Smelly Swiss Dilettante

[bos]

The job is reasonably interesting. It would fit well with studying, it would also fit well with having kids. All at the same time would be difficult of course, but if i have kids and money, I might no feel the need to get a new degree anyway. I have some hope that the job will allow me to get some language practice too, which would be nice.

I'm already hyped for your future kiddo's @Jean! Good luck with the job

[Henry]

I am like..Aunt Bee, writing about sexuality mostly in terms of my intellectually processed past.

I must have skimmed over the Goober vs Gomer analysis.

[7Wannabe5]

sex goddess

I think the misunderstandings that may still somewhat abound when a female is genuinely interested in sexuality are kind of like the misunderstandings that used to abound when a female is genuinely interested in sports. For example, the nerdy ENTP character of Howard Wolowitz on "The Big Bang Theory" is genuinely interested in sex, and INTP Woody Allen is genuinely interested in sex and sexuality, and ENTPs Cosmo Kramer "Seinfeld" and Hawkeye Pierce "M.A.S.H." are also overtly interested in sex, but nobody assumes that eNTP men who are highly interested in sex/sexuality are also necessarily cool or particularly sexual attractive. I mean, if you put Howard Wolowitz's brain/personality into a female body and changed his orientation to preferring males, how difficult would it be for him to find attractive male partners even if he didn't get any cooler and the female body was only reasonably attractive?

Although, it is also true that I am tall with a curvy figure and fake blonde hair. So, kind of like if you maybe crossed Jennifer Coolidge with Grade C Loretta Swit (definitely more Loretta Swit wardrobe) for my physical appearance* and then installed a homosexual version of Howard Wolowitz crossed with Woody Allen, Hawkeye Pierce, and Cosmo Kramer for my personality/interests. I have always felt a strong affinity for stereotypical hyper-verbal, hyper-sexual 20th century Jewish-American male, because our internal struggles are similar. Also, some of our external struggles. For example, sometimes my partners yell at me like Bernadette (ENTJ) is always yelling at poor Howard, and sometimes my partners get grouchy with me if I "borrow" some of their cereal or involve them in my schemes like (how-does-he-make-a-living?) spacey Kramer.

Anyways, bottom-line, not at all cool, definitely not a sex goddess.

*Or misbegotten love child of Loni Anderson and Leonid Brezhnev is how I sometimes used to describe my appearance on the internet.

[Henry]

*Or misbegotten love child of Loni Anderson and Leonid Brezhnev is how I sometimes used to describe my appearance on the internet.

Considering the Russian roulette nature of on-line dating, I'm not sure that description leaves an empty chamber to play with.

[7Wannabe5]

@Henry:

Well, when engaged in online dating, I am generally forced to include an actual photo. I was referring to describing myself on sites such as this on the internet where I maintain semi-anonymity. Choosing a photo for internet dating is a bit of a task, because you want one in which you look good, but not better than you appear in person. Or, at least that is my preference, because I prefer to see the perky "better than expected" look on a man's face rather than the "civilized suppression of some degree of disappointment" look when we first meet in coffee shop, even though I fully recognize this as weak desire for superficial validation in the moment. I think the downside of internet dating for me has been my too frequent observation of the overwhelming tendency of men to make 98.9% of "buying" decision within 30 seconds of meeting me.

If you consider the matter rationally, it is somewhat difficult to feel validated by being primarily valued for your physical appearance in relationship beyond the value you place on such aesthetics yourself. For example, an anecdote shared by the young California-type male friend who first introduced me to Deida/sexual-dichotomy theory, was that he met a young woman for a date, and she had clearly gone to a good deal of trouble with an elaborate hair-do, and when he lightly teased her about it, she burst into tears. IOW, it was the investment of putting so much effort into her appearance that rendered her more weakly vulnerable to his judgment, because she very much wanted to be validated as "pretty." I might not be doing a very good job of explaining, but this is towards how placing too much weight on the "masculine gaze" can wind women up in a vicious, not fully self-aware cycle of sunk-cost investment in appearance. It can be fantastically freeing to no longer care very much whether or not men find you to be "pretty" and/or whether they exhibit behaviors associated with such a judgment. It can also be interesting to observe or experiment with the possible combinations. For example, "pretty" but not "hawt", "hawt" but not "pretty", "charming" but not "hawt", "pretty" but not "charming", etc. etc. etc. It's also possible to conduct such experiments even if you aren't particularly "pretty", "hawt", or "charming", because all things are relative. It's also the case that because all things are relative, with frequency and variability, observation will serve as well as experiment. For example, if you date a random assortment of men who are older and younger than you, the older men will see you as relatively more "pretty", even though your appearance is held stable in experiment. etc. etc. etc. So, once you've cracked this code, it becomes very much like shooting fish in a barrel, regardless of the objective quality of your bait/bullet. However, this is in no way to imply that men are not in many other ways much more complex humans. For example, somebody can repeatedly fall in love with a pretty face, but also invent a critical mechanism for the space shuttle.

ETA: It just dawned on me after producing the above that even though I am not at all cool or very attractive, I probably have been bragging about being good at dating because I am clever. But, because I consider you all to be my peers in cleverness, this was also towards demonstrating that you all can also have success at dating just by being clever, but it didn't come across that way because you can't "see" how uncool and not all that I am. I always remembered one interview with Sarah Bernhard in which she said that she would definitely choose to have "brains" over "looks" or "money", because you can always use your brains to get eventually get anything you can with the other two, but not vice-versa.

[Henry]

I'm confused. But if you're saying you are Leonardo Brezhnev in Loni Anderson's body, I think most guys could live with that.

[7Wannabe5]

@Henry:

What if it was the reverse? Anyways, I figured out what has been bugging me about how the development-in-adulthood Integral gurus address sexual/romantic relationships in their books. They accept/promote the premise (which is also well documented by most research) that what men are primarily shopping for in sexual/romantic relationship is physical appearance (although they dress it up a bit new agey, as in "radiating love through beauty. ")They also promote the premise that primary sexual/romantic relationship is a core vehicle for personal growth/development in adulthood. Ergo, even at Level Yellow/Turquoise, they want heterosexual women to be stuck with a primary relationship for which they were primarily chosen on the basis of physical appearance as their core vehicle for personal growth/development in adulthood! No wonder then that new truism is that age 40 is when women start mostly vacationing with their female friends. I almost felt myself lapsing into feminist separatism as I was connecting these dots.

OTOH, it may simply be the case, given that most other eNTp types are male, that my core-core energy is actually juvenile masculine (like Tom Sawyer), and that is why I would rather be clever than pretty. For example, if I believe that my personal growth in adulthood would be best served by reading books on the theory of surreal numbers for an hour/day and wandering around in the woods in my bird-watching hat for an hour/day vs. spending 1 hr/day moisturizing my skin towards maintenance of dewy softness and 1 hr./day maintaining tone and flexibility at hot yoga studio, it seems unlikely that I would be best served by primarily placing myself in the company of other likely to at least semi-consciously prefer that I primarily devote my life-energy to beauty maintenance (and/or somehow simultaneously maintaining mythology that my beauty is "effortless" and "natural", because my moisturizer contains organic fruit seed oils, and my yoga studio was constructed by an Amish carpenter, and I use the word "health" rather than the word "beauty", etc.)

[Henry]

What if it was the reverse?

The beast in the beauty narrative is usually portrayed through a woman i.e. Fatal Attraction, Amy Fisher, wet-T shirt contests. The beauty in the beast narrative is usually portrayed through the man i.e. Mask, King Kong, Hunchback of Notre Dame. There are always exceptions, Ted Bundy on the male side, Barbara Bush on the female side. So I think if you look like Leonid Breshnev but have the interior life of Loni Anderson, you'll find someone to part your iron curtains, but I wouldn't count on a bread line forming behind him.

[guitarplayer]

@guitarplayer and his SO visited me for a week.

Thanks for hosting, it's been great. I made a note to bring you a large jar of tahini next time round. Also, good luck with the job interview.

[Jean]

@guitarplayer
I wonder if tahini might count as liquid, and thus wouldn't be allowed in a cabin luggage. But we go to germany regularly, so we can get it from there.

[Jean]

We had a raclette at my forest. My friends left much more than what i brought, so there is beer to drink before it freezes again.
A campfire really is.the founding stone of civilization.
Nothing exists without the commonality that it creates.
Also, cheese is really the.most awesome thing that human ever created. Vegan are really missing out..
I love it like humans managed to turn easy herbivore milk into godliness.
We are the best species that ever walked this planet's soil, and any population that managed to create cheese immediatly earns some of my respect.
I pity those thar never did.

[chenda]

A campfire really is.the founding stone of civilization.

This is a genuinely profound statement.

[Jean]

@chenda
Everybody deserves to know that.
If you never sat with friendlies next to a fire, you are missing out on what being born human grants you as perks.
Fire are so nice that even wolves want to be our friends.

Otoh, all my friend are gone now, so tending the fire feels pointless now.

Being able to tp some of my forum friend around my fire would be worth a lot. I have fendant, cheese and schnaps, in case any of you is within reach. I know no one is. So i'll let my fire die.
A shared fire has so much more value than a fire alone, it doesn't make sense.

[chenda]

'' Now I'm sitting here before the fire, the empty room, the forest choir
The flames that couldn't get any higher, well they've withered, now they've gone
But I'm steady thinking, my way is clear and I know what I will do tomorrow
When the hands have shaken and the kisses flow, well I will disappear''

[Jean]

Well, I ain't.
All i want is to get friend around my fire.
It won't happen.
I'll just feel the heat of the last embers.

[chenda]

I wish I was there with you.

[J_]

Oh Smelly & Chenda, I love your romantic posts so much. Yes beeing with friends, food an fire is heavenly.

[NewBlood]

Looking forward to campfires and cheese in July, Jean!

[Jean]

@J_
I'de rather be refered too as Jean. But has we met, i'll assume i was smelly enough to warrant my journal title

At easter friday, i noticed a dark spot in a molaire, and my dentist pick went trough it, so i assumed a cavity. I had to wait a week for dentist to come back from hollidays, and then got an apointment.

I allready worried about spend thousands.
He checked my teeth, it was'nt a cavity, but just a dark soft mass of tartar.
He checked all my teeth, did some cleaning.

This week i came back for a real cleaning

It cost me less than 250 in total.
I"m quite glad about it.

How expensive is dentistry where you live?

[zbigi]

How expensive is dentistry where you live?

100 PLN (around $25) for descaling. As for anything else, I have no idea, as I've yet to have a cavity or any other teeth problems (knocks on wood).