DutchGirl's journal
Re: DutchGirl's journal
If I were you, I would stand by and look for leverage points in terms of where a little cash might be well offered/spent. Also you might think in terms of providing Fun Sister/Aunt "treats" or minor luxuries rather than more stolid support. For example, maybe she lands in the smaller house in a somewhat worse neighborhood, but it can be so much fun and so freeing to finally take a girl's out adventure outing after years of being stuck married to some total loser guy.. Get tickets to see a wild punk band you both liked when you were very young. Go on a wilderness adventure together and skinny dip in some remote lake. These are both things I did with one or more of my sisters after my divorce and it was such a blast!
Re: DutchGirl's journal
So far I've helped fund a good lawyer to make sure she gets what she is owed according to the prenup and to the Dutch laws and such. So that maybe later she doesn't regret not having consulted one and never knowing whether she could have gotten more out of the divorce. And I've given her some cash explicitly telling her to spend it on things that make life a little bit easier right now - like ordering pizza instead of cooking, or a night in a hotel instead of a tense night together in their shared house. By now they have secured a temporary apartment where one parent can stay while the other is at the shared house with the kids. They will now trade places every few days: one parent will be with the kids, the other in the apartment, until my sister has found a new permanent house. Not living in the same house will hopefully help a bit.
With the divorce of sister-in-law in recent memory (and how well she has come out of it mentally, now 1.5 years after it started) I am indeed trying to remember that this is hopefully the worst part and things should get a bit better soon and that yes, people can adapt and can start to like their new life. And yes, Jacob, I do think that my sister is also one of these humans who learn most from fucking around and finding out. That is something to keep in mind, as is the fact that outpatient care (from the book "Millionaire next door") doesn't really help the person grow and develop. I will try to find a balance here. But I think it's a quite complicated situation, also because of the nieces.
With the divorce of sister-in-law in recent memory (and how well she has come out of it mentally, now 1.5 years after it started) I am indeed trying to remember that this is hopefully the worst part and things should get a bit better soon and that yes, people can adapt and can start to like their new life. And yes, Jacob, I do think that my sister is also one of these humans who learn most from fucking around and finding out. That is something to keep in mind, as is the fact that outpatient care (from the book "Millionaire next door") doesn't really help the person grow and develop. I will try to find a balance here. But I think it's a quite complicated situation, also because of the nieces.
Re: DutchGirl's journal
With my sister I do see some moments where I have hope for her future. Sometimes there's despair, and there is anger, but every once in a while now we hear that she is making plans for her future and that she has hope for some good things to happen, too. So fingers crossed there.
For me, I have been struggling a bit with work. I just talked about it this morning with my guy. I already knew I work best if someone is waiting for the result of my work. I don't work well if there is no deadline or if the deadline is months into the future. Then what I need to do currently changes to an amorphous blob of things I might do sometime - and I go play TrainValley2. Now, I notice that even with work where someone is waiting for something I produce, I work best if there is just a continuous amount of work, and not, like at my current workplace, afternoons where most of the day's work has been done and I just have to sit there to wait for new tasks to come up. Rationally, I know that someone needs to do that job in the afternoon: sit there until a new issue arises and then work it (and do that well), but for me, being paid to sit and wait does not feel good - also a big part of which is that other people in the same office do have more work to do during the afternoon and will see me sit and wait.I have to think about this some more, and I might have to go talk to my manager - give me something more to do in the afternoon, BUT it also will need to be something that can be interrupted by the tasks that pop up every once in a while in the afternoon, and those will need to have priority.
We'll see.
Also, I still also might have to / might be able to work on the fact that I don't wanna do things that don't have other people waiting for my work results. If I wanna do something big in my own life (outside of work), then the same issue occurs. So it's worthwhile to keep working on this. (And I know I'm not the only human with this issue).
For me, I have been struggling a bit with work. I just talked about it this morning with my guy. I already knew I work best if someone is waiting for the result of my work. I don't work well if there is no deadline or if the deadline is months into the future. Then what I need to do currently changes to an amorphous blob of things I might do sometime - and I go play TrainValley2. Now, I notice that even with work where someone is waiting for something I produce, I work best if there is just a continuous amount of work, and not, like at my current workplace, afternoons where most of the day's work has been done and I just have to sit there to wait for new tasks to come up. Rationally, I know that someone needs to do that job in the afternoon: sit there until a new issue arises and then work it (and do that well), but for me, being paid to sit and wait does not feel good - also a big part of which is that other people in the same office do have more work to do during the afternoon and will see me sit and wait.I have to think about this some more, and I might have to go talk to my manager - give me something more to do in the afternoon, BUT it also will need to be something that can be interrupted by the tasks that pop up every once in a while in the afternoon, and those will need to have priority.
We'll see.
Also, I still also might have to / might be able to work on the fact that I don't wanna do things that don't have other people waiting for my work results. If I wanna do something big in my own life (outside of work), then the same issue occurs. So it's worthwhile to keep working on this. (And I know I'm not the only human with this issue).
Re: DutchGirl's journal
Thanks for your journal update! Before 2020, when I walked around the office, there would be many screens with Facebook or Funda (the Dutch real estate site). Browsing the internet, games or even porn was nothing unusual. Nowadays most people go home when their work is done. So there are lots of people who have less work than they have working hours.DutchGirl wrote: ↑Thu Mar 13, 2025 1:26 amRationally, I know that someone needs to do that job in the afternoon: sit there until a new issue arises and then work it (and do that well), but for me, being paid to sit and wait does not feel good - also a big part of which is that other people in the same office do have more work to do during the afternoon and will see me sit and wait.
If you feel guilty about it, why not ask colleagues or your boss if you can have some "extra responsibilities"?
Re: DutchGirl's journal
So... a few days ago, I paid off my mortgage! If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said "no way". My mortgage was at a 3.5% interest rate (before the tax deduction, which would take the actual net interest rate down to about 2%), and I had it with my parents. Quite the sweet deal for me at that interest rate and with such kind mortgage "company". My parents lend me the money back in 2017 for my 50% of the house I share with my guy. They used some of their savings for it, and in return they got a happy daughter, 3.5% of interest (when we made this deal, banks were giving 0.75% interest at most here) and they got a monthly paycheck from me which they liked to manage part of their monthly expenses. But now my sister would like to borrow the money instead of me, and so I did sell some investments and paid it off.
On the upside: I do like not having a monthly mortgage payment! And the idea that our house is now fully ours. (My guy paid off his mortgage a few years ago). I used to pay the mortgage on the 15th, so maybe I will be even happier on April 15th than I am now.
On the downside: I haven't tracked/calculated the exact amount, but I'm sure I have made thousands of euros more on my investments over the last 7 years than if I had not taken out a mortgage and would have paid the house with cash from the beginning. I'm going to miss out on those sweet sweet investment returns for the upcoming years - although I of course plan to put more money into investments every month going forward, now that I no longer have a mortgage payment. Also I do not like looking at my investment spreadsheet as the numbers are lower now (with the money for the mortgage payoff going out of there - plus some market downturns on top of that).
So if the stock market would be so kind to not do well over the next 2-3 years, I would like that for me...
On the upside: I do like not having a monthly mortgage payment! And the idea that our house is now fully ours. (My guy paid off his mortgage a few years ago). I used to pay the mortgage on the 15th, so maybe I will be even happier on April 15th than I am now.
On the downside: I haven't tracked/calculated the exact amount, but I'm sure I have made thousands of euros more on my investments over the last 7 years than if I had not taken out a mortgage and would have paid the house with cash from the beginning. I'm going to miss out on those sweet sweet investment returns for the upcoming years - although I of course plan to put more money into investments every month going forward, now that I no longer have a mortgage payment. Also I do not like looking at my investment spreadsheet as the numbers are lower now (with the money for the mortgage payoff going out of there - plus some market downturns on top of that).
So if the stock market would be so kind to not do well over the next 2-3 years, I would like that for me...
Re: DutchGirl's journal
Congrats on paying off the mortgage! It's a great feeling. Savings build up so fast once that payment is out of the way.
Re: DutchGirl's journal
That's great, congratulations! While sometimes it's not a good financial decision, the mental freedom of not having to pay it is very strong imo.
Re: DutchGirl's journal
I only remembered on April 17th that I hadn't had to pay my mortgage on April 15th, so clearly there was no surge of happy feelings on April 15th - and also not really on April 17th.
We've been on holiday these last couple of weeks. We went to Sicily (and Seppia gave us some good tips on what to see/do/experience there, thanks!) and we had a good time. It was great to not work for a while. A holiday often feels like a bit of a reset: who am I, what is important to me, what do I value? I'll start to work again tomorrow, and my guy will too. We will both have busy schedules for the rest of the year, with probably two more holidays (each of one week long) in autumn and early winter.
My sister is nearing the end of the divorce process, and in May she and her soon ex-husband will sign the divorce papers including the agreements on how to split up assets and how to take care of the kids (financially and otherwise). She's really tired and drained from it all, but I think things will get better once those papers are signed and she can start building her own life - and will have less need to interact with her ex. My parents, my brother and I are supporting her as best as we can, and I'm really happy about that, too. It is a bit funny how apparently "family is important" is ingrained in me - and I do know that that specific norm has its downsides, for sure. But we are her family, and we are there for her in these trying times.
We're Italian like that: famiglia! Molto importante!
Celebrating Easter at home yesterday: like in Italy, food is also very important in my family. My mother always makes sure that there is enough for everyone, and then there are always leftovers for days to come (which is good because preparing such a feast is draining, so it's nice to not have to cook for the rest of the week). My sister-in-law commented that in her family (with a mother coming from the protestant north of the Netherlands) it was important for there to be just enough food for everyone. Enough, but not too much, because that was more frugal and being mindful of how you use your resources. Different values, for sure, and of course my family is right on this matter
. Interesting to think about how it also still influences me.
My intention for the next couple of weeks is to work and to tidy our house a bit - some light spring cleaning. See you guys later!
We've been on holiday these last couple of weeks. We went to Sicily (and Seppia gave us some good tips on what to see/do/experience there, thanks!) and we had a good time. It was great to not work for a while. A holiday often feels like a bit of a reset: who am I, what is important to me, what do I value? I'll start to work again tomorrow, and my guy will too. We will both have busy schedules for the rest of the year, with probably two more holidays (each of one week long) in autumn and early winter.
My sister is nearing the end of the divorce process, and in May she and her soon ex-husband will sign the divorce papers including the agreements on how to split up assets and how to take care of the kids (financially and otherwise). She's really tired and drained from it all, but I think things will get better once those papers are signed and she can start building her own life - and will have less need to interact with her ex. My parents, my brother and I are supporting her as best as we can, and I'm really happy about that, too. It is a bit funny how apparently "family is important" is ingrained in me - and I do know that that specific norm has its downsides, for sure. But we are her family, and we are there for her in these trying times.
We're Italian like that: famiglia! Molto importante!
Celebrating Easter at home yesterday: like in Italy, food is also very important in my family. My mother always makes sure that there is enough for everyone, and then there are always leftovers for days to come (which is good because preparing such a feast is draining, so it's nice to not have to cook for the rest of the week). My sister-in-law commented that in her family (with a mother coming from the protestant north of the Netherlands) it was important for there to be just enough food for everyone. Enough, but not too much, because that was more frugal and being mindful of how you use your resources. Different values, for sure, and of course my family is right on this matter
. Interesting to think about how it also still influences me. My intention for the next couple of weeks is to work and to tidy our house a bit - some light spring cleaning. See you guys later!
Re: DutchGirl's journal
This reminds me of something in my family. After every family gettogether on my father's side, since before I was born, it's very important for relatives to say "It was good but a bit too little.". Even if everyone has their stomachs stuffed to the point of "one wafer thin mint", and those interested get a box of leftovers to take home, it's a family tradition to say "It was good but a bit too little.". This has been the case for about 70 years. It stems from a time in the 1950's when the family - not too well-off at that time- went to a fancy restaurant together to celebrate a special occasion. Many left hungry and decided to go to a traditional fries shop together afterwards.DutchGirl wrote: ↑Mon Apr 21, 2025 6:08 amlike in Italy, food is also very important in my family. My mother always makes sure that there is enough for everyone, and then there are always leftovers for days to come (which is good because preparing such a feast is draining, so it's nice to not have to cook for the rest of the week). My sister-in-law commented that in her family (with a mother coming from the protestant north of the Netherlands) it was important for there to be just enough food for everyone. Enough, but not too much, because that was more frugal and being mindful of how you use your resources. Different values, for sure, and of course my family is right on this matter
Apart from the family specific trait, there is also a general cultural thing over here. Just enough food would be shamefully stingy. It doesn't have to be expensive or exclusive, but it does have to be more than enough...
Re: DutchGirl's journal
So we have now filed our 2024 taxes, and... my income + asset tax burden will be 785 euros total (on a pretax income of 49k - which would come with a roughly 11,400 euro tax bill if one didn't have any deductions).
So I'm not at 0, but I'm quite pleased with the result.
I got to this number by being able to deduct mortgage interest I paid and by choosing to put money in a Dutch type of pretax retirement account and by making deductible donations to charities.
In 2025 I am going to work more hours, have a slightly higher salary and will thus have a higher income. So I know I'm going to actually pay more income tax in this year (although I'll still have some deductions). I've decided that that is okay for this year, as I want to grow my investments again now that I sold a chunk of them to pay off the mortgage.
My sister and her soon to officially be ex-husband have now signed the divorce papers - a judge will have to officially declare the divorce, which will probably happen in the next couple of weeks. My sister has also most likely found a new house - her offer on a house has been accepted by the sellers, but there will be an inspection next week and then the paperwork can be signed. Having an inspection is pretty common in the Netherlands and I'm not expecting an issue that will make her not want to sign the paperwork, so it should all be good. Her mood has improved a bit now that she has found this nice place to live and now that the discussions (ahem, fights) on the divorce papers and alimony have finished. Hopefully she will be able to create a new life for herself and be happy with that. (And hopefully she and her ex will both be able to create a nice life for their two kiddos, too, as they grow to adulthood in the next decade).
It is of course a shame that such happy plans, back in 2005 or so, for marriage and having kids now has come to this quite bitter divorce. It's really sad. But hopefully there is a way forward for all of them that is good.
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FiscallyBlonde
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Re: DutchGirl's journal
Really impressive how you managed to lower your tax bill! I thought I had managed to lower my tax bill quite well, but still ended up having to pay a few hundred euro's. This year I will be investing in my pretax retirement account a bit more to ensure I do not have to pay that much next year.
Good to hear your sisters divorce is settling soon, it must have been a stressful period for the entire family! And glad she has a new house, must make it a lot easier if you have a nice place to raise the kids.
Good to hear your sisters divorce is settling soon, it must have been a stressful period for the entire family! And glad she has a new house, must make it a lot easier if you have a nice place to raise the kids.
Re: DutchGirl's journal
That is an impressive lowering of one's tax bill. I feel our tax system is significantly different than yours. The US system does favor real estate purchases, but I don't feel to as great an extent as yours may.
Re: DutchGirl's journal
So Frugaldoc, real estate only has a favorable tax treatment if it's the house that you live in. These days here you can deduct the mortgage interest you paid as long as: 1. the house is your primary residence (with some extra criteria for when you're moving or divorcing and temporarily have two houses), 2. you must be on track to pay off the mortgage within 30 years (or less). Finally, since 2010 or so you only get to do this for a maximum of 30 years, so you can't "start over" on a new 30 year time period when you buy a new house. Clock starts ticking for you once you buy your first house with a mortgage.
There are some more details but I won't bother you with them.
Houses are pretty expensive these days, so even with the tax advantages you need to earn quite a lot to be able to afford one - at least in the parts of the country where the most jobs are. When we bought this house back in 2017 in a reasonably desirable part of the country we felt like we were paying too much for it. We felt like its value should be something like 240k euros. We paid 300k anyway because that's what houses like these were selling for at that point - overheated market but oh well, we were at peace with perhaps seeing the value drop at some point. Now the value is estimated to be about 450k. Completely bonkers. (And I guess I should also update my ideas of what houses should cost and take some inflation into account...).
I could update my net worth to reflect this house's current value, but I'm not doing that as for now we have no plans to move. Now that I've paid off my mortgage and sold some investments to do so, I kind of feel like I've been set back a bit on my journey. On the one hand, I don't have to pay the mortgage anymore which reduces my monthly expenses by quite a lot, but on the other hand I'm not seeing gains on this part of my money (at least no gains that I can use to fund my life). So now it's back to investing (luckily with more money each month than before). The rest of 2025 I will be working full time so that should help somewhat as well.
There are some more details but I won't bother you with them.
Houses are pretty expensive these days, so even with the tax advantages you need to earn quite a lot to be able to afford one - at least in the parts of the country where the most jobs are. When we bought this house back in 2017 in a reasonably desirable part of the country we felt like we were paying too much for it. We felt like its value should be something like 240k euros. We paid 300k anyway because that's what houses like these were selling for at that point - overheated market but oh well, we were at peace with perhaps seeing the value drop at some point. Now the value is estimated to be about 450k. Completely bonkers. (And I guess I should also update my ideas of what houses should cost and take some inflation into account...).
I could update my net worth to reflect this house's current value, but I'm not doing that as for now we have no plans to move. Now that I've paid off my mortgage and sold some investments to do so, I kind of feel like I've been set back a bit on my journey. On the one hand, I don't have to pay the mortgage anymore which reduces my monthly expenses by quite a lot, but on the other hand I'm not seeing gains on this part of my money (at least no gains that I can use to fund my life). So now it's back to investing (luckily with more money each month than before). The rest of 2025 I will be working full time so that should help somewhat as well.
Re: DutchGirl's journal
That's great to hear!
It's a funny thing, to pay off a mortgage knowing that it might not be the most optimal financial decision vs knowing that a big box that you no longer need to mentally think about, and the emotional benefits of feeling that you truly own your own house.
For us, I've allocated a small portion of our house value to NW, on the basis that when we eventually downsize then it will release some of that equity.
It's a funny thing, to pay off a mortgage knowing that it might not be the most optimal financial decision vs knowing that a big box that you no longer need to mentally think about, and the emotional benefits of feeling that you truly own your own house.
For us, I've allocated a small portion of our house value to NW, on the basis that when we eventually downsize then it will release some of that equity.
Re: DutchGirl's journal
So, the Dutch government fell, quite suddenly. So now my taxes that I'm paying this year (a bit is withheld with every paycheck) aren't going to the right wing government we had until a few days ago, hurray. On the other hand, we're back to being ungoverned, and who knows what's next. We'll see.
This is a long weekend here in the Netherlands, but I'm on call today (which means probably 3-4 hours of work spread out over the day). I had a lot of fun Saturday and Sunday (hosting friends and going out for pizza with another friend), so I'm okay with that. I already did some housekeeping Friday and Saturday and I can do some today if I want to. I'm currently playing Two Point Hospital in between calls and looking out over our little garden that is pretty nice and green at the moment.
My sister will get the keys to her new house in the middle of July, so about 5 weeks from now. And hopefully she will be able to stabilize her life and move on from there. The kiddos will live with her and with her ex-husband about 50% of the time each, as is custom these days in the Netherlands. When I was small, kids would usually live full time with their mom with the dad having them every weekend or every other weekend. Oof. I'm glad that that improved, it must have been heartbreaking for many fathers back then to see their kids only so little. But of course, this means that my sister will now also see her kids only 50% or the time. I'm sure that'll be an adaptation as well.
For me, lots of reflections on how I would deal with a setback like this, what money is good for (and where it doesn't help) and on what things I see in my sister now that seem to be the same as they were 30+ years ago when we were living in the same house as kids. Do people change, or not? Should I change some things too, and could I?
All in all, things are looking up compared to Jan/Feb of this year, so hopefully things will continue to get slowly better over time.
This is a long weekend here in the Netherlands, but I'm on call today (which means probably 3-4 hours of work spread out over the day). I had a lot of fun Saturday and Sunday (hosting friends and going out for pizza with another friend), so I'm okay with that. I already did some housekeeping Friday and Saturday and I can do some today if I want to. I'm currently playing Two Point Hospital in between calls and looking out over our little garden that is pretty nice and green at the moment.
My sister will get the keys to her new house in the middle of July, so about 5 weeks from now. And hopefully she will be able to stabilize her life and move on from there. The kiddos will live with her and with her ex-husband about 50% of the time each, as is custom these days in the Netherlands. When I was small, kids would usually live full time with their mom with the dad having them every weekend or every other weekend. Oof. I'm glad that that improved, it must have been heartbreaking for many fathers back then to see their kids only so little. But of course, this means that my sister will now also see her kids only 50% or the time. I'm sure that'll be an adaptation as well.
For me, lots of reflections on how I would deal with a setback like this, what money is good for (and where it doesn't help) and on what things I see in my sister now that seem to be the same as they were 30+ years ago when we were living in the same house as kids. Do people change, or not? Should I change some things too, and could I?
All in all, things are looking up compared to Jan/Feb of this year, so hopefully things will continue to get slowly better over time.