I gave the journal this title because the most important value in my life so far for the last few years has been healing my trauma. True to ERE form, I've found through trial and error that doing this through DIY means has actually been more meaningful, effective, efficient, and autonomous (less tightly coupled to other modules in my life); compared to doing it through one or more therapists. Since trauma healing is a guiding north star of my life these days, it seems a fitting title at the moment for my journal.
Summary of the last few months of my life, with an ERE emphasis:
Where to begin? I spent 2 months bartering cooking and cleaning for free housing on a futon in a living room that semi-closed at night, with someone I met on Couchsurfing. Back in Feb-April. At the same time, I caught up with lots of old friends and helped an elderly hospitalized relative dictate an autobiography before passing away. The latter experience underlied how volunteer work can be much more meaningful than paid work, and how an ERE lifestyle can free up the time and energy to be there to help loved ones in big ways. Realized my guiding value can no longer only be trauma healing; it must be that but also 'supporting dying people I know' as well.
Since then, I haven't paid rent, due to a combination of the Couchsurfing website, staying with friends, and bartering petsitting with friends. (I'm starting up a profile on a petsitting site now; I'd like to continue this no-rent streak as long as I can!)
Before that, I was living on a different continent for 2.5 years, where I'd eeked out a very cheap life since last summer. Starting last July, I progressively brought my monthly expenses down, by roughly following the 30-day makeover on the ERE website. Learned to cook, moved to housing less than half of my prior rent at the edge of the city, stopped ordering rideshares, biked/walked/transited everywhere, stopped going to paid concerts. Basically tried a buy-nearly-nothing period which is continuing until now. This was after a layoff from a junior software engineer job early last summer. COL is <700 USD per month since then. FU Stash is about 38k USD and invested conservatively.
Since that layoff, I've been doing part-time software engineer work for money. It has been a mix of meaningful and meaningless depending on what person/mission the project was for. I'm still junior in my skills because I only transitioned into that software engineering field about 2 years ago. Some of the work involves deception (of the employers) which some people might find unethical but which I personally find totally ethically acceptable. I found the latter work through a very serendipitous experience on discord. I found the meaningful work through another super serendipitous experience as a visiting artist-in-residence (learned their website sucked, offered to help them fix it for free, then they offered to pay me, then I used their meager offer as confirmation of employment to get a larger grant from my master's program - where I'm still enrolled (for free) for only government bureaucratic reasons).
Earlier, in 2022, I broke into paid live music performance for the first time, touring as a drummer. That was cool. I'd like to do more of that, perhaps in more tours or even on cruise ships. (Even though I hate the general idea of cruise ships, the live drumming experience would be a great skill upgrade and access point to fellow musicians).
Location Questions
Now, I'm bumming around the general area where I moved to help this recently-deceased relative write his book. I'm contemplating where to live next - do I go back to the place on a different continent where I'd been living for the last 2.5 months? Do I stick around here, in my citizenship country, where freelancing (e.g. as a paid pet sitter) is much easier and legal? Do I move somewhere entirely new (and even cheaper) on a new continent and have some slow travel adventures?
Job Selection Confusions/Feelings/Questions
I'm contemplating what to do for work next. The part-time IT work does not seem very steadily available. I got both my current jobs by serendipitous fluke, basically. My attempts to apply for jobs the normal way did not go well in late 2023 for a couple months. Other jobs interest me, such as paid pet sitter, tutor, English teacher, schoolteacher in the far North (of the globe), remote government functionary (pays quite well, very secure union), movie extra. I like how some jobs, like paid pet sitter and cruise ship drummer, allow one to work other jobs (remotely) at the same time. In this way, they wouldn't close me off as much from serendipity (which was also how I broke into paid live drumming - total chance encounters with people who know people).
I'd love to break into paid music composing, but I understand that's even harder than performance, not the least due to AI these days replacing composers. My compositions have received enough praise from professionals that I think I have the skill required, if I can just access the marketplace.
More simply, I'd like to break into busking. I just need to finish assembling the equipment for free. (I would busk as a solo electronic piano player. I've prototyped this a bit as a volunteer improv lounge piano player at a coffee shop, where people seemed to think I was pro.)
I struggle with emotional issues around work, triggered especially by the process of applying for new jobs. It feels terrifying to approach new jobs or even think about them. I have made some real inroads on healing the trauma underlying that, but it's still hard, though it's much less hard than years ago (I used to seriously worry that I could never work any job, and that that would lead me to a permanent life of dependence on others, including abusive family - which is a story for another journal entry. Now it does not feel quite that bleak). The ERE emphasis on logical/rational/analytical thinking has been pretty clutch at balancing out my more emotional side on that topic.
Some other forum threads about how people choose jobs have been super helpful. I'm lately vacillating back and forth between old and new ways of approaching that. The old way is to basically just maximize pay. The new way is to consider other effects/goals of the job than pay, such as 'is it interesting?' and 'does it teach me skills I want?' On both of those latter counts, cruise ship or tour drumming seems like the winner. On the pay-maximization count, either continuing to try to be a software engineer, or being a private tutor (charging around 40 USD/hour in the latter case) seem like the winners.
I'm open to thoughts and feedback on all of this! All the best and thanks for reading.
DIY Trauma Therapy
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Hi drummer, and welcome to the forum. I relate to some of the stuff you said about volunteer (and art/music) work being more meaningful than paid work. But anyway, regarding trauma... I came here to say that this book (recommended to me by a therapist) has helped me more than anything else when I was dealing with emotional problems:
https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-L ... 0879800429
Maybe give it a try if you can find it in the local library and good luck!
https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-L ... 0879800429
Maybe give it a try if you can find it in the local library and good luck!
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Hi Drummer,
Private tutoring does pay well on an hourly basis, but it can often be difficult to consistently line up students in an optimized manner. Also, if you are able to line up students in an optimized manner, you have none of the down-time usually found in a 9-5 W2 white-collar position. It's kind of like being an auto mechanic for human brains. Therefore, IMO, it's best in a life-design in which you only want to work very few hours, are only capable of working very few hours (my situation recently while sick), or as a secondary gig.
Private tutoring does pay well on an hourly basis, but it can often be difficult to consistently line up students in an optimized manner. Also, if you are able to line up students in an optimized manner, you have none of the down-time usually found in a 9-5 W2 white-collar position. It's kind of like being an auto mechanic for human brains. Therefore, IMO, it's best in a life-design in which you only want to work very few hours, are only capable of working very few hours (my situation recently while sick), or as a secondary gig.
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
I recommend the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk.
I suggest you try going to a therapist that specializes in EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS) if you haven't already. These are the modalities that really worked for me during my trauma recovery journey.
I suggest you try going to a therapist that specializes in EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS) if you haven't already. These are the modalities that really worked for me during my trauma recovery journey.
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Barbara Sher's book Refuse to Choose might be helpful. She's good at career counseling self-help books and this one is specifically for people who have a list of 15 different things they're thinking of doing and they're trying to decide on which one.
Failing that, you might want to go one level higher: what approach do you want to take to life? Would you like to arrive at a FIRE savings stash as quickly as possible? Or do you see yourself always working and are searching for skills, free time, and less pain? Imo start with deciding on the bigger things you want, and then see which job best fits that.
What's your approach to your diy trauma healing?
Failing that, you might want to go one level higher: what approach do you want to take to life? Would you like to arrive at a FIRE savings stash as quickly as possible? Or do you see yourself always working and are searching for skills, free time, and less pain? Imo start with deciding on the bigger things you want, and then see which job best fits that.
What's your approach to your diy trauma healing?
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Seconding the recommendation on EMDR. I have been working with EMDR for the past year, and it is accelerating my healing way faster than talk therapy has.
With trauma, you really want to focus on the body and the feelings stored within it. EMDR is a way to process those feelings and emotions somatically and gives you the tools to effectively reintegrate the memories. I wouldn't try to do DIY EMDR, though. There are a few things I have done that have improved my life the way EMDR has. Nothing has had this effect to help me be more present, grounded, and not overtaken by some of these previously intense emotions.
From a DIY approach, you can do something like yoga nidra, which will help you be more present in the body. Peter A. Levine also developed an approach called Somatic Experiencing. His book Healing Trauma is a good place to start. You can also look into something like Tapping. All of these things work to help you be in tune with your body. Happy to chat more as I would say the past two months I have spent a lot of time in this exact topic.
With trauma, you really want to focus on the body and the feelings stored within it. EMDR is a way to process those feelings and emotions somatically and gives you the tools to effectively reintegrate the memories. I wouldn't try to do DIY EMDR, though. There are a few things I have done that have improved my life the way EMDR has. Nothing has had this effect to help me be more present, grounded, and not overtaken by some of these previously intense emotions.
From a DIY approach, you can do something like yoga nidra, which will help you be more present in the body. Peter A. Levine also developed an approach called Somatic Experiencing. His book Healing Trauma is a good place to start. You can also look into something like Tapping. All of these things work to help you be in tune with your body. Happy to chat more as I would say the past two months I have spent a lot of time in this exact topic.
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Hi all,
Sorry for the extreme delay!
I'll reply first to everyone's awesome comments, then I'll post a full update, including some explanation for the delay, below.
Hi Crusader,
Thank you for the welcome!
That’s cool that you relate about finding volunteering/art/music more meaningful than jobs. I’m definitely still feeling it!
It’s funny, I actually was completely obsessed with Albert Ellis from a young age, even making a pilgrimage to his archives, and devoured dozens of his books including that one! So I appreciate the rec and would be happy to talk more about him nowadays. Lately, though, I’ve found approaches more directly focused on “trauma” than his, to be most helpful. Do you find Ellis relatable to trauma though? Maybe that’s an angle on his work which I hadn’t considered.
Hi 7Wannabe5,
I really appreciated your words of caution/advice/encouragement about tutoring. That was a helpful reality check. It’s not the super chill lifestyle I was envisioning. I feel glad not to have pursued it as my main thing, exactly as you said. Maybe it will still be a side gig for income robustness purposes later. I even felt some of what you said about tutoring, but toward piano teaching, which I tried out lately. It requires full focus the whole time, and scheduling it is a bit of a nuisance/overhead.
Hi blink2ce,
I like that book! I have tried those modalities. The IFS one is my gold standard lately. I’m glad to hear you found EMDR/IFS worked well for you. In general, it’s inspiring to learn how many fellow forumites are into trauma healing. Thank you for the encouragement.
Hi ertyu,
I read that book thanks to you, and really liked it! Tons of cool tips. The idea that perfectionists should just define how much % they want to do x activity to perfection, was a great hack for me, for example.
And your guiding question about the approach I want to take to life, really inspired me to make up my mind about indeed building the stash as quickly as possible. It took months to realize that, and I had to experiment with actually working full time, but I realized that is the path for now. You’re right, the big picture needs to be chosen first, then the job can fit into that.
My approach to diy trauma healing, to answer your question, involves these days a lot of IFS, and is also inspired by Dan Mackler’s approach (he’s on YouTube and has a few books) - which involves a lot of journaling and studying one’s family history. In the past, I used to be really into Nonviolent Communication and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), but these days I like approaches that feel more directly trauma-focused. Also, meditation, somatic work, nutrition, sleep, exercise, social life, financial stability, these all play a role (and are mentioned in Mackler’s video about prerequisites for grieving).
Hi Divandan,
I’m glad you also liked EMDR! Again great to hear about people’s successes on the healing path. I liked Levin’s book Somatic Experiencing. These days I really enjoy combining somatic methods with IFS at the same time.
Somehow tapping and EMDR don’t quite click for me, but these other methods allow me to customize body-based techniques for me, if that makes sense. How has your journey on this topic progressed in the last months?
Sorry for the extreme delay!
I'll reply first to everyone's awesome comments, then I'll post a full update, including some explanation for the delay, below.
Hi Crusader,
Thank you for the welcome!
That’s cool that you relate about finding volunteering/art/music more meaningful than jobs. I’m definitely still feeling it!
It’s funny, I actually was completely obsessed with Albert Ellis from a young age, even making a pilgrimage to his archives, and devoured dozens of his books including that one! So I appreciate the rec and would be happy to talk more about him nowadays. Lately, though, I’ve found approaches more directly focused on “trauma” than his, to be most helpful. Do you find Ellis relatable to trauma though? Maybe that’s an angle on his work which I hadn’t considered.
Hi 7Wannabe5,
I really appreciated your words of caution/advice/encouragement about tutoring. That was a helpful reality check. It’s not the super chill lifestyle I was envisioning. I feel glad not to have pursued it as my main thing, exactly as you said. Maybe it will still be a side gig for income robustness purposes later. I even felt some of what you said about tutoring, but toward piano teaching, which I tried out lately. It requires full focus the whole time, and scheduling it is a bit of a nuisance/overhead.
Hi blink2ce,
I like that book! I have tried those modalities. The IFS one is my gold standard lately. I’m glad to hear you found EMDR/IFS worked well for you. In general, it’s inspiring to learn how many fellow forumites are into trauma healing. Thank you for the encouragement.
Hi ertyu,
I read that book thanks to you, and really liked it! Tons of cool tips. The idea that perfectionists should just define how much % they want to do x activity to perfection, was a great hack for me, for example.
And your guiding question about the approach I want to take to life, really inspired me to make up my mind about indeed building the stash as quickly as possible. It took months to realize that, and I had to experiment with actually working full time, but I realized that is the path for now. You’re right, the big picture needs to be chosen first, then the job can fit into that.
My approach to diy trauma healing, to answer your question, involves these days a lot of IFS, and is also inspired by Dan Mackler’s approach (he’s on YouTube and has a few books) - which involves a lot of journaling and studying one’s family history. In the past, I used to be really into Nonviolent Communication and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), but these days I like approaches that feel more directly trauma-focused. Also, meditation, somatic work, nutrition, sleep, exercise, social life, financial stability, these all play a role (and are mentioned in Mackler’s video about prerequisites for grieving).
Hi Divandan,
I’m glad you also liked EMDR! Again great to hear about people’s successes on the healing path. I liked Levin’s book Somatic Experiencing. These days I really enjoy combining somatic methods with IFS at the same time.
Somehow tapping and EMDR don’t quite click for me, but these other methods allow me to customize body-based techniques for me, if that makes sense. How has your journey on this topic progressed in the last months?
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Update from December 2024:
Hello all,
I drafted an update in December 2024, then I sat on it for 3 more months before deciding to post it now.
Apologies for the delay, which I explain below.
I basically just copy-pasted the draft I wrote in December, with a couple minor edits.
I’ll post a new update soon about the current state of life!
Thanks to everyone for your awesomely thoughtful replies.
All below is from December 2024:
Hi everyone,
Firstly, apologies for the long delay in the second post. I procrastinated for a couple reasons:
-Underestimated that anyone would even reply to my first post
-Became overwhelmed by the attention received; second-guessed if it’s really safe to post these details on the internet
-Over-thought about what to share next
Having thought it all through, I’m convinced it’s valuable to continue posting here. This is an amazing community. People are full of good advice and we are on a similar path, helping each other out.
Here’s an update:
In the past 6 months, I traveled to visit some chosen family, then returned to the celebration of life of my relative I mentioned before.
I then relocated, what I thought would be temporarily, to a cabin which is shared by my extended family. I realized that nobody really uses it.
I’m planning to cutoff completely from this family. So using the cabin like this was kind of a last hurrah before I can’t use it anymore. I haven’t used it for basically my whole adult life, because I felt bad about using things related to my family. But now that I’m so close to cutting off from them, I feel better about using it. (More about why I’m so close to cutting off, below)
I thought I would just live here for a few weeks, maybe 1-2 months, and then relocated back to where I was living before (overseas), or to a new place entirely.
But I found some things to really like about this tiny town and surrounding area:
Meanwhile, on the monetary/jobs side:
The cabin is free to live in, so it’s a no-brainer from an ERE perspective. It allows a savings rate of near 100% of income. I pay for some groceries, and a little bit of bus travel and incidentals. But my spending including rent, previously, was already at ERE levels (around 600-700 USD per month), so now I am at extremely dirt cheap levels. That is obviously great.
Even more important than the above: some grey-hat tech work I was doing, finally started to really pay off, big time. I am now making bank, much more than I have ever made before, on a monthly basis. It’s a mix between working person and salary person, in that if I work more, I do earn more, but the work is tied to salaried and contract jobs with full-time hours. It involves some ‘overemployment’ and some other strategies.
With that financial inflow happening, I’m able to realistically plan on being financially independent ‘enough’ (which I define as about halfway to 25x my annual expenses), to do two very meaningful things I’ve wanted to do ever since I was an adult:
-fully cutoff from my abusive nuclear family (while still staying in touch with some extended family)
-feel ok about not working that much, and maybe just working a little bit to get by, while money compounds - or continuing to work a lot, to save more.
I recognize, like the ERE book says about economics: The numbers attached to both of these above goals rely ultimately on subjective judgments about my own values. It’s somewhat personal (or ‘arbitrary’) why halfway to 25x annual expenses is the ‘right’ threshold before I can do these two things. But for whatever reason, it’s what I was able to settle on, in negotiation with myself.
I’m currently at 70% of ‘halfway to 25x’ my annual expenses. In early October (and for about the previous year before that), I was staying basically stuck at 50%. So I’ve made some very fast progress!
One of my main concerns now, is keeping up the pace of this work without burning out.
In terms of ‘life as a system,’ I see that busking on weekends really helps me avoid burning out, because it gives psychological ‘detachment from work’, and a sense of social usefulness/identity unrelated to my work (which will help when I ‘breakup from my career’ later, in Jacob’s words). Even if busking doesn’t make me nearly as much money as the work, it’s still a helpful part of the life-system that makes the work possible, which life system is also helped along by the work income! I see feedback loops there.
I am trying to decide between roughly these two options, or something in between. That’s probably my main dilemma right now:
Smaller updates on smaller topics, which might not interest most readers:
On the ‘Die With Zero’ side of things:
I’ve been thinking a lot about the ‘little deaths’ that one dies throughout a lifespan, when different options close off to oneself - and the advice to be bold when young, to take risks when the downsides are not very great. One of those soon-closing options on my mind is traveling around as a young person, as someone the social world sees as young. A close chosen family member would like to live with me for a month or two in some very culturally new locations. I think I want to do it, since I work remotely anyway and might as well be bold. This would happen in the coming winter. Then, I don’t know, back to the cabin or somewhere else? In any case, the cabin will stop being a possibility in 1 year or less, because that’s when I plan to cutoff from the family.
Another soon-closing option on my mind is to date around a bit more while I am young. I’m very picky about who I want to date, if anyone at all, so I want to embrace that, while still doing it. Or on the other hand, maybe I just want to enjoy being desired, but never act on that with anyone. It’s another dilemma. I’ll only be young once, so I don’t want to ‘miss’ it!
On the spiritual side of things:
Bill Plotkin has been pretty interesting. I feel a lot of overlap with the cocoon stage.
On the mental side of things:
The book How to Make a Complete Map of Every Thought You Think was extremely helpful to me. I’ve been trying and failing to do stuff like that for 11 years. The exercises suggested therein are part of what I’d like to do post-retirement. They also are a big part of what I did this summer at the cabin, before I set into more busy work+busking activities. Those exercises helped me mentally settle on and consent to this working path, which I was initially very anxious about (as described in the previous journal).
On the trauma healing side of things:
Some progress here and there on that in the last few months. However, the main focus has been on other more practical skills and inflows, which nonetheless are crucial for supporting trauma healing. From a systemic point of view, it’s clear that those activities have still helped trauma healing along - have helped maintain existing gains, and setup the foundation for future ones. I am a bit confused about if it would make sense to put more energy into trauma healing time, while I’m still so focused on some of the above activities.
On the digital self-care side:
I’ve been struggling with internet distractions, lately, during times of stress or travel. I have enjoyed basically ‘quitting the internet’ before. It does not feel right to force myself to quit it with a rule. I would much rather use a ‘change the habit’ rather than ‘reduce the habit’ approach (like Jacob wrote about on the blog). In this case, i can see removing internet from my house as attractive. However, I need internet to call my friends and do my home office work. So I’d like to make a way to effectively block most of the internet, based on my IP address, when I’m at home. That would be a nice DIY project.
In DIY repairs:
I’ve fixed:
- a leaky bathtub faucet
- holes in clothes by sewing
I’m in the process of fixing the broken hot water heater. That involved learning about electronics (multimeters etc). That also involved living without hot water which is pretty fine. (I tried cold showers for a week a few months ago and gave up. Would like to try that again but for 2 weeks)
I’ve done my laundry in a bathtub with a plunger and homemade detergent, instead of paying to use a washing machine.
In DIY food:
I learned to forage local berries and leaves to make salads. It’s amazing how the healthiest, most expensive foods category at the supermarket, in an ERE-style budget (produce), can be found for free almost anywhere.
In stuff acquisition/disposal:
I got acquainted with a local Free Store, which is an awesome source of stuff. It’s also a great place to give my stuff I don’t need anymore. I’ve also been attuned to opportunities to swap stuff with people, and just take stuff people don’t want. There’s a lot of waste to benefit from!
In exercise:
I got a regular bike cardio routine going. Struggling to add strength training and stretching reliably. I am going to fix my bike tires so I can keep riding in the snow/ice. HIIT also makes sense to do. One thing at a time, I guess. But also I guess I should just already be doing all these things, since they are so beneficial.
Hello all,
I drafted an update in December 2024, then I sat on it for 3 more months before deciding to post it now.
Apologies for the delay, which I explain below.
I basically just copy-pasted the draft I wrote in December, with a couple minor edits.
I’ll post a new update soon about the current state of life!
Thanks to everyone for your awesomely thoughtful replies.
All below is from December 2024:
Hi everyone,
Firstly, apologies for the long delay in the second post. I procrastinated for a couple reasons:
-Underestimated that anyone would even reply to my first post
-Became overwhelmed by the attention received; second-guessed if it’s really safe to post these details on the internet
-Over-thought about what to share next
Having thought it all through, I’m convinced it’s valuable to continue posting here. This is an amazing community. People are full of good advice and we are on a similar path, helping each other out.
Here’s an update:
In the past 6 months, I traveled to visit some chosen family, then returned to the celebration of life of my relative I mentioned before.
I then relocated, what I thought would be temporarily, to a cabin which is shared by my extended family. I realized that nobody really uses it.
I’m planning to cutoff completely from this family. So using the cabin like this was kind of a last hurrah before I can’t use it anymore. I haven’t used it for basically my whole adult life, because I felt bad about using things related to my family. But now that I’m so close to cutting off from them, I feel better about using it. (More about why I’m so close to cutting off, below)
I thought I would just live here for a few weeks, maybe 1-2 months, and then relocated back to where I was living before (overseas), or to a new place entirely.
But I found some things to really like about this tiny town and surrounding area:
- surprising existence of local communities related to my interests, hobbies, and cultural and political leanings
- bus service is just frequent enough to give me access to groceries, while still requiring lots of patience and planning - and best of all the ERE skill of bartering/asking for rides when the bus does not run (which is evenings and weekends)
- opportunities to try out busking (playing piano for money in public)
- a great milestone, to discover that yes, random people will give me real money to play in public. That’s been pretty cool. Now, as a band of one, I feel like I can be more of a bandleader, not just a member/follower.
- some other live music opportunities, some of which even are new adventures I haven’t tried before:
- a very prominent musical collaborator in a new style of music for me,
- a paid gig playing piano at a church
- Teaching piano privately for the first time
- nature is available, right when I leave my door. That’s great for my stress levels, to not have to pass through city to get to it.
- the less eventful pace of life here encourages me to focus on what’s really important, which is mostly either within myself and/or not location-specific anyway.
- it feels like a different country, even though it’s in the same country where I grew up - just because it’s so rural, and I grew up in a city. So it gives me an adventure.
- it’s easier to speak my native language here, so that helps with a lot of the networking sides of ERE praxis (e.g. bartering for rides, finding music opportunities, exchanging labor for free temporary housing when some family member wants to stay at the cabin temporarily)
Meanwhile, on the monetary/jobs side:
The cabin is free to live in, so it’s a no-brainer from an ERE perspective. It allows a savings rate of near 100% of income. I pay for some groceries, and a little bit of bus travel and incidentals. But my spending including rent, previously, was already at ERE levels (around 600-700 USD per month), so now I am at extremely dirt cheap levels. That is obviously great.
Even more important than the above: some grey-hat tech work I was doing, finally started to really pay off, big time. I am now making bank, much more than I have ever made before, on a monthly basis. It’s a mix between working person and salary person, in that if I work more, I do earn more, but the work is tied to salaried and contract jobs with full-time hours. It involves some ‘overemployment’ and some other strategies.
With that financial inflow happening, I’m able to realistically plan on being financially independent ‘enough’ (which I define as about halfway to 25x my annual expenses), to do two very meaningful things I’ve wanted to do ever since I was an adult:
-fully cutoff from my abusive nuclear family (while still staying in touch with some extended family)
-feel ok about not working that much, and maybe just working a little bit to get by, while money compounds - or continuing to work a lot, to save more.
I recognize, like the ERE book says about economics: The numbers attached to both of these above goals rely ultimately on subjective judgments about my own values. It’s somewhat personal (or ‘arbitrary’) why halfway to 25x annual expenses is the ‘right’ threshold before I can do these two things. But for whatever reason, it’s what I was able to settle on, in negotiation with myself.
I’m currently at 70% of ‘halfway to 25x’ my annual expenses. In early October (and for about the previous year before that), I was staying basically stuck at 50%. So I’ve made some very fast progress!
One of my main concerns now, is keeping up the pace of this work without burning out.
In terms of ‘life as a system,’ I see that busking on weekends really helps me avoid burning out, because it gives psychological ‘detachment from work’, and a sense of social usefulness/identity unrelated to my work (which will help when I ‘breakup from my career’ later, in Jacob’s words). Even if busking doesn’t make me nearly as much money as the work, it’s still a helpful part of the life-system that makes the work possible, which life system is also helped along by the work income! I see feedback loops there.
I am trying to decide between roughly these two options, or something in between. That’s probably my main dilemma right now:
- Work about 4 hours a day on this, plus being on call but barely working for the other 4 hours, to earn x amount per month.
- Reach halfway to 25x annual expenses, in about March 2025
- Better chance of keeping stamina to continue working and saving after that
- Work about 8 hours a day almost nonstop on this, and earn 2x that amount per month.
- Reach halfway to 25x annual expenses, in about end of January 2025
- Worse chance of keeping stamina to continue working after that
- Update from Mar 2025: I opted to work about 6 hours a day. I reached halfway to 25x annual expenses. Stamina has been ok so far. I stopped seeking new jobs/clients as aggressively. Interviewing less, cut down the stress a lot.
Smaller updates on smaller topics, which might not interest most readers:
On the ‘Die With Zero’ side of things:
I’ve been thinking a lot about the ‘little deaths’ that one dies throughout a lifespan, when different options close off to oneself - and the advice to be bold when young, to take risks when the downsides are not very great. One of those soon-closing options on my mind is traveling around as a young person, as someone the social world sees as young. A close chosen family member would like to live with me for a month or two in some very culturally new locations. I think I want to do it, since I work remotely anyway and might as well be bold. This would happen in the coming winter. Then, I don’t know, back to the cabin or somewhere else? In any case, the cabin will stop being a possibility in 1 year or less, because that’s when I plan to cutoff from the family.
Another soon-closing option on my mind is to date around a bit more while I am young. I’m very picky about who I want to date, if anyone at all, so I want to embrace that, while still doing it. Or on the other hand, maybe I just want to enjoy being desired, but never act on that with anyone. It’s another dilemma. I’ll only be young once, so I don’t want to ‘miss’ it!
On the spiritual side of things:
Bill Plotkin has been pretty interesting. I feel a lot of overlap with the cocoon stage.
On the mental side of things:
The book How to Make a Complete Map of Every Thought You Think was extremely helpful to me. I’ve been trying and failing to do stuff like that for 11 years. The exercises suggested therein are part of what I’d like to do post-retirement. They also are a big part of what I did this summer at the cabin, before I set into more busy work+busking activities. Those exercises helped me mentally settle on and consent to this working path, which I was initially very anxious about (as described in the previous journal).
On the trauma healing side of things:
Some progress here and there on that in the last few months. However, the main focus has been on other more practical skills and inflows, which nonetheless are crucial for supporting trauma healing. From a systemic point of view, it’s clear that those activities have still helped trauma healing along - have helped maintain existing gains, and setup the foundation for future ones. I am a bit confused about if it would make sense to put more energy into trauma healing time, while I’m still so focused on some of the above activities.
On the digital self-care side:
I’ve been struggling with internet distractions, lately, during times of stress or travel. I have enjoyed basically ‘quitting the internet’ before. It does not feel right to force myself to quit it with a rule. I would much rather use a ‘change the habit’ rather than ‘reduce the habit’ approach (like Jacob wrote about on the blog). In this case, i can see removing internet from my house as attractive. However, I need internet to call my friends and do my home office work. So I’d like to make a way to effectively block most of the internet, based on my IP address, when I’m at home. That would be a nice DIY project.
In DIY repairs:
I’ve fixed:
- a leaky bathtub faucet
- holes in clothes by sewing
I’m in the process of fixing the broken hot water heater. That involved learning about electronics (multimeters etc). That also involved living without hot water which is pretty fine. (I tried cold showers for a week a few months ago and gave up. Would like to try that again but for 2 weeks)
I’ve done my laundry in a bathtub with a plunger and homemade detergent, instead of paying to use a washing machine.
In DIY food:
I learned to forage local berries and leaves to make salads. It’s amazing how the healthiest, most expensive foods category at the supermarket, in an ERE-style budget (produce), can be found for free almost anywhere.
In stuff acquisition/disposal:
I got acquainted with a local Free Store, which is an awesome source of stuff. It’s also a great place to give my stuff I don’t need anymore. I’ve also been attuned to opportunities to swap stuff with people, and just take stuff people don’t want. There’s a lot of waste to benefit from!
In exercise:
I got a regular bike cardio routine going. Struggling to add strength training and stretching reliably. I am going to fix my bike tires so I can keep riding in the snow/ice. HIIT also makes sense to do. One thing at a time, I guess. But also I guess I should just already be doing all these things, since they are so beneficial.
Last edited by drummer on Thu Mar 20, 2025 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Update from March 2025:
Hi everyone,
After my epic update from last December, here is a shorter update about the state of life now!
I’m very grateful for the teachings of ERE. they’ve helped me change my life for the better and make great strides toward many of my most important goals, like leaving an abusive family of origin (which I haven’t done yet, but am about to), and giving myself financial stability for a lifestyle that prioritizes trauma healing and inner work (which can get volatile sometimes, and therefore benefits from stability in other areas of life).
I strongly benefited last summer from writing (and reading ertyu's reply) about the dilemna I faced then, which was choosing between:
-part-time working ‘just enough’ to survive, and thus enjoy maximal free time right now
-saving up the stash to retire as soon as possible
I can say from today’s vantage point, I really enjoy taking the second approach.
I’ve now saved more than half of the amount needed, to have 25x my annual expenses (so about 12.5x my annual expenses), and it feels like a huge load off my shoulders/mind. I don’t think about it that often, but when I do, I vaguely remember how stressful it used to feel to be in the ‘before’ days.
I’ve learned the skills to live extremely frugally, and that feels great. Even more than saving money, perhaps? Knowing how to live so cheaply (and well, while I’m at it), makes it far easier to imagine weathering life’s various storms.
But enough bragging about the positives of my journey! I wanted to share about challenges, learnings, and a dilemna I face:
Challenges/Learnings
I’ve found that, while traveling, my quality of life is lower than when I’m living in one place (at that cabin). There’s so much admin overhead brought by each new location.
I don’t know if I can improve that situation by learning more skills, or if that’s just how travel is for me.
I’ve also found that all this travel, really does interfere with healthy habits that I care about: eating pristinely, exercising very often rather than kind of often, and digital minimalism. My screen addiction has been making a real comeback.
I’ve learned that I really hate cities at this stage. I much prefer how the countryside is quiet, beautiful, and offers nature at one’s doorstep without any city in between. I resonate a bit with people in Bill Plotkin’s books, who he describes as reawakening their love/relationship with nature. I feel like I’m kind of early in that process, but still far enough along that it now pains me to go without nature. That hasn’t always been the case for me!
Dilemna
I’ve been traveling around for the last 3 months, living nomadically as I alternate between short and long stays in different countries. Some of the time was with friends (longer stays), occasionally doing creative music projects with them (which was quite fulfilling), and other times were shorter stays simply traveling to new locations (which I found most fulfilling when the locations were most extremely different and far from my previous homes).
I’m trying to decide now between two options:
1) continue the travel for about a month more, in which time I’d do the fast-ish travel in about 3 more countries, on the way back to the cabin which I call home at the moment, and which I’m missing. (and delay retirement/FI by about 12 days)
2) go home immediately (and save about $1500 in the process).
Complicating things emotionally, a little bit, is that I have an important milestone birthday coming up. I am feeling a bit of pressure internally to make up for lost time. I want to experience some things I didn’t get to do when I was younger, because for various reasons, I did not have a happy/normal childhood. I’ve done a lot of them, already. Most of them can be done while living anywhere. It’s been great to do them. But one of them I had in mind was to be in some new continents before I hit this age milestone.
Part of me sees how this travel is a silly, consumerist kind of thing to try to do. And also that I could do it in a much more frugal, ‘slow travel’, more enjoyable, kind of way, if I postpone it by about 1 more year until I’m fully retired/FI (and not working remotely at the same time).
But another part still wants to do it now, before I grow even older and thus experience/see these places through less youthful eyes! This is a bit of the ‘buy experiences’ part that Jacob wrote about on his blog, which part usually does not get to run the show of my life.
Sometimes it feels like I just want permission to go home. But my biggest fear preventing that, is the fear that later on, I’ll either:
-regret not doing the travel now
-be such a different person when I try to do the travel, that it won’t be satisfying or interesting anymore.
Some psychological self-analysis about the above dilemna, which is probably uninteresting to most readers:
People who’ve read Die With Zero, can probably see its (pernicious?) influence in my thought process about this traveling dilemna. I’m leaning toward doing something consumerist, polluting (with air travel), QOL-reducing (compared to living in one place), and expensive, because I’m concerned that at the end of some time period, I won’t have ‘gone to the max’ of what ‘experiences’ I could have had (basically bought). Just like that book would recommend! Am I a dupe of the ‘racket’ that is travel marketing, as Jacob wrote compellingly about on his blog? Maybe so. It feels like 'travelling before I'm old' is the last bastion of the 'inner consumer' that I've otherwise let go of, in all the other areas of my life.
If I wait to do this travel later, I’d do it in a very slow way, involving volunteering/Workaway or housesitting at most destinations. I’d spend way less money, and also be way more socially connected at each destination. My nervous system would be calmer throughout. I’d continue my healthy habits much more easily. It would be more like, a real “experience”, ironically. (I’ve done that too, before, in one foreign country, so I know it’s not a pie in the sky idea. It’s truly feasible for me.)
I notice this is something I always do in the face of big life transitions/death: make a bunch of fast moves to try to do as much as possible, with an emphasis on making “memories,” while feeling like I’m behind and making up for lost time.
It’s paid off very well in the case of my dying relative, whom I helped to dictate his autobiography. That was well worth it.
On the other hand, it kind of mucked up my final year of college. I spent that time so worked up about doing everything possible I could before I graduated, that I more or less burnt myself out, so that I did not really enjoy the experiences that much. I still have many funny, priceless memories and stories from that time, but I don’t have many memories of actually enjoying those at the time (nor life in general that year), if that makes sense.
So that’s probably a tendency to work on, in myself!
Hi everyone,
After my epic update from last December, here is a shorter update about the state of life now!
I’m very grateful for the teachings of ERE. they’ve helped me change my life for the better and make great strides toward many of my most important goals, like leaving an abusive family of origin (which I haven’t done yet, but am about to), and giving myself financial stability for a lifestyle that prioritizes trauma healing and inner work (which can get volatile sometimes, and therefore benefits from stability in other areas of life).
I strongly benefited last summer from writing (and reading ertyu's reply) about the dilemna I faced then, which was choosing between:
-part-time working ‘just enough’ to survive, and thus enjoy maximal free time right now
-saving up the stash to retire as soon as possible
I can say from today’s vantage point, I really enjoy taking the second approach.
I’ve now saved more than half of the amount needed, to have 25x my annual expenses (so about 12.5x my annual expenses), and it feels like a huge load off my shoulders/mind. I don’t think about it that often, but when I do, I vaguely remember how stressful it used to feel to be in the ‘before’ days.
I’ve learned the skills to live extremely frugally, and that feels great. Even more than saving money, perhaps? Knowing how to live so cheaply (and well, while I’m at it), makes it far easier to imagine weathering life’s various storms.
But enough bragging about the positives of my journey! I wanted to share about challenges, learnings, and a dilemna I face:
Challenges/Learnings
I’ve found that, while traveling, my quality of life is lower than when I’m living in one place (at that cabin). There’s so much admin overhead brought by each new location.
I don’t know if I can improve that situation by learning more skills, or if that’s just how travel is for me.
I’ve also found that all this travel, really does interfere with healthy habits that I care about: eating pristinely, exercising very often rather than kind of often, and digital minimalism. My screen addiction has been making a real comeback.
I’ve learned that I really hate cities at this stage. I much prefer how the countryside is quiet, beautiful, and offers nature at one’s doorstep without any city in between. I resonate a bit with people in Bill Plotkin’s books, who he describes as reawakening their love/relationship with nature. I feel like I’m kind of early in that process, but still far enough along that it now pains me to go without nature. That hasn’t always been the case for me!
Dilemna
I’ve been traveling around for the last 3 months, living nomadically as I alternate between short and long stays in different countries. Some of the time was with friends (longer stays), occasionally doing creative music projects with them (which was quite fulfilling), and other times were shorter stays simply traveling to new locations (which I found most fulfilling when the locations were most extremely different and far from my previous homes).
I’m trying to decide now between two options:
1) continue the travel for about a month more, in which time I’d do the fast-ish travel in about 3 more countries, on the way back to the cabin which I call home at the moment, and which I’m missing. (and delay retirement/FI by about 12 days)
2) go home immediately (and save about $1500 in the process).
Complicating things emotionally, a little bit, is that I have an important milestone birthday coming up. I am feeling a bit of pressure internally to make up for lost time. I want to experience some things I didn’t get to do when I was younger, because for various reasons, I did not have a happy/normal childhood. I’ve done a lot of them, already. Most of them can be done while living anywhere. It’s been great to do them. But one of them I had in mind was to be in some new continents before I hit this age milestone.
Part of me sees how this travel is a silly, consumerist kind of thing to try to do. And also that I could do it in a much more frugal, ‘slow travel’, more enjoyable, kind of way, if I postpone it by about 1 more year until I’m fully retired/FI (and not working remotely at the same time).
But another part still wants to do it now, before I grow even older and thus experience/see these places through less youthful eyes! This is a bit of the ‘buy experiences’ part that Jacob wrote about on his blog, which part usually does not get to run the show of my life.
Sometimes it feels like I just want permission to go home. But my biggest fear preventing that, is the fear that later on, I’ll either:
-regret not doing the travel now
-be such a different person when I try to do the travel, that it won’t be satisfying or interesting anymore.
Some psychological self-analysis about the above dilemna, which is probably uninteresting to most readers:
People who’ve read Die With Zero, can probably see its (pernicious?) influence in my thought process about this traveling dilemna. I’m leaning toward doing something consumerist, polluting (with air travel), QOL-reducing (compared to living in one place), and expensive, because I’m concerned that at the end of some time period, I won’t have ‘gone to the max’ of what ‘experiences’ I could have had (basically bought). Just like that book would recommend! Am I a dupe of the ‘racket’ that is travel marketing, as Jacob wrote compellingly about on his blog? Maybe so. It feels like 'travelling before I'm old' is the last bastion of the 'inner consumer' that I've otherwise let go of, in all the other areas of my life.
If I wait to do this travel later, I’d do it in a very slow way, involving volunteering/Workaway or housesitting at most destinations. I’d spend way less money, and also be way more socially connected at each destination. My nervous system would be calmer throughout. I’d continue my healthy habits much more easily. It would be more like, a real “experience”, ironically. (I’ve done that too, before, in one foreign country, so I know it’s not a pie in the sky idea. It’s truly feasible for me.)
I notice this is something I always do in the face of big life transitions/death: make a bunch of fast moves to try to do as much as possible, with an emphasis on making “memories,” while feeling like I’m behind and making up for lost time.
It’s paid off very well in the case of my dying relative, whom I helped to dictate his autobiography. That was well worth it.
On the other hand, it kind of mucked up my final year of college. I spent that time so worked up about doing everything possible I could before I graduated, that I more or less burnt myself out, so that I did not really enjoy the experiences that much. I still have many funny, priceless memories and stories from that time, but I don’t have many memories of actually enjoying those at the time (nor life in general that year), if that makes sense.
So that’s probably a tendency to work on, in myself!
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Do it now AND later. You've posed a false dychotomy to yourself. It's not either/or, the two experiences will be good in different ways even if you're going to the same country. You could watch yourself as you travel now: observe the consumerist parts, observe what the experience is really like for you. Compare the reality of the experience to the imagined experience. When you repeat it slow style later, you will have a basis of comparison. You will compare and contrast, and learn about yourself and about the world about the process. And you definitely will not have any regrets.
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Hey ertyu,
I really appreciate the idea, and I think I'll try that. Thanks for engaging again with my writings, despite the very long delay on my part! I've been enjoying your contributions on other people's journals as I lurk, I wanted to say as well.
I really appreciate the idea, and I think I'll try that. Thanks for engaging again with my writings, despite the very long delay on my part! I've been enjoying your contributions on other people's journals as I lurk, I wanted to say as well.
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Popping in here with a journal update after the 'fast travel' finished:
I think the fast travel was overall not very enjoyable, but that was sort of the point.
I checked off many destinations from my list of curiosities that I'd been wondering about for the last years. I had many weird and wonderful experiences with locals, art, culture, and nature, while I traveled on a shoestring. I learned a lot about myself and about human diversity. I got to do my bucket list thing of 'be young in different continents.' I didn't lose much money from the exercise, even though I still criticize it as consumerist, just because I still bought much more stuff than I would if I were at home. Yet, I kept feeling and knowing that I would be self-actualizing more, if I were living in one place. There is a depth to engagement and projects which I can't match while moving around so fast. Also, my health habits are more sustainable at home, especially the healthy cooking and the neurodivergent-friendly sensory self-care.
However, living in >1 month per location, I think I could match most of that depth. Still, the relationships would suffer. I benefit from some ongoing in-person relationships in my location, for friendship, networking, and especially music collaboration. I wonder how to slow travel and also live well with roots at home. Maybe I don't need to travel much at all anymore. When I imagine swearing off travel, it doesn't bother me.
I sort of boxed myself into a mindset of time scarcity, by thinking so much about what to do before I hit the birthday milestone. Now, I am trying to relax back into a more open perspective on time, not acting like I'm going to die before my next birthday! It was all something I saw coming, and still suffered through anyway
funny how that works.
Busking is getting a bit boring because the skill development side of it is less challenging than last season. I'm adding some singing and loop pedal to try to make it more challenging.
Someone wants me to teach them piano, but I'm conflicted about it. I feel like I'll be bored. On the other hand, the income robustness would go up. Maybe I should just try it and see how it feels.
I feel a renewed sense of interest in music composing, having realized over the birthday, how much the music I wrote means to me. Getting positive feedback on it from another professional musician I really respect, helped a lot. I want to join a composers'/songwriters' group, and find some way to do something more with the music I compose, than only busking it or keeping it tucked away like journal.
I'm currently a bit more than halfway to FI, earning about 10 months of freedom per every 1 month that I work, and that's in a light month! Some months I earn more. Monthly spending is back to pre-travel levels of about 300-400 USD per month (on easy mode because I don't pay rent). I expect to fully retire in about a year.
I'll need to eventually leave the extended family's place where I'm staying, as part of my plan to cutoff from family members. So that will involve some skill deployment, probably by finding a nearby work-trade place, like a place to park a trailer in exchange for helping out around the property. Fortunately, there are a lot of such places in this rural area, complete with owners who want to live communally in a socially conscious way - could be interesting, friendly, long-term relationships. I think it would be prudent to start trying out different places for that now, before I feel like I have to move out. There is no external pressure to move out, only the internal impetus that I know I want to cutoff from the family. What a relief that I am financially ready to cut off. That was the main blocker for so many stressful years. Now the other blocker is figuring out what archival stuff I want to take from childhood house/computers before I cut off.
I've been putting a lot of time into researching a medical thing I need to do, which will be very expensive, which I've been putting off for a while. It will hopefully improve QOL a lot.
My main anxiety the last few months, has been about how to fully self-actualize, and how to not waste time in my one finite lifespan and single day. I'm really trying to upskill in the economics and emotional areas in the ERE book, around assessing the value of activities, making decisions based on values, and not wasting time/effort/resources. Any sources or ideas on that topic would be much appreciated! I've been scouring the forum, too, for posts and discussions on that topic. The Refuse to Choose book, and Jacob's method of switching between several active creative projects, are the most top-of-mind sources on that these days. With this much freedom outside the traditional professional path with its locked-in life strategy, 'time management' and self-actualization is such a different ballgame! The problem really feels like one of more freedom and choices than I am used to. So it's even harder to feel ok with any choice I make.
I think the fast travel was overall not very enjoyable, but that was sort of the point.
I checked off many destinations from my list of curiosities that I'd been wondering about for the last years. I had many weird and wonderful experiences with locals, art, culture, and nature, while I traveled on a shoestring. I learned a lot about myself and about human diversity. I got to do my bucket list thing of 'be young in different continents.' I didn't lose much money from the exercise, even though I still criticize it as consumerist, just because I still bought much more stuff than I would if I were at home. Yet, I kept feeling and knowing that I would be self-actualizing more, if I were living in one place. There is a depth to engagement and projects which I can't match while moving around so fast. Also, my health habits are more sustainable at home, especially the healthy cooking and the neurodivergent-friendly sensory self-care.
However, living in >1 month per location, I think I could match most of that depth. Still, the relationships would suffer. I benefit from some ongoing in-person relationships in my location, for friendship, networking, and especially music collaboration. I wonder how to slow travel and also live well with roots at home. Maybe I don't need to travel much at all anymore. When I imagine swearing off travel, it doesn't bother me.
I sort of boxed myself into a mindset of time scarcity, by thinking so much about what to do before I hit the birthday milestone. Now, I am trying to relax back into a more open perspective on time, not acting like I'm going to die before my next birthday! It was all something I saw coming, and still suffered through anyway
funny how that works.Busking is getting a bit boring because the skill development side of it is less challenging than last season. I'm adding some singing and loop pedal to try to make it more challenging.
Someone wants me to teach them piano, but I'm conflicted about it. I feel like I'll be bored. On the other hand, the income robustness would go up. Maybe I should just try it and see how it feels.
I feel a renewed sense of interest in music composing, having realized over the birthday, how much the music I wrote means to me. Getting positive feedback on it from another professional musician I really respect, helped a lot. I want to join a composers'/songwriters' group, and find some way to do something more with the music I compose, than only busking it or keeping it tucked away like journal.
I'm currently a bit more than halfway to FI, earning about 10 months of freedom per every 1 month that I work, and that's in a light month! Some months I earn more. Monthly spending is back to pre-travel levels of about 300-400 USD per month (on easy mode because I don't pay rent). I expect to fully retire in about a year.
I'll need to eventually leave the extended family's place where I'm staying, as part of my plan to cutoff from family members. So that will involve some skill deployment, probably by finding a nearby work-trade place, like a place to park a trailer in exchange for helping out around the property. Fortunately, there are a lot of such places in this rural area, complete with owners who want to live communally in a socially conscious way - could be interesting, friendly, long-term relationships. I think it would be prudent to start trying out different places for that now, before I feel like I have to move out. There is no external pressure to move out, only the internal impetus that I know I want to cutoff from the family. What a relief that I am financially ready to cut off. That was the main blocker for so many stressful years. Now the other blocker is figuring out what archival stuff I want to take from childhood house/computers before I cut off.
I've been putting a lot of time into researching a medical thing I need to do, which will be very expensive, which I've been putting off for a while. It will hopefully improve QOL a lot.
My main anxiety the last few months, has been about how to fully self-actualize, and how to not waste time in my one finite lifespan and single day. I'm really trying to upskill in the economics and emotional areas in the ERE book, around assessing the value of activities, making decisions based on values, and not wasting time/effort/resources. Any sources or ideas on that topic would be much appreciated! I've been scouring the forum, too, for posts and discussions on that topic. The Refuse to Choose book, and Jacob's method of switching between several active creative projects, are the most top-of-mind sources on that these days. With this much freedom outside the traditional professional path with its locked-in life strategy, 'time management' and self-actualization is such a different ballgame! The problem really feels like one of more freedom and choices than I am used to. So it's even harder to feel ok with any choice I make.
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Thanks for sharing! Impressive that you went for the "fast travel". One thing I learned is that visitors see an entirely different view of a country compared to locals. For example, visitors to The Netherlands come to the tulip fields, the windmills, the centre of Amsterdam. These are not things Dutch people ever do. So what you see on travel is kind of a movie show.
As far as I know medical interventions are unlikely to improve quality of life. They are done when they are necessary, to prevent alternatives with even further degradation of quality of life.
You wrote "acting like I'm going to die before my next birthday", well said. Some people build a family and a home... where do they find time for that?
As far as I know medical interventions are unlikely to improve quality of life. They are done when they are necessary, to prevent alternatives with even further degradation of quality of life.
You wrote "acting like I'm going to die before my next birthday", well said. Some people build a family and a home... where do they find time for that?
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
I mean, OP clearly doesn't want to discuss the specifics and certainly knows about their own life more than you do; who are you to know whether a certain intervention will improve QOL or not? This is definitely the sort of topic where one can't assume one knows better than the person actually about to undergo whatever intervention it is, especially based on very general information. (FWIW, OP, you don't owe us or anyone a detailed account of what it is you're planning to do and why, godspeed with doing what you need to do to get to live the sort of life you want to live).
Re: DIY Trauma Therapy
Well I assume that if you post something in a public internet forum, you are looking for feedback. It's always good to talk to people who have undergone the intervention. In my experience many feel they should've listened better when their physician explained the risks and side effects.