front of me, looking for food"
It is very cool that you had these experiences but maybe more important that you took the time to cherish them!
(not trivial at all IMO!) Was the graffiti artist's work any good?
"-Seeing a duck and its ducklings stop traffic crossing a road
-being approached by some young guy wearing a bandana over the lower part of his face, who was up all night doing graphitti, asking me to take his photo
-having a homeless man whine (in a very child like voice) to buy him a donut ('buuuuuy meee a dooonutttt!!')
-a skunk suddenly appearing out of nowhere 10 feet in front of me, looking for food"
It is very cool that you had these experiences but maybe more important that you took the time to cherish them!
(not trivial at all IMO!) Was the graffiti artist's work any good?
Re: My_Brain_Gets_Itchy's Journal
The Happiness Hypothesis notes that some of the only things we don't hedonically adapt to are noise, commuting, relationships, shame, and lack of control.
The source for the commuting section seems to be this.
Glad to hear you're making progress on it!
The source for the commuting section seems to be this.
Glad to hear you're making progress on it!