Non-native language in a relationship (both sides)

[guitarplayer]

I wonder if there are people here who are in a relationship where the language spoken is an acquired language for both parties?

I had a friend who was doing research on communicating in foreign language vs native tongue. While findings are not uniform, his results were indicating that communicating in foreign language makes for a more rational communication. For example, people would not get so emotionally affected by hearing a word with a negative emotional valence in foreign language vs native tongue.

From mainstream see for example this.

DW and I both agree that the fact that we both communicate in English which is not our first language works to our benefit. There is a sort of parity in communication and we also manage to express positive emotions to each other all right.

I for sure notice that when I talk to people in my native tongue I can have a hard time focusing on the message and instead focus on the way people speak.

Our families do not speak English very much, and us being moderators in communication with them can have benefits as well. Also, it is then possible to just smile and earn in-law points this way

[chenda]

I had a Spanish boyfriend and we communicated in French as a mutual second language. I agree, it makes you more direct in communication as you can't drop hints so easily or fluff up awkward conversations.

I've known plenty of cross-nationality relationships who used English as a second language and one or both of the families didn't speak much English. This of course has its advantages Also means any resultant babies might become trilingual.

I wouldn't have guessed you weren't a native English speaker @guiterplayer, what is your native language ?

[horsewoman]

While findings are not uniform, his results were indicating that communicating in foreign language makes for a more rational communication. For example, people would not get so emotionally affected by hearing a word with a negative emotional valence in foreign language vs native tongue.

While all three of us are German, I'm (almost) fluent in English and I love the language a lot. So I brought up my daughter as close to bi-lingual as possible in those circumstances, exposing her to English in some way or another daily. She is 13 now and speaks (according to her English teacher, who is an American) excellent English, far ahead of her peers. We talk to each other a lot in English at home. German is reserved for when her dad or other people are around, as not to exclude anyone. And if we are too lazy, I suppose.
Ever since puberty has hit, most conversations have become a minefield between her and me. Everything I say seems to be wrong/mean/stupid/embarrassing, typical rebellious teenage girl behavior. Recently I've noticed that we seem to have fewer fights while talking English. The additional step of switching languages seems to make us less prone to fire off hurtful or thoughtless words. So those findings are true in our case!

[guitarplayer]

@horsewoman re hurtful words, somehow it brought to my mind this one autistic teenager I used to work with. His family was so linguistically tidy, I think the worst I heard coming from his mouth when he wanted to insult someone was 'x has a dirty bottom' His mum was Catalan, I wonder if this had something to do with it.

[enigmaT120]

We're both native English speakers but my wife lost her hearing as a teen so I have to use sign language to communicate with her. She can talk fine, she doesn't sign to me unless it's a noisy environment and I can't hear her.

Quite frankly I think it sucks. I can't have the conversations with her that I do with my friends.