There are not many high-quality blogs in this FI space, and most are in the early stages, which won't be that fruitful for someone who has been thinking about this stuff for a longer period of time.
I did want to share this blog, though, because it is thinking beyond the scope of financial capital and has a lot of great insights:
https://indeedably.com/
https://indeedably.com/metrics/ (Jacob is mentioned in this one)
https://indeedably.com/spending/
https://indeedably.com/how-i-money/
https://indeedably.com/why-dont-you-go- ... every-day/
https://indeedably.com/enough/
Some of these articles were posted years ago, so I need to read his posts and see how his thinking has evolved, but it is very ERE-centric.
Divan dan journal
Re: Divan dan journal
February Update
February Savings Rate: 16%
YTD Savings Rate: 9%
% TTM (Trailing Twelve Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 19% - I had to update these metrics to strip out our home equity from NW
% TSM (Trailing Six Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 20% - I had to update these metrics to strip out our home equity from NW
Life Updates
February continued to be an expensive month as we had to work on the attic project, and we paid a family friend to help with the electrical work as it relates to the attic. March and April will continue to be expensive, but then the rest of the year should cool down. We have also hit my wife's out-of-pocket maximum already, so the big health expenses are behind us. The low savings rate bums me out, but our NW went up a fair amount from a combination of the market going crazy, but really, the crypto in my portfolio is driving most of the gain. I have been executing sell limits and putting that back into our savings account or just paying down a little extra on our mortgage to make sure we are seeing a real-world benefit from these gains. I have been in the crypto game for a while to know when to take some money off the table.
We also owed some money on taxes, which took me down a rabbit hole of slightly changing my strategy for taxes (funding more into my 401k as well as HSA). I am pretty much at a point where I am trying to move away from individual stocks in my portfolio. I sold GLD this month and am just left with BLOK, QQQ, and then my cryptos. The rest of the money is either in 401k, Roth, Traditional IRA, or my after-tax Betterment portfolio. I am just trying to simplify this aspect of management in general.
Work has been insane, but I am starting to see the end of the tunnel. The second to last week of February had me working until 9 PM every night, and that was just with a quick break to eat something really quick. This brings into focus just how important ERE and FIRE are, and it has had me thinking about my options and how important they are. The most important thing, though, is getting our burn rate down, which should be reflected by the end of this year in the Trailing Six-month spending.
The other thing when you are working that much is that your interests and hobbies fall off a cliff. By the time I signed off from work, my brain was fried, and I was just ready for bed. It's not good, but it should get better in March.
Exercise
To manage work stress better, I have started to work out with my kettlebells again on a program, and it has been great. I am following the Swing Hard program, which has you completing a workout in 20 minutes that is comprised solely of kettlebell swings. It is a 12-week program that increases the volume and density of work during that time frame.
I am still playing tennis twice a week, and we are getting close to being able to play outside consistently. This will be nice as I can save a little bit of money by not paying for court time, and it is just nice to get sun while you play. I am looking forward to that.
Goals
Goals for next month include the low buy month with an extra rule in place. I can't buy any more books. I have a queue of about 45 unread books, so I need to put a pause on that. I am also planning on continuing the kettlebell program as well and just reeling in our food budget again.
Reading
I didn't get a chance to read too much this month, but I am working through GTD right now. GTD has been important to me as this project has ramped up. I need to be on top of my game to manage everything going on. The other important benefit of the system is just writing it down and not carrying that load mentally. After that, I may get into some of these short Thich Nhat Hanh books I bought, which are very compact and seem like quick reads (How to Love, How to Focus, How to Connect, and How to Relax). I also have Poor Charlie's Almanack in my queue which seems to align with financial and philosophical advice.
Gaming
I got back into a grindy type of co-op game this month called HellDivers 2. It is entertaining and enjoyable, and quick to hop into a game at night. I will probably continue playing this while I am having fun with it, understanding that the point of the game is to grind and level up and get better equipment and that may get old at some point.
Overall, I am just looking forward to this work project ending. This will give me more time to decompress and get back into my routine of reading, playing guitar, and just relaxing more. As mentioned, I am also really looking forward to the outdoor tennis season starting soon.
I have a camping trip planned with my friends in mid-March, and then we have two short vacations planned for May and July. I am also looking forward to the attic project being done and then hopefully having a reduced spend going forward with that project out of the way. Thanks for reading!
February Savings Rate: 16%
YTD Savings Rate: 9%
% TTM (Trailing Twelve Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 19% - I had to update these metrics to strip out our home equity from NW
% TSM (Trailing Six Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 20% - I had to update these metrics to strip out our home equity from NW
Life Updates
February continued to be an expensive month as we had to work on the attic project, and we paid a family friend to help with the electrical work as it relates to the attic. March and April will continue to be expensive, but then the rest of the year should cool down. We have also hit my wife's out-of-pocket maximum already, so the big health expenses are behind us. The low savings rate bums me out, but our NW went up a fair amount from a combination of the market going crazy, but really, the crypto in my portfolio is driving most of the gain. I have been executing sell limits and putting that back into our savings account or just paying down a little extra on our mortgage to make sure we are seeing a real-world benefit from these gains. I have been in the crypto game for a while to know when to take some money off the table.
We also owed some money on taxes, which took me down a rabbit hole of slightly changing my strategy for taxes (funding more into my 401k as well as HSA). I am pretty much at a point where I am trying to move away from individual stocks in my portfolio. I sold GLD this month and am just left with BLOK, QQQ, and then my cryptos. The rest of the money is either in 401k, Roth, Traditional IRA, or my after-tax Betterment portfolio. I am just trying to simplify this aspect of management in general.
Work has been insane, but I am starting to see the end of the tunnel. The second to last week of February had me working until 9 PM every night, and that was just with a quick break to eat something really quick. This brings into focus just how important ERE and FIRE are, and it has had me thinking about my options and how important they are. The most important thing, though, is getting our burn rate down, which should be reflected by the end of this year in the Trailing Six-month spending.
The other thing when you are working that much is that your interests and hobbies fall off a cliff. By the time I signed off from work, my brain was fried, and I was just ready for bed. It's not good, but it should get better in March.
Exercise
To manage work stress better, I have started to work out with my kettlebells again on a program, and it has been great. I am following the Swing Hard program, which has you completing a workout in 20 minutes that is comprised solely of kettlebell swings. It is a 12-week program that increases the volume and density of work during that time frame.
I am still playing tennis twice a week, and we are getting close to being able to play outside consistently. This will be nice as I can save a little bit of money by not paying for court time, and it is just nice to get sun while you play. I am looking forward to that.
Goals
Goals for next month include the low buy month with an extra rule in place. I can't buy any more books. I have a queue of about 45 unread books, so I need to put a pause on that. I am also planning on continuing the kettlebell program as well and just reeling in our food budget again.
Reading
I didn't get a chance to read too much this month, but I am working through GTD right now. GTD has been important to me as this project has ramped up. I need to be on top of my game to manage everything going on. The other important benefit of the system is just writing it down and not carrying that load mentally. After that, I may get into some of these short Thich Nhat Hanh books I bought, which are very compact and seem like quick reads (How to Love, How to Focus, How to Connect, and How to Relax). I also have Poor Charlie's Almanack in my queue which seems to align with financial and philosophical advice.
Gaming
I got back into a grindy type of co-op game this month called HellDivers 2. It is entertaining and enjoyable, and quick to hop into a game at night. I will probably continue playing this while I am having fun with it, understanding that the point of the game is to grind and level up and get better equipment and that may get old at some point.
Overall, I am just looking forward to this work project ending. This will give me more time to decompress and get back into my routine of reading, playing guitar, and just relaxing more. As mentioned, I am also really looking forward to the outdoor tennis season starting soon.
I have a camping trip planned with my friends in mid-March, and then we have two short vacations planned for May and July. I am also looking forward to the attic project being done and then hopefully having a reduced spend going forward with that project out of the way. Thanks for reading!
Re: Divan dan journal
Apologies for the late post
YTD Update
March Savings Rate: -90%
YTD Savings Rate: -23%
% TTM (Trailing Twelve Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 18%
% TSM (Trailing Six Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 16%
Life Updates
March continued to be an expensive month from a spending standpoint. We paid for the HVAC mini splits to be installed in our attic, paid half of the deposit for the general contractor, and also had to pay the electrician to expand our amperage to support the new HVACs. Our piece of the attic project also finished which was finishing the framing and subfloor. I'd estimate that we saved about 12-15K doing that part ourselves. The project was a huge undertaking, and the general contractors are working on finishing the attic this month. April will be expensive as this wraps up, and then it should be smooth sailing from a spending standpoint after that. I don't think I have it in me to do another large-scale project like this, which includes finishing a whole floor minus plumbing. Thankfully, I can handle the rest of the little projects that we have to do around the house, and it will not be expensive. One of those projects will be leveling the driveway behind to expand our parking area, which will be solved mostly by sweat equity.
The big work project I have been working on this whole year also closed in March. There was a lot of pressure for it to close in March as that is the end of our fiscal year. It was probably the most challenging project I have ever worked on (divestiture of two separate business units), so I am very glad it is done. Now that it is over, I feel extremely proud of this project and have been taking some time to relax and use up the vacation days I didn't get a chance to while this project was still active. Unfortunately, in this line of work, you now need to build up the pipeline again and find the next thing, but it should be a more normal work-life balance until then.
Exercise
Despite the hectic work schedule in March, I was still able to play tennis 8 times. Now the weather is warming up, and we are getting outside, which makes it more fun and free! I have a network built up at this point where I can easily get games going 2 to 3 times a week, and I love it. I have also been reading the Everyday Systems site and podcast. I have started to implement some of his techniques to get the kettlebell lifting going again. He said his magic number is 14 minutes of exercise because no meeting is less than 15 minutes, and the time requirement is almost comical. What is my excuse for not making this happen regularly? His site is great, by the way. It's a combination of systems thinking and tiny habits and other things he has picked up over 20+ years of his writing career. Check him out; he is not only practical but funny with some of the names he has given his habits.
No Buy
No-buy continues to be a success. This past month, I didn't purchase any books, games, or clothing. I will continue to keep this going and try to get these services by other means, and I hope that changes my mindset over time to not solve all problems with money.
Hobbies
I started FF7 Rebirth in March and have been consumed by this game. I had a rule where I try and play games on the shorter side for that reason. This game is incredible and is massive. There is also a strong sense of nostalgia, as the original is one of my favorite games of all time. The attention to detail and world building is truly amazing. Needless to say, most of my free time at night has been spent playing this game. I read that it can be anywhere from 80-150 hours, depending on how much you want to do in the game. As a result, I have been staying up late at night playing this game and haven't been reading much at all. I will get back to reading as soon as I finish this. This is definitely one of the downsides to working, as you really have to pick and choose where you spend your limited time, but I also am having such a blast with the game that I don't regret it.
Focus areas going forward
YTD Update
March Savings Rate: -90%
YTD Savings Rate: -23%
% TTM (Trailing Twelve Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 18%
% TSM (Trailing Six Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 16%
Life Updates
March continued to be an expensive month from a spending standpoint. We paid for the HVAC mini splits to be installed in our attic, paid half of the deposit for the general contractor, and also had to pay the electrician to expand our amperage to support the new HVACs. Our piece of the attic project also finished which was finishing the framing and subfloor. I'd estimate that we saved about 12-15K doing that part ourselves. The project was a huge undertaking, and the general contractors are working on finishing the attic this month. April will be expensive as this wraps up, and then it should be smooth sailing from a spending standpoint after that. I don't think I have it in me to do another large-scale project like this, which includes finishing a whole floor minus plumbing. Thankfully, I can handle the rest of the little projects that we have to do around the house, and it will not be expensive. One of those projects will be leveling the driveway behind to expand our parking area, which will be solved mostly by sweat equity.
The big work project I have been working on this whole year also closed in March. There was a lot of pressure for it to close in March as that is the end of our fiscal year. It was probably the most challenging project I have ever worked on (divestiture of two separate business units), so I am very glad it is done. Now that it is over, I feel extremely proud of this project and have been taking some time to relax and use up the vacation days I didn't get a chance to while this project was still active. Unfortunately, in this line of work, you now need to build up the pipeline again and find the next thing, but it should be a more normal work-life balance until then.
Exercise
Despite the hectic work schedule in March, I was still able to play tennis 8 times. Now the weather is warming up, and we are getting outside, which makes it more fun and free! I have a network built up at this point where I can easily get games going 2 to 3 times a week, and I love it. I have also been reading the Everyday Systems site and podcast. I have started to implement some of his techniques to get the kettlebell lifting going again. He said his magic number is 14 minutes of exercise because no meeting is less than 15 minutes, and the time requirement is almost comical. What is my excuse for not making this happen regularly? His site is great, by the way. It's a combination of systems thinking and tiny habits and other things he has picked up over 20+ years of his writing career. Check him out; he is not only practical but funny with some of the names he has given his habits.
No Buy
No-buy continues to be a success. This past month, I didn't purchase any books, games, or clothing. I will continue to keep this going and try to get these services by other means, and I hope that changes my mindset over time to not solve all problems with money.
Hobbies
I started FF7 Rebirth in March and have been consumed by this game. I had a rule where I try and play games on the shorter side for that reason. This game is incredible and is massive. There is also a strong sense of nostalgia, as the original is one of my favorite games of all time. The attention to detail and world building is truly amazing. Needless to say, most of my free time at night has been spent playing this game. I read that it can be anywhere from 80-150 hours, depending on how much you want to do in the game. As a result, I have been staying up late at night playing this game and haven't been reading much at all. I will get back to reading as soon as I finish this. This is definitely one of the downsides to working, as you really have to pick and choose where you spend your limited time, but I also am having such a blast with the game that I don't regret it.
Focus areas going forward
- Finish the attic so that I can start to build up our savings rate again. As mentioned, this is the last big project we are doing this year unless there is an emergency that needs fixing
- Continue no buy
- Start up some of the ideas in Everday Systems, such as the 14 minutes of exercise (kettlebells in my case)
- Replace unhealthy food options with lower calorie-dense foods
- Continue tennis and the community associated with it
Re: Divan dan journal
Long overdue update
YTD Update
May Savings Rate: 30%
YTD Savings Rate: -9%
% TTM (Trailing Twelve Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 22%
% TSM (Trailing Six Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 15%
The YTD savings rate is still negative, but we are happy to report that we finished the attic and made the last payment to the contractors at the beginning of June. This was a massively expensive project, specifically for two expenses we didn't factor in to be as costly. Installing the HVACs and expanding the amperage. The good news is the spending is behind us, and we now have a fully finished floor in our house. We will use that floor as a guest room and an office for one of us to work in. I have reflected the project's cost in our updated net worth because I figure the value of it has to be at least the cost of the project. We won't be rushing to add this as formal extra square footage, though, as that will surely kick up our tax bill.
In other exciting news, we are happy to announce that we will have a baby at the end of November. We were trying naturally for a while with no success and went down the IVF route around the fall of last year. It was a very stressful process, emotionally as well as financially. Thankfully, my wife's insurance covered the costs of that expense (we still had to hit the deductible). This made it more manageable, and I am unsure what route we would have gone down if my wife had not had this benefit through work.
This is to say that the crazy work project, attic, and, at least, the baby-making process are behind us. All three were stressors in their own right, but having them all go on simultaneously was a lot to deal with. I kept reminding myself that this, too, shall pass, and I do think it strengthened our overall relationship.
Now, we are starting the fun process of arranging the nursery, etc. Summer overall should be on the quiet side before we ramp up with the fall and the baby coming at the end of November.
Financially
June should be a good month as my bonus gets paid out midway through the month. From a savings perspective, I think we may end up breaking even at the end of June from a YTD perspective. It will also be weird not to have a couple thousand of expenses hit for something house-related. All in all we should be able to save throughout the summer. We have one trip to Wisconsin that we have already paid for the flights. Our house fund is currently tapped, so even if we wanted to do a project, we couldn't. There is one project that is just labor that I want to do this summer, which will widen our back parking spot.
Habits
I have shifted my goals from monthly to daily habits. You are really a product of the habits you develop daily, or at least on a consistent basis.
These habits include daily reading (during the week), exercising a certain number of times, and experimenting with the No S Diet.
The No S Diet is essentially "No snacks, no sweets, no seconds, except sometimes on days that start with an S". I have been following this now for almost 7 days and am down roughly 3/4 pounds. It is easy enough to maintain during the week, and then you have something to look forward to during the weekends. It also doesn't really exclude any foods as long as they fit on a plate and you don't grab seconds. It also helps that you can remember the whole diet with a few words. Linking the full idea behind it below. I plan on keeping this up as maintenance, as so far, this seems to be a breeze.
https://everydaysystems.com/podcast/episode/83/
I really like his approach to things and find him extremely relatable since he is a systems thinker, has a full-time job, and has three kids. His ideas, overall, really resonate with me.
With the weather getting warmer, I am also continuing to play tennis two to three times a week. I also created a little DIY home gym system with a metal bar and some resistance bands. I was getting bored with the repetitive nature of the kettlebell work I was doing, so it was time to mix it up a little bit.
Reading
Books read since the last update:
Discipline equals Freedom
A Simple Book of Strength
The Retro Future
Future Scenarios
I really enjoyed reading The Retro Future and Future Scenarios back to back. Even though the topics were heavy, I think both books complemented each other well. I think both books did a great job of establishing what the problem is and what the problems/issues will be. I now see so much overlap between this problem statement and how ERE hopes to tackle it, which is by using fewer resources, becoming more resourceful, and needing less (or at least the ability to solve problems internally).
I wanted to change up the topics and am now back to reading some books about CPTSD. With my family we are going to have to better establish some boundaries in preparation for the baby. I want my kid to not experience the same family dynamics that I did growing up, and I want to do the internal work now to make that a reality for him.
The books I am working through are "Cptsd From Surviving To Thriving" and "The Tao Of Fully Feeling." Both books are by Pete Walker, who has specialized in this field and has direct experience in it.
Focus Areas
Continue with my daily habits
Prepare stuff around the house for the baby
Get a little lifting routine going
Continue playing tennis
Thanks for reading!
YTD Update
May Savings Rate: 30%
YTD Savings Rate: -9%
% TTM (Trailing Twelve Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 22%
% TSM (Trailing Six Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 15%
The YTD savings rate is still negative, but we are happy to report that we finished the attic and made the last payment to the contractors at the beginning of June. This was a massively expensive project, specifically for two expenses we didn't factor in to be as costly. Installing the HVACs and expanding the amperage. The good news is the spending is behind us, and we now have a fully finished floor in our house. We will use that floor as a guest room and an office for one of us to work in. I have reflected the project's cost in our updated net worth because I figure the value of it has to be at least the cost of the project. We won't be rushing to add this as formal extra square footage, though, as that will surely kick up our tax bill.
In other exciting news, we are happy to announce that we will have a baby at the end of November. We were trying naturally for a while with no success and went down the IVF route around the fall of last year. It was a very stressful process, emotionally as well as financially. Thankfully, my wife's insurance covered the costs of that expense (we still had to hit the deductible). This made it more manageable, and I am unsure what route we would have gone down if my wife had not had this benefit through work.
This is to say that the crazy work project, attic, and, at least, the baby-making process are behind us. All three were stressors in their own right, but having them all go on simultaneously was a lot to deal with. I kept reminding myself that this, too, shall pass, and I do think it strengthened our overall relationship.
Now, we are starting the fun process of arranging the nursery, etc. Summer overall should be on the quiet side before we ramp up with the fall and the baby coming at the end of November.
Financially
June should be a good month as my bonus gets paid out midway through the month. From a savings perspective, I think we may end up breaking even at the end of June from a YTD perspective. It will also be weird not to have a couple thousand of expenses hit for something house-related. All in all we should be able to save throughout the summer. We have one trip to Wisconsin that we have already paid for the flights. Our house fund is currently tapped, so even if we wanted to do a project, we couldn't. There is one project that is just labor that I want to do this summer, which will widen our back parking spot.
Habits
I have shifted my goals from monthly to daily habits. You are really a product of the habits you develop daily, or at least on a consistent basis.
These habits include daily reading (during the week), exercising a certain number of times, and experimenting with the No S Diet.
The No S Diet is essentially "No snacks, no sweets, no seconds, except sometimes on days that start with an S". I have been following this now for almost 7 days and am down roughly 3/4 pounds. It is easy enough to maintain during the week, and then you have something to look forward to during the weekends. It also doesn't really exclude any foods as long as they fit on a plate and you don't grab seconds. It also helps that you can remember the whole diet with a few words. Linking the full idea behind it below. I plan on keeping this up as maintenance, as so far, this seems to be a breeze.
https://everydaysystems.com/podcast/episode/83/
I really like his approach to things and find him extremely relatable since he is a systems thinker, has a full-time job, and has three kids. His ideas, overall, really resonate with me.
With the weather getting warmer, I am also continuing to play tennis two to three times a week. I also created a little DIY home gym system with a metal bar and some resistance bands. I was getting bored with the repetitive nature of the kettlebell work I was doing, so it was time to mix it up a little bit.
Reading
Books read since the last update:
Discipline equals Freedom
A Simple Book of Strength
The Retro Future
Future Scenarios
I really enjoyed reading The Retro Future and Future Scenarios back to back. Even though the topics were heavy, I think both books complemented each other well. I think both books did a great job of establishing what the problem is and what the problems/issues will be. I now see so much overlap between this problem statement and how ERE hopes to tackle it, which is by using fewer resources, becoming more resourceful, and needing less (or at least the ability to solve problems internally).
I wanted to change up the topics and am now back to reading some books about CPTSD. With my family we are going to have to better establish some boundaries in preparation for the baby. I want my kid to not experience the same family dynamics that I did growing up, and I want to do the internal work now to make that a reality for him.
The books I am working through are "Cptsd From Surviving To Thriving" and "The Tao Of Fully Feeling." Both books are by Pete Walker, who has specialized in this field and has direct experience in it.
Focus Areas
Continue with my daily habits
Prepare stuff around the house for the baby
Get a little lifting routine going
Continue playing tennis
Thanks for reading!
Re: Divan dan journal
Thanks for your journal update and congratulations on becoming a father! From your link to The No S Diet:
I've managed to reach a healthy weight with intermittent fasting, for me an eating window between 14:00 and 20:00. Like the No S Diet, this focuses on when you eat, not what you eat. For some reason it works. Of course seven days and 3/4th of a pound is just the start of any weight loss journey. Looking forward to read how the No S Diet works out for you!My next bold claim is that this problem of overeating is primarily a psychological problem, specifically, a problem of self-deception. We are motivated to overeat for many reasons – emotional comfort, self-hatred, because food just tastes good. But those motivations have been around forever, even before we all started giving into them and getting fat in the 1980s. What changed? Superabundance, sure, calories became cheap and convenient, a tipping point was reached. But also, partly in response to this, and even more importantly, we stopped limiting our eating to meals.
Re: Divan dan journal
Thank you for the kind words!
Yes, I had a lot of success with IF prior, and as they say, compliance is the science.
One thing I like so far about the No S Diet is that it eliminates snacking during the week and therefore it has made me start eating breakfast again. I feel that eating breakfast instead of skipping it makes me eat less for lunch and dinner. I will keep you posted on my progress!
Yes, I had a lot of success with IF prior, and as they say, compliance is the science.
One thing I like so far about the No S Diet is that it eliminates snacking during the week and therefore it has made me start eating breakfast again. I feel that eating breakfast instead of skipping it makes me eat less for lunch and dinner. I will keep you posted on my progress!
Re: Divan dan journal
YTD Update
June Savings Rate: 36%
YTD Savings Rate: 2%
% TTM (Trailing Twelve Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 22%
% TSM (Trailing Six Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 14%
I am happy to have broken even and have a positive savings rate on a YTD (June) basis. We were excited to have made the last payment for the attic on the first Friday of the month, but then that following Friday, we ended up having a really bad leak that was coming from our upstairs bathroom, flowing through the walls and flooding our basement. Thankfully, our basement is unfinished, so it didn't damage anything. Cleaning it was easy, but it was still really upsetting. We had plumbers come that next Saturday; they cut a hole in our plaster wall and could not locate the leak. They said they would come the following Monday, and if they couldn't locate the leak through the dining room, they would have to demo the bathroom to find it. I got a pit in my stomach thinking about that having to happen. Thankfully, that Monday, they were able to cut one more hole in the dining room and find the leak. The leak was caused by our drainage pipe, which was cut when the house was flipped. I guess the pressure built over time resulted in this massive leak. All in all, they were able to find it quickly and fix it, but there was another 1,800 dollars gone to fix that. I think I jinxed myself by saying the big house expenses are behind us, so now I won't say anything!
Finances
We had a solid month of saving money because my year-end bonus was paid out. Going forward, we should be able to continue saving in July and August.
Inner Work
As mentioned in the previous thread, I have continued to work on my inner work. A lot of this work involves my family, enacting boundaries with them, and breaking the dysfunctional cycle with myself and our child.
The work I have been primarily doing has been around EMDR. EMDR is a somatic therapy that lets you feel the feelings and then reprocess and reintegrate them in a more healthy way. Many of those feelings are around boundaries and saying no to my family. Some of these emotions were intense prior and would put me back into flashbacks, essentially reliving it as I did when I was a child and younger. When you first do EMDR, you focus on a particular feeling you are trying to work through. When you are first processing this, the emotions are intense and overwhelming, and the after-effects can also be quite strong as you are getting close to the source. Over time, though, you end up reprocessing them, and they lose their edge, or you just notice them quickly, and they dissipate. Noticing more but suffering less is something that you see in Buddhism and mindfulness as well.
I had four EMDR sessions in the month of June, and the progress has been night and day. Some of these flashbacks and the space that this rumination takes up have lightened so much. It is almost like optimizing a hard drive and freeing up space. I notice myself being more present, grounded, and really in tune with my body. I have noticed that I can have hard conversations with my wife, and there is less aversion to this and less disengagement. I have also noticed the freezing pattern of procrastination has also lightened. I highly recommend doing this work or researching other somatic therapies. Peter A. Levine is also a great resource in this field, as he created Somatic Experiencing.
I will continue to do this work with my therapist, but I also think over time, we may move back to more of a bi-weekly schedule as I gain the ability to self-regulate and work through the emotions in a more healthy manner over time.
Habits
The No S diet continues to be a success and easy to maintain. I also look forward to the weekends where I can loosen up a bit. I am down roughly 10 pounds from when I started. I think it also helps that it has been so hot, and I have continued to play tennis. Right around the time the No S diet becomes difficult, it is already the weekend, and you have some snacks to look forward to. It is also great since no foods are excluded from the diet.
I have continued my daily reading habit and exercising a certain amount of times per month.
The tennis season continues, and I have been playing about three times per week. We typically do not play during peak heat, but it has just been so hot recently still. I typically bring two big water bottles to tennis, finishing them before we are done playing. I love it and hope to be able to play once the baby arrives.
Baby
My wife is around halfway through her pregnancy. She is doing well and is still quite active at the moment. She has been trying to walk as much as she can for health benefits. We have started to work on the nursery and put together the crib. My SIL has a 13-month-old baby, so she has given us a lot of stuff that we can use and don't have to buy. My one friend also gave us two bags of clothing. So far we have not spent much money on preparing for this. My wife has already maxed out her deductible which is also nice for when we get to the delivery time.
Reading
Books read:
Goodbye Things
Healing Trauma - Peter A. Levine
Focus Areas
Looking forward to our trip to the Osh Kosh air show in mid-July
Continue to play tennis and, enjoy the summer months with it being quiet at work
Continue to prepare for the baby
Continue daily habits
Save money in July and August
Thanks for reading!
June Savings Rate: 36%
YTD Savings Rate: 2%
% TTM (Trailing Twelve Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 22%
% TSM (Trailing Six Months) covered by NW @ 4%: 14%
I am happy to have broken even and have a positive savings rate on a YTD (June) basis. We were excited to have made the last payment for the attic on the first Friday of the month, but then that following Friday, we ended up having a really bad leak that was coming from our upstairs bathroom, flowing through the walls and flooding our basement. Thankfully, our basement is unfinished, so it didn't damage anything. Cleaning it was easy, but it was still really upsetting. We had plumbers come that next Saturday; they cut a hole in our plaster wall and could not locate the leak. They said they would come the following Monday, and if they couldn't locate the leak through the dining room, they would have to demo the bathroom to find it. I got a pit in my stomach thinking about that having to happen. Thankfully, that Monday, they were able to cut one more hole in the dining room and find the leak. The leak was caused by our drainage pipe, which was cut when the house was flipped. I guess the pressure built over time resulted in this massive leak. All in all, they were able to find it quickly and fix it, but there was another 1,800 dollars gone to fix that. I think I jinxed myself by saying the big house expenses are behind us, so now I won't say anything!
Finances
We had a solid month of saving money because my year-end bonus was paid out. Going forward, we should be able to continue saving in July and August.
Inner Work
As mentioned in the previous thread, I have continued to work on my inner work. A lot of this work involves my family, enacting boundaries with them, and breaking the dysfunctional cycle with myself and our child.
The work I have been primarily doing has been around EMDR. EMDR is a somatic therapy that lets you feel the feelings and then reprocess and reintegrate them in a more healthy way. Many of those feelings are around boundaries and saying no to my family. Some of these emotions were intense prior and would put me back into flashbacks, essentially reliving it as I did when I was a child and younger. When you first do EMDR, you focus on a particular feeling you are trying to work through. When you are first processing this, the emotions are intense and overwhelming, and the after-effects can also be quite strong as you are getting close to the source. Over time, though, you end up reprocessing them, and they lose their edge, or you just notice them quickly, and they dissipate. Noticing more but suffering less is something that you see in Buddhism and mindfulness as well.
I had four EMDR sessions in the month of June, and the progress has been night and day. Some of these flashbacks and the space that this rumination takes up have lightened so much. It is almost like optimizing a hard drive and freeing up space. I notice myself being more present, grounded, and really in tune with my body. I have noticed that I can have hard conversations with my wife, and there is less aversion to this and less disengagement. I have also noticed the freezing pattern of procrastination has also lightened. I highly recommend doing this work or researching other somatic therapies. Peter A. Levine is also a great resource in this field, as he created Somatic Experiencing.
I will continue to do this work with my therapist, but I also think over time, we may move back to more of a bi-weekly schedule as I gain the ability to self-regulate and work through the emotions in a more healthy manner over time.
Habits
The No S diet continues to be a success and easy to maintain. I also look forward to the weekends where I can loosen up a bit. I am down roughly 10 pounds from when I started. I think it also helps that it has been so hot, and I have continued to play tennis. Right around the time the No S diet becomes difficult, it is already the weekend, and you have some snacks to look forward to. It is also great since no foods are excluded from the diet.
I have continued my daily reading habit and exercising a certain amount of times per month.
The tennis season continues, and I have been playing about three times per week. We typically do not play during peak heat, but it has just been so hot recently still. I typically bring two big water bottles to tennis, finishing them before we are done playing. I love it and hope to be able to play once the baby arrives.
Baby
My wife is around halfway through her pregnancy. She is doing well and is still quite active at the moment. She has been trying to walk as much as she can for health benefits. We have started to work on the nursery and put together the crib. My SIL has a 13-month-old baby, so she has given us a lot of stuff that we can use and don't have to buy. My one friend also gave us two bags of clothing. So far we have not spent much money on preparing for this. My wife has already maxed out her deductible which is also nice for when we get to the delivery time.
Reading
Books read:
Goodbye Things
Healing Trauma - Peter A. Levine
Focus Areas
Looking forward to our trip to the Osh Kosh air show in mid-July
Continue to play tennis and, enjoy the summer months with it being quiet at work
Continue to prepare for the baby
Continue daily habits
Save money in July and August
Thanks for reading!
Re: Divan dan journal
your experience with emdr tracks with mine. glad for you, your family, and your child. everyone deserves that lightness and freedom. over time, you won't need the therapist to do it, either, because once you know to trust the process, you can stay with any intensity that happens to come up. though if you do have access to a qualified professional, why not take advantage.
I loved goodbye things.
awesome blog post, hope things go well for you and yours
I loved goodbye things.
awesome blog post, hope things go well for you and yours
Re: Divan dan journal
Thanks, Ertyu, for the kind words. Embarking on the journey, especially those first few sessions before you gain the inner tools to process, was hard and scary but also worth it.
I'm curious if you've found any other practices you like to do that can help you tune in somatically. I've explored a ton through qigong, yoga, etc., but I wanted to see what else you have found helpful. Thanks!
I'm curious if you've found any other practices you like to do that can help you tune in somatically. I've explored a ton through qigong, yoga, etc., but I wanted to see what else you have found helpful. Thanks!
Re: Divan dan journal
somatic, idk. I pushed it through to meditation, though that wasn't by design. I'd do eye movement sessions at home alone and just let the chain of what comes up come up. In actual proper emdr, you're meant to return to the og memory, you're meant to clear one out before identifying a new "target." But I guess going w it free-form and moving my eyes while at it is what got me to learn how to stay w an inner process for a period of time -- i finally developed access concentration, i believe. Over time, doing emdr transformed into things arising and dissipating rather that this intense process of being firehosed with your trauma on its way out (though there was plenty of that in the beginning). So now I'm trying to learn how to meditate correctly, I think I'm still quite a mess at it. I guess as an INFP im pretty tuned in somatically to start with, i've always been about feeling things in my body. When I meditate, focus on "inner sensations" for lack of a better word predominates. I also came into this through focusing, which i've realized is a type of practice. A fun thing about it is, eugene gendlin who developed it seems to have pushed into high equanimity with it, he's on video on youtube talking about him being "over here" and the "felt sense" being "over there" which as per the pragmatic dharma folks, this distance between the observer and the observed is characteristic of pretty high meditation levels, so i thought that was fun.
These days I'd do emdr as needed. When something sets me off, I go to see what it's about. Even though I've done no formal proper meditation practice, my thought chatter has died down. EMDR, though, isn't enough as a practice. You need to combine it with reality. Reality is what triggers the shit out of me haha. So, I could be feeling very zen and chill and not realize there's family of origin stuff still left to work on until some childhood/teen years dynamic gets activated in my current relationship and i spiral with hurt and grief which i then use emdr to get a hold of. EMDR on its own might not have pulled out "all of that." Also, right now, EMDR is pulling out bigger patterns rather than particular memories so much. On the whole it's working for me, and it works to reduce my suffering in daily life, so im sticking with it.
These days I'd do emdr as needed. When something sets me off, I go to see what it's about. Even though I've done no formal proper meditation practice, my thought chatter has died down. EMDR, though, isn't enough as a practice. You need to combine it with reality. Reality is what triggers the shit out of me haha. So, I could be feeling very zen and chill and not realize there's family of origin stuff still left to work on until some childhood/teen years dynamic gets activated in my current relationship and i spiral with hurt and grief which i then use emdr to get a hold of. EMDR on its own might not have pulled out "all of that." Also, right now, EMDR is pulling out bigger patterns rather than particular memories so much. On the whole it's working for me, and it works to reduce my suffering in daily life, so im sticking with it.
Re: Divan dan journal
Thanks for the response! You are not the first person to mention Gendlin, so this is something I need to look into.
I am getting to your same thought process, but I got to the destination slightly differently. I had a decent amount of meditation experience before starting EMDR, but I felt like I never moved up the stages in any meaningful way. EMDR has finally allowed me to learn to emote and get in tune with the body sensations and the messages they are sending me.
I feel that now I am primed to go back to insight meditation or something like Shinzen's (See, Hear, Feel, I have had success with prior).
Noticing more but suffering less is a quote I keep going back to that resonates with me.
I am getting to your same thought process, but I got to the destination slightly differently. I had a decent amount of meditation experience before starting EMDR, but I felt like I never moved up the stages in any meaningful way. EMDR has finally allowed me to learn to emote and get in tune with the body sensations and the messages they are sending me.
I feel that now I am primed to go back to insight meditation or something like Shinzen's (See, Hear, Feel, I have had success with prior).
Noticing more but suffering less is a quote I keep going back to that resonates with me.
Re: Divan dan journal
Is it important to hold both inner and outer sensations in attention? Cause i tend to blank out the outside and just go inside, is that not kosher