Ready to begin a new year. And I am a year older too. 31 years young.
December 31, 2021
Net-worth:
$571k (Up $31k)
Spending was roughly $3k this month - probably a little less. Any increases in variables expenses were due to holiday related spending. Increases due to some stock market recovery. Going into 2022, I'm looking to be less active in the market.
Physical Health / Diet: I basically stopped bodybuilding for its own sake when I was 19 after my lower back injury. I was in the military from ages 18-25 so I was always in some degree of shape due to my occupation. 2013 was probably my peak physical form (173 pounds and seeing my abs) but my training has always been on and off since then. And the past few years, just endurance related exercises, cardio, and diet was on/off.
Something in my two week break from work sparked me though. That is all I've been posting about lately. Back to my roots of bodybuilding....But this time around I've some differences that should help me:
- I am older and wiser.
- I'm more patient and I've much less of an ego - this should help me track progress through metrics and not get frustrated as easily. Long-term results is key. In fact, this time around I am only competing with myself so not trying to impress woman like I was when I was younger ... or other dudes with my bro lifts or anything like this. This is much more intrinsically motivated to see where I can take my own body.
- Better critical thinker and willing to follow the experts on training programs and good nutrition.
- I'm still working on this but I am getting to better understand neuroscience, thoughts, feelings, behaviors. Philosophy has been another key focus area for me in recent months.
- This bullet leads to a previous bullet in understanding how habits are formed.
Mental Health: The work break has been needed and did wonders for me. I am in an excellent state of mind at the moment. It really allowed me to consolidate my mind after a year of work and occupational anxieties. It also allowed me to dig up some of my roots (what does Lemur do with his time when he has no obligations other then friends & family?)
Lots of continued reading into philosophy and a little bit of CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy). I also discovered Rich Roll Podcast, some random YouTube ramblings by a guy named David Goggins (check that out, this guy is intense!) and did some reading into neuroscience.
Job: I'm still applying for new positions. This may take a few months. Overall, this is kind of a continued bullet point 2 to mental health (funny when I remove the occupation, all my mental health problems go away lol). But anyhow, I start back again Monday. My job is a means to an end. Should be nothing more and nothing less then that if I am truly comfortable with my values.
Though telling myself how much I hate my job and do not like it, and the stresses it gives me and such, you know, that doesn't do much for one's mental health. In fact, could probably argue it makes it worse when we consider neuroplasticity. An alternative thought and cognition, a reframe, is that I should have gratitude that it gives me the funds (pays me too much for what i do to be honest) to support my real life goals, gives me some challenges and social interactions, and does provide me some schedule in my life - I come to appreciate other things more. People depend on me to complete certain obstacles - I am not perfect but I will do my best to help them.
I want to admit something with no shame - there will be times when I stress out on things. This is normal occupational stress. It comes with the territory. That is what a human being does when they perform labor that is against there nature. And I am not some infallible superman that just because he has funds in the bank means he won't care or anything about his job and being 100% calm, cool, and relaxed. Financial independence definitely helps but it is not a 100% cure to these problems. I always thought to myself when I reach certain net-worth milestones then my stress will magically go away. That is a distortion.
And distortions carry with you no matter where you go. Hence, even if I got a new job, I would probably find a way to stress out there too. That we need to figure out for ourselves - wherever you go, there you are. I need to correct some cognitive distortions. One example is admitting that I don't know everything. I place to much emphasis on being the expert - but at work I need to learn to ask for help sometimes. A lot of my own problems are in my own mind. And I think a lot of my stresses take place because I don't ask for help because I am trying to protect my own ego.
If there is anything I've learned these past few months is that our behaviors can lead to better thoughts & feelings. For the latter, we can't always control these but the former we can control and that can lead to better thoughts & feelings with patience and better neuron connections overtime. So that is an action I can take - when troubled at work, ask for help. Practice the new behavior. See the result...and track overtime how this could help shape new thoughts and feelings.
These were some things I picked up from CBT:
1.) Changing behavior is key to feeling better.
2.) Changing Behavior is key to rewiring your brain - it communicates to your old brain, your old emotional brain.
3.) Your behavior does not have to be driven by your feelings.
Don't give the feelings so much weight - a lot of the negative ones are literal cognitive distortions (not true), projections (into the future and not being present), and even mind reading (how can you know what someone is thinking if you have not asked them, they have not told you, and you don't even have any evidence?).
I have a useful CBT toolkit to use for dealing with my job in 2022 should I come across these situations.
Gardening: I've garlic growing. This winter has been warm....probably record high temperatures if I had to take a guess. On Christmas, it felt like Spring out there.
Reading / Other: Still reading Beyond Good and Evil and Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Fredrich Nietzsche. Also I am picking up Atomic Habits by James Clear after my library gets the book in. CBT has been awesome - I did a few self-directed sessions and wished I did something like this a long time ago. I think I read something about CBT years ago but skipped the exercises and such and just figured it wasn't going to help or something. idk. Maybe that is part of being older - just more open minded, patient, not as in a rush? Experience...
Goals: Many but learning to enjoy the journey and the process...also continuing to take cold showers daily. They suck still lol but I'm feeling a lot of beneficial effects I can make a longer post about in the future. Also spending as much time as I can with my grandparents. My Grandfather has always been a great influence (90 years old and still kicking ass) on me. My Grandmother has unfortunately been in a nursing center home now with continued health issues. Dementia sucks - she has had it for a few years now but it has taken a turn for the worse lately.