It doesn’t sound like you and your ex were a good fit. Just curious how long you knew each other and whether or not you did marriage counseling.
We knew each other for a a couple years before we started dating. Our friendship circles in college over-lapped, and we had part-time jobs at the same campus keg store. However, we were only dating for around 4 or 5 months before I got knocked up due to failure of the Today Sponge. We thought it would work, because we were good friends, and actually quite culturally compatible. I vaguely recall about 20 minutes of marriage counseling from the also-pregnant female Unitarian minister who officiated at our lovely wedding in the park, which included a ceremonial tree-planting, original poetry composed for the occasion, 6 very young bridesmaids singing and playing guitar and wearing dresses that were actually embroidered linen nightgowns. IOW, very naive Level Green. We literally vowed to "support each other's personal growth."
The sex itself, when we had it, was actually very good to great. He was quite attractive (Van Gogh-Jim Carroll-Shaun Evans type), sexy and artistic; the kind of lover who feels his way into you like he is finding a melody and a rhythm on an instrument. I didn't mean to imply that not having orgasms when we did have sex was the problem.The problem (from my perspective) was that he was extremely introverted, dark, brooding, withdrawn, critical, and semi-alcoholic, and I needed him to fulfill the role of paterfamilias to the standard set by my father, which I'm certain from his perspective was good enough reason to withdraw ever further. Thirteen years later, my father died, and I was hopelessly weeping in my grief, and I asked him to comfort me, and he couldn't do it. When we were processing towards our divorce, 6 years after that, he told me that he knew he was being the cruelest bastard on the planet in that moment, but all he could think was that if he gave me a hug that would be like agreeing to alter himself to be more like my father.
So, yes, we were not a great fit, and we were too young, and I'm not sure that either of us was very much "the marrying kind." He has remained pretty much alone since our divorce, and my second "marriage" failed for very different reasons.
@Ego:
Of course, you wouldn't pick somebody on Tinder. You would be over on Our Time or Silver Singles
Seriously, it's not that different than the olden days of our youth. There are some dating apps that are more like showing up at church to meet somebody and there are other ones that are more like going to a disco. So, obviously, anybody looking for long-term serious is going to veer more towards the "churchy",
however, as was also true in the previous century, just because you are in church on Sunday doesn't mean you weren't at the disco the night before.
