The Education of Axel Heyst

[chenda]

Hello Axel, nice to put a face to a name

[AxelHeyst]

I think proof of concept is important.

Yes, good point. I didn't mention it in this review but in the fall/early winter of 2022 I was anxious and uncertain about my ability to generate income, because I'd only ever really earned on a w2 before. I wasn't capable of letting go of a scarcity mindset and an occupation on money. Now that I've actually gone and made >1CoL via a few different no-big-deal vectors, I'm able to think more clearheadedly and less emotionally about income. That's a significant change between Jan23 and Dec23.

I don't think traditional relationship structures work that well for the majority of people, though I think they work really well for a significant minority.

Oh thank you, I was struggling to articulate how I felt about it. "Traditional relationship structures don't work well for me" nails it. What precisely *does* work well for me is tbd, but a) I intend to have fun with the discovery process and b):

The ability to love yourself improves your ability to be loved.

We are unlikely to accept a relationship that is worse than the one we have with ourselves, and thus the person who is happy and comfortable with themselves is in a great position.

The person with healthy self-esteem doesn't have to jump into any relationship because they already have a great one wherever they go.

-----

Hello Axel, nice to put a face to a name

Hi Chenda!

[Divandan]

Great end-of-year update and a lot of exciting stuff that you are working on in 2024. Very excited to follow this journey.

I am curious about what you mean by "habituate a physical training system." Also, did you hurt something, or are you just interested in preventative measures as it relates to the rehab program?

[AxelHeyst]

While I've always been very active, I've not maintained a consistent workout program for more than a couple months since my early 20s. I haven't made it easy on myself with being nomadic and changing my lifting circumstances every few months at most since 2016. I'm ready to make that happen now.

I want to rehab old nagging injuries that flare up from time to time as well as do preventative maintenance. I'm 37 and keenly aware that strength and mobility training isn't going to get any easier for me. My aim is to develop strength, mobility, and connective tissue integrity to a very high level in order to a) prevent injury doing day to day stuff b) maintain access to as many fun activities as possible for as long as possible c) be at least in the neighborhood of my genetic hawtness ceiling as opposed to floor because duh.

[Divandan]

Got it and makes sense. One of the reminders for me when hopping back into activities after a long hiatus (tennis this summer) is how long your tendons and ligaments take to get used to the activity. The neural connections and cardio came back quickly but tendons and ligaments did not. Very important though I agree as a 35-year-old!

[ebast]

2024
Theme: Devotion

With luck and well-wishing, and for any rare cloudy days of 2024:

To be sure, if one were as secure in one's work as one should be, that would not disconcert one, even in conjunction with a cold: one would simply see and make things out of this state of mind... But one is still so far away from being able to work at all times. Van Gogh could perhaps lose his composure, but behind it there was always his work, he could no longer lose that. And Rodin, when he's not feeling well, is very close to his work, writes beautiful things on countless pieces of paper, reads Plato and follows him in his thought. But I have a feeling that this is not just the result of discipline or compulsion (otherwise it would be tiring, the way I've been tired from working in recent weeks); it is all joy; it is natural well-being in the one thing that surpasses everything else. Perhaps one has to have a clearer insight into the nature of one's "task," get a more tangible hold on it, recognize it in a hundred details. I believe I do feel what van Gogh must have felt at a certain juncture, and it is a strong and great feeling: that everything is yet to be done: everything. But this devotion [Zuwendung] to what is nearest, this is something I can't do as yet, or only in my best moments, while it is at one's worst moments that one really needs it. Van Gogh could paint an Intérieur d'Hôpital, and in his most anxious days he painted the most disquieting objects. How else could he have survived. This is what has to be attained, and I have a feeling it can't be forced. It must come out of insight, from pleasure, from no longer being able to postpone the work in view of all the many things that have to be done.

The rest of this letter is best avoided unless finding oneself in zugzwang with Feminine Overdrive, for which times it has (what else?) the most charming imagery of a cat in a secondhand bookshop I've chanced across.

[AxelHeyst]

ah, @ebast you always leave poetry in my journal. Thank you.

..

Skillathon Week 1: Cooking
I got a stack of books from the library on cooking to complement the few I already had at home.
The theme was burritos (my ultimate goal is to be able to make mission style burritos like El Farolitos).

I learned how to make flour tortillas (and why you can't make them with whole wheat flour), mexican beans and rice, pico de gallo, salsa verde, salsa roja, quac, and marinade for chicken which I dumpster dived from my parents freezer (the went vegan recently so...).

I cooked for myself all week trying to learn all the components, then made dinner for my friends in town (two meathead adults and two kids). We watched Ratatouille in honor of my project ("Anyone can cook!"). The next morning I made I am Jack's Sourdough Discard Pancakes for brunch (my bff: "I don't like pancakes but I like these"), then came home and made vegan and oilfree burritos for family checkin night with my parents.

It was all tasty enough that I was not embarrassed to have people I like eating it. I learned a few things via error (e.g. not roasting the tomatillos for my second attempt at salsa verde made the mouthfeel of it no bueno) and generated productive questions (why was my salsa roja not very red? the type and/or ripeness of the tomatoes? amount of onion?) for further investigation.

I feel like I'm starting to get into the mental space of thinking in terms of principles of cooking but I'm not able to articulate it yet.

I didn't read as much as I thought I would - I think partly because my reading had outpaced my practical cooking, so I needed to be catching up. Reading about the science of souffles made my eyes glaze over when I was really interested in why my whole wheat flour tortillas were so awful. I'm settling into a rhythm where the books are more reference to hunt down the details and principles related to whatever I've decided to cook.

Today was a rest day. This week is omeletes until I run out of eggs and something involving sauteeing vegetables with some clue as to how to get the results I want.

The cooking wasn't very stressful. I'm starting to enjoy it. Trying to make videos and posts about it is way more stressful, in the oh my god is this how I sell out while make a total ass of myself sense. I'm finding it difficult to connect making the videos and posts to the Why now that I'm in it, but I'm not allowing myself to quit because I suspect I'm mostly dealing with the anxiety around making an idiot of myself in public and getting kicked out of the tribe social programming. And my theory is that if I don't give myself an out I'll be forced to suck less at it via reps and desperation and eventually will come up with a way of doing it that doesn't make me feel lame and is interesting/valuable to more than zero people.

[Scott 2]

Will it take a week to make an omelette? What about quiche? I've been served that at multiple family brunches. It seems to be eggs for a group. Maybe it could take some sauteed veggies? I've never made it.

I like that you're cooking for others as you go. And favoring practice driven research over reading books. Those are smart ways to accelerate growth.

[zbigi]

I like that you're cooking for others as you go. And favoring practice driven research over reading books. Those are smart ways to accelerate growth.

I've found practive vs reading does differently for different kind of dishes. I've found trial and error to be especially great for pizzas, which are simple, but allow for endless variety (in terms of what you put on the pizza and how your prepare it before). On the other hand, indian recipes usually bomb stuff with so many different spices, which all blend in together into the final result's taste, that it's hard for me to discern an effect of using/not using a particular spice. So, for indian food, I'm mostly just following recipes.

[theanimal]

ooking
It was all tasty enough that I was not embarrassed to have people I like eating it. I learned a few things via error (e.g. not roasting the tomatillos for my second attempt at salsa verde made the mouthfeel of it no bueno) and generated productive questions (why was my salsa roja not very red? the type and/or ripeness of the tomatoes? amount of onion?) for further investigation.

Roasting chiles and tomatillos really brings out the flavor. Were you using raw tomatillos? If so, you don’t necessarily have to roast them. You can boil them until they turn a palish green. That will cook them and make them soft enough so that the texture is right.

Also for your veggies you could try adding the peanut sauce that we had. It’s peanut butter, hot sauce, soy sauce and black pepper. Adjust proportions to your tastes. I usually size it like the order I just listed.

[NewBlood]

This is the video that solved omelettes for me, especially what he does at 1:51. Really helps getting the "inside" more cooked without burning the bottom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQyRuOEKfVk

I cook it a bit more than he does though.

[loutfard]

Are you using a cast iron pan, or a no-stick one? I was surprised to see the cook use a metal fork in a no-stick pan. That's a good way to ruin it very quickly...

[7Wannabe5]

Quiche is exhibiting a renewal in popularity. It's one of my old-school entertaining large group staples, because it is inexpensive when made from scratch, can be frozen, and it is also a good "dump" for variety of leftovers. However, it really has nothing in common with omelette making in terms of technique. Since you already have white flour on hand, I would suggest learning how to make crepes. Crepes lend themselves to any number of fancy old-school bachelor-entertaining dishes. Also, four tortilla-> crepe-> omelette form one sort of rough continuum for compare/contrast with variety of fillings. If you have access to an oven and a muffin pan, you could also try making some popovers.

[AxelHeyst]

Will it take a week to make an omelette?

I read in one of my books that in some high end french restaurants, the test for new cooks is to watch them make an omelete. That suggested a depth of nuance I could learn from if I paid attention.

I like that you're cooking for others as you go. And favoring practice driven research over reading books. Those are smart ways to accelerate growth.

Yes! Goal number one is to learn to cook tasty food for others without being stressed, and the best way to practice anything is to Do It, so I'm trying to do this as much as possible.

A technique Scott Young did with his MIT challenge was to start a course of study by taking the final exam. He got a low score, but he learned much about what he didn't know, by converting unknown unknowns into known unknowns rapidly. I think this is a key idea for learning rapidly and I try to do this conversation as quickly as possible by trying the thing well before I'm actually ready to try the thing, as long as the consequences are acceptable.

[AxelHeyst]

Are you using a cast iron pan, or a no-stick one?

Cast iron. I precautionary principle teflon.
--
Thanks for all the ideas everyone! Noting and incorporating all of them...

[loutfard]

Cast iron. I precautionary principle teflon.

Many ceramic ones - so not teflon- should also be safe.

[AxelHeyst]

The peanut sauce experiments were a success. The batch I made was weird, but then I doctored it with white wine vinegar and thinned it with water and it recovered well. Also I'm getting the hang of omeletes, and I've re-iniated my experiments with sourdough.

I don't have an oven and always preferred flatbreads anyway, plus they're more suited for being shoved in a pack or a pannier than an airy loaf, so I've begun experimenting with sourdough flatbread and skillet-cooked stuff. I'm about to have a go at my third attempt at a sourdough english muffin sort of thing, as an upgrade to my Egg McDisney breakfast sandos. I need to do further experiments, but this whole wheat sourdough flatbread approach might serve a tortilla-like role whereas the non-sourdough whole wheat tortilla attempts all failed miserably.

Tomorrow I begin the permaculture skillathon theme, with a project/deliverable goal of generating a full permaculture style design for QH (not just my own compound, but to include everything on the family land).

I've been having a problem with energy levels. I've got too much of it. Ever since I got back from Japan my energy levels have been atypically high. I began to have difficulty focusing. For Firefly/Serenity fans, it felt like I was a Reaver captain running my ship's engines way past safe tolerances. I had one small energy dip last week, two days where I felt my energy levels were low, and I thought to myself "ah, here's the dopamine crash, I knew it was coming", but then I bounced right back up to high levels shortly after.

I've made two adjustments: I cut from 2 cups of coffee a day to 0.5, and I began taking the 'too much energy, can't focus' sensation as a trigger to go run up a mountain.

I've been an unapologetic 2cups/day coffee drinker for a long time. I went no caffeine once for two weeks years ago and it sucked. I decided that a mild substance dependence was better than how that two weeks felt. But perhaps what actually sucked was my circumstances and other lifestyle habits that the coffee helped me to cope with. At the moment my life requires no coping strategies, and it *feels like* my natural energy levels are coming up to a higher but stable level. Stacking the caffeine on top felt like spewing gasoline into the air intake (a la Mad Max Fury Road) of an otherwise perfectly operating engine: not necessary, and in fact counterproductive. I'm going to stay at this 0.5c/day for another week and next week I might go without entirely.

I've pulled off 4 or 5 weeks of consistent workouts now, but I absolutely need more exercise built in to my routines or habits as a way of dealing with this elevated energy level. The hill runs are all right for the short term but they're not very systematic. I'll be tinkering with some more WOGminded approaches - getting a rucking practice going, dusting the bike off (got to train for May!), etc. I'm also interested in OCRs and OCR style training, even if just DIY solo OCRing in my backyard for fun.

[chenda]

Nice one. I'm usually two cups a day although green tea can be a lighter substitute for coffee.

It doesn't give you the caffeine buzz but does give you a natural energy boost. I might cut down to one cup as well as the second coffee always gives rapidly diminishing returns.

[Scott 2]

Do you have the power to run a convention toaster oven?

When I think about feeding others, baking and roasting feel like essential skills. We dropped a couple hundred on some Breville monstrosity. It fits a half cookie sheet and sees frequent use. Because it heats much faster than the oven, and it throws off less heat, we tend to favor it. Also, the convection feature is essentially an air fryer.

It wouldn't scale to feeding a group, but would be great for iterating on oven skills.

[AxelHeyst]

There's an oven in the main house I can use whenever I like, and upping baking and roasting skills is definitely on the list. Spending time with flatbreads and skillet meals has more to do with chasing stoke and scratching my own itch.

I wouldn't be able to run a toaster oven off my system, no. In the future I'll build a solar oven, which ought to work well here, but I'm not sure how much overlap skillswise there is between that an normal oven stuff.