Alright, monthly wrap up for April and from here out I think I will do weekly check-ins to keep me on track without becoming obsessed and torn a bunch of different ways, instead letting me come to ideas on my own, quick check in, and then mulling for another week, not obsessively waiting for someone to chime in with the "right" answer--see my post on digital minimalism
Spending
I definitely could have gone down on home spending. about $1000 of that was-- roof fixed, portable AC--I won't beat myself up about those although the portable AC was a waste but a good learning experience. $200 was on a wheel barrow. I really like this wheel barrow, it also turns into a dolly to move furniture and eh, I'm happy with the purchase. then mortgage etc
Food and dining. Oh boy. Over $100 on take out. I also was still using Hello Fresh at this point which is $70-100 for three boxes. I am filled with shame at that decision, money being the least of it. The absolute waste involved with meal-ordering systems is disgusting. I've quit that. I am having trouble with ordering out still, I do it on my "bad" days. Perhaps I need to buy some easy comfort food for those days. This included groceries.
Shopping: various amazon purchases, mother's day gift for $150 (I am now determined to cross stitch things like bookmarks for gifts, no more of this consumer shit ((my dad taught us love was in the form of gifts, hard to get out of))). I thought I was being very smart using a clothing subscription service. It's $80 a month and then you can buy anything you like (they are used). $64 for the shirt. So in essence, I paid $124 for a used shirt. I immediately canceled the service
Health was all doctors visits. Can't do anything there and will likely go up as I am moving back to weekly therapy.
Auto and transport: Gas, tolls (to see doctors), and car insurance ($105)
Pets: Dog got a follow up vaccine after last months $500 vet bill
Entertainment: Youtube premium I believe and maybe some other subscription apps
Well, despite my embarrassment I like this exercise as I see sooo many places to cut from.
Shopping--that should be closer to $50 and only for needed things--household items. I'd like to keep that separate from groceries.
Food and dining: this may sound weak but I don't think I'm at a point where I can say "no takeout." Takeout really is largely dependent on moods--with low moods meaning takeout. However, hellfresh is absolutely done with, and I would like to reduce takeout to 2x a month if possible. I think I will buy mac and cheese to have on hand at all time. Cannot buy ice cream because I will eat it regardless.
And for funsies, I found what is called a "QoL" or quality of life tool. This tool is specifically made for bipolar people and can be found here:
https://bdwellness.com/life-areas/
I plan on taking the test monthly. Here was this months:
Work, Self-esteem, and relationships all need some help.
The website tells me to ask for accommodations from work which I refuse to do. The study also tells me 40-60% of bipolar people are unemployed and 40-50% see a decline in work and income over time, which rings true.
Self Esteem? What even is that. Maybe getting in shape will help with this. I don't know. This topic is to overwhelming to think about.
Relationships: Interactions with other humans consistently make me feel like an alien and tend to reduce me to tears. This has gotten worse with covid. Yesterday I gave my neighbor a bouqet of wildflowers and some basil and roesmary cuttings. When I got there, I heard them all talk about my dogs barking (my dogs are only let out to go to the restroom, and theirs barked at them so mine barked back, all while I was trying to train them not to bark)--she looked very quizzically at my flowers. I sometimes feel others can see and smell that I am very different--this is a major problem. It led to an obsessive spiral on "what do I need to do to come across as normal" It does not impact me at all at work for some reason--I am widely liked by clients and customers.
Goals, get spending down to $2000 by: reduced eating out, no shopping, etc. (except, I will be paying for half of the new ac: $4.5k this month, so will track expenses both with and without that purchase).
Work on self esteem with therapist and by continuing to exercise so at least my body looks confident. Relationships: ??????????????? Have no idea how to figure that one out.