Hristo's FI Journal

[Hristo Botev]

Interesting stuff, but although this might be very anti-"conservative" of me, I'm an American in the South whose direct descendent crossed the pond from Northern Ireland nearly 300 years ago, with God knows how many other ethnicities in the bloodline at this point, married to a woman of Polish, German, French, Irish, . . . descent, so the only shared "ancestral spiritual traditions and seasonal festivals" we have are probably Friday night high school football, the county fair, cocktail hours, certain shared pop phenomena of the movie/tv/music variety, and a handful of extremely campy, inter-denominational church hymns that everyone from my own Catholic children to their non-denom Christian friends know by heart--and honestly, I'm fine with that, because it's what we got. It's probably not the sort of culture that is going to inspire the Chartres Cathedral or the Statue of David, but what do I know.

[chenda]

@Hristo - It must be great being a catholic though, being part of a worldwide community, knowing you can walk into any catholic church and do masses and things. It must give you a great sense of belonging and purpose which I think a lot of us in the world lack.

[suomalainen]

No doubt, but I'm not one typically motivated by "suck it up, wussy!"--at least not every morning, 250 work days a year.

This has been bothering me. I'm not a "suck it up, wussy" kind of guy. Or a "power of positive thinking" kind of guy. I'm more of a The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman kind of guy. So I wanted to write more about it even if I think the topic has sort of already been covered by you and others. To wit:

I find that I tend to be less productive at work when I am sticking to a regular workout schedule. It's not an energy thing, it's a motivation thing. It's as if I only have so many "task completed"-s in me per day, and so when I start the morning with some cardio followed by a weightlifting session, I find that I'm pretty much done for the day after I get back from taking DS to school.

I need to figure out a fix to that.

I see that not as a problem to be fixed, but a sign you should work less. My bandwidth usually maxes out after 2-3 hours unless it's something which per chance catches my interest.

I've learned that the things I most prioritize I must do first thing in the day

The way that I'd think about it is very similar to @chenda's observation: a lack of motivation is a symptom to be observed and traced back to root causes rather than a root cause itself that needs to be treated. What might a lack of motivation at work mean for you? Maybe that work isn't something that you value as much as perhaps you used to. That doesn't mean you don't value it at all - to the extent you still need to work due to financial constraints and the desire to live [comfortably?], then you still value work, but perhaps you don't value it in other dimensions (purpose/meaning, camaraderie, etc). In other words, "good enough for construction/government work" becomes the standard rather than the "work like you're an equity owner" / "go above and beyond" standard.

In that sense, "you fuckin' know what to do" isn't a statement about motivation - it's a statement of "you know your values, so act accordingly". You don't need to "should" yourself into wanting to do something that you plain just don't value. To circle back to @chenda's "you should work less" and your "important work" vs "less focused work" dichotomy, it seems that you're sorta there already, but I guess I thought maybe it deserved an explicit call-out to the extent you find yourself kinda struggling with cognitive dissonance between how you're feeling and how you think you "should" be feeling.

[Hristo Botev]

@Hristo - It must be great being a catholic though, being part of a worldwide community, knowing you can walk into any catholic church and do masses and things. It must give you a great sense of belonging and purpose which I think a lot of us in the world lack.

This is of course 100% true. As an anecdote, one of the unexpected joys of being a soccer dad who spends every weekend traveling for soccer, but who still has the Sunday Obligation, is that it seems we’ve attended Mass at pretty much every Catholic Church in the Southeast—including several Spanish language Masses and even a Korean language Mass, just cuz that was the only Mass we could find that fit in the small window of time in between weekend games. It’s a beautiful thing, the universal language of the Liturgy. (Homilies are much easier to sit through when you don’t understand a single word being spoken.) My point above though is that the world we actually inhabit outside of Mass is mostly secular; we have a variety of things we do as a family that center around our Catholic faith, but that faith is not shared by our neighbors and friends and our kids’ classmates and teammates and their parents—at most it’s a generic, Baptist-y or evangelical form of Christianity that is in the background of any sort of shared culture. And that’s just a very different world than the one from which the “ancestral spiritual traditions and seasonal festivals” arose.
I’m not lamenting that fact; it just is—what we do have are high school football games, aspects of “car culture,” strip malls, some heartstrings-pulling patriotic things, and some related (mostly consumer centric) shared experiences; and that is the actual culture we have to work from, and it’s something. I mean, popular music isn’t all bad.

[chenda]

My point above though is that the world we actually inhabit outside of Mass is mostly secular; we have a variety of things we do as a family that center around our Catholic faith, but that faith is not shared by our neighbors and friends and our kids’ classmates and teammates and their parents—at most it’s a generic, Baptist-y or evangelical form of Christianity that is in the background of any sort of shared culture. And that’s just a very different world than the one from which the “ancestral spiritual traditions and seasonal festivals” arose.

I see what you mean. I think Sheldrake's idea is to bring a bit of the sacred back into lives which are otherwise entirely secular.

[Hristo Botev]

I see what you mean. I think Sheldrake's idea is to bring a bit of the sacred back into lives which are otherwise entirely secular.

I tend to think there is some sacred in high school football and the like; which is recognized with the pre-game prayer, the national anthem, and various other things that let you know something more than just a game are happening.

[chenda]

I tend to think there is some sacred in high school football and the like; which is recognized with the pre-game prayer, the national anthem, and various other things that let you know something more than just a game are happening.

Interesting. Such rituals have become very taboo here, about the only exception is remembrance day which is a curious exercise in civic religion. Poppies galore.

[jacob]

One thing that often happens is that the air force or navy does a simulated bomb run (minus the bomb) on the stadium, right down to the second, sometimes from a base several hours away. The cost of putting a typical fighter in the air runs around $10k/hour.

[Hristo Botev]

Apparently we have a well on our .33/acre property, which was put in to feed the sprinkler system. I had no idea. I'm sure it's something I probably should have pieced together, but I honestly had no idea as we haven't used the sprinkler system since we moved in a couple years ago because it's not been operational.

After some failed attempts to try and DIY repair the sprinkler system I called in the neighborhood expert, and I learned that the reason the sprinklers aren't working the way they are supposed to is because the well is stopped up. Now I know, I have a well, and I have no real need to stockpile water the next time a storm comes through, because I've got a reliable source of clean well water that can be boiled and put through the Berkey in case of emergency.

Also, I'm about an hour away from having a fully operational sprinkler system, as the sprinkler guys are in the process of replacing the pump, which apparently was in the ground for about 20 years longer than it should have been.

This is great because the next big project on my list is a backyard sports field for my kids, sodded with bermuda and surrounded on all sides by netting so that my neighbors don't have to be constantly throwing back balls that end up over the fence. The field will be primarily for soccer training, but it will also be used for DS's field goal kicking practice, baseball training, and family and friend volleyball games and croquet.

It's going to be great. I will try and remember and post progress photos.

I also fully intend to have a front lawn that will be so green and perfect that it will serve to shame my neighbors into cleaning up their own lawns. Very un-ERE of me, but hey, I probably should have been kicked off this forum years ago. I'm sick of how crappy my childhood neighborhood has become, and how poorly my neighbors take care of their homes and yards.

[Hristo Botev]

A quick (not likely) update, as it's Columbus Day so the kids are not in school and it doesn't really feel like it should be a work day.

First, as of this past Friday, DD and I are now licensed USSF grassroots soccer referees.

DD wanted to do it because she's realized that so long as she continues to play travel soccer, her options for after-school and summer jobs are very limited, and so becoming a referee seemed to make sense for her.

I decided to become a ref to support her through the process, but it also made sense b/c I already spend every weekend traveling the state and the region for tournament and league games for my kids as it is, and I figured I might be able to pick up a game or two in between my kids' games, rather than head to the mall or wherever during the down time. Also, I've come to really appreciate the sport of soccer, notwithstanding how antithetical it was to much of what my mother believed about being an American (and as I read through soccer history books, she wasn't necessarily wrong).

Also, like most soccer parents who end up becoming refs, there's only so much complaining you can do about bad refs before you just need to get off your ass and do your part.

Time will tell whether or not I ever come out in the black as a ref, but even if it is just a hobby, it will not be an expensive one, and it is certainly something I could see myself spending many of my weekends doing after the days of driving my kids around the state/region for games are over (DD is only 2 years from a driver's license, after all!). I've never been one for golf or even boating, really, and refereeing soccer games seems like a superior way to get outside on the weekends. You folks on here are always talking about having secondary streams of income/side jobs, and well, now I have one!

Also, DW's dad ref'd for several years when she was the age our kids are now, and she always says that that was when he was in his best shape.

Second, the sprinkler system is now fully operational, and I can't believe how easy of a fix it was to resurrect the system that someone obviously spent a lot of time and money putting in. I had to replace about 5 of the sprinkler heads, and it took some time to figure out how to work our 7-zone system; but it's now up and running and ready to support a healthy suburban lawn of the likes that will make my neighbors look at their own lawns in shame.

I've decided to go with sod instead of trying to resurrect what's left of the lawn that was once there, and I've decided to hire someone to install the sod rather than DIY it. The main motivation for that is that my kids are at an age where I don't have a year or three to get the yard where it needs to be--they are in the backyard for hours a day as it is practicing soccer, and I want to give them something better than a sand pit to do that in. So, that is the next step, getting someone out here to clear our weeds and prep the lawn for sod and then install the sod--St. Augustine in the front and Bermuda in the back.

DW was at an estate sale with a friend last week and she picked up a croquet set while she was there, and I'm very much looking forward to having competitive family and neighborhood croquet matches in our pristine Bermuda grass backyard.

Alright, I'll leave it there for now.

[jacob]

[...] how antithetical it was to much of what my mother believed about being an American (and as I read through soccer history books, she wasn't necessarily wrong).

I never heard that one before. Could you elaborate? As someone who grew up in place where soccer is treated like a cultural identity if not an outright religion of sorts---something that holds true in most of the entire world---the contrast to soccer in the US is really weird. One could actually say the same about how sports like American football and baseball are seen outside the US. It's almost a mirror image in perceptions. It is crazy to see how much the public attitude/support for soccer has changed during the twenty years I've lived here. Now, the US just has to export football (the kind that's played with the hands) to the rest of the world.

[Hristo Botev]

I never heard that one before. Could you elaborate? As someone who grew up in place where soccer is treated like a cultural identity if not an outright religion of sorts---something that holds true in most of the entire world---the contrast to soccer in the US is really weird. One could actually say the same about how sports like American football and baseball are seen outside the US. It's almost a mirror image in perceptions. It is crazy to see how much the public attitude/support for soccer has changed during the twenty years I've lived here. Now, the US just has to export football (the kind that's played with the hands) to the rest of the world.

I'm probably not the best person to ask, as my scholarship on the topic--apart from just having grown up in the American South where someone uttering "soccer" was generally met with a look of disgust and some sort of expletive filled rant that included the words "pinko" and "Communist" and "European" used in a derisive manner--is limited to having read "The Inverted Pyramid" and "The Ball Is Round," both of which are Anglo-centric and give short shrift to the development of the game (or lack thereof) in the U.S.

IIRC, the theory put forward by Goldblatt in The Ball Is Round has something to do with the laws of soccer having not been firmly established prior to independence in the U.S. (as I recall, it wasn't until the late 1800s perhaps that rugby and football/soccer were really even recognized as separate and distinct sports within the elite British "public school" environment in which those sports were created), such that while us colonists certainly imported the English love of sport from our overseas masters, we quickly created our own rules of what sport looked like (in addition to baseball and basketball and American football, look also at lacrosse and hockey and Aussie-rules and Canadian rules football). Combine the timeline issues with very distinct rejection of the Anglosphere, at least in the U.S. at relevant points in history, and the idea of taking our direction in sport from our discarded colonial masters was not particularly palpable for Americans.

I'm tempted to go back and re-read that section of The Ball is Round, because I thought when I read it that it did a good job of putting into words a question many Americans have asked over the years--namely, why are we so incredibly awful at soccer?

Another thing to consider is that, as a Gen X'er, my first real exposure to soccer as some sort of truly shared natural experience was the WOMEN'S game. So for my generation of native-born Americans, soccer will probably always be something that is primarily associated with women and not men.

I'm sure there are some anti-immigrant/nativist/anti-globalist reasons under the surface for Americans' aversion to soccer as well.

If you haven't read it I'd recommend reading The Ball Is Round; I've enjoyed it thus far (it seems like its about 15,000 pages long though).

ETA: I'll add that I suspect this aversion to soccer in America is largely becoming a thing in the past, due mostly if not entirely to mass immigration and the quickening removal of the WASP/DAR/SAR cadre as the dominant culture of the elite in this country. FWIW, DW played soccer growing up mostly due to the fact that her father was the son of a Polish immigrant father, but even the Catholic high school my FIL attended in the 60s/70s didn't have enough student interest to field a soccer team--American football and baseball were king even among the Papists.

[jacob]

Another thing to consider is that, as a Gen X'er, my first real exposure to soccer as some sort of truly shared natural experience was the WOMEN'S game. So for my generation of native-born Americans, soccer will probably always be something that is primarily associated with women and not men.

It's weird just how arbitrary these national paths to sports dominance are. In my case, it was 180 to that and soccer was the default choice for boys. Girls played handball, which I guess that most Americans couldn't care less about and women's soccer was thus considered a joke for the same reason that the European version of the original version of baseball, namely rounders, was considered a kid's game. Likewise, badminton (and table tennis) is serious in Scandinavia and Asia but mostly considered recreational/beach entertainment in the US. And so on.

What I find interesting is that due to these arbitrary recruitment chains that were established as we were growing up, US women's soccer is now one of the best in the world which I'd ascribe to them having little competition from elsewhere because the ex-US world didn't take it seriously twenty years ago. Some thirty years ago, a Dane won the Tour de France in cycling (thanks epo!) which in turn inspired a lot of kids and a small country becoming to cycling what Jamaica is to sprinting punching way above their demographic weight for similar reasons.

Sport is culture on a short timescale because sport is essentially small-culture and so has less intertia than the country at large. A country could rule the world in a subfield within a couple of decades by making it a priority. Or completely miss the bus by ignoring it.

As sort of a mix between these different interactions, consider when basketball was added to the Olympics and the DreamTeam would crush the world just by showing up. But then it got harder. And then they lost. But then they won again.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this other than I used to be dismissive of sports but now I think it's a microcosm/simulator of the world at large with the benefit that it runs at a faster pace that the world does and thus is predictive of how humans are thriving around the world. For example, athletes sent to the Olympics divided by population may be a good predictor of how powerful a nation will be in the future.

[zbigi]

An interesting tangent is comparison of sports fans and support in US and European countries. In the US, it seems to be mainly a consumption-oriented activity, whereas in Europe it can be much more, mixing up with things like national pride and identity (although there's also plenty of people who treat going to a soccer match like going to a family picnic)

A video comparing fans during American and Greek basketball matches:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWrSw3X8TRs

Political/historic statement during a soccer match in Warsaw:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSt5pfFFJTk&t=24s

[chenda]

I've always generally disliked sport, either watching or participating.

But it's great @hristo you and your daughter have a common interest.

[Hristo Botev]

I'm not sure where I'm going with this other than I used to be dismissive of sports but now I think it's a microcosm/simulator of the world at large with the benefit that it runs at a faster pace that the world does and thus is predictive of how humans are thriving around the world. For example, athletes sent to the Olympics divided by population may be a good predictor of how powerful a nation will be in the future.

I've been involved in countless soccer sideline discussions/debates with other parents of competitive youth soccer players as to why the US lags so far behind in the men's game. It's a fascinating topic that neither I nor the other parents I have debated with know much about, really; it's just a fun topic to argue about to pass the time during warm-ups and at halftime. I have to suspect that there have been some academic papers that have been written on the topic, presumably in some sort of discipline that is at the intersection of sociology and whatever it is that one studies in school to become a collegiate athletic director or sports league director.

One thing that I've found interesting as I've been navigating college sports recruiting with DD is that there are a LOT of colleges, especially at the D1 level, that do NOT have men's soccer programs at all (except at a club or intramural level). ChatGPT tells me that there are 345 D1 schools that have women's programs, and only 205 that have men's programs. I would suspect that this is mostly if not entirely due to Title IX. But given that collegiate sports is the main pathway to professionalism for most of our big sports, with the possible exception of baseball which will recruit right out of high school, it strikes me that one big reason that we do better at developing girls to play soccer than boys is that with girls there is a well developed collegiate pathway, and that pathway is much more limited for boys. The MLS (with MLS Next) has tried to replicate what the rest of the world seems to do with youth development through the professional clubs; but it's not something that I have heard a whole lot about, even with a son who is at least above average as a soccer player. And let's be honest--not even Americans really care about the MLS.

Anyway, if someone is aware of a podcast or documentary or book that dives real deep into the issue of youth soccer development in the U.S., and its history and its many deficiencies, please share as I'd definitely check it out.

[7Wannabe5]

My third sister, who is the popular jock type, played soccer way back in the early 80s. She almost made the state team, because it was such a not-yet-popular sport for either gender, and she had a very powerful kick for a girl. According to my Ancestry.com genetic trait analysis, I also hold this potential for superior muscular strength which was never fully realized (sigh.)

Other factors that have also always been somehow in play in the U.S. are race and/or class/sub-culture. Over 70% of professional basketball players, over 53% of professional football players are African-American, but only 24% of major league soccer players. Given that the U.S. population is only composed of 14% humans who identify as black/African-American, this is pretty huge. I have dated 3 different "successful" black men (born between 1953 and 1966) whose path towards being first in family to attend college included an athletic scholarship*, and within that context, the importance of sports can offer the upside of a great deal of social popularity/opportunity and the downside of feeling like a "piece of meat." (Roughly analogous to female experience of being beauty pageant contestant**, which was the route into college for a high school classmate of mine who grew up in a shack by the lake.) I have also recently had the experience of attempting to tutor a talented black student athlete in Algebra at 8 in the evening, as he nodded off intermittently, because absolutely exhausted after basketball practice.


*I have also dated born wealthy WASPs of same generation who played high-ranking tennis or golf on college teams, so I think my point although anecdotal is towards valid.

**The fact that beauty contests have waned in popularity in almost direct proportion to the increasing popularity of girl's sports is also kind of interesting. I raised my Millenial generation kids in a Norman Rockwell like small town in a rural county in the 90s, so my daughter wanted to be a mini-cheerleader when she was 6, performing a routine during the half-time of the well-attended high school homecoming game, and she also wore a pink tutu in ballet class (forcing me to associate with the shellac-haired Ballet moms), but she also played soccer on a co-ed team. When I was 6, in 1971, the only sports suburban white girls seriously participated in were figure skating or maybe gymnastics, but this very rapidly evolved towards near full participation within less than a generational period. It was notable that my sister who was just 3 years younger than me played soccer in high school, but not notable that my sister who is 10 years younger than me played soccer in elementary school. This trend is also very correlated to how often girls wore dresses to school. My point here being that the current female superiority in U.S. soccer is likely somewhat analogous to why/how the Japanese beat the U.S. in manufacturing technology/methods.

[Hristo Botev]

DD and I both had our first experiences as soccer refs this weekend, as we each ref'd 10 games (6 on Saturday and 4 on Sunday). DD was an AR for all 10 of her games, and all of her games were small-sided 9v9 games. My games were also 9v9, except for my last game that was 11v11. I AR'd all but 2 of my games, for which I was the center ref (both 9v9 games). It's a very different experience for sure as a center ref as opposed to an AR.

All in all I'll say that was probably the hardest $325 I've ever made.

According to my fitbit I had just shy of 30K steps on Saturday (13 miles) and just over 23K on Sunday (10.25 miles).

I'm sore as hell today, though thankfully my 14yo DD is perfectly fine (just tired), which is good as she has her first high school varsity soccer game tomorrow.

It was the first payday DD has had, not counting some random babysitter type gigs. She's thrilled with the $300 that will be deposited into her brand new checking account, and we are currently debating whether or not she should plan on moving $150 of the $300 over to her custodial Vanguard account. Trying to get her in the habit of being a 50% saver even now.

[Hristo Botev]

An update after a couple of months away--to talk about what's been happening and some new year's resolutions--as although I am sitting at my desk in my shoffice logged into my work email, I'm not quite ready to actually start the work year yet.

Updates

Since purchasing my 100 count box of Derby razors (https://www.amazon.com/Derby-Premium-Do ... b_chk_auth?) back in late December, 2021 (at @CL's recommendation, see below), I'm now down to my last few blades, which means it was time to buy another 100count box.

Not sure if you're anti Ebay? I dislike Amazon as well, for some of the same, and some different reasons as you. The only thing it really has over Ebay is Prime shipping anyway. But I'm never in a hurry to get my stuff, so it's meaningless to me. Here's 100 on Ebay for a couple bucks more than you're paying at CVS for 10. Ebay is my "go-to" for this type of stuff(if not at Costco), also it's a gold mine for random parts to fix random stuff.

I paid $9.17 for the razors back in 2021, with tax, so that's $3/year I pay for the only consumable I use to shave my head and face (not counting the bar soap I use as lather). Pretty good. Happily, that same box of 100 razors only cost me a little over a $1 more 3 years later.

In those past 3 years I've given up my one-man-stand against Amazon (also, ebay doesn't seem to have these razors anymore).

In other news, we ended 2024 with just over a 50% savings rate, which is all I'm really looking for at this point, as we have no intention of really trying to throttle our spending on the kids, especially as it concerns sports and other extracurriculars. The kids are 14 and 12 now, so the travel soccer expenses, etc. won't be around for too much longer, to be replaced by college/wedding/launch expenses I'm sure, and then expenses associated with spoiling our grandkids rotten (God willing).

2024 also continued to show us that the decision in 2022 to move back home was obviously the right one. The kids are flourishing in school, in sports, and in friendships, and I simply cannot tell you how wonderful it is that we are only 2 degrees removed at most from every person we and our kids interact with. I feel like we really "know" this place, in the Wendell Berry/Port William, KY way; and in a way that we never could have hoped to know any other place.

I've not taken on too many big DIY projects around the house since completing the shoffice; mostly just reorganizing and then reorganizing again to optimize the spaces in our house for what our family needs. One drawback of this optimization is that the house is now becoming so comfortable and so aligned with our family's needs that we don't really ever want to leave. Even something like heading to our private club for a cocktail, a bite to eat, and some pool time for the kids is often not as appealing as staying put for a home-cooked dinner.

The one exception is this woodshed, which I built to take advantage of some of the trees that we and our neighbors have had to take down.



Resolutions

• I want to level up some of the half-ass family history efforts I've undertaken in the past, probably utilizing things like ancestry.com, etc., with an aim to publish a "Botev Family History" book for our kids and their kids to benefit from and add to.

• I want to figure out some way(s) I can get more involved in leadership roles within my community.

• I want to make some substantial progress on some home projects that DW and I have on our list, including landscaping and a sports field for the kids, as well as kitchen and bathroom renovations and the like.

• And the usual stuff like manage my weight better, more books and less TV and web surfing, more consistent weight training, and spend less money and save more.

[7Wannabe5]

I've really become a teensy bit hobby-addicted to genetic-genealogical research (across the spectrum from easy-click to much more in depth) since happening upon revelation that my mother's biological father was not my grandmother's first husband. I understand that some may be reluctant to make some components of their own DNA testing semi-public, but doing this can greatly expand possibilities for discovering members of your extended family who are currently living. This can also be helpful in unpacking some of your own personally inherited genes vs. memes/shared experience back-story. For example, it is genetically 99.9% confirmed that one of my 16 great-great-great-grandfathers lived to be 80 and divorced my great-great-great-grandmother in 1867 when he was 60 years old after they had 11 children together. So, that led me to wonder how often Illinois homesteaders did legally divorce? Were homesteads granted to married couples in a manner that might promote or inhibit divorce? Did they split the acreage and put a fence down the middle? Did he divorce because he hooked up with a new partner at age 60? Did this event have anything to do with the Civil War? Would my third sister who lives in Chicago like to take a fun road trip to visit the old homestead? Will she, being much more extroverted than me, make verbal inquiries at the small town diner attempting to locate any of my mother's still living biological cousins? etc. etc. etc.