L's Journal

[Alphaville]

@daylen

apologies, i’m experiencing mega-whoosh now, and must throw the towel for the benefit of all (especially the op’s journal) . i appreciate it though.

[BookLoverL]

Thank you to all for the responses! This is all very interesting for sure. I will try to respond in more detail a bit later, as I'm running on 5.5 hours sleep right now.

[BookLoverL]

Have looked over the info in a bit more detail. Regarding daylen's questions:

1. Do you often fantasize or deliberate about how an event should have gone differently or how the future should turn out?

I do often fantasise about how things might have gone differently - I often find myself thinking about things like "what if I'd made a different choice back then when I was a teenager/when I graduated/etc.?" and suchlike. I also like to think about where I would find myself in the future if I do this or that.

2. When learning a technical skill, like coding or mathematics, are you more likely to confuse the order of operations or to become confused by substitutions?

It's a while since I've done any maths hard enough for me to run into trouble with it regularly - I'm a bit rusty on the stuff I did at uni. But as a teenager most of my mistakes were careless errors of the "accidentally wrote a plus instead of a minus" aspect. I believe at uni I generally followed the method I was taught for something, and then got confused if the logic expected of me in the homework strayed too far away from the type of logic I'd already been taught how to use. With coding I can learn the syntax easily but when I want to do something complicated I get confused how each function or section of syntax is able to connect with each other. Nowadays when I do maths it's mostly maths tuition, and I can still do it well, but to be honest it's not my passion and never has been, I just did it because I was good at it - I spend a lot more of my free time getting excited about languages, amateur philosophising, and fiction, but younger me thought you had to do STEM to make money.

3. To insure that you do use Ne-Si in these respective positions (second and third slot), we can look at your relationship with Se. Would you describe yourself as clumsy or aloof in physical activities?

In physical activities, from childhood I have often been very bad at school sports. I had terrible hand-eye coordination that only got better when I deliberately tried to practice juggling a bit as an adult. I am much better at individual sports such as press-ups, running, or archery rather than team
sports or sports in which a ball or a bat is involved. I definitely do start a large number of projects that never get finished, as I always get distracted by something else. I definitely think I have Ne-Si of some sort going on based on my knowledge of the N and S functions.

Putting all this together, how would you work your way though these three questions? Are you instinctively parsing them into a tree-like structure of possibilities and contemplating how other people you know would align with these possibilities? ..or are you taking them bit by bit and relating to your personal history or general mannerisms?

The method I used to answer the questions is to go bit by bit and comparing myself to the questions and not really considering how other people would answer them, because I'm trying to find out the type for me, and not for someone else.

[BookLoverL]

On another topic, I had to send a bunch of letters for work and I now have 48 of those shiny strips that you peel off envelopes before you stick the flap down. Trying to think of something to do with them other than throw them away. So far the main idea I had was an extremely flimsy basket, but I'm sure there must be some other options that are vaguely useful.

[daylen]

INFP is the most consistent given your answers along with what I have seen of your post history.

[BookLoverL]

Ok, thank you. I was also thinking as I was answering the questions that my answers seemed to be leaning that way. I don't know why I suddenly started doubting myself on this...

[daylen]

I don't know why I suddenly started doubting myself on this...

That is what INFP's tend to do. They go though life using Ne as a tool to figure out who they are (Fi). This involves asking a lot of what if questions concerning their identity and preferences. This becomes less so as Si and Ni are developed (i.e. a trail of concrete self-data, and a glimpse into the emergent pattern of your life).

Generally, studying more Te-oriented approaches to mind/behavior may be more worthwhile to you (e.g. big five, neuroscience, evolutionary psychology, mental health, psychotherapy, psycholinguistics, constructive developmentalism, negotiation/interrogation tactics, etc.). These areas will be more conforming to your fourth slot Te. Neo-Jungian models and philosophy in general will mostly just leave your Fi scattered by possible interpretations detached from data/evidence.

[Chris]

I had to send a bunch of letters for work and I now have 48 of those shiny strips ... I'm sure there must be some other options that are vaguely useful.

Papery materials can be crumpled and used for packing items for shipping. It's not a high form of reuse, but is more enviro-friendly than bubblewrap.

[BookLoverL]

I don't think the volume of them is really large enough to make much in the way of shipping material to be honest, and I rarely send packages anyway, but thanks for the idea.

[ertyu]

you could use them to make an art. one of the things an art teacher person i knew who smoked lots of pot and was clearly very arty painted was, make a splotch of vibrant colors on a canvas, make rectangular-ish strips with tape etc. over dry canvas, roller-paint a contrasting, solid color on top. E.g. the canvas would be yellows oranges and reds, then she'd cover it up with pieces of thing and foam-roller a solid blue on top. This was very arty and meaningful because it was supposed to represent how our creative, free-flowing soul was imprisoned by the demands of linear, structured "reason" and logic (or some such).

[BookLoverL]

I haven't posted on here for a bit, so I thought I'd post a general update.

The part time job I took on in October 2019 has turned out, even after the initial learning curve, to be somewhat unsuited for my temperament, as the fact it's work from home (theoretically good) combined with the distribution of small work tasks throughout *the entire month, every month* to mean I'm thinking about work way too often. Plus, the money it makes, I could make if I were able to get just a few extra maths clients.

This job is effectively using up all the energy and bandwidth I could be using to improve my self-employed career prospects and work on my writing and music. Therefore I'm thinking of quitting it in around autumn this year. (There are some annual tasks that it involves that would be difficult for a new employee to do right away in their first couple of months, and it has a three month notice period, so I want to quit in a month I consider "considerate" for the next person.)

After that I think I will have much more energy to pursue the things I actually want to do again.

Partly due to all the energy I spent thinking about this job, I still haven't got round to actually checking how much money I have, but due to the self employment COVID grants I received from the government I don't think it'll be too terrible despite not having got back up to the number of maths clients I had before COVID yet.

My mum living with me is going relatively well. She does some things I think are annoying but they are generally easier to cope with than living with both parents at once. We are now planning to move from the village here to a nearby small city, into a three-bedroom place instead of the current two-bedroom place, which means that we can have a work-from-home office separate from both our bedrooms instead of always having to deflate the inflatable mattress my mum is sleeping on before going on work Zoom calls (which for me includes all my tuition). The rents are lower for the same amount of stuff in the city, generally speaking.

Moving to the city will also be good because I will be able to walk to the supermarket easily, and there will be regular public transport, there's a good library, a museum, an art gallery, and a variety of social activities I'll be able to get involved in once COVID is sufficiently done with. The good public transport means that once I quit the part time job I don't like, which is the main thing I have to drive for at the moment, I may be able to sell my car and save £1000 a year on insurance and maintenance plus whatever I save from fuel (which won't be the whole amount of fuel money as some will be allocated to public transport).

[BookLoverL]

I will try to do an update on my finances with more detail at some point - partially because the last time I actually checked the precise figure I had in my savings was when I moved into the rental in the first place, so it'd be useful for me. And if I get chance, I'll do an analysis of my spending amounts at the same time. Perhaps once my mum and I have moved will be a good time, once we've got settled in enough for the new spending patterns at the new place to become apparent.

I feel like in some ways I am an unusual fit for this forum, being INFP rather than INTJ or INTP. Even though I have a maths degree, tracking things in great detail on a regular basis just feels like a chore to me, which is why I don't do it. Instead I prefer to not spend money by simply not spending it any time I have the opportunity to, though there are a couple of wasteful things I still spend on due to them being on an automatic renewal which I always manage to forget to cancel. Once I've quit my job, or if I get chance sooner, maybe I'll go through those systematically.

In general with topics I always like to understand the broad philosophical strokes and let the details work themselves out, which I think is why my mental attitude about ERE is miles ahead in some ways of my actual financial position.

I'm hoping that once I quit the job that isn't suited to me, I can recalibrate over time to earn a better amount without working any extra hours. My current workload, including the official number of hours from that job, and also including 6 hours a week from some temporary work I expect to do until February and part of March, is about 15 hours a week (with unfortunately a good 20-30 hours spent thinking about the job I don't like and feeling guilty that I haven't finished all my work for it that month yet). I think 15 is about the maximum I'm comfortable doing long term and 25 is the maximum for a medium-term temporary job. So I need to refocus to things that either pay better per hour (such as the tuition, which at the moment is only about a third of my workload) or that I find fun in themselves and coincidentally make money (such as my planned future experiments busking and my future plans to write more). Being strong on the savings front can only help to a certain point when my current distribution of work is only getting me £10000 a year and I'm renting too. But it's the fact that I'm in an ERE mindset that's even enabling me to be happy on £10000 at all (well, happy except for the fact I don't like half of my current work), so I think that even if I'm not following a conventional ERE path I'm still getting a lot out of it.

[BookLoverL]

Perhaps I should try to search for journals that aren't following the "accumulate 5-15 years full time" -> "full retirement forever" plan for some inspiration.

[BookLoverL]

(Why am I posting four times in a row? Because I thought of something else to say, I suppose, and this is my journal after all.)

I am in hindsight rather annoyed at myself for taking the unsatisfactory job in October 2019. It's caused me no end of stress and hassle due to being made to care about certain procedural things I'm not naturally inclined to care about, and initially when I took it up, I was being pressured by both my parents at the same time to do something to earn more money Immediately Right Now (even though with some time, I would probably have earnt the same amount of money from increasing the number of tuition clients).

Generally it makes me feel tied down and I feel like it's actively been moving me away from multiple things on my web of goals. I've become less physically fit due to not making enough time for exercise. I haven't had time to progress my writing or music goals to the level I want, though I have been writing occasionally and playing at least a little ukulele most days. And the pay has actually been a limiting factor, because while it isn't minimum wage, it is still half the amount per hour that the tuition is.

I'm getting to the point where I'm really looking forward to my plan to quit it once I get to the point later this year where I can do so without losing social capital / being a jerk to the next worker to take it over.

[Chris]

I am in hindsight rather annoyed at myself for taking the unsatisfactory job in October 2019. It's caused me no end of stress and hassle...

Has the job brought you any benefit at all? The opportunity to practice handling stress? People skills? Professional contacts? Retirement or health benefits?

At the minimum I guess it's provided you with evidence in the future of what not to do. The next time your parents are pressuring you, you'll have a handy example from the past.

[BookLoverL]

It's brought me extra practice at making phone calls and handling incoming emails, plus some extra experience presenting information in front of a group of people - this time in front of adults, whereas my previous experience with that was with teenagers (from the tuition and my old attempt at teaching). So, it's probably improved my people skills a bit.

Certain of the people skills, I'm really not *enjoying* using, but at least I know I can do them now.

But yes, mostly it's taught me not to get this type of job again. xD

[BookLoverL]

Oh, the other thing is that I've done a training course related to the job, so I can include that qualification on any future CV. Probably only useful for certain categories of jobs, though.

I do understand more about some topics thanks to the job, too, but imo these are topics that weren't hugely crucial for me to know about. But that's still a benefit.

[BookLoverL]

Going to try to make a projected monthly spend for after we move to the new place. Using https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/e ... ner/budget to remember the categories of spending.

Rent: £347.50 per month for my half
Contents insurance: mum said we should get this but I don't know how much it will be yet, I didn't bother getting any here. Let's say £10 per month maybe.
Council tax: forgot the precise band but no more than £85 per month for my half.
Gas and electric: £44.50 for my half
Water: I forgot how much water is but probably £25 per month for my half maximum?
Mobile phone: £6 per month
Internet/landline: £12 per month for my half
TV licence: none, if mum wants one she can pay for it herself because I barely watch TV
Food: £20 per week for my half so £80-£100 per month. If I were shopping it would be £15 per week but £20 is my compromise with mum, since she's doing most of the cooking right now.
Toiletries (e.g. toothpaste, sanitary products): let's call it £5 per month maximum. It's probably less than this.
Opticians: if I average the every-other-year cost this comes to about £5 per month
Dentist: I haven't been for a while but I'm going to estimate an average of £10 per month but this might be wrong
Prescription medication: £4.60 per month
Charitable donations: £1.20 per month
Petrol: £40 per month when I'm not on COVID lockdown
Car insurance: I think my last amount came out to an average of £60 per month (it's paid yearly though)
Car tax: none, my car has zero rate tax
MOT: £12.50 per month on average (paid yearly)
Car maintenance: allow another £12.50 per month
Public transport: taking my usual non-COVID visiting-friends-by-train budget and dividing by 12 gives about £15 per month
Books: £20 per month maximum
General hobbies: not really doing anything at the moment but I'll allow another £20 per month
Christmas and birthday presents: let's average it and call it £10 per month
Holidays: not going on one this year so 0

Total projected monthly spending: £845.80 maximum

Annually: £10149.60

This is if I spend the full books and hobby amount which I probably won't, and spend £100 for food every month, when actually most are £80. Plus by the time the COVID vaccines are done I will probably only have time to spend half the quoted amount on trains.

Also I rounded some of the figures up a little after dividing them by the month.

The budget planner which I put yearly or weekly figures for some amounts into gave me £748.04 spending per month which translates to £8976.46 per year, which looks a lot better.

I could cover this in total without using my savings with between 9 and 12 maths students a year (depending how many weeks they wanted) and nothing else. Right now I have 3 students and 2 other part time income sources (including the one I hate).

[BookLoverL]

I keep fantasising a lot about how I could get my writing making me money once I quit the job that's taking up all my brainpower. Everyone says it's hard to make money with writing books (easier from copywriting but that's a slightly different field). And since the thing I most commonly *finish* writing is poetry it might be even harder, because that's supposed to be a tougher field to sell in.

BUT.

a) Other people trying to make a living from poetry don't have ERE level expenses. If I hypothetically self published a book that made me £5 profit per copy I would only need to sell 2000 copies in order to make £10000, which is enough for 1 year's living expenses. Poetry is also quick for me to write so I could easily produce multiple books a year once I had the method for self-publishing down, and previous customers might also buy new books.

b) A lot of creative people seem to hate marketing, and I've been reading some marketing books and have some ideas for this already. I'm also not planning to rely solely on digital marketing, since thanks to algorithms these days no one sees your posts if you do only that.

So while I may end up staying with the maths tuition and relying on that, I do think there's a real chance I could manage to make enough for me to live off writing, if I can keep studying the marketing angle enough to be able to get the first couple of thousand buyers in. I don't need to sell 100000 copies and become a bestseller in order to cover my living costs, I don't only plan to write one book in my life. I just need to make a couple of books a year and sell 1000 each of them, and I think that's a much easier prospective task than trying to become a bestseller.

[Bankai]

once I quit the job that's taking up all my brainpower

Why not start now? It's quite common not to have much life energy left for productive or creative endeavours after a workday. One way to help with that is to get up early and write first thing in the morning, so that you use your best hour(s) working on your own goals. Different people reach peak creativity at different times of the day though so it might not be the best option for someone who's most creative in late evenings for example.