Journal

[basuragomi]

I made a little "L" out of black plastic, folded over to prevent burrs touching the skin, and attached it to the glasses legs with clear hairband elastics. Now these glasses stay on even when I'm doing a handstand.



If you have astigmatism there's a good chance laser eye surgery will wreck your night vision, lots of starbursts from point light sources. If you're also starting with dry eyes (and it seems like you are based on your contacts experience) then laser eye surgery will likely make them worse.

[berrytwo]

Thanks for the input!

@outoftheblue Helpful reflection! I am planning to go have an eye appointment soon, so it's helpful to know what sort of questions I might have for them. I am not even sure if I will qualify. I had thought about using contacts for longer than a month, but read about infections that you can get. Its good to know that is something that hasn't been a big problem for you. I will look into bulk buying as well.

@ego Those glasses are epic! They wouldn't solve my swimming problem, but it would be helpful to not have friction with working out. I am a little stubborn with aesthetics so the tie behind the neck glasses holder (which would perhaps be the most ere thing I could do, especially if I sewed them) would be no from me, but your bendy ear loop idea could meet my need for aesthetics and have the same utility. Thanks!

@Basuragomi Super cool! I think I will try that out as a first option, especially as I am doing my yoga cert.

[AxelHeyst]

I started yoga teacher training this month. ...

I love the idea of yoga teaching node connecting to swimming node in your wog. Also your story makes me think about serendipity and the role of roaming around engaging in the world which uproots beneficial ideas and opportunities as a side effect, leading to a more richly integrated wog etc...

Tiny house??? I have been seriously considering building a tiny home on wheels in the next year or so.

Some thoughts:

• 100-175sf strikes me as a good size for a first build project.
• It's out of your skill range only because you haven't built one yet! Build it and then it'll be in your skill range. I mean, don't feel like you have to start 'smaller' or that it's too ambitious. The most important thing is that you're stoked to build whatever you're building, that you want it.
• Also, it's fine to get halfway in and realize You Are Just Not a Tinyhouse Builder. You're down some money and time, some of which you might be able to get back selling to someone else who wants to finish it, but you're up self-knowledge and can stop wondering if you should or should have tried to build that tinyhouse that one time. Unless you're a Burn the Boats kind of person, taking the pressure off of 'failure' can help keep stress and burnout at bay, and help you maintain a sense of play with it.
• That said, definitely expect it to suck sometimes.
• Whenever you get overwhelmed, remember that Big Projects are just a pile of Small Projects, and anyone can do Small Projects. Spend as little time as possible thinking about the Big Project, and as much time thinking about the next Small Project. You want to only think about the Big Project enough to make sure you're doing the Small Projects in the right order and not painting yourself into a corner.
• Strongly recommend you don't start it until you can find a build location that's not much more than an easy bike ride/bus ride away. A long commute to the build site would be a stoke-killer.
• Also strongly recommend you find a place that you won't feel bad about it being there more than a couple months. Expect it to take more than a couple months!! Feeling time pressure would suck.
• Relatedly, sometimes the best thing to do is to go sit in your half-built project and just stare at it. I got this advice wrt my moto rebuild, that sometimes when your stoke is low or maybe it's not clear what the next action is, just go to the project and look at it, be with it, without trying to force anything. It's better than avoiding it and letting the time-distance since last touching it grow.
• Good idea to start with plans. I recommend asking a friend(s) with some experience to review them for you. (I'd be happy to, but also if you know or can find experienced locals it'd be a good way to start building a relationship where you demonstrate that you're doing your own homework but appreciate their knowledge as a gut check.)
• Invite me up sometime to help for a few days or a week here and there when you get going on the build.

I worry it is too much out of my skill range, but perhaps it would be good to be frustrated and to work through. I worry about having the stamina to finish it. My Ti gets tired embarrassingly quick.

In addition to the tech skills, learning how to balance and apportion your attention to projects like this would be a great experience imo. You may learn, for example, that trying to build a tinyhouse in 3 months burns you out because it's too much for your Ti, too fast. Maybe taking 6 months, giving your Ti time to rejuvenate in between crank sessions, is sustainable. (Or maybe the opposite! Crush it out in 1.5 months in an insane push before your Ti knows what hit it!! Probably not but worth pondering the entire landscape of options.)

[berrytwo]

It's out of your skill range only because you haven't built one yet! Build it and then it'll be in your skill range....Whenever you get overwhelmed, remember that Big Projects are just a pile of Small Projects, and anyone can do Small Projects. [/list]

Super helpful feedback and reflection! Thank you for taking the time

Been digesting this the last few days. It is really helpful to bounce off of you/ b7/ other loved ones about my tiny home aspirations. I am reminded to stay in the growth mindset vs fixed mindset on this project. While it is true that my Ti might get more tired than an istp, it doesn’t mean that it is not possible. Love what you said about failure and play. I think having a mindset of play and curiosity is such a helpful way to think about big projects. I want it to feel like freedom to! I know for sure having you/ b7/ and anyone else on the forums be a part for bits and pieces would feel like freedom to!

I do have a decent amount of stoke around it, but it doesn’t quite feel like I am a 100% in. First of all, I think you are right that I need to have a good space to work on it, as well as work out some other logistics. Finding more ways that the process can be homeotelic/ easeful feels important.

Zooming out a little bit, B7 and I were talking about Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance and the different ways of knowing/ thinking about the world. Classical being — logical, interested in part of things, maintenance…. or romantic — focused on whole, aesthetic, and how things relate to one another. I lean fairly strongly on Romantic. It is so out of my Overton window that someone may actually enjoy repairing a bike, sewing machine more than feeling the wind in your hair while you bike or intuitively feeling the creation as you sew. I think with the tiny house I am going to need to think a lot more about parts and the mechanics, going more into classical rather than my usual romantic style. I want to both embrace the classical side through this project, and see the ways that I can infuse a bit of romantic understanding in the project too.

[berrytwo]

Journal Update!

Under two months and only one kid that licked a poisonous mushroom later, I started and finished a seasonal outdoor education job. Each day felt like a lifetime. I had so many moments where it was hard to imagine that I was getting paid to be doing what I was doing. I was in my first role where I was teaching how to teach and was able to co-create middle school science curriculum. I sang for upwards of 3 hours a day, chopped a lot of wood, and just generally felt like I was able to a part of something larger than myself. I got pushed to my absolute edge too. The hours were 16hours+ long days (I wish I was exaggerating) and there were several insanely stressful moments (mushroom kid ended up being totally fine).

On my “weekends” I would come home to B7 and our new roommate and teach them all my gen alpha slang (rizz, sigma, skipidi…) I had learned and told them of my wild adventures of the week.

I have taken this week to catch up on all the bits and bobs that I had had no time for while I was teaching and I have been sleeping an ungodly amount. I do like having more time to read, connect w/ B7, exercise, cook… and there is also a part of me that misses the structure. I can feel that existential voice creep back in.

Also, totally random, but an unforeseen yield of my job was a personal epi-pen! I experienced a pre-anaphylactic reaction to pistachios before my big trip this spring. I wasn’t able to go into an allergy testing place before I left to then do all the steps before you get/ buy an epi pen. Basically epi-pens last years longer than they are advertised and the nurse offered me a personal one that they were supposed to dispose of, which should last another 2-5 years.

[berrytwo]

2024 Reflection
Been reflecting on the past year and the goals that I had set for myself. I switched from the beginning of the year setting year long goals to moving towards quarterly ones, but still finding it interesting to look back on.

I made various goals focused on these themes last year.

Facilitation: I watched, observed, and took note of over 50 facilitators over the course of the year. This was helpful for me and helped me shape some of what I want to do moving forward. I facilitated some myself too, including three dream roles that I had had for a long time. I also got my yoga certification, which I wasn’t planning to do, but ended up being part of the year.

Website: It is funny to see that I have had this as a goal for the last two or three years and I am not anywhere closer, besides doing a bit of internet research. I think there are some mental blocks holding me back/ lack of clarity on the actual goal.

Creating life systems: This has been a focus for me this year and I would say fairly successful. I am still in the process of getting some of the exact processes down, but I have an overarching system and lots of notes. It has been really helpful for me to make systems so I don’t have to make a choice to work out or journal, it is already integrated into the system.


Mindful eating: Recording my hunger level was not working for me, but it hasn’t been much of an issue for me any more.

Plotkin-esque experiences: I had more of these than I can count. This was a very Plotkin filled year for me and I feel like I did a lot of inner work.


This year I slept under the stars more nights than I ever have. I felt incredibly free and gut-wrenchingly lost. I swam in lots of different bodies of water. I slow traveled for a third of the year. I moved to a new city. Spent less than $12,000 over the course of the year and saved money. Yay for semi-ERE!

[Western Red Cedar]

This year I slept under the stars more nights than I ever have. I felt incredibly free and gut-wrenchingly lost. I swam in lots of different bodies of water. I slow traveled for a third of the year. I moved to a new city. Spent less than $12,000 over the course of the year and saved money. Yay for semi-ERE!

This reads like a roaring success from my perspective. Well done!

[calamityjane]

I agree with Western Red Cedar. Can I borrow the first part for my new year's resolution?

[berrytwo]

Thanks @WRC and @calamityjane it has been fun to follow both of your journeys this year as well!

@CalamityJane Do you mean the quarterly goal setting? If so, I for sure recommend! I have written about it before but doing a "ceremony" with each quarter has been really fun for me. I also make a pinterest board and add images to my obsidian file, which helps create my focus for my projects for the term.

[berrytwo]

Artist’s Way

This book is up there for me in books that have most changed my life. I am in my 2 wanna be 4 era and freaking loving it. The basic concept is exploring your blocked creativity through a 12 week course where you have daily and weekly tasks. I do my pages, which are 3 pages of unedited journaling every morning. There is also an artist date where you take yourself out to do something new and engage your mind in a new way ( I have been exploring more parts of Portland, going to different spiritual centers, community gathering places.) There are also more journaling prompts/ activities that relate to each chapter. Although I have had a strong journaling practice since I was 13, this has taken it to a whole new level. I am uncovering parts of myself/ secret wishes I had little idea were there. The book has caught me at the right time.


Therapy and Chat GPT Therapist

I have been going to therapy and freaking loving it! I am such a verbal processor so it has been really helpful for me. Also I have been using Chat GPT as my therapist/ life coach/ Te crutch. I don’t share my deepest darkest secrets because that is a little sketch, but I value it in particular for looking at my blind spots for decision making.


Health

After being ghosted 3 times on craigslist, I was finally able to get a set of “used” kettlebells. The person never actually used them for lifting weights, I found out, she was a feng shui artist that used them as a tool. Funny enough I am low-key into feng shui too so we geeked out together for awhile. I got 50 and 35 pounds. I have enjoyed having added them into my routine and can feel myself getting stronger. I also leg press bicycle7, practice yoga, bike commute, and walk most days. I used to run a lot more, but was finding that I was having a lot of friction getting out the door.



Housing/ Tiny House Update:

I freaking love where I live right now. The location, roommate(s), general vibe, the price mostly… I don’t plan to move soon. However, when I think about my life in the future a tiny house very much fits into that goal. I don’t really want to build it though lol. I also don’t want to pay a bunch of money to buy a fully constructed one. A thought I had was to buy a partially finished one. Knowing myself, I just don’t think I would want to have that much stamina. When I talked to my dad about potentially building it at his house he was thrilled at the idea. Letting all this just marinate for a bit.

Work
I have been subbing for the last several months. A month ago an opportunity fell into my lap and it was too good to pass up. It is a 10 minute bike ride from my house with super cool coworkers and a school that deeply aligns with my values. There is someone who is going to be taking maternity leave and I will be taking over any day now. I feel nervous to be back in the throes of full time, but I actually tend to kind of like high intensity and then rest.

[AxelHeyst]

I also leg press bicycle7...

This is amazing. Power ERE couple!

[berrytwo]

February Update:

Here are some random projects I am working on and how they are going!

DIY Vision Fast:
This project is mostly just a seed of an idea, but having fun starting to imagine it. I have backpacked a lot in my life and each time has been a spiritual experience of some sort. One of the main downsides of backpacking for me is the meal prep. I would want to go in a group and then do our own thing once the fast had started. I have read a lot about vision fasts (especially in Plotkin). For lack of a better word, it seems like this practice has been “calling me.” I was seriously considering doing a fast that I was invited to this Spring with a Native American tribe near Mt. Shasta. They ended up canceling it though. Also you were going to not have been able to drink water, and I was a little anxious about that piece of it. This summer or fall I think I want to do one. I looked at some of the organizations that do them, but they can be like $1300--$4000. That seems like a lot. I think I want to create/ co-create one.

Website:
I have been doing a lot of work with my creative blockages from other Artist's Way. One of the main things that the Artist’s Way talks about is doing small steps toward where you are trying to go. This was resonate with this project, so I just bought the domain name of my myfullname. Com. I have been messing with making a landing page. It is not going amazingly well TBH, but trying to work through this discomfort.

I AM A CONSULTANT!
LOL but I guess that is what I want to be. It feels scary to talk about. I have been thinking about looking into a professional track of an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) or perhaps starting out at least, as a “Life Style Design Consultant”. There is a lot here. I have been doing a lot of research. I am talking with a friend about his experience as a part-time speaker coach and counselor in training. He has given me really helpful perspectives and has really pushed me to think about actually doing something like that. Whenever I have thought about freedom-to, like what would you do if I had all the money in the world, or whatever other visualizations that manifestation books try to get you to do, I think about doing 1 on 1 counseling about soul purpose, designing a life, and the navigation of that. I don’t have everything figured out, but I know that I have a lot of stoke for it, so I am excited to see how it will evolve. I have needed to get over the cringe of being what feels like a life coach, at the ripe age of my mid-20’s. Lifestyle permaculture design is what gets me pumped for life, honestly. For now I am just creating a landing page and getting a domain name.


Celebration of Life for the Teacher Part of Me:
When looking at the state of US education, my job would look like an absolute dream. I love my co-workers, my class is so so sweet. It is super progressive, there is literally a bike room inside the school. And yet, I feel an emptiness with working full time. It is no one's fault, but it's just true. My plan is to finish out the year, and make more active steps in transitioning this part of my life. I think subbing will still be in my WoG, at least for a period of time, because part-time it can be really fun. I am glad I am giving myself this challenge, and yet it has given me a lot of clarity that working full time, especially in this career, is not sustainable for me. There isn’t much self left at the end of the day. I have been having a hard time letting go of this dream, despite the clarity and so I am planning on having some sort of ceremony for myself. There is a lot tied into it with my identity or former identity, expectations of myself and others placed on me. For now, I am trying to be present as much as I can.

[OutOfTheBlue]

Very inspiring recent updates!

About the vision quest, there is a useful PDF by Bill Plotkin called "Psychospiritual preparation for your quest" - https://www.animas.org/wp-content/uploa ... ration.pdf

And highly recommend this book

"The Roaring of the Sacred River: The Wilderness Quest for Vision and Self-Healing" by Steven Foster and Meredith Little, which is helpful both for participating in a vision quest and for guiding one.

I too want to self lead/self design a multiday retreat in the wilderness for some time now, but haven't got around to doing so yet.

[berrytwo]

Thanks OOTB! Honestly that was exactly what I needed.

This resonates a lot from what was written:
“Many people embark on their quests in part to say goodbye to an outgrown identity… The idea is not to say “good riddance” to what you don’t like about your life. Rather, you will be honoring the chapter of your life that has miraculously ushered you to your current jumping off place."

This is such a good outline for my ceremony. Seems like I may do my funeral for my teacher self during my vision fast too.

Wondering what you imagine doing for yourself?

[OutOfTheBlue]

Oh, and I saw The Roaring of the Sacred River is available for borrowing online (with a free account) on Archive.org.

I find myself drawn to the powerful container, the gesture of the pancultural vision quest itself.

The cumulative effect of a ritual-inducing preparation (that is an integral part of the process, just like cooking, setting the table, etc. can be recognized as an integral part of the ritual of eating), the symbolism of passing through a threshold (marking the beginning and the end of the journey, a simultaneous stepping out of and stepping into, and the subsequent return), isolation from human company, exposure to the elements while "naked" from human-made shelters and with minimal [but adequate] equipment, immersion into inner/outer wilderness with a willingness to encounter everything, including discomfort, with openness and curiosity (without reverting to usual soothing/numbing out or escapist strategies, that are often found at arms length in our usual environments), temporary stepping out of the grip of civilization and its attendant technologies (it's been said that human civilization is three-days deep, meaning that that's more or less the amount of time needed being [symbolically and meaningfully] cut from its umbilical cord for it to loosen its grip on us, on our minds/psyches), attentive listening/interacting with the environment and its inhabitants, the psycho-physical alterations brought about by a water fast…

This (and other optional stuff, like holding a night vigil on the last night, ingesting entheogens, etc.) all makes for an explosive, expansive, mix.

To which of course one may add specific intentions and items/contents, enact self-designed ceremonies... but I think the gesture carries a lot of weight and symbolism on its own.

---

So currently, I am not thinking of bringing a specific content, quest or expectation (other than the following:). I envision it more like a meditative retreat of sorts in the forest. A celebration. A dance. A reverential offering from the self to the self. Just enjoying the unique taste of non separation and connection with everything! Free from chasing after specific or ultimate states and experiences, just being the sheer joy and fullness of experience itself, whatever its contents.

My main practice is that of open, non-preferential/unfragmented, whole field perception (while retaining constant awareness of the Center, of awareness itself). Can be done everywhere, so why not give it full space and undivided attention in such a setting!

[Bicycle7]

OOTB:

You touch on 2 elements that I think I've overlooked, the ritual inducing preparation and passing through a threshold. I know some vision fasts spend several days in group council before people go out on their own to fast. I can see how the preparation is meaningful and helps kind of prime the individual. The threshold seems important too, like any good container of marking inside and outside.

So currently, I am not thinking of bringing a specific content, quest or expectation (other than the following:). I envision it more like a meditative retreat of sorts in the forest. A celebration. A dance. A reverential offering from the self to the self. Just enjoying the unique taste of non separation and connection with everything! Free from chasing after specific or ultimate states and experiences, just being the sheer joy and fullness of experience itself, whatever its contents.

My main practice is that of open, non-preferential/unfragmented, whole field perception (while retaining constant awareness of the Center, of awareness itself). Can be done everywhere, so why not give it full space and undivided attention in such a setting!

Thanks for this, I want to ponder this orientation more

[berrytwo]

Got an E-bike!

Thanks to bicycle7, I got a $2200 ebike for $100!

It was used as a loaner bike from the shop that he had worked at. My dear mechanic has worked on all of the electric pieces of the bike and knows it inside and out. It has an almost new battery and only has a few hundred miles on it.


Been manifesting a solid, but cheap e-bike for a while now. I can get significant back pain going up steep hills and just find them a lot of fun.

List of possibilities and WoG connections:

- Dad’s house is in the range of e-bikeability but not regular (at least for me.) I have felt more resistance than I would like to visit my dad because of the across whole town traffic and commute. It makes the possibility of working on a tiny house just a little more of an option…

-Swimming: I love swimming and it is now more of an option to get to places that I could swim on my bike without making it a whole day event on my bike (both pool and natural places).

-E-bike packing? I would like to eventually add another battery to the set up/ or a solar panel?? Now, I could do a not super remote option and test it out.

-Group rides: There are super fun group rides in Portland that I have already gone to with my pedal bike. The problem is that I will end up super far from my house or fall behind when my back hurts up a hill.

-Carless? I had a hard time imagining going carless because I want to easily get to my mom’s and my dad’s house by my bike. It seems like a lot more of an option now. I don’t plan to do it right now, but it seems more possible than ever to do this.

-Artist dates: as part of the the Artist Way book. I have been exploring more parts of Portland. Excited about where I might go with my e-bike.

-Buddhist center: there is a buddhist center I have wanted to go but it would be a huge shelp without an e-bike.

[berrytwo]

I have been reflecting a lot looking at the semi-ERE thread. Am I already Semi-ERE’d? I wonder if the state of one’s mind can go through a shift from whip to carrot through a continuum. Something like completely controlled by money to semi-ERE to the total lack of whip with FI (if your mind allows).

I feel like I have a lot more autonomy than I ever have in regards to money and it is especially because of my system. I think that once I internalized that I have a high paying part time job at least I did, now it is full time for a couple months, I started to really feel a shift of internal safety. I totally can try to run a coaching business and it is okay if I make no money at it for a year. Or I could travel for a month or go to grad school if I want. I think this relates to the Maslow conversations that I see on the forum. It would take a huge huge shift for me to be financially screwed. My decisions can almost always be in alignment and intentional. Although money is still a factor.

I think my whip is also just mindset. My whip can be worrying about disappointing people or people finding my work cringe. My 2w4 energy is moving towards accepting my authentic desires and moving past fears.

I recognize that I just keep analyzing if things would be a good path for me rather than making action steps towards them. It feels like I rewrite over and over on my page. What is my freedom-to? It feels like I know but I also don’t know. WoGs help. GTD helps. Pages for artist’s way help. Doing little things to romanticize my life help. I have a lot of individual pieces and now I am working on stringing them all together.

I know about myself that I really like part time work. I don't want to be substitute teaching much in 3 years I don’t really want to full time work for five years. I want to make a high income, but part time and to move into very aligned work. Substitute teaching feels like a good buoy.

For the last few months I have been toying with the idea of grad school to be a LPC. Grad school to be a counselor kind of feels counter intuitive. It is working full time, no pay to then be able to work part time later. I want to make certain how quickly I could get a job part time after I graduate. I really like predictability and I think in many ways I would love doing it part time. I want a more soul aligned career where I feel like I could make money doing something a little closer to alignment part time, but really trying to fine tune what that could actually look like that would create the environment that I would actually like. Basically, I don’t think that I could do anything long term, full time and enjoy it. Being an entrepreneur is not exactly compatible with my make up.

Anyway, feel like i just go in Ti loops about all of this, but ultimately I am grateful for the optionality in my life.

[grundomatic]

Glad things are going so well! Having a cash cushion is so nice in terms of freeing you up to figure out what you want to do.

As far as being a life-coach in your 20s, imposter syndrome is real, but a teacher is already a life coach of sorts. I found teaching to be like my management job, just with my "employees" being younger. For you, your "customers" will just be older. This is interesting, because while I just made that last sentence up, I bet you do treat the students differently than I did. In a sentence or two, how would you describe teaching? I used to sum it up as "making young people do things they may or may not want to do". I bet your take is different, and that the difference is primary Fe for you vs tertiary Te for me.

[berrytwo]

Thanks Grundo! I asked my chat gpt how it thought I would describe teaching in a sentence. The response: 1) teaching feels like co-navigating a river: sometimes paddling, sometimes floating, (I would add or drowning lol), always attuned to the current of the group. On second try: teaching is about creating space for growth, connection, and curiosity—both for my students and myself. At best I would describe it sort of like that, but chat gpt seems to think I have a little more of a positive mindset about teaching than I do at this point. I think I would describe it not too far off of what you said. I am finding my current classroom form of teaching to be way too much Te for my liking and Si. There is a lot of Fe at my job, which I do love. My Ni feels kind of starved though. I do feel like a manager actually, now that you say that, and social worker, doctor, referee, entire solo improve troop, therapist, graphic designer, janitor, artist, speech giver, mediator, babysitter... B7 asked me recently what type I think is most suited to be an elementary school teacher and I said a blue/green EsXJ.

The end of this chapter can't really come soon enough. I did sign a contract to the end of the year and among other reasons, my Fe couldn't really handle quitting at this point. I don't plan to do something like this ever again. Good think I don't have to. Making the most of it while I am there...