The Education of Axel Heyst

[AxelHeyst]

Does it run?

Apparently it starts with a jump, and ran well when parked a few years ago, but no guarantee that there aren't major mechanical issues lurking.

[guitarplayer]

Cool project @AH! Whenever I attempt something similar, and I have had a few tries, I inevitably come to the conclusion that there’s no way I can describe stuff fully and still hold onto its essence. It’s like the uncertainty principle, or trying to catch a ghost.

Good luck and make sure to write some paragraphs about it in your book

[AxelHeyst]

Ha! Something like this has circulated for years and years.

I hadn't seen these yet, thanks! I also found this one which had some gems:

When they wake up in the morning, their social batteries have already run out. Treat them accordingly.

Many responses are canned. If you are around them frequently, their responses may sound repetitive because they are. They are game pieces the INTJ uses because they have learned to play the game of social interaction. It’s not fake; it’s a genuine attempt to connect. Don’t be an ass and call them out on it.

and

If you want something in the future, drop it and run before expecting a reaction, circle back later for an answer. “I’d like to go out on Saturday.” They will stew for hours organizing and reorganizing events that are only hypothetical.

[AxelHeyst]

October: What Happened

• Went to the retirement party of my old CEO and caught up with a lot of old coworkers I haven't seen in forever. Had the insight that I was surrounded by high ICD people at that company, too, and how fortunate I was to get to spend time at a place full of bright people with hearts. It wasn't a total BS corporate job and I'm grateful for that.
• Cranked on business: I'm putting lots of work into this, mostly building the foundational assets but also brainstorming with co-founders about where we want this to go. Some of the work is grindy but overall I'm enjoying it. I'm less of a hit it and quit it mindset now, more like a hit it and then set it up to run at a chill and sustainable pace on a seasonable basis mindset.
• Began paring and simplifying my physical environment.
• Upgraded a neighbor's PV panels (added 1.6kW production to his frankensystem) so they could get off propane refrigerators and stop running their generator so much.
• Lots of progress on the book project. Totally redid chapter 1, twice. Major revisions/additions to a couple other projects. Deep doubts wrt a couple other chapters. The realization that I'm changing even as (and in some cases, because) I'm writing it: The Axel who began the project in late 2022 is not the current Axel. And so finishing it asap is rather important.
• Built some awning-hinged storm shutters for the north windows on my studio, which seep water in during 30+mph wind-driven rainstorms.
• Got QH winterized and battened down for being away for 1.5months.
• Took off for AK again (flying this time).

Reflection: Obligations
I feel like I was going through a bit of a bubble in terms of taking on complication, obligation, and project scope with my plans, and now that bubble is bursting. I'm not sure what exactly precipitated the expansion of the bubble. I think I had some ideas/visions that demanded expansion, and I was experimenting with letting up on self-imposed constraints. For example, I had a vision for expanding builds here at QH, and that seemed to fit my goals/values/etc, and I intentionally let off the brakes of "but that'll put me above my ttm goals". I had a vision for riding a motorcycle to AK, and so I let go of project TTM5K. I wanted to make sure I wasn't whiteknuckling my way to frugality and being too rigid/narrow in my thinking.

I'm glad I let loose and pursued those things. I proved to myself that I'm capable of adapting my thinking.

Nevertheless, my mindset is shifting and the bubble is bursting.

With respect to QH builds, I had a moment where I checked in with myself about what I really wanted and was important to me, and what sort of infrastructure I felt I needed to live a fulfilling life and pursue my purpose, and 'double QH's indoor square footage' was waaaay down on the list. I realized that just putting more intention to making the spaces I do have work, and work well for me, is all I need for the near future. And that the more spaces I build, the more spaces I'll have to maintain. More obligations, more friction, more muda.

I like building stuff, but I can easily fall into the trap of "I'll be happy when I build X, Y and Z." I spent some time this month thinking about the infrastructure I actually need to live a good daily life, and I realized I've already got it. My life is absurdly wonderful, but sometimes I forget to look around and absorb that fact.

I'm reading through the ERN series and he wrote that one of the ways your portfolio can fail is by neglecting to keep up with inflation. He had a line about how he didn't want to be living with a 2016 basket of goods in 2028 (or whatever).

It struck me that this dude and I are very different people, and my withdrawal strategy rests of different assumptions and goals than his does. Let's say I FIRE in 2025. In 2030, I don't want a 2025 basket of goods either. I want, like, a 1965 basket of goods. And maybe in 2035 I'll want an 1865 basket of goods.

One of my freedom-from's is "freedom from needing to use electricity every single day." "Freedom from needing the internet more than a couple times a month." "Freedom from needing an up to date -ish smart phone." And on and on.

Of course, I don't know what 2030 or 2035 Axel will want. But I do have some data about Axel's long term trends. Some of my favorite experiences that I want more of include:

• -That quarter I slept in a tent in the hills behind campus (2008).
• -That month I only looked at a screen one day a week (2022).
• -Those months where all I did was read books, sleep outside, eat, and pedal a bicycle (2023, 2024)
• -That month I spent in a minimalist cabin in AK, cooking food and hanging out with my romantic entanglement and her sled dogs, and walking over to hang out with @theanimals. (2024)
• -Those intense 'study' sessions where I fell down a hole of curiosity and emerged out the other side with new or significantly evolved perspectives (this happens all the time tbh, but for the past several years it's been very random - I haven't had systems in place to encourage/foster these experiences).

I think I now have enough experiences and internal reflection under my belt to be reasonably certain that my desired maximum CoL is indeed in the neighborhood of $5-7k/yr. (This assumes no medical disasters etc.) My flirtations with consumer-style lifestyle inflation have all been distasteful. This voluntary simplicity stuff is worth doubling down on.

I should add that while all of this mindset shift was probably inevitable, I think reading Annie Jacobson's Nuclear War: A Scenario served as a good solid shove to it all. Thanks @theanimal for recommending it on our walk in August. I read the book and had a "Oh fuck, what am I even *doing* with my life?" moment. The realization that you might at any fresh moment commence dying horribly along with billions of other life forms really makes you cast a stern eye over your life's decisions. It made me ask "This thing I have. Do I care about it? This thing I'm planning on doing. Why?" and I found myself answering "not really" and "why indeed?" to a lot of the things I have. I began seeing these things I didn't care about nor want as chunks of bullshit in the timeline of my future which could be terminated at any moment by the aforementioned horrible global doomsday.

In an odd way, a more granular understanding of the risks and consequences of global nuclear holocaust is helping move me towards living my best life.

Money and FIRE
ttmCOL is ~12k$ because of fun with motorcycles but dropping back towards, I anticipate, ~$7k by mid next year or so.

PT

• - Tuning my training sessions to be more strength-focused (5-8 rep range).
• - Re-started rucking >=2x/wk.
• - Letting go for the moment trying to build a large volume of zone 2 work. Higher intensity training (rucking) might not be good for building endurance, but it's good for my soul and I'm not about to sign up for ultra-anything anytime soon. I really struggled to motivate to do zone2 work because it's boring. This led to an insight about a few other things: I'm also struggling to habituate morning ashtanga because my mind wants to *go* and the mind-speed of yoga is nails on a chalkboard/#hardnope.
• -It feels like doing yoga was easier when I was a burnt out corporate husk, because I was in such deep need of slow rejuvenation and my brain was just sort of shuffling along. Now that I'm in a more healthy energetic state, I'm finding it very difficult to tolerate mellow.
• - Began a cut about two weeks ago, 500cal deficit. I actually had an error in my spreadsheet and did the first 6 days at closer to a 1,000cal deficit, which made going to an actual 500cal deficit seem breezy by comparison. My energy levels feel better now too, probably as a result of no more accidental overfeeds. I've discovered I enjoy eating a lot more when I've made a plan that gives bounds to what I am to eat.

Reading

• Nuclear War: A Scenario. Highly recommended, see above.
• I'm finally reading Reinventing Organizations by Laloux. wtf this book is so good. Part 1 is worth the read simply as a concise, easy to follow introduction to ~integral theory (orange, green, teal, etc). A bunch of things clicked for me for the first time. I'm currently in part 2 reading about various ~Teal organizations and found myself getting actually emotional that a) basically functional organizations for productive endeavor actually exist and b) there might exist a framework (/set of memes) for understanding and replicating the pattern. This sense/feeling is informing my ideas wrt self-actualization...
• The Masculine in Relationship by GS Youngblood. Forward by the guy who wrote No More Mr. Nice Guy. Recommended to anyone piqued by the title.

[Scott 2]

Re: Ashtanga - are you using the full set of modifiers?

ujjayi breath
Drishti
Mula Bandha
Udyana Bandha
Steady slow breath
One movement, one breath during vinyasa
Opening, closing mantra
Closing sequence

It wasn't until I was able to take Mysore style practice with an authorized teacher, that I put all those parts together. It's an intense experience. Dunno if after Remski's me tooing of Jois, how easy that is to find. But it's a fun thing to try.


I stopped because who wants to do fifty chaturangas every morning??? My joints absolutely did not. But I kept most of the modifiers for other practices. IMO that's the secret sauce, opposed to the six series.

[7Wannabe5]

"The Masculine in Relationship" looks interesting. I've been circling back on some sexual dichotomy/polarity reading now that I've placed it more firmly within the Integral model. I was amused to note that many of those who commented on the book complained that it doesn't work to inhabit one polarity if your partner won't inhabit the other. In my experience, even though I continue to argue with the theory, the practice is almost vudu level scary, because it does work so well once you get the knack of it. Like it's almost impossible not to find yourself in bed with a human in his masculine energy within 3 days of resuming your feminine energy affirmation mantra. I've also found it to be true that even the most basic sort of behavioral boundary will serve to maintain polarity. For example, unless the last time I spoke with him he told me he had contracted Covid, I am never the one to initiate/resume contact with any of my male partners, and not a single one of them has ever complained or even noticed! The "nice guy" who complains about "rejection" likely doesn't realize how much more he would dislike "direction."

[AxelHeyst]

@scott yeah I should have said that my mind can’t candle the ‘slowness’ of *the yoga that I’m currently capable of dropping into by myself*, which is to say, not a well integrated practice. I’m still working on memorizing the half primary sequence so of course I don’t have the bandwidth to integrate the practices you listed in any kind of intentional/intense way. So it’s probably more accurate to say that I find being a noob at this very frustrating and difficult to push through.

It may also have had to do with background mind stuff - the closer I got to go-back-to-Ak-day the less patient I got with literally everything. I’ll report back how it goes over the next couple weeks.

@7 yeah, if this stuff ‘isn’t working’ either you doin it wrong or the person you’re with doesn’t *want* to relax into their feminine [around you] for any of a variety of reasons including they’re naturally masculine dominant.

Idk if taking direction is so bad, it’s the growing mountain of resentment, bitterness, and less and less disguised scorn that goes along with begrudging-direction-giving from someone who’d much rather relax into their feminine that really kills the mood. That dynamic is awful.

[Scott 2]

In the traditional approach to Ashtanga, you'd be taught those tools from the beginning, given very few postures to start. It's about energy, not shapes.

A good Baptiste teacher might offer half those tools too. The flow is essentially an attempt to make Ashtanga more accessible.

Half primary became the westernized starting point, because it takes about 60-90 minutes. IE it's a good length for a yoga class.

Not sure how current this list is, but the Ashtanga thing is traveling to India and getting approval to teach:

https://sharathyogacentre.com/authorise ... t=field-13

[7Wannabe5]

if this stuff ‘isn’t working’ either you doin it wrong or the person you’re with doesn’t *want* to relax into their feminine [around you] for any of a variety of reasons including they’re naturally masculine dominant.

Yup, but these forms of unavailability also become much more obvious when you become self-aware about your own forms of projection. Generally, the three most typical reasons a woman who core prefers to be in her feminine energy in relationship will not currently be able/available to relax in her feminine energy would be (a) not feeling "pretty", (b) seriously focused on working her work, (c) already "taken" (at least in her own mind.) I would also note that it is very common for both men and women to veer towards an only semi-conscious "switchy-bitchy" or "mumsy-bumsy" at Level Green/post-modern, whereas "nice guy" syndrome is more often manifested by a man who is at Level Orange/Modern professionally, but still at Level Blue/Traditional in sexual/romantic functioning. The funny thing is that this often has the effect of making his female partner feel like she is a "professional" in bed, and this often literally manifests as a ToDo item in her day planner and a natural tendency to procrastinate on getting it done. Thus, sex therapists who are more practical minded (dull Level Orange) will often suggest hard-scheduling sex, and this sometimes works if the male partner vibes more dominant in bed than out of bed.

Idk if taking direction is so bad, it’s the growing mountain of resentment, bitterness, and less and less disguised scorn that goes along with begrudging-direction-giving from someone who’d much rather relax into their feminine that really kills the mood. That dynamic is awful.

Yeah, that's what happens when she feels like she has to be "the professional" in her adult masculine energy. I generally tend more towards "mumsy/bumsy" dysfunction, so I have to consciously push myself towards the "scornful" adult masculine energy in order to "kill" a dysfunctional relationship. A "mumsy/bumsy" core submissive female and a "switch/bitchy" core dominant male can pretty much stay endlessly stuck in a squabbly, bed-dead therapy-dyad relationship at Level Green until/unless one of them rises to Level Yellow or sinks to Orange/Blue and/or "borrows" some energy elsewhere. I only very recently realized (due to my Integral Theory reading)that a very successful, young male friend who was into Deida (Deida being an overt Level Turquoise sex therapist) subconsciously lent me the "masculine energy" I needed to end my first marriage, even though it was his stated intention to help me save my marriage.

I also agree that choosing to take direction from a core-feminine partner is not a problem and can even be a very strong move. MMV, but the sense I get when men choose to do this in relationship to me is that they are usually in amused-while-waiting-their-turn mode. Kind of like, "Okay, what's next little library girl." or "Okay, I will be the jungle gym and you can be the monkey. ?WTF-lol?" IOW, they are confident enough within context to pull the frame that they are forming way, way back.

Anyways, the interesting thing about Youngblood is that he is apparently overtly mixing BDSM or "dark sexual energy" into the usually more "towards the light" spiritual, ecstatic energy of sexual-dichotomy theory/practice at Integral Level. This may actually have the effect of making it more "soulful" or "earthy" a la Plotkin. More towards myth of Persephone. One of the possible problems that can result from becoming too relaxed in the feminine energy is that you can become "lost in the erotic" because you keep falling back into "sub-space" like an addict returned to the opium den who only vaguely realizes she hasn't put on a pair of shoes in 9.5 weeks. In the realm of transcendent sex, "soul-space" is kind of in between "sub-space" and "spirit-ecstatic-bliss-space", like the growing surface of the Earth is in between the Underworld and the Heavens. And actually, now that I think about it, this could map to the part of the brain being affected and/or the special recipe brain sauce produced.

ETA: And something like "ghost-space" is also somewhere in between "sub-space" and "spirit-bliss-space." It's kind of like you see images from a past life as you approach orgasm, whereas "soul-space" is more like feeling one with all other life in your core energy although it might also produce imagery. Carole King's "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman" is towards "soul-space." Inhabiting your spirit animal or having your spirit animal revealed to you during sex is also towards "soul-space."

[AxelHeyst]

It wasn't until I was able to take Mysore style practice with an authorized teacher, that I put all those parts together. It's an intense experience. Dunno if after Remski's me tooing of Jois, how easy that is to find.

I neglected to mention that why I decided to pursue Ashtanga is because E, my romantic entanglement, is a Mysore style Ashtanga teacher (not her main gig, but outside of work it's a major part of her life), plus how she described it resonated. When schedule permits, our morning routine is to practice together before she goes to work. My struggles to stick with it were when I was in QH trying to memorize the sequence myself from a yt video. I don't have discipline issues when we practice together - I look forward to it - and I can trust her to notice/correct/guide me when I'm screwing something up. Part of my motivational issue before was the lack of educated feedback and uncertainty as to whether I was practicing bad habits.

--

Today's ND bulletin: Divergent Conversations kicked off a series on Giftedness with episode 80. They discussed:

• - The overlap/correlation between high IQ, giftedness, and autism.
• - The contextual difficulties of the gifted experience vs. inherent difficulties of the autistic experience (e.g. gifted children who mask via dumbing down their language or slowing down ideation to 'fit in' with their age cohort, or who have 'high potential expectations put upon them but receive less guidance for skills because they're broad-brush assessed based on percieved verbal shit-togetherness)
• - In the language we don't identity-language people with 'deficiency-model' diagnoses ("persons with ADHD/autism") but we do identity-language gifted people ("that person is gifted") because ableism(?).
• - Questioning the way in which some of the ideas taken from Dabrowski's theories (overexcitability) have been pressed into service for thinking about Giftedness (mostly just questions raised, more to look into there).
• - Nothing blew my mind, but I'm glad to be consuming contemporary thought on giftedness particularly situated within/related to the current state of thought on neurodivergence, after having read The Gifted Adult (2000) as my starting point.

[Scott 2]

It's hard to overstate how special that yoga opportunity is. I've spent a couple thousand hours in classes. You're talking top 1%, maybe top 0.1% of the available experience. The practice offers an understanding most teachers fail to grasp. Appreciate the hell out of it.



I'm following along the podcast series as well.

It was interesting Neff offered an IQ of 115 and did not claim the label. That strikes me as a limit of the IQ metric. I've found her work to be exceptional. I wonder if she'd be tagged by the Gifted Adult framework.

I'm curious if they'll offer anything novel. I think the masking and double empathy frames are important, but expected at this point. There's the consideration of legacy - do you value it and why? Probably a bit on letting go of the pressure to perform, vs. it being your obligation for having the gift. Certainly the mental health challenges that come from both not fitting and being able to "see ahead'.

I'm looking forward to the next couple episodes.

[AxelHeyst]

November
I flew to Moose Haven (MH) on the 2nd (I'll return to QH Dec 15).

E and I are test-running a lentil-baby style arrangement: I cook, build stuff, and do various skill-based value-adds to MH, and she pays for groceries and utilities etc. (There is no rent or mortgage, she owns her place outright). I extended her deck railing so her dog won't escape anymore and am halfway through renovating her loft. I've also identified several projects for the spring such as upgrading the insulation and heat trace system on her water and waste lines, which will freeze under certain conditions and are a major PITA to deal with. I'll also be working on improving household resilience/preps (for instance, the water supply line froze and we went to a neighbor's to borrow water jugs and drove into town to fill them. I also realized that in a power outage she's also be without water because her system relies on a pressure pump and tank to supply at the spigots. Also everything would freeze up in said power outage because the heat trace lines would be off. And if outtage happened during cold weather (most of the year!) we might not be able to get the car started because the block/oil pan/battery heaters would *also* be off. Not rugged! Improvements needed!)

I now think of MH as where I primarily live, and QH as my secondary. This is a big change in my plans, but good thing my plans are always loosely-held around an evolving theme anyways. I'll spend Dec 15 through end of Feb back in QH and then, probably, a one-way flight back up to MH and from there we'll see.

I don't have how this works totally figured out yet, but it's a simple decision: I want to spend most of my time with E, she lives in Alaska, can't work remote, and has at least a few more years of work left to her career. Also, Alaska is **incredible** and PS @theanimals live down the street and @soda is on his way too. pff, done: easiest 'big' decision I've ever made.

Business, Money and FIRE
RevX, my 3d design consulting business, continues to go well. I passed some grind em out milestones this month and transitioning into more interesting and creative tasks. I’m developing a sense for how this business can actually fit into both vocational (as in, life’s-work/purpose) as well as stoke-led behavior. In other words, I made some connections with how this work could lead to very interesting work and network-involvement I want to do anyways that is aligned with my skills, strengths, stoke, experience, and general sense of purpose.

We'll have to see, but my hit it and quit it mentality is gone and even so is a "this is just a thing I do for easy money" mentality. I’m working on simply integrating it into my WoG, with FI and ‘source of funding for solarpunkMEP projects’ as incidental yields.

I'm FI@theoreticalsurvivalCOL and will likely pass FI@ttmCOL within 6-12months.

Life-system Tweaks
As part of integrating E into my WoG I've had to get more organized. I want to spend the majority of my early mornings, evenings, and weekend attention on/with E. That leaves weekdays for everything else I want to do. I made some adjustments to my system this past month and have been really enjoying the flow of it.

The main adjustment is I made a template base timeblock plan for M-F (my 'System' lives in Obsidian):

| 0500 | Wake | |
| 0530 | E Time | |
| 0600 | E Time (Ashtanga) | |
| 0630 | E Time (Ashtanga) | |
| 0700 | E Time | |
| 0730 | Meditate/Yoga | |
| 0800 | Write | |
| 0830 | Write | |
| 0900 | RevX | |
| 0930 | RevX | |
| 1000 | RevX | |
| 1030 | Train | |
| 1100 | Eat/Read | |
| 1130 | Eat/Read | |
| 1200 | RevX | |
| 1230 | RevX | |
| 1300 | RevX | |
| 1330 | Build | |
| 1400 | Build | |
| 1430 | Build | |
| 1500 | Build | |
| 1530 | [[Heyst Time]] | |
| 1600 | [[Heyst Time]] | |
| 1630 | [[Heyst Time]] | |
| 1700 | Dinner Prep | |
| 1730 | E Time | |

The empty column is for entering in adjustments to the template - e.g. scheduled calls, timeblocks that ran over because I got in the flow of it, days where I need to be dumping more hours into RevX or Builds, etc. The point is *not* to adhere strictly to the template column. The point is that, all things being equal, I don't have to make any decisions about what to do next. I just follow the plan. But it's easy to change the plan and be flexible when appropriate.

[Heyst Time] is also a new thing I'm test running. It's 'me-time' to use for whatever I want: reading, contemplating, working on life-System improvements, side writing projects, study, etc. I'm still working on *taking* that time and owning it on a consistent basis, and not feeling like I *should* be spending more time on RevX or something else, but I see the path forward there.

I'm also playing with a new system for what to do with my income - earmarking % of income to different buckets. I'm sitting with:

• 75% of surplus to standard portfolio (PP for me).
• 5% to X Portfolio (mostly written off as "education")
• 10% to skills/training/access. I could spend this on a course (e.g. woodworking course, bushcraft skillz, yoga teacher training, CCW, coaching, ...) or something like an Event that would provide access to the kinds of people I want access to. So, this $ could be allocated either to 'technical or soft skills' training OR "access to cool people/projects/etc", but ideally both.
• 5% to 'Health' above and beyond standard stuff.
• 5% to Alpha (Pugsley) / preps / solarpunk infrastructure.

The %'s are just a swag, and the idea is that I will change them as I cross FI milestones (reduce PP contributions, increase health/skills/access/infrastructure spending). I came up with this as a safeguard against falling into the trap of foolishly not spending money when doing so would actually benefit my WoG. The risk, of course, is that I've just built a system to force myself to spend money/be a consumer. I'm not entirely sure this will wind up being a good idea, but I am pretty sure I'll learn something from it so here goes.

The Book
I'm in the final stages. Text editing is done except for a small section at the end of the systems thinking chapter, my nemesis, that I'm allowing myself to come back to one last time. Otherwise I'm finalizing graphs and figures, updating end of chapter notes, getting it formatted, etc. I'm aiming for publish date Dec 14 but have till the end of the month as slack in case I don't get it together.

### Reading
Reinventing Organizations:
Building the Cathedral
The Listening Society (<--How have I not read this yet?)
The Deluge

Sunrise at around 10:30, a couple weeks ago (with the railing extension I put in):


Moose Haven:


Ice Crystals:


What throwing a mug of boiling water into the air at -20F looks like:

[Bonde]

I'm also playing with a new system for what to do with my income - earmarking % of income to different buckets.

As I also plan to keep on working after we reach FI in around 2y then I have been thinking about what to do with our excess liquid access. I'm very low maintenance. E.g. I get most of my courses paid for by my employer and almost everything I buy are second hand.
Your thoughts also got me thinking. One of the few things work-wise that it is difficult to get my employer to cover is open access fees for publications. Maybe I will soon just start to pay them myself and another benefit is that even for legit journals open access is often faster to publish.
And thank you for a very interesting journal!

[theanimal]

. And if outtage happened during cold weather (most of the year!) we might not be able to get the car started because the block/oil pan/battery heaters would *also* be off. Not rugged! Improvements needed!)

FYI- The rural/old time Alaska way of doing it without electricity is to build a fire in a coffee can (or something similar) and place it underneath your oil pan and engine block. You can use gas, wood, and/or whatever you have on hand.

[brainstorm]

I love the term "lentil-baby" Excited to see how the MH setup plays out, and to read the book!!

I'm curious, what did you think of The Deluge? I'm mostly burnt out on predicament-related books, fiction included, but I did enjoy that one. At the same time, it felt pretty dark (at least coming from The Ministry for the Future) so I'm not sure if I'll reach for it again lol

+1 grateful for your journal - I'm almost caught up and it's been really cool to follow along your journey!

[7Wannabe5]

What fun! Being a poly-homerous lentil baby rocks! Will you also darn her work stockings?

One of my most interesting partners was an early-retired single Dad functioning as full-time home-maker for himself and his 12 year old son. He was also 6'5", did 500 push-ups every day, and had previously owned a dojo, made his living playing baseball and playing bass on tour with Parliament, and subscribed to an African-American variation on the "Superior Man" practice/philosophy. When I asked him how he maintained his masculinity as a full-time home-maker/Dad, he replied that focusing on the perimeter was the masculine approach to home-making*. Since he was also in the market for a wife, he also informed me that his take was that "decision-making inherent of honoring preferences, but absent compromise" was the best means by which to pay the price of long-term sexual access to a female. IOW, this constituted better practice than just chipping in more $$$ and definitely better practice than functioning under the delusion that a heterosexual male doesn't have to somehow pay for sexual access to a female or that he can largely pay for access with more feminine practices inclusive of "compromise.**" My current take is that this is true-ish, but at least one additional layer of complexity providing space ("room of one's own" contituting bare minimum) for the masculine energy of the core-female partner and the feminine energy of the core male partner ("drum circle of one's own" ?) must also be created/maintained. As explicated by Kegan, further development in complexity would be towards recognition that ultimately all preferences that might be honored are also shared on some level. As in, I honor your preference for practices more in alignment with extraversion, and furthermore recognize that there is within me also some degree of potential for extraversion that I may come to appropriately value through practice. etc. extended over universe of possibilities.

Interesting statistic I happened upon recently is that the current marriage rate in Alaska is much higher than the overall U.S. rate. I wondered if this had something to do with lower regulations for home construction? My BIL who is an epidemiologist specializing in sexually transmitted diseases told me that sexual monogamy practice is always much higher in realms where there are fewer women than men, although the disease transmission rate skyrockets in situations, such as prisons or isolated farming plantations or war zones, where the number of women is so few that heterosexual men often resort to homosexual practice or limited number of female prostitutes available. He also told/assured me that I was entailing more risk by driving my car to the coffee shop than by practicing safe-sex polyamory with affluent male partners primarily over the age of 50.

Okay, that was more than a bit off-topic. Hope there was something helpful in the mix!

*This masculine early-retired home-making approach also included the creation of an entire room devoted to nothing but gaming. Focus on the perimeter is also akin to "walking the fence", "holding the boundary", "forming the frame" or some other expression of "structured territoriality." Much more of a stance/perspective/attitude than a limitation of activities sterotypically gender-linked. For example, this partner made and served me homemade soup while maintaining this masculine stance, and I performed math calculations for him at the casino while still externalizing feminine energy.

**The practice of compromise makes it easier to live with another human in cuddly or calm affection while also caring for the young of the species or any other form of mutually valued and vulnerable "babies", but also tends towards reducing sexual tension/polarity/attraction, because humans are very much out-breeders who seek genetic resilience through "difference."

[AxelHeyst]

@bonde - ah, paying for access to paywalled information is another possibility I hadn't considered, neat. Keep us updated on your post-FI but-still-earning system. I'm also interested in other comments/feedback on this, particularly wrt the risk of sliding into consumerist behavior-patterns.

@theanimal - this place gets better and better, building a fire under your car so it'll warm up enough to start is metal AF. I mentioned it to E and she knew about it - mentioned that it's still often done when people are out doing remote fieldwork or parking at trailheads (in retrospect: duh, they gotta do something) without a generator. The ideal way to do it is build a fire and build up coals and then stick it under your car.

@7 interesting thoughts and story, thank you! I am definitely doing only semi- or 'lite' lentil-baby mode, as I spend a solid chunk of time on my own business and am not responsible for (nearly) all household stuff, and she also retains many of her typical domestic activities. But the balance of masculine/feminine energy is something we're very aware of and working/experimenting with how to make it work the way we want.

Regarding marriage rate, @theanimal probably has a more calibrated answer but my best guess as to reason is that the winters are long, cold, and dark. Single people either get married or get lost (aka go back to the lower 48 where it sucks less to be single and the pool is bigger). Also, Ak kind of selects for a certain range of person, so I'm guessing the likelihood of finding an approximate match in terms of worldview/values/interestes/etc is higher than elsewhere.

[AxelHeyst]

I'm curious, what did you think of The Deluge? I'm mostly burnt out on predicament-related books, fiction included, but I did enjoy that one. At the same time, it felt pretty dark (at least coming from The Ministry for the Future) so I'm not sure if I'll reach for it again lol

I've actually only just started it, and I got the audiobook version, and I remembered why I typically don't listen to novels in audiobook format. I'll have to circle back to answer this question after I've procured a text version and read it through...

But I just read Annie Jacobson's Nuclear War: A Scenario, so my guess is that I'll find it comparatively uplifting.

[mountainFrugal]

[*]10% to skills/training/access. I could spend this on a course (e.g. woodworking course, bushcraft skillz, yoga teacher training, CCW, coaching, ...) or something like an Event that would provide access to the kinds of people I want access to. So, this $ could be allocated either to 'technical or soft skills' training OR "access to cool people/projects/etc", but ideally both.
...
[*]5% to Alpha (Pugsley) / preps / solarpunk infrastructure. [/list]

I think that the skills training and resiliency builds as part of the "investment portfolio of the self" is a very underutilized allocation. I think this is underutilized/under-discussed even within ERE. I am excited to see where you go with the training aspect.

[jacob]

I think that the skills training and resiliency builds as part of the "investment portfolio of the self" is a very underutilized allocation. I think this is underutilized/under-discussed even within ERE.

Probably because like with everything else EREmites are reluctantly to drop $$$ on education that can be had at the public library for 50cents in late fees (not that I'm suggesting that the average EREmite is so tardy and irresponsible to ever get to the point of paying late fees).

The flip side of that are people paying $$$ for what is really more a form of entertainment while justifying the expense as educational. A private form of academic conference-travel so to speak.