Jin+Guice wrote: ↑Mon May 22, 2023 2:34 pm
The goal for me is freedom. There is not person who it is harder to be free from than yourself. Fretting over every $50 purchase is not freedom. Are you buying concert tickets bc of social or societal pressure or bc you want to? On some level it will always be all three and you'll go insane trying to figure it out. I truly don't think about it anymore, bc I have internalized all of the frugality stuff.
Like I just sort of know if the concert is worth it to me for the money or not bc I've already analyzed and thought about purchases and frugality for so long. I am free to do whatever I want bc I always have extra money bc of ERE, which paradoxically means not going to a bunch of concerts... but also not feeling like I'm missing out bc I KNOW on a gut level that they are not worth it to me? But I also don't think about this at all anymore, the knowledge is just in my brain instantaneously when I find out about a concert I want to go to or an experience I want to have or a thing that I want.
I feel like this is getting over the moat of WL5->WL6 though? When I don't spend money, I don't feel a sense of loss bc if I did I would just spend the money.
This is a good way to frame WL5->WL6. The key is basically getting to know yourself and your environment enough that these things all come naturally to you and no longer feel like work or that you're depriving yourself from things you want. You've also figured out how to get those things you want without it costing things you don't want.
Jin+Guice wrote: ↑Mon May 22, 2023 2:34 pm
I also have some unique social gift where I used to be totally socially inept and naive, yet still somehow managed to have a lot of friends and not really care what people think in most cases. To me it's easy to not spend money to have friends, but I seem to be an outlier in this regard? I also just know like 10 free things to do that are fun. I sometimes spend money for social reasons, but it's bc I've exhausted all other options.
I think this is a mix of location, personal temperament, and past experiences. For example, people who are low income are naturally going to have a social life without spending as much money because it's the nature of their social milieu. On the flip side, being in a high income environment but trying not to spend money is swimming upstream, and you might find yourself alone as a result.
What I've slowly realized is that Mormonism just flat out fucked up my ability to have normal relationships, and unlearning that has been a slow process. I'm also so burned out that I just flat out don't have fun hanging out with people the majority of the time, and so it's easier to retreat into isolation. But the thing is, I do need to be around people, and the constant isolation can have its own problems.
The problem with Mormonism in particular is that it teaches you to be very judgemental AND you are also hanging out with other people who are judgemental AND Mormonism is anti-joy/hates fun, so you get taught that everything just has to suck all of the time, that you should judge everyone, and that everyone will hate you/is your enemy. You can easily see how this is the path to not having many friends.
I think that if you're the type of person that just has fun hanging out with other people, you will have a lot of friends, even if your social skills are inept. On the flip side, my social skills are fine, but I'm so deep into burn out and had my perception of relationships fucked up all throughout my formative childhood and young adult years that unlearning these things just takes time. My plan therefore is to just use money to buy my way into a better environment that makes forming relationships easier.