Is a men following the ERE Lifestyle More Attractive?

[Jin+Guice]

@radamfi: Thanks for clarifying, you're taking this to some much more interesting places than I had initially anticipated!

I'm still confused as to what premise you're arguing for? Do I think that in some fringe cases abandoning sex and companionship could be the right choice for a minority of individuals? Sure.

However, I think it is also possible to change in a way that makes you more attractive to the opposite sex. I also don't think that sex is all one gains from a romantic partner, there is also emotional intimacy, physical touch, companionship, sharing a life with someone...

I leave it up to the individual to discover and advocate for their own needs in all of these realms. I don't think removing biological urges is the path to sustained fulfillment, self-actualization or emotional resilience.

Generally ERE is about altering one's perspective on the world to realize that with a small frame change their goals are possible. The focus is usually first on financial resources and then on economic resilience, but I see no reason why this line of thinking can't be applied to relationship building, romantic, sexual or otherwise.

[ffj]

These are good, but look like you'll be a "nice guy" instead of a "men"?

I didn't say you had to be boring. The reason why women don't fall for the nice guys is because that is the only thing these men are bringing to the table. It's like a pretty girl relying solely on her looks, after a while it's a lame excuse to be with somebody.

Women aren't looking for a companion that mimics what one of her girlfriends could provide, they are looking for a man. And all of those attributes I listed are qualities that will not only help you attract initial interest but also help sustain a relationship.

I'll reiterate: Become competent in something. This will give you confidence and potentially positions of authority. Women notice these distinctions. If you can't be handsome, at least be fit. Learn how to converse without sounding like an idiot or a player, that is where genuine interest comes into play. Learn how to read people as this will save you a tremendous amount of wasted effort. Learn how to make her laugh as this will pay huge dividends.

[Henry]

Learn how to make her laugh as this will pay huge dividends.

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.

Marilyn Monroe

[Jean]

that was just a lame way to extract joke out of men for free.

[Henry]

So you don't believe there is any veracity to Jerry Lewis' claim he had an affair with her.

[WingsOnFire]

Interesting topic.

I find it attractive when a man is confident, very kind and with good manners, not a door mat but with humility, honesty and integrity, has a clean (but not primped) appearance with clean clothes that preferably have no obvious labels or at least large logos. If he was a minimalist, that would be great. I have a very low tolerance for useless stuff. (I'm a minimalist stuff-wise, but not necessarily aesthetically.)

For me, I find men who have status symbols and are decked out in designer labels off-putting. But I also find cheapness and stingyness off-putting. I value generosity quite highly. I think that everything I have is actually God's and just given to me to take care of, and all my money comes from God. Giving away has never made me poorer, as weird as that may sound. I would appreciate a similar view on money.

So, I like a normal, masculine, heterosexual male who takes care of himself. I would hope he can be on the ERE path without being super cheap. If he prefers to drive a cheap car and forgo expensive holidays to reach FI, it's good. Refusing to help someone in need is not okay.
If, after already achieving FI, he still refuses to ever spend money on anything extra, then I would question why?

Being interested in different subjects, being resourceful, being content are also attractive qualities. So much of what we call happiness is actually contentment. Oh yes, and a sense of humour is a nice bonus

[lillo9546]

I find many interesting points and true things on everyone contributions.
After improving my hygiene, fitness, diet, grooming, and clothing, I noticed an increase in interest around me. All the people I was in contact with changed their attitude. (expecially old women friends now "qualify" for me)

Our image conveys our value, not just through designer clothes or luxury, but also through self-care. If you appear neglected, only a few will take you into consideration. Overcoming the first threshold of acceptance is crucial.

We are working on ourselves to project an independent, resilient, and competent image. I appreciate the concept of SMV as a generic guide, which can be personalized. That is just a broad aspect of how everything works!

The positive aspects include:
- Taking care of one's health and image.
- A lifestyle consistent with one's actions.
- Leadership and courage as conduct abilities.

The negative aspects include:
- Neglecting one's health and image.
- An inconsistent lifestyle.
- Lack of conduct abilities.
- Chasing negative addictions.
- Falsifying one's image for wrong reasons.

Positive and negative vary depending on each of us.

[lillo9546]

Now coming to the case of women, this video explains why women might "reject" men like us, confident, happy, with a life goal, ERE men, and you see them with the men described in the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGdxeMy5zLE

[mountainFrugal]

The phrase "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with" is relevant here. This applies equally to IRL, online spaces, and youtube video consumption.

Please also see: Garbage In, Garbage Out (GIGO).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garbage_in,_garbage_out

[Jin+Guice]

Ah my old enemy, this fucking thread.

Guys, living your own life on your own terms will never not be attractive, which is exactly what ERE is about.

The hardest part of being in any masculine role is putting yourself out there for rejection, getting rejected and putting yourself out there again. It feels like shit and still terrifies me after all of these years.

If you are constantly being rejected there are a number of well known (and fairly obvious) things you can improve to make yourself more attractive to women. In general these thing will also make you a happier healthier person, if they don't, don't do them, they are likely bullshit anyway. There are several algorithmic approaches to hitting on women which will allow you to approach them and initiate things in the ways they like to be approached, which is sadly mostly available from only the most creepy and most annoying sources.

I have great news for everyone. What will absolutely not help you attract anyone is bitching about how women don't like the right guys (guys like you) or how women suck.

[Jean]

That's easy for you to say because you are 6'5 muscular dude.

[Jin+Guice]

@Jean: Lol, thank you for misremembering my height and build. Tell all your friends in Switzerland, but don't let them do the conversion to centimeters...

[7Wannabe5]

It is kind of interesting how nobody has ever felt compelled to create an "Are Women Following the ERE Lifestyle More Attractive?" thread. I think there are at least 4 quadrants of complexity needed in order to answer fully, but short-form might be, "Often, yes, but that's not necessarily a good thing." Although, as with the question related to men, this would only be relevant to situations in which ERE Lifestyle wasn't approached/achieved while already in tandem. For example, it has been my experience that engaging in a simple lifestyle often makes you too approachable for men, like a Milk Maid or a Gypsy Girl wandering the fields barefoot with an apron full of apples and only a flimsy caravan for cover. OTOH, being even more financially well-off and/or skilled than most women your age would likely compound the tendency/problems associated with assortative mating, because it would be even more difficult to find a young male partner who is even more together financially or skillz-wise than you. This is less of a problem with older men, but then you have to deal with their tendency to try to get you to trade some of your Freedom To for even more Freedom From (see Ibsen "A Doll's House." ), like you are a small wild animal and they are monopolizing a park bench in Park Place with a bag full of premium-premium-mediocre nuts they open and shake in your direction.

[Jean]

@7w5
I think the equivalent gender swaped topic would be,
Is a woman following the ERE lifestyle more likely to be able to open the pickle jar?

[7Wannabe5]

@Jean:

A woman following the ERE lifestyle would be quite likely to possess at least 3 different independent means by which she would be able to open the pickle jar, perhaps inclusive of having at least one partner also capable of opening a pickle jar within her 2AM in the morning emergency text intimacy level of her social circle. Although, I have to say that I am clearly not always keeping my eye on pickle jar opening potential since two of my most significant lifetime partners lost the use of one of their arms due to risky behavior involving guns and motorcycles. Hmmm, maybe that means that I believe that I can "afford" men who engage in risky behavior, because I have 3 other independent means by which to open a pickle jar. Will have to ponder. Thanks for the insight opportunity!