Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

[TopHatFox]

JULY 2019

JOB THOUGHTS

I’m now a few weeks from having quit the old office job. Overall, I don’t regret it and many days I’m so thankful I don’t have to go back to the office on Monday. I do of course feel anxious that I am no longer saving every two weeks toward the fabled 250k, but at least I’m not feeling super stressed-out. This decision really sucks in the short-term financially, but is good long-term career-wise and mental health-wise.

I definitely felt super depressed having quit again, but I think I’m finally over it. I never did take the anti-depressants, and chickened out on continuing to take the Saint John’s Wort.

So, sales, accounting, finance, management, and administrative jobs are way the hell out. Now I want to finally try counseling-type jobs and therapy jobs.

—————

GF(!)

After a goddamn year of getting shot-down 30+ times—and a few months free of braces and teeth whitening —I not only re-kindled a sexual relationship with an ex over a weekend, but had a lovely time with a woman in MA, had a few steamy dive bar makeouts, and finally...found a girlfriend! A real relationship. In MIAMI people - this is HUGE. My ex and my now-gf even fought to convince me that I should pick them. They’re beautiful too! Honestly, it feels good. Feels really, really good. Relationships and love are definitely central to my being. Also, as much as my smile is now great, fuck braces.

The ironic part is that I met the GF literally the day after I handed in my cut-up company card. Maybe I would’ve stayed if I felt accompanied/supported, but I guess that would ultimately be bad.

—————

GRE + Grad School

Well, I still have the MPA to complete, along with its 15K stipend. I figure it’d be really stupid to eschew the opportunity to get a free + stipend general “leadership” MS while living at home. I’m going to have to take 6 classes for two semesters, but whatever. It’ll be fine.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been studying for the GRE and psych Subject Test so that I can get into a Counseling Psychology MS program with funding. I think that’d be a good combo - free leadership MS for public and non-profit spaces, and (c’mon free) counseling psych degree. If I decide to, I can later apply for a phd or psyD too.

I can’t really see myself doing the work of any other subjects for 40+ hours, such as Engineering, Biology, Chemistry, Computer Science, Finance, MD, JD, PA, PT, and so on. And all the humanities are basically bullshit degrees as far as employability.

[Ego]

It sounds like fox is back on the upward trajectory. Congratulations!

[prognastat]

Sounds like things are improving on the relationship front. Hopefully the job/career side will follow suit.

[TopHatFox]

Yeah, relationship-land and friend-land is doing pretty well at the moment. I am feeling supported and loved.

Career-land has a lot of scaffolding around it right now. I am feeling anxious in the short-term, but optimistic in the long-term.

I know why career-land is being built the way it is and I have the time and money to make the change, and that’s really, really good.

I’ve worked at a lab and didn’t like that, too lonely and technical. I learned math and programming, but I learned I don’t like constantly solving mathematical puzzles. I’ve tried doing music, art, theater, & writing and enjoy them, but just as a hobby. I’ve worked in corporate and absolutely hated that, whether it’s accounting, finance, sales, or HR. I worked as an administrator and disliked that. I worked security and disliked that. I worked at a library stocking shelves and hated that.

I worked as a residential counselor and loved that. I worked as a peer counselor and liked that. I worked as a career counselor and liked that. I worked as a camp counselor and liked that. I worked as a graphic designer and actually really liked that, too. I also liked giving educational presentations every now and again, just maybe not as the main part of the job. I worked fixing up homes and liked that.

I can’t see myself being a doctor, or a nurse, or a lawyer. I can’t see myself being a programmer, a scientist, or an engineer. I absolutely can’t see myself being an Budget Manager, Principal, or HR Director. I can’t see myself being an administrative assistant, office manager, or office associate. I probably can’t see myself being a raft guide or tour guide, either.

————

I guess it’s pretty apparent. The work I mainly like doing revolves around having helpful, meaningful conversations with people one-one-one or in small groups. I could see this leading to getting my counseling psychology Masters Degree and then working as a career counselor, mental health counselor, student success counselor, wilderness therapy counselor, or many other type of counseling roles. Many of these offer remote-counseling roles too, so I could travel.

Some of the other types of work I enjoy doing revolve around being visually creative, giving presentations, or building something simple. I could see these turning into various businesses, such as a graphic design business for simple data visualization, posters, and so on. And, delivering presentations about mental health to different groups. And, buying a property a small property to rent, live in, and fix.

[Stahlmann]

Where's update??!!oneone

[TopHatFox]

AUGUST 2019

Thanks Stahlmann, glad to know you're interested in the journal.

MOOD

I'd say I've been depressed most of the time, with some nights being suicidal and other days being okay. The occasional optimistic day, probably from caffeine.

FRIENDS & RELATIONSHIP

Relationship is doing well, and it's really nice. Only issue is we really only hang out once a week. Most of the rest of my friends are remote, like pixels on my phone. Either that or the in-person one's are busy working, raising kids, and so on. I have gone on lots of little adventures to parks and state parks through South FL with the gf, and that's been fun. Ironically, I now have two or three other women I could go on reciprocated dates with, but I've had to tone them down because relationship is monogamous as it stands, so that's been interesting. I guess that's why poly was attractive to me in the first place: you end up with more people to hang out with and they show up because it's relationship-ish rather than just friends. Having lots of meaningful people around me definitely mitigates depression.

CAREER

I've been studying for the GRE and getting 160s in verbal and high 150s in quant. Pretty tired of studying by now though. I resume MPA classes this upcoming week. Will also apply to MS in Psychology programs, or maybe a PhD, but I'd prefer to not do a PhD. Research for 60 hours a week sounds really lonely and depressing, and I don't need any more of that. It's also possible to start your own private practice with "just" an MS and a few years of experience. I don't really want to do research, and the last two times I did research in sociology and geology I didn't really enjoy the work at all. I just want to help listen to people as they deal with their problems.

FUTURE

I don't really know what to do anymore, feeling more lost than I ever have. As much as I hated the previous job and it most definitely wasn't a fit, at least it gave me something to do where there are other people that need to show up there every day. I think what I'd like to do is just try another job knowing everything I know now. I can finish the MPA by April 2020 and try another job then, but if I get into an MS in Psych program, the next time I can get a paying job is 2-3 years from now. Of course, another part of me just wants to hike long trails or live out of a van, but...somehow I doubt that leads to a stable future. Lost lost lost.

[Dream of Freedom]

MOOD
I'd say I've been depressed most of the time, with some nights being suicidal and other days being okay. The occasional optimistic day, probably from caffeine.

I know you've tried a few things already, but have you tried adjusting your diet? There are studies on the link of diet and depressive symptoms. Like this one:

Depressive symptoms were associated with pesco-vegetarian and lacto-ovo-vegetarian diets in multivariable analyses (Odds-Ratio [95% confidence interval]: 1.43 [1.19–1.72] and 1.36 [1.09–1.70], respectively), especially in case of low legumes intake (p for interaction < 0.0001), as well as with the exclusion of any food group (e.g., 1.37 [1.24–1.52], 1.40 [1.31–1.50], 1.71 [1.49–1.97] for meat, fish and vegetables exclusion, respectively). Regardless of food type, the Odds-Ratio of depressive symptoms gradually increased with the number of excluded food groups (p for trend < 0.0001). Depressive symptoms are associated with the exclusion of any food group from the diet, including but not restricted to animal products.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6267287/

[TopHatFox]

Yeah, I’ve eaten fish and meat over the past year as well as the usual whole grains, veggies, and fruits. Still depressed, so that’s likely not it.

I think I might just need more people in my life than the average person. Unfortunately.

[Stahlmann]

:---D

[Zanka]

Freedom is the ability tho choose our experiences. This is not something we are learned how to do. We are forced into doing what we are told from a very early age, and often the thing we are forced into doing as not what we would have chosen if we could make our own desicions. So once we gain freedom, we are so used to going against our inner voice that we are lost, sometimes so lost that it feels hopeless.

But this is the thing that freedom brings. The ability to choose what we want, if we do not choose what we want and need, we, as any other living creature on this planet, start to stagnate and decay. For us humans this condition can be called depression, anxiety and it can even lead to us not wanting lo live anymore.

It seems clear that you do not know what to do right now, my suggestion is to do 3 things first and foremost: Get some sun every day, drink plenty of water every day, and eat well.

In the swedish language we have a word for being worried, it is called "orolig", and it is the negation of the swedish word for fun ("rolig). So the language suggests that being worried is a condition of having too little fun in our lives.

And my favourite quote: "Routine takes the edge out of both the good, and the bad."

[TopHatFox]

PSYCHOLOGY MS, PHD, OR ANOTHER JOB?

viewtopic.php?p=195809#p195809

[RFS]

Have you thought about teaching? It would probably mesh well with your personality. You're helping others all day, working in a collaborative environment, and there's a lot of time off throughout the year to recharge. If you know how to make a good lesson plan and build relationships with your students, you won't have many issues with kids going crazy.

You could probably make at least $45k with a masters, and there's a shortage of teachers pretty much everywhere. You can do it even without a teaching degree (you'd just have to complete a teaching certification program at some point, which isn't too bad.) Plus, there's an abundance of full and part time work. You can be a full-time teacher, part-time teacher, parapro, substitute, etc.

[TopHatFox]

Teaching, More Ruling-Outs

@RFS, yeah, I thought about teaching. I feel like I'd make a good corporate trainer or similar since I like and am good at public speaking. Teaching, on the other hand, feels like extroverted territory, crowd control and all. Still, maybe I should try it. Do you know the steps one would take to become a teacher without a Masters in Ed?

I'm not sure what I'll do. I think for now the plan is to finish the free MPA and apply for an MS in psychology (maybe a doctorate). Once the MPA is done, I'd apply for a different FT job, and complete the MS in psych and job at the same time, now having the support of a gf. If I get the doctorate, I can still save the 20-30K yearly stipend while getting the PhD. As I've learned in the past, having a job has a lot of non-monetary benefits, such as routine, something to do, people to see, and so on. Not having a job means I'm sitting around the house all day with an intermittent essay or assignment. Aka depression/loneliness.

The wilderness therapy idea seems cool, but their burnout rate is really high, and the pay is relatively low. This is the same with other outdoor education jobs. A close friend of mine that's been trying to find a job she likes for the past 10-15 years, finally found the one with a company called Housing First in Vermont. With a BA, she gets 40k/yr, benefits, a company car and mileage to drive to patients, and co-workers that give a shit. Knowing that my friend and I are pretty much identical in personality (she's even more off-the-wall than I am), I think a job like that sounds perfect.

As far as lifestyle business ideas. I'm not sure. I thought about making a website about thru-hiking with blogging and podcasting as the marketing, and self-made maps and posters as the product. Not sure if it'd gain any traction, but it is a business idea.

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Learning from the Past

I really don't want to make the same mistake of finding & taking a job because it is better than not having one. Sure, if you haven't had a job for a while any job starts to seem good, but that is not the case after you've had it for more than a week or month. Then the question of job fit quickly comes into question.

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Maybe Non-profits?

I think I may have solved another piece of the career puzzle just now. Okay so obviously corporate, accounting, and any other profit-driven career is out for me. The work makes me feel like shit and I quit. But, let's take a closer look at non-profits. They offer services to people in need (that would make me feel good), they're often staffed by NF women (I like them almost as friends and often more...lol), they probably at least pay 30-40K (which is much better than the outdoor ed jobs), and they can include a counseling component (such as walking someone through benefits). I think I should look into non-profits more. I'm sure some of them are horribly abusive, but maybe there's one out there that cares about its employees as much as the mission.

[EdithKeeler]

Okay so obviously corporate, accounting, and any other profit-driven career is out for me. The work makes me feel like shit and I quit. But, let's take a closer look at non-profits. They offer services to people in need (that would make me feel good).... they probably at least pay 30-40K....and they can include a counseling component (such as walking someone through benefits). I think I should look into non-profits more. I'm sure some of them are horribly abusive, but maybe there's one out there that cares about its employees as much as the mission.

What you’re describing sounds more to me like a state agency than a non-profit, per se. Sure, some non-profits may look like this, but not all. Wasn’t your last job with a state university? Wasn’t it a non-profit? Remember, “non-profit” mostly refers to tax code status and what they are allowed to do with their profits and not all jobs at a non-profit means face-time with the needy or whoever they serve. Keep in mind that up until a few years ago, the NFL was a non-profit. Much of the time, work at a non-profit may not look that much different from work at a for-profit company—they probably still have an accounting department, for example.

[daylen]

Teaching is done in an STJ-populated nightmare realm.

[OTCW]

Teaching is a whole lot of work, a lot of which is not appreciated by anyone. Throw in disinterested or troublesome or unprepared students and parents that run the gamut from absent to hovering to full of blame, and it is a tough profession. All for not much money. Time off is above average if you are looking for an upside.

[TopHatFox]

What you’re describing sounds more to me like a state agency than a non-profit, per se. Sure, some non-profits may look like this, but not all. Wasn’t your last job with a state university? Wasn’t it a non-profit? Remember, “non-profit” mostly refers to tax code status and what they are allowed to do with their profits and not all jobs at a non-profit means face-time with the needy or whoever they serve. Keep in mind that up until a few years ago, the NFL was a non-profit. Much of the time, work at a non-profit may not look that much different from work at a for-profit company—they probably still have an accounting department, for example.

https://www.pathwaysvermont.org/what-we ... ing-first/

^ I guess I mean something like this link. You're totally right though. The university I was working for is a non-profit, and yet it basically felt like I was working in corporate and just getting paid less. I was still effectively expected to work past 5 PM and on weekends. I was still effectively expected to always be available on my phone. I still wasn't really directly helping anyone, either.

Good news is with the MPA, I can work for a state agency, a federal agency, NGOs, or non-profits. Corporate is mostly out, and that's okay by me.

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SEO Content Creator/Editor?

Another friend of mine living in Philadelphia who has a similar personality to me found a job as an SEO content creator/editor. I think what she does is write and edit articles. She enjoys the writing, likes her co-workers (who are mostly young and well-educated), and gets paid 40k/yr with benefits.

[Viktor K]

Teaching is a whole lot of work, a lot of which is not appreciated by anyone. Throw in disinterested or troublesome or unprepared students and parents that run the gamut from absent to hovering to full of blame, and it is a tough profession. All for not much money. Time off is above average if you are looking for an upside.

Depends where you teach. Teaching in China is a joke and you have 30 hours/week more than you would have in the US to spend developing other skills.

[theanimal]

I heard something recently where something like 40% of searches on Google no longer generate any clicks. The reason being that Google now offers a synopsis/summary/answer at the top of the page. I think the importance and role of SEO will continue to diminish going forward.

I still think you should do something outdoor oriented west of the Mississippi.

[jacob]

Teaching in a mandatory institutional setting (school, high school, college, university) is more like daycare. In a class of 20, only 2-3 students will be as interested in the subject as you (the teacher) are. This only became clear to me after TA'ing paying undergraduates. Prior I must have presumed that everybody else was like me (I was one of those 2-3 students) while forgetting my "K-12" classes where I in most cases was one of the others who were just doing time/paying the required minimum amount of attention.

I think the same [student] attitude exists in corporate style training. The only place where I still imagine people attending enthusiastically are "self-development" courses. E.g. yoga class, meditation, soul cycling, ... the question is how much money is in that.

You have to figure out/know if you care or are affected by the fact that most of your students would rather be somewhere else.

As for SEO content creation, on the blog I get a lot of spam from people offering their warez in the form of "infographics" or "an exciting article (with some sneaky dofollow links) tailored to my audience" paying a "small fee" for my "inconvenience" of posting it. This kind of work certainly exists although I don't know if all the spam comes from the same person using different names or how that goes. I know someone who does and speaks of assignments like "please write 30 different articles just about recycling containers" and she can hammer those out in one day.