Laura Ingalls starts a journal

[Laura Ingalls]

Update

Housing log
26 days at house sit
1 night at airport hotel
2 nights at Seaside mom and pop hotel with both offspring and the house sit dog
2 nights at my mom’s

We did get to Palouse Falls and Mount Ranier. I also really liked the Cascade Locks area m.

I returned to my mom’s before the house sit ended, DH stayed behind and will finish per our agreement. She has made the decision to move to assisted living. I am going to help with the transition. It’s probably the right move, but not entirely convinced.

She really isn’t capable of the administrative tasks that she was a few months ago.
Her cycles where she starts repeating stories has shrunk to about 20 minutes. She has also gotten way more reliant on my one sibling and his spouse.

She processes information by talking and it is so much talking. I am used to my bookish quiet spouse who wait till he has something to say before he opens his mouth.

Anyway my stress level has gone up a lot. Last time there was a lot of transitions in my extended family my one brother and I ended up estranged-ish. I don’t want a repeat but he did a couple things that have made me less trusting of him.

The combo of my mom and younger offspring living together was pretty effective, but seemed like it was getting harder. Her house is also our official address. I hope it doesn’t get too messy. I would still like a crash pad and a place younger child to land til he gets more of a plan. I hope I can convince the other stakeholders it is probably in their best interest to let me have my way.

Kind of makes it harder to plan the next step in the nomadism. Not sure of what is next. Trying to be a bit wait and see without getting too big of a blast of Midwest winter.

[chenda]

I am going to help with the transition. It’s probably the right move, but not entirely convinced.

Sounds like it is the right move. Fwiw, my dad's dementia symptoms rapidly improved after a few months of quality specialist care. He still gets cantankerous in the evening (he often accidentally phones me without realising and I hear him ranting to the nurse they've given him the wrong tablets or something) but during the day he is mostly his old self. It's a huge peace of mind knowing he is getting well looked after.

[Frita]

I am glad you were able to explore a bit more before returning to your crash pad to care for your mother. The Cascade Locks and sledding in July at Mount Rainer were two of my favorite memories in the area.

Uncertainty is certainly stressful. It sounds like you are able to divide-and-conquer to keep your housesitting option while being aware of past dynamics to more skillfully address what’s going on now. Lots of balls in the air, that’s hard, wishing you some gentle moments…

[Laura Ingalls]

Accommodations update

Me DH
26 day my mom’s. 16 days at housesit
1 hotel nights 2 hotel nights
1 at his cousin’s place
6 at my mom’s


We all survived the move to assisted living. Only one shouting match with my brother. My mom seems to enjoy it so far. She seems more mobile than the average for the facility.

We had an early Thanksgiving meal with my side of the family. Younger son did the bulk of the preparation and shopping. It was delicious. I raised two excellent cooks.

We are going to visit the IL’s for actual thanksgiving and then spent two and a half weeks at our final house sit for the year in Arkansas. After that we don’t have too much planned. A couple medical appointments early January. Ideas in the hopper but no actual committed plan. We are both ready for more ocean and ideally more temperate weather.

Happy Thanksgiving. I feel like I have lots to be thankful for . . .

[Frita]

I am glad to hear you got your mom settled in assisted living. What I have observed with various extended family members, they have done well in such settings. (I am sure that quality of facilities vary.). Will your son stay in her house and will you continue to use it as a landing spot between travels?

When we lived in Oklahoma, we enjoyed Arkansas a lot. The winter weather was quite pleasant, though not pool season. May you be able to complete the housesit with your spouse, decompress, and plan your next adventures or not (just wing it).

[Laura Ingalls]

Accommodations log
11 days my mom’s place (sans mom)
4 days in-laws
1 hotel night
19 house sit nights

We enjoyed the Ozarks. Nice weather, did lots of hiking, great art museum, hot tub at the housesit. I went to yoga 5-6 times. Bentonville is so Walmart dominated and it makes things oddly company town.

We have five medical appointments in early January and then we are going to the UK via NYC. Not sure if going to places that have glum weather and short days is in my best interest but we will go London and if it is too cold and dark we will get out of there and head South.

Spent time with the kids and have a gathering with my extended family today. My mom is settling into her new arrangement ok. Younger offspring is causing me some angst. He seems a bit stuck with what is next for his life. He has always leaned indecisive and an overthinker. As a more impulsive person I am looking for more action from him than I am seeing.

[Frita]

One of my BILs is from Bentonville. It does have an odd vibe and a bit different from a smaller company town IMO.

Letting our kids differentiate is more interesting (I.e., challenging) in practice than theory. I’d prefer my ISXJ be more flexible and open instead of letting so many awesome opportunities go by. (He did apply for study abroad in Poland and awarded a free trip. Even this reinforcement has not motivated him.)

Enjoy England and 2025!

[Laura Ingalls]

Accommodation log
7 days at my mom’s
15 days at DS2 (aka my mom’s he pays rent and has a lease now)
5 days at petsits
3 hotel nights with points
6 paid hotel rooms

Other things of note. I got my dental implant 100% complete. I walked around for about a day and a half showing to people before I realized it just looks like it’s supposed too and wasn’t really very interesting to anyone but me.

My one brother that has my Mom’s POA continues to be kinda smarmy and boundary challenged. I was ready to get out of there. He stopped bugging me when we left town but has been annoying DS2. DS2 has more social skills and patience with him. He is still calling him on his behaviors. I guess he is learning some self-advocacy skills with are important to have in life.

DS did get a job. It’s full-time, entry level, and I think will spurn him on to more higher ed. It’s a good start on more adult mindset. He has a cheap but not negligible rent. Will have to figure out things on hos own with regard to snow removal and keeping his car going.

Elder adult offspring seems to be doing just fine.

My mom is going on vacation with two friends. The other two are staying in a hotel. My mom is staying with other longtime friends. I am glad she is going because like all travel it only gets harder as you age. Probably the last time she will be able to pull something like that off.

She seems to be doing well mostly. Unfortunately, my one brother seems to wind her up about random crap sometimes. Maybe I do too. Anyway more moodiness despite being someone that has traditionally been emotionally reserved/slightly flat in affect.

Anyway I want to talk more about our physical meanderings too.

[Laura Ingalls]

We are enjoying our stay in the UK.

We spent four days in London overdosing on museum after a museum intensive we in NYC. The hustle and bustle got to us quickly. Kensington was more chill than Central London.

We took a train to York. York was wonderful. Super walkable, pretty affordable, full of little nooks, and a giant Minster.

The next stop was Edinburgh. While interesting it was definitely the hardest place to get off the tourist trail. Every third place was a place selling kilts, scotch, tweed purses, or wool sweaters. We did go to a pub that had live folk music open mike. Probably my favorite experience there.

We spent one evening in Manchester and walked around and ate a good pizza. We are currently pet sitting just south of there. Easiest pet sit ever. Indoor/outdoor short haired lazy cat. The town is very walkable and interesting not nearly as old as some of the places in the UK. It was a milling town and really grew during the 19th century. We have been walking along the canal system looking at narrow boats quite a bit and enjoying having a functional kitchen. Sometimes nomadic life does not always have a slow enough pace to sit and read a book and make some soup.

Struggling with my relationship with my one brother. We have long seated petty jealousy and rivalry. I am convinced he is my mom’s favorite because he makes her feel needed by being pathetic. Now the tables have turned and he has ended up with the bulk of the caregiving.

We had a very rough patch circa 2014 when my dad died. I attribute some/much of that to grief. Not sure why he is being a jerk right now. Seems like he thinks I am a flakey weirdo and is jealous of my lifestyle at the same time.

[Violets]

It's so neat to read about your travels! The live folk music sounds truly cool.

[Laura Ingalls]

Accommodation log
22 days pet sit
6 paid hotel
4 Airbnb

We finished our second UK based pet sit. It was on the Cornish coast in a cute little beachy house and a busy border collie. It was a place really not on our radar before leaving and it was quite a nifty little part of the world. Lots of beach walking and towans (the Cornish word for sand dunes). Bus outings to surrounding communities. I was astonished at how rural some of the bus stops were and people were utilizing them. Some art and gardens too We also enjoyed sitting on the front garden of the housesit in the more clement. We stayed inside and made soup, read books, and binge watched a BBC train architecture show DH found when it was raining sideways.

We have moved on to Portugal. We flew to Porto and have moved on to Coimbra which also goes on the list of places not on my radar that have ended up being very cool. Three more days of self-structure and then on to a pet sit in the Algrave. Hopefully a bit warmer weather too.

[Frita]

What fun! Border collies have an enjoyable, friendly temperament. How does the animal situation significantly influence your experience versus deciding where to go?

[Laura Ingalls]

What fun! Border collies have an enjoyable, friendly temperament. How does the animal situation significantly influence your experience versus deciding where to go?

I have a couple breeds I/we actively avoid (no chows, Dobermans, or pit bulls.). Nothing not housebroken. Try to stick to no more than three pets total.

The last dog loved to dig in the sand. It took me awhile to figure out that if I wanted to walk the beach I should leave him at home. If I wanted to sit/stand and watch the water and dog tire himself out I should bring him. I personally enjoy dogs more when I have a beach or other great place to walk them.

The next dog is a gorgeous young red fox Labrador. He definitely needs some walking and/off leash time. We saw him in the video chat and he seemed very obedient to the owner’s commands.

[Laura Ingalls]

Accommodations log
19 days current house sit done today
5 paid hotel

We have had a good time in the Algrave. We opted not to rent a car despite the fact that rental were quite affordable. We had lots of rain (which is very unusual but the filled up the reservoirs) and we were rather homebody-ish initially.

If you guys remember we had plans to walk the Camino last year that got messed up due to my injury. Now I have walked a couple miles of it 20 times and a portion of it is the dog walk route. Part of me thinks we should stay and do it. DH would be all over that but . . .

I am struggling with guilt about leaving my kids and mom. My IL aren’t getting any younger. MIL has back surgery scheduled for April. Her conversation with DH about it was kind of cryptic. He couldn’t figure out if she didn’t know much it or just didn’t want to worry him.

We also have to figure out our healthcare situation. Which will involve a discussion about state of residency. We also need to calculate and submit our taxes (this one could be easily kicked down the road.)

Forward plans include some more time in the Black Hills. We are returning to the housesit we did last year for six weeks for a shorter two weeks commitment. We will wander that direction earlier if the weather is tentative camping cooperative/compatible.

We are head to Ireland for a week and then flying back to Iowa. Hopefully spring will be there. They have had rollercoaster weather. Blizzards and then 70’s and back again. I do like Spring and wandering around in the woods looking for mushrooms. Should be a good time to be back.

DH and I have a milestone anniversary too. Thankful to have such a great partner for our wandering. We sure balance each other and are stronger as a team. So thankful to have him in my life.

[Violets]

I think it's really cool that you are considering the camino, I've always wanted to do that, If you ended up going for it, it would be neat to hear about. Your reasons for not are very valid though.

[Laura Ingalls]

We have returned to our Midwest base. Working through health insurance forms and tax returns. Cleaning the camper of its winter dead fly grossness.

Good news my mom and kids both seem to be thriving. My mom looks and sounds really good.

Mom walked to the gym the other day when the friend she usually goes with was out of town. She was released from PT and OT at her assisted living. Her apartment if filled with half completed quilts. Making me wonder if she is in too restrictive of a setting? I would hate it mostly because the food is meh. She isn’t as picky as me.

Elder offspring’s life seems to be going well. His physical and mental health seem fine. He had his own travels to share as he had a road trip to Washington state with a couple of friends.

Younger offspring seems to enjoy his job enough that he is positive about it. Not so much that he is going to make a career of sandwich making. He is relooking at a program (2 year degree) he looked at as a junior in high school.

Cool brother is still cool. Smarmy brother still doing underhanded shit. He is so sneaky about everything and makes me suspicious if his motives. He has been working on my mom to sell/give him her house. He seems unaware that there are look backs rules governing giving stuff away and tax consequences to my mom of selling something that is not eligible for capital gains exclusion and has a very low cost basis. Good thing he’s in charge of the finances /s.

[Stasher]

I have a couple breeds I/we actively avoid (no chows, Dobermans, or pit bulls.). Nothing not housebroken. Try to stick to no more than three pets total.

The last dog loved to dig in the sand. It took me awhile to figure out that if I wanted to walk the beach I should leave him at home. If I wanted to sit/stand and watch the water and dog tire himself out I should bring him. I personally enjoy dogs more when I have a beach or other great place to walk them.

The next dog is a gorgeous young red fox Labrador. He definitely needs some walking and/off leash time. We saw him in the video chat and he seemed very obedient to the owner’s commands.

2 dogs with 1 cat, we live 1 block from the ocean.
If a 1 week visit to the Salish Sea is ever in the cards reach out, we would be happy to work something out for you.

[Laura Ingalls]

We would be down with that. Especially if we could dovetail it with another sit and/or a visit to our good Portland, OR friend.

[Laura Ingalls]

Accommodation log
2 nights at my aunt’s
6 nights paid hotel
7 nights at my IL’s
15ish at the Ingalls homestead/younger offspring’s place

My return to the States had definitely increased my general angst and anxiety. Before returning I was worried about getting our taxes done and securing healthcare. Got those done even have a workable plan B for healthcare.

The elder care part of life extends beyond the eldercare thread humor. My MIL had her back surgery and they sent her home with a mountain of paperwork and medication. She was ornery and micromanaging with everyone that tried to help her. Several times she said things to my FIL if I said them to my spouse he would point blank say, “You are going to have to ask nicer than that.”

I also spent three days with my aunt that lives alone at the request on my mother because my mom really can no longer help my aunt with all her household stuff like she used too. Aunt still has the capacity to get bids and vet contractors to get a new roof. She can’t keep her house clean. I helped her with some of that and bought a self cleaning litter box for her cats. She also has local friends helping her find a house cleaner.

We are tentatively planning on Asia for fall and winter (Japan first, warmer locales later). I would like my limited possession somewhere secure. I also wish my younger offspring would suspend his chronic indecision long enough to secure himself a new housing situation before the homestead craps out on him.

Anyway lots to be grateful for but more things to manage/have in transition since we have gone nomadic.

[Henry]

My experience is that the eldercare situation remains even-keeled until the first near death experience. As long as MeeMaw and Aunt Minnie don't wander backstage and peek behind the curtains of Hillbilly Hell, it's business as usual. But once they nosily granny glass into that Grand Old Opry and stubbornly decide to return to earth stinking of every type of animal shit on the demonic farm, that's when things go completely fucking Hee Haw.