Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Where are you and where are you going?
theanimal
Posts: 1580
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:05 pm
Location: AK
Contact:

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by theanimal »

THF- Be careful not to discount the advice of others on here. You have a tendency to complain or ask for advice, then push back against others when they respond. Given that you have been experiencing the same issues for the past >15 pages of your journal, it may be worthwhile to be more open minded and listen to the suggestions of others on here. Take advantage of the accumulated experience on this board! That doesn't mean starting a new thread, but may mean revisiting what you've written previously and what others have said in response, reflecting on that and taking action (if need be) from there.

Scott 2
Posts: 1519
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:34 pm

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by Scott 2 »

What Color is Your Parachute? used to be the go to book for the job problem:

https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your- ... 0399581685

10 years ago, their system was good for me. It seems they keep it current.

niemand wrote:
Wed May 01, 2019 8:54 am
Sit down with your boss(es), list your assignments and clarify what you should prioritise on. Communicate pro-actively, set realistic timelines for each assignment, give status updates to the relevant people if anything changes without them having to ask. Be seen to manage your time well.
This. When people can confidently predict where their work fits in your plan, they stop bothering you. Conversations about new work become "well to finish that by DATE, I'd need to put it ahead of X Y and Z. Is it more important? Ok, I don't have authority to push those back, can you get BOSS to approve?


If you are in a reactive environment, you might not get a prioritized list, or even time to sit down to talk about what is next. Another option could be a a morning email to your boss:

Yesterday I...

Today I will...

Blockers to completing my work are...

User avatar
Ego
Posts: 4809
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:42 am

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by Ego »

If I were you I would read this reply whenever I was feeling down.

viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5936&start=680#p189329

User avatar
unemployable
Posts: 495
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:36 am
Location: Homeless

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by unemployable »

Having a lot of different projects dropped on you is a good thing in the long term. Gives you more things to be exposed to and potentially hit on something you really enjoy. Stress.... I think facing certain kinds of stress in your 20s pays dividends later on down the line.

Of everything within the scope of what you've been given at work, what do you like the most? What do you think could lead to more responsibility/pay over the years? Can you ask to be put on any projects you might find rewarding? IOW, what within your sphere of influence will do the best job of paying the bills? Then when you go to your boss, focus on wanting to do that particular work. You want people to look forward to working with you, and the more positively you can frame it the easier that will be for both you and them.

Everyone hates work. Pick your battles. Again be someone people want to work with, realizing you won't be able to please 100% of your cow orkers.

Re relationships, I would be very careful what I wished for. I sense you may end up with the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and will pay dearly for it in both hard and soft costs. You don't seem to mention any desire to have kids, and aside from that I'm aware of no contest going on whose object is to bag the prettiest girl in the shortest amount of time. You can't get the rich ones and won't get the superficial Instagram-whore types anyway, not at your current state in life at least. Considering how nonconformist you hold yourself out to be otherwise, why do you choose to succumb to peer/societal pressure in this respect?

TopHatFox
Posts: 2093
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:07 pm
Location: FL; 25

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

@unemployable, Hm, I really like mentoring the students that work in my department. Not necessarily giving them advice, but just things to consider and listening. They've told me (and others) that they sincerely appreciate my help throughout as well.

User avatar
C40
Posts: 2543
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 4:30 am

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by C40 »

Scott 2 wrote:
Wed May 01, 2019 12:47 pm
This. When people can confidently predict where their work fits in your plan, they stop bothering you. Conversations about new work become "well to finish that by DATE, I'd need to put it ahead of X Y and Z. Is it more important? Ok, I don't have authority to push those back, can you get BOSS to approve?
+1 on this. I'd include this in the 3 or 5 most important skills at work (along with being like-able and doing good work)

Quantummy
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:39 pm

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by Quantummy »

Agree with @Lemur on no "perfect" job. I read Designing Your Life (Burnett and Evans) per a recommendation on another ERE journal I believe and am glad I read it. Lots of good advice on how to process and evaluate options. The biggest takeaway for me was that there are many good workable options one can choose, so don't get caught in the paradigm of feeling like you have to find the perfect job/location etc. Evaluate and pick something and then reevaluate.

TopHatFox
Posts: 2093
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:07 pm
Location: FL; 25

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

@bigato and theanimal, yeah, I'm obviously stumped on this issue. It's a pretty complex one. It's one my brother has been going through for the past 5 years too. I feel like knowing everything I know now, and now having fixed the jaw surgery issue, what will help me the most is getting the Masters in Psychology/Counseling and moving to a place that values community, emphathy, and activism, such as the Valley.

ZAFCorrection
Posts: 389
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by ZAFCorrection »

@THF

Those are pretty awesome attributes to look for in a place. I'm not familiar with Pioneer Valley, but I know of a few places in the West which would probably argue they embody those values (e.g. Berkeley and Portland), but yet they are hotbeds of NIMBYism and other douchery.

TopHatFox
Posts: 2093
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:07 pm
Location: FL; 25

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

Thanks guys : )

If anything, all of these issues post-grad will help me identify what I should include more of in a life, and what I should avoid!

OTCW
Posts: 428
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:55 am

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by OTCW »

It's a journey, not a destination. A little platitude there to remind you to just enjoy the ride. You seem smart enough to do whatever it is you want, just need to find it.

niemand
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2016 3:18 am
Location: Woop Woop, Australia

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by niemand »

TopHatFox wrote:
Thu May 02, 2019 5:45 pm
... identify what I should include more of in a life, and what I should avoid!
... and if it can’t be avoided (because not everything can!) then maybe strive to learn how to accept it and/or learn strategies to deal with it?

If you were a counsellor/coach/mentor, what would you tell someone when they came to you with issues like yours? Would you be able to help them? Or would you tell them to quit their job and studies and skip town as if this was the solution to make the real underlying issue(s) disappear?

If you were receiving some counsel would you reject it outright because you know you know better? Do you have no blind spots?

I’ve given you some simple ideas to deal with your work situation (and a hint that larger issues may be at play). The workload strategies have been +1ed by Scott and C40. Will you consider the advice?

Please take the above on the context that I’m meaning you well and wishing you the best THF.

TopHatFox
Posts: 2093
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:07 pm
Location: FL; 25

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

Yeah, agreed, or work through it, find ways to cope or make the situation better. I’d say hard work and perseverance are paramount, just as much as putting them to work in the most fitting paths as you identify better fitting paths (or new ones) over time.

-----------

I think what you're saying is actually really important. If you frequent thru-hiking forums, many young thru-hikers experience severe depression after finishing the hike. Many of the cited reasons involve not having a role to play in society, nor the money offering flexibility to explore different paths. Some of them kill themselves afterwards, in fact. The ones that experience these feelings less seem to be the ones that already had a compatible life before the hike to go back to, rather than the ones using the hike as an escape.

I think the work I'm doing now -- of determining what role and places in the world are compatible with my being -- is some of the most important work that can be done for an individual. By comparison, van living or thru-hiking almost seems easy, in the sense that the goal is clear, there's already a pre-established community, and you don't need advanced credentials to do it.

And I'd say I'm actually doing much better than I was last year haha. With only 55K, living in a shitty apartment in NYC, no idea what to get an advanced degree in, a messed up jaw, and thinking working in finance was the answer for me. :lol:

User avatar
RFS
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2018 8:25 pm

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by RFS »

I'm glad you're taking a step back to take stock of what you've accomplished already. I am in a similar situation, having acquired some FU money and an infinitely better big-picture scenario than 3-5 years ago. It sometimes blows my mind to think that there were days in my old job that I didn't like at all, deep in student loan debt, where I felt better than I do now. I guess that speaks to the power of perspective and having a good process.

Also, as a means for figuring out those high-level, "what do I do with my life?" questions, I strongly suggest setting the bar for improving your life low enough (this is different for everyone, but if you think about it, your brain will tell you what you need to do.) I find that when I do a good job of ruling myself on the "little" things, the big things fall into place.

niemand
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2016 3:18 am
Location: Woop Woop, Australia

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by niemand »

As you are contemplating your future life, I hope you will avoid the mistake to believe that there could be some external condition that will make you happy/content.

In the end it doesn’t matter where, what or who we are, we can’t avoid suffering - all we can do is choose how to respond. All said and done, happiness/contentment is an internal condition and it is now.

If you learn the right internal coping strategies that enable you to make the now negative a non-negative, then you’ll be fine no matter where you are or what you do.
Have you read Man's Search for Meaning?

niemand
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2016 3:18 am
Location: Woop Woop, Australia

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by niemand »

Yes, external conditions relevant, but they are only one component, not the solution and not sufficient on their own for contentment.

TopHatFox
Posts: 2093
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:07 pm
Location: FL; 25

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

MAY 2019: A Fork in the Road?

One of my co-workers came to my desk mad that I hadn't done an assignment. Even when I pointed out that I had 20 million other assignments from 30 other people to take care of, they persisted, pointing out that a few of those other assignments weren't done either. So, I felt pinned to the wall and shared that I was depressed. Then we had a conversation with the boss about maybe trying to distribute the workload and maybe getting on anti-depressants. The conversation was friendly and I'm actually quite surprised to learn that the boss also suffered from depression for years.

I don't think I'd be able to continue this role without anti-depressants, but I don't want to be on anti-depressants to be able to feel okay doing my job, and I also don't think the work distribution will really have a manageable difference in my work load. The position just seems high-stress by nature. On top of that, the free masters I've been getting is in administration, and clearly administration is not for me.

Don't really know what to do now. Maybe put in my two weeks, take the GRE, and finally apply and get into a good school for psychology or counseling, as well as AC fellowships to pay for it?

Feeling so lost. The path to success sure likes to meander.

-------------

I was able to last a year, which is an improvement from last time. Yet, I have so much fear that I'll never really be able to hold down a job, certainly not a normal office one. But I also feel clueless as to other ways of making a living, feeling content long-term, and saving. I could use help.

daylen
Posts: 1584
Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2015 4:17 am

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by daylen »

You have probably considered this, but why not get a more labor intensive job? How about an apprenticeship or a part-time cleaning job? Exercise and low stress work may help the depression.

daylen
Posts: 1584
Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2015 4:17 am

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by daylen »

All the psychologists or counselors I know are miserable as fuck. Maybe the job attracts depressed people or makes people depressed. Seems like a bit of both.

Wash dishes a few days a week at a restaurant or something. Get a low status job and reap dividends not caring what others think.

Jean
Posts: 1222
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2013 8:49 am
Location: Switzterland

Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by Jean »

I was about to suggest work in construction, but daylen was faster.

Post Reply