White Trash Book Smart

[7Wannabe5]

WARNING: TMI of graphic and/or temporarily disheartening nature.

NOTE: Humans who fall into the general camp of "rationals" tend to picture their life as being linear. I believe that eNTPs like me will include more loops off course and roller coaster like rises to dips than those tending more towards INTJ.

ONE DAY IN SUMMER 2022: (regional low)

My recently acquired affliction of Crohn's Disease has been in near constant flare for over a year. The last 2 sections of my large intestine are thoroughly inflamed and more than 70% covered with patchy ulceration. It is over 90 degrees F outside and my tiny third floor attic apartment has no functional air conditioning. I am lying exhausted and in pain on my mattress on the floor, naked except for a pair of pink Depends (obtained from the stash of my 81 year old mother), my belly swollen up like a tick and my face bloated to a near perfect moon by huge dose of Prednisone. A thickly applied circle of diatomaceous earth encircles my mattress on the floor, because the "new" sheets I acquired from the local Goodwill, but neglected to wash in hot enough water, were apparently infested with bed bugs. Thus, the extremely itchy bite marks to be found randomly upon my person as blood and mucus slowly but steadily drips out of my rectum. I am contemplating whether I will have to budget for purchasing my own box of pink Depends or somehow fashion a homemade version from something otherwise likely to be heading to a landfill...

It is at this juncture, that I suffer a loss of faith and contemplate whether my committment to a life of frugality and/or the philosophy of permaculture is continuing to serve me well. Then, I receive phone call notifying me that my DS33 was found lying on the grounds of his apartment complex, inebriated and likely suffering from concussion, and was being transported by ambulance to the ER...

.. but, I start fretting about driving that far because I am waiting for the sorely needed new tires for my SMART car that one of my paramours* had recently offered to buy for me...

Flash forward a bit, and I am sitting in a booth at a Coney Island attempting to explain the concept of spiral dynamics to my son, who is arguing that he is Level Blue because his current employment is blue collar. And, I said something like "But, Level Blue doesn't generally read philosophy and linguistics." And, he shook his head, grimaced a bit, and replied "Mom, that just makes me White Trash Book Smart." ...

... and, that's when it all became funny again.


Anyways, it is likely that at some point during my recent regional low, I posted some grouchy sounding stuff on this forum, and I wanted to apologize for that, since I can no longer erase or edit.

To be continued...





*Yes, my friends, it is very hard to believe that anybody in the physical condition described above would still have more-than-willing sex partners, but even when I very clearly describe my situation in attempt to decline such offers, I receive responses such as "I just want to hear your sexy nerd voice." or "I will do all the work, and give you an orgasm or three." Upside being that this sort of thing strongly affirms my tendency to advise vulnerable young people to never seek validation for anything in the sexual behavior of the male of the species (I would extend this to "any member of the species", but am lacking adequate experience with female partners.)

[Laura Ingalls]

Hugs your situation sounds frightening and frustrating.

Hopefully you and DS are both tracking better.

[7Wannabe5]

@Laura Ingalls:

Thanks, I am doing much better, as I intend to communicate in the second half of my journal post which I ran out of time/energy to write. In retrospect, I think I erred on the side of raising my kids to be too independent. My son hasn't really asked me for help with anything in the last 10-12 years, and in the normal course of events, if he had been fully conscious, it is highly likely he would have called on one of his buddies rather than me. Since I chose to sell my permaculture project space when I was feeling too sick to deal with it, I have informed both of my kids that I am going to use some of my reclaimed excess project energy to once again intefere in their lives even though they are in their 30s. So far, I believe they find the prospect amusing. We'll see how it goes...

[bostonimproper]

That sounds awful, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. Though I’m glad to hear you’re back on an uptrend.

[7Wannabe5]

@bostonimproper:

Thanks, I am feeling more like my old self again.

[7Wannabe5]

So, the other day I was listening to a very good Doomer Optimism podcast featuring J.M. Greer, and the discussion touched on the premise of his futurist novel "Retrotopia." In this imagined future, people are free to choose the level/age of historical technology they are willing or prefer to live with and pay property taxes in proportion to their choice. It occurred to me that this model is roughly congruent with EcoERE, but EcoERE has the advantage of allowing for freedom to "shop" for the bits and pieces of your lifestyle across energy-eras, economic-class-structures, etc. as long as you stay within energy-budget-estimated-in-$$ spent. For example, you could choose $6-$12,000/year worth of White Trash Book Smart lifestyle or spend same amount on Yoga Borgeoisie Minimalist lifestyle or a Solar Punk 70s lifestyle, etc. etc.

Since I can occasionally suffer from a tendency towards all-or-nothing thinking, the fact that, for better (Yay! The latest drug they tried with me is working, and I am back at about 80% normal functioning from low described above) and worse, I am now absolutely tethered to terribly expensive, very high tech medical technology first patented in the 1990s, was kind of making me feel like what's the point in even trying when it's pretty clear that if/when push comes to shove, I will likely default to a 1980s-white-suburban-upper-middle-class-girl level of entitlement to goods and services. My negative self-talk devolved to the point of thinking Me is to Permaculture like Marie Antoinette was to her own little hobby farm. Luckily, I think I've moved past this phase.

However, I am still stuck with some very real issues related to my disease which currently add up to expenses. The main problem is that I pretty much always, but especially in the morning, have to be within 2 minute radius of an available bathroom. So, this impacts my options for housing arrangements, employment, and transportation. By happenstance, I moved into a tiny apartment which provides me with my own bathroom just prior to becoming very ill last summer. I meant for it to be just a temporary arrangement until I was able to move into my project space, but now I am kind of stuck here paying pretty low rent ($550), but still more than I would like. Also, there is very little reason for me to remain in my current location now that I sold off my permaculture project. I'm also pretty much stuck with owning a car because public transportation will not stop at a bathroom for me.

I almost feel like I could maybe teach full-time, but I think the mornings and the overall load would be a stretch. I am tutoring private math students from 4-8 four days/week now, and I have open offer to tutor math in public school in the early afternoon, so I might do that. When I first determined that full-time teaching may no longer be an option due to disability, I enrolled myself in IT/Data Analytics master's program, and I am around 1/3 done with the program, and doing quite well with it so far (although the final paper on operating systems that I just handed in was a whole lot more frosting than cake, so we'll see- lol), so that's another possibility for future employment. I could also bump up my rare book dealing business now that I am feeling better. Unfortunately, I am also compelled to play the game of how these options will impact my health insurance provisions and/or subsidies. Beyond wishing that I could get my spending down to eco-responsible level, my personal financial goal at this juncture would be to be able to survive/thrive on early social security ($700/month) plus very part-time meaningful/enjoyable employment, plus small passive income stream by approximately 4.5 years from now when I turn 62 (Yikes!) I guess the open question is whether I am capable or desiring to do a big ramp up before then or something more like a coast?

I also don't know how I am going to reimagine or manifest my ongoing obsession with permaculture now that I sold off the Money Dimple. My sisters and I were discussing the possibility of chipping in to purchase some property off Lake Huron, but it seems more likely that one of my BILs is just going to throw down for vacation-home-where-all-will-be-welcome himself. I am leaning towards starting out with more community engagement rather than buying another property myself. I need to chill on taking too much on, because it's entirely possible that I will develop antibodies to my current treatment and become much more symptomatic again.

What else? As noted above, there are still some grouchy old men who want to be in some kind of relationship with me, but I am still too blech to be bothered.

[theanimal]

Glad to hear the medication is working! Regarding community engagement, are you thinking of doing more where you are now? Or are you referring to a new yet to be determined area?

[7Wannabe5]

@theanimal

I am not entirely sure where I will be located in the spring, but I am thinking I will engage in local gardener's group or school/library gardening project and/or helping out friends/family with their gardens. IOW, any situation where I am not responsible for mowing the lawn and paying the property tax.

[jacob]

I am not entirely sure where I will be located in the spring, but I am thinking I will engage in local gardener's group or school/library gardening project and/or helping out friends/family with their gardens.

A Master Gardener cert seems to do all these things. But it might be hard to mainly focus on ornamental/chemical/home-improvement-store type gardens coming from a permaculture perspective. OTOH, maybe it's possible to be slightly subversive. Like a CFP presenting the "if you're willing to try something outside the norm, there's FIRE" to their clients.

[7Wannabe5]

@jacob:

Yes, I was looking into getting Master Gardener Certificate. Also, I am close enough to fulfilling the demographic of "old lady" that any advice I offered would likely be assumed to be conventional. Permaculture would also be well accepted in a school garden project setting, because more science-y.

[classical_Liberal]

Curious if you have interest in commenting on this type of information?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business ... cord-high/

If I am soiling your journal, apologies. I could create a thread, but I am specifically interested in your response.

[C40]

Curious if you have interest in commenting on this type of information?
...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/ ... .png&w=767

this is the part that's particularly interesting. IMO this is cause mostly by deterioration of social skills. Perhaps there is also some amount of women being more selective in certain ways, possibly caused by the internet, social media, and the popularity of dating apps. (where men complain that only the most attractive men get attention and they date all the women)

[ertyu]

I think it's the dating app algos. They're designed to hook men, and then to keep them unsuccessful and paying. In the mean time, women flee these apps to avoid creeps. There's also the thing where I'm on a discord server with a nice lady living in the philippines that works full-time chatting with men. She's not running a catfish scam, she just earns a full-time wage for chatting with guys to keep them on the app (she won't name which one) so they don't get discouraged and stop paying. From the paying guy's pov, it's yet another girl that ghosted him/never resulted in a date.

At the same time, it's helicopter parents: fully 25 years ago now when I was 15 and in high school, we spent a lot of time roaming around the city and hanging out with other teens in mixed groups, developing social skills. We didn't have phones on us all the time, we'd hang out in the park with beer we pooled our allowances for and got from hole in the wall convenience stores. In the US, to pull this off, you need a car, which is much more expensive now than it was 20 years ago. Mom is in your pocket all the time, calling you. The mall is closed - so where do you hang out? Stores are strict about carding, so if you want to use any substances with your classmates, it's probably not beer, it's whatever you can get illegally - so mom really doesn't want you hanging out at all times. etcetera. For many reasons, teens have much less opportunity to spend free unstructured time with each other away from their parents and never really learn to socialize.

[7Wannabe5]

The disparity between young men and young women might have to do with the fact that dating apps make it easier for young women to meet/date older men, while teenage girls across all socioeconomic groups are less likely to be sexually active. IOW, 20 year old female who is still in college dating 29 year old guy who is established in work force is happening more often, but 19 year old guy dating 16 year old girl has become more verboten.

Also, as I remember from my youth, a fairly large percentage of couplings were the result of the social skills of females. IOW, a lot of clueless, shy, or otherwise awkward young men would be rounded up by socially assertive women and basically assigned to be somebody's BF. It very well might be the case that young women are less interested, too busy or otherwise engaged, to bother to do this as much anymore.

[Jean]

@7w5
i think you pretty well described the situation.
One aspect that adds to it is that women are much mor confortable sharing one guy than men are.

[chenda]

Also, as I remember from my youth, a fairly large percentage of couplings were the result of the social skills of females. IOW, a lot of clueless, shy, or otherwise awkward young men would be rounded up by socially assertive women and basically assigned to be somebody's BF. It very well might be the case that young women are less interested, too busy or otherwise engaged, to bother to do this as much anymore.

I wonder if the diagnostic increase in asperger's and austistic spectrum disorders is partially due to this trend.

[7Wannabe5]

One aspect that adds to it is that women are much mor confortable sharing one guy than men are.

I don't think this is generally true, but I do think that the circumstances under which men/women are made comfortable vary. For instance, are the men who frequent prostitutes uncomfortable with sharing a partner? If a guy has a female FB whom he hooks up with a few times/year when he's in Tulsa, is he uncomfortable with sharing? If a man had reasonably easy access to 3 or more reasonably attractive partners, and polyamous female offered open contract would he object and demand monogamous contract? If Scarlett Johansson offered you the opportunity to be one of her partners this month, would you turn her down?

IOW, men tend to be more uncomfortable with paying the "price" of either monogamy or celibacy in a contract where female partner is not also paying this "price" even if circumstances rather than terms of contract prevent his ability to obtain additional partners, but otherwise they tend towards a preference for poly.

In cultural settings where having more than one wife is acceptable, it still often happens that a first wife will "turn her back" (refuse sex) with her husband after he obtains a second wife. My Iranian "husband's" nanny did this even though she suffered circumstances of fairly severe economic hardship and was confined to celibacy. In a village culture described in "Debt" by Graeber, the problem of an unequal balance of young males to females due to acquisition of more than one wife by older males, would be solved by having one young female take on the role of "village wife" with her only job (she would be excused from other female tasks such as cooking, gathering, etc.) being providing sex to the extra young men who would be her husbands until they rised in rank enough to obtain other wives. Any and all children of the "village wife" would be the economic responsibility of the entire village. In North Korea, being a "comfort woman" was a possible job assignment under communist regime. Etc. etc. etc.

I wonder if the diagnostic increase in asperger's and austistic spectrum disorders is partially due to this trend.

I don't think so, but I was struck by anecdote offered in biography of Claude Shannon, that he was so upset by having to do government war work that his girlfriend had to walk him home holding his hand. There have always been men who were high maintenance in one way or another, but maybe there are less women who have the time or energy to deal anymore. OTOH, I did work with one young teacher who told me that she proposed marriage to her husband, because "otherwise he would have stayed in his parent's house forever", so, dunno...

[classical_Liberal]

@7WB5

I feel bad that this topic has taken over your journal. I had no idea there would be such response and was mostly interest in your take, like if we were having a cup of coffee and I brought the topic up. You tend to have great insight into such things.

Even though the responses are interesting, particularly yours, I will refrain from further conversation on the topic without your approval.

On a different note I hope the UC has improved. If not, I have had many people tell me anecdotally that Kratom is extremely helpful. If you are interested, look at the laws in your state to see if it's legal. It should be available at your local tobacco stores if legal. Suggestion is low dose for UC (< 2G daily in capsule form), strain is not meaningful at such low micro-doses.

[C40]

It very well might be the case that young women are less interested, too busy or otherwise engaged, to bother to do this as much anymore.

This might be true that there is a slight increase (similar to the 'men who eat grass' trend that started in Japan 10 or 20 years ago, where men decide to 100% drop out of any dating/sex/relationship possibility)... but also there are huge amounts of incel (involuntary celibate) men now who want *very much* to have relationships, sex, and love, but are unsuccessful in having them. There is actually a large overlap between these two categories though: some/many of the incel guys have overlapping behaviors with the dropouts (huge amounts of time spent on computer/online, not actually talking to women much in person, not learning social/relationship skills, etc.), and perhaps the main difference is that the incels are wishing and resentful while the dropouts are have either given up or made a deliberate decision that they prefer the other activities (while the incels decisions to do the same activities are likely more compulsive)

I do think the thing you mentioned before about young women having relationships with older men is true. Also, I think that nowadays women focus more on their own careers instead of becoming a mom and housewife, and given that they are less concerned with getting married and having children, they date in different ways. They become more likely to date 'above their league' in terms of looks and other things, having relationships that are *fun*, but with little potential of being long term relationships. (in other words, the young women decide to date and sleep with the 'Chads' while leaving many of the normal men as 'incels', and the Chads are busy with many women.

[Ego]

The cycles of young women who spend a lot of time together tend to sync. Similarly, men who spend time together and compete with one another, provoke each other to release testosterone. These guys with increased T are then much more social with women than they otherwise would be.

Testosterone (T) is thought to play a key role in male–male competition and courtship in many vertebrates, but its precise effects are unclear. We explored whether courtship behaviour in humans is modulated and preceded by changes in T. Pairs of healthy male students first competed in a non-physical contest in which their T levels became elevated. Each participant then had a short, informal interaction with either an unfamiliar man or woman. The sex of the stimulus person did not affect the participants' behaviour overall. However, in interactions with women, those men who had experienced a greater T increase during the contest subsequently showed more interest in the woman, engaged in more self-presentation, smiled more and made more eye contact.