Embracing Solitude: INTJ's Journey Towards Retirement

[Henry]

We have had sex once in the last two months. The end is coming.

I wouldn't want to follow you in a double entendre contest.

[Scott 2]

Is work causing burnout, that then bleeds into quality of home life? This is a chart I use for regular check-ins:

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/misd ... epression/

Can you hire out the house chores or offload other labor externally?

One fault I find with a high savings rate, is it can create systemic misalignment around the career. The pressure release that income is intended to afford, can be lost. That adds up and comes out in other ways.

It could be time too, but I'd encourage exploring the angle above. 10 hour work days with sleep disruption, is a lot.

[ertyu]

+1, it might be time to pay for a person to come in once a week and help and see if it helps w your relationship

[Henry]

The chores thing is the symptom, not the disease. A maid will not fix Oku's problems and Oku knows this.

Oku is not deciding whether he is going for an 11th year, but for 15 more years. Either Oku deepens his commitment to the relationship, or Oku springs and embarks on a string of relationships each having 10 year term limitations. Which might be best for Oku. I don't know. Maybe he's not 25 year material.

[okumurahata]

My job is taking a big toll on my shoulders. It’s affecting my relationship, so it’s me, not her. We are emotionally distant now, and the lack of intimacy is a consequence. I’m having some dark thoughts, like quitting, and when I run out of savings, putting my body to rest. I feel like sometimes I’m becoming a bad person at work. I don’t recognise myself. Today I got angry in a meeting and said: ‘I’m going to lunch, sorry.’ I’m burned out, and I also feel like if I continue doing what I’m doing, I’ll lose sight of things. I don’t want responses or advice from you guys. I’m just releasing everything.

[Scott 2]

In the US, I'd consult with a therapist, use that to get FMLA approved, and take the 12 weeks to figure out my next step. Dunno if you have anything similar available. I tend to discourage quitting, under the belief that our problems will follow. Here, I'm not. Take care.

[okumurahata]

I received a message today from the library about open positions. I applied for two libraries that interest me.

[ertyu]

It's what I did at the end, quit and went to work at a university. Good luck and strength

[Henry]

I don’t want responses or advice from you guys.

You wouldn't share suicidal ideation and then say you don't want advice if you didn't want some. There's no shame to this. You need to talk to someone, immediately. You are completely isolated and you need to address this shit before it starts addressing you. Ok, your life completely sucks. No one's arguing that point. I mean, damn, you're one bad day from transmogrifying into a giant stink bug and farting into a houseplant. Offing oneself has probably entered everyone's Overton Window, but discussing it as a plan is a full click in a very wrong direction. Not to mention, I've incessantly busted your hyper sensitive balls since you've arrived here, so I don't need some type of e-guilt at this stage in my life if you decide to do something stupid.

And as an FYI - My wife is a librarian. If it's a public library opportunity you are talking about, keep your current job until they fire your walking out of meetings ass.

[chenda]

There's no shame to this. You need to talk to someone, immediately.

+1

[Henry]

Just make sure it's not me, I'm not too good with this shit.

[Henry]

And as an FYI - My wife is a librarian. If it's a public library opportunity you are talking about, keep your current job until they fire your walking out of meetings ass.

My wife tells me last night that the library is changing their computer system. The IT department generated passwords for all the librarians. The list was sent to management. The manager looks at the list and sees passwords like "Overtherainbowyourmothersuckedthetinmanoff." Apparently the IT department did not set the proper controls when generating the passwords. But instead of contacting the IT department and asking for a new list, the manager proceeds to hand out the passwords, but issues apologies to each librarian that their new password is "Blueoceantruckstopwhore." Eventually the IT department is flooded with calls from librarians to have their passwords changed.

This made me think of you. Maybe a public library gig is not such a bad idea. Anyways, hope this finds you well.

[okumurahata]

March 2025 update:

Code: Select all

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Assets
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stocks: 59.033,58 EUR
Cash: 22.164,06 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 81.197,64 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Liabilities
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Debt: 0 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 0 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Monthly income
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job: 2.823,29 EUR
GF contribution: 184 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 3.007,29 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Monthly expenses
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rent: 500 EUR
Electricity: ~40 EUR
Water: ~20 EUR
Internet: 40 EUR
Food: ~400 EUR
Gym: ~50 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 1.050 EUR
+----------------------------------+

Progress until retirement (considering 25x yearly expenses):

Code: Select all

⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ 25,77%

I didn’t get the position at the library. Yeah, it was for the public one, @Henry. Both were short-term temporary contracts covering for staff on leave.

Now, it’s been more than three years since I last worked there, so I’ve dropped down in the ranking list.

Things with my girlfriend have been improving—we broke the two-month dry spell, which was the first time that’s happened in our relationship.

At my current job, I still feel like I’m going insane. When I work from home, I can decompress to some extent, but even then… The crazier you become, the bigger the reward they give you.

Physically, I’ve been maintaining my full-body routine without increasing weights, but I’m in a light calorie deficit. I went from 76 kg in April 2024 to 71,9 kg now. I want to reach 70 kg and stop there.

[Henry]

If your life was merely some type of hellscape but you get laid periodically, I think that puts you solidly in the median of quality of life experienced by the global population. The fact that you have the luxury of trying to stave off inevitable death by some desperate attempt at keeping in shape puts you into the 1% percentile.

[okumurahata]

I quit my job.

[Henry]

Are you still with your girlfriend?

[Chris]

I quit my job.

How did it go down?

Did you flip over a desk?

Did you pop on some sunglasses as you turned to make your exit?

[Lemur]

Off to decompress in Thailand?

[guitarplayer]

I quit my job.

I couldn't help but smile to this, it is such a refreshing sentence. I look forward to saying the same.

Maybe play a game 'how long can I stretch 22k EUR for'. I know many people schedule something like this for a year round the world trip. I think it is possible to stretch it to 5 years for a couple. Some house sits, helping on farms when the weather is good, staying with family, staying with friends. You won't even know how you suddenly find yourself in the Swedish arctic circle, doing a housekeeping gig for a 'polar experience' tourist establishment, making in three months money for the next several years of the same or alternatively launching yourself some place for a more conventional turn yet again.

Good luck anyway.

[Scott 2]

Congratulations. Let us know how the decompression goes. Life gets better.