Random Relationship Derailment Thread

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
Jason
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jason »

C40 wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:51 pm


Here you go: Do your revenge porn discussion (jokes) on 4chan, not here.

It's not wrong to make jokes or be funny. But a comedian needs to use tact in determining what jokes to make (and in what threads).
Please provide the proper thread and I will move the joke there.

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C40
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by C40 »

4chan.com

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jennypenny
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by jennypenny »

+1

today wasn't the day guys

Jason
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jason »

Ok, I'll try again tomorrow.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Well, I would like to note as further evidence of gender neutrality in discrimination against ERE types, that my quite conventional careerist BF called me a bum this morning, and added that if our genders were reversed everybody would be advising him to dump me. When I asked for specific indications of being a bum beyond my lack of full-time employment, he said "Well, I don't like how you go into the city to work on that vacant lot and then come back all covered with mud and burrs, and I don't like that you sleep on an inflatable mattress (when I am not with him.)"

It's kind of interesting how my self-aware practice of being a total passive mooch seems to drive men towards both frugality and feminism ;)

7Wannabe5
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Augustus:

I sold the camper, but I do own a 1999 Honda Accord which I could (in theory) sleep in parked by the vacant lot. However, that would be roughly the equivalent of finding my clothes at the town dump* in the eyes of my BF.

*Which I meant to mention I think is totally boss. Boo germaphobes**! Go frugal chicks!


Anyways, since we theoretically have open contract, I just said "Nothing stopping you from finding some clean, skinny, successful career woman to date, if that is what you value. "

**Who wants 'em anyways, since not likely to be all that into the dirty-dirty otherwise either.

Dragline
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Dragline »

I was not planning on looking in here again for a few months, but some of you pm'ed me about other fora that might provide more of what you are looking for than this one.

I've responded to those requests, but am happy to entertain any others privately.

Don't bother if you pride yourselves on being kicked off other boards though -- the boards I'm talking about are moderated and are unlikely to be interested in Free Speech Warrior talk or what you otherwise consider to be humor. This is the place for that sort of thing and you should stay here.

prognastat
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by prognastat »

@Dragline
The ERE forums are moderated, just not in the exact way you would like them to be. There is a difference.

Though I don't believe the ad hominems are helpful to the discussion I do support free speech in most cases and don't think topics of discussion should be stifled as long as it's kept within the bounds of a discussion/lively debate so long as they don't veer into the realm of personal attacks.

My previous response to you might have been a little too strong, but I felt targeted by your comments as I have been banned from other forums for discussions regarding political topics. Given that I've mentioned this in the past and participated in this topic it's hard not to assume part of your comment is targeted towards myself or at least people like me. This wasn't because I was proud of this, rather that I was disappointed in the moderation decisions made there.

I would in the end agree with Jacob's decision to police based on tone, rather than content for the forums.

ZAFCorrection
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by ZAFCorrection »

@Dragline

There are one or two other forumites here who manage to maintain a continually aggrieved posture vis-a-vis the sexism here without looking like a child periodically sticking their head out the door to see if people still care they are having a tantrum. You might consider their approach. Or just stay in gendertopia* full time

No doubt this forum has a bit of a sexist vibe going on, but the vast majority of the MRA/incel shit is promulgated by a handful of people who are routinely challenged. The rest is just what you get when the majority of the community is one gender. And while it is entirely reasonable to expect people to do their best to treat people decently, I'm wondering how much study and practice you expect everyone to undergo so this community can become completely welcoming to women ex nihilo. And what responsibility do women have to make an effort to participate if they want the community to be more women-oriented (JP's point)? If the answers are "a lot" and "none," have a nice day.

*The funny thing about the MRAs/feminists/SJWs/white supremacists/whatever is they seem to see every issue as being within one or two narrow regimes involving a particular intrinsic identity or set of intrinsic identities. Additionally, the issue always needs to be dealt with in some kind of coercive fashion. Have fun playing with your mirror images.

Colibri
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Colibri »

C40 wrote:
Thu Mar 14, 2019 11:43 pm
Are.... do you mean the landfil? Or "dumpster diving' from a clothing store? Can you share more about this?

Even as an open-minded ERE'er, I would be quite surprised if a date puts an image in my mind of her scrounging around the county dump. (I had to go to one a few times for work, and, man, I wouldn't want to picture a girl I was considering having a relationship with on her hands and knees digging around there. Maybe your dumps are a lot nicer(?)

Yes, I should have explain more. What's happening here is that every dump has a section or more precisely a large shed (a.k.a. the Free Store) where people can just give away stuff they don't want but that are still usable. Namely clothes, kitchen ware, books.... So when I say I pick my clothes at the dump the guy will know I mean that shed and not going through the actual garbage pile with rotten apples. But you still have to go at the dump and see all the crap. Most people drop stuff in the shed but don't pick up anything.
I am actually seing the guy again, I was wrong on his behaviour/intention. He fell asleep on my sweater this morning which came from the dump...

7Wannabe5
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Colibri:

Happy to hear you were mistaken about rejection due to frugality. However, I still think it would be very ERE to rescue a sweater from under some rotting stuff as long as you wore gloves and washed it before wearing.

Gilberto de Piento
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

What's happening here is that every dump has a section or more precisely a large shed (a.k.a. the Free Store) where people can just give away stuff they don't want but that are still usable.
That is a good idea. It must be a very small garbage dump for this to work?

theanimal
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by theanimal »

There's the same thing here. About a dozen locations around town. There's no garbage service so this is how people get rid of trash. The outer ring of the lot is lined with open dumpsters, there's probably about 12-50 depending on the size of the site. There's an open, covered area like Colibri described where people leave appliances, furniture, toys , clothes and all kinds of things. Everyone looks through it, no matter the class.

I have friends who have supplied their kids with most of their toys from the site. Others who have furnished their homes. And for the more enterprising, obtaining something from nothing. I was intrigued by a nice leather couch yesterday, but decided to pass on it.

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C40
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by C40 »

This is cool. I've been to a handful of dumps and didn't ever notice something like this. Is it uncommon?

Gilberto de Piento
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

This is cool. I've been to a handful of dumps and didn't ever notice something like this. Is it uncommon?
I see one of the posters is in Canada and the other in Alaska. Maybe these dumps are localized to that area.

Where I am at there is a separate municipal dump area for large item recycling. It has sections for recyclables by type (metal, plastic, building materials, etc.). The few times I have visited there have been items of value if a person wanted to grab them out of the big bins. It was unmonitored though I'm guessing that taking items rather than leaving them is frowned upon, especially in quantity. For example, there often were perfectly good pieces of plywood or metal.

One idea for someone with no better options would be to drop off a small item with no value (to gain entry) and then take as much scrap metal as you felt you could get away with. Turning the metal in at a scrapyard would result in a profit, if you have enough of it. Repeat this every day until the authorities are onto the game and shut it down. It seems easier than the way the scrappers usually do it, which is driving around looking for metal on the curb.

Relationship Derailment Thread successfully derailed. :D

Colibri
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Colibri »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Wed Mar 20, 2019 8:15 am
@Colibri:

Happy to hear you were mistaken about rejection due to frugality. However, I still think it would be very ERE to rescue a sweater from under some rotting stuff as long as you wore gloves and washed it before wearing.
I actually did it once. It was not a sweater but a beautifully hand crafted crocheted blanket made of deep blue yarn. I gave it a good wash and soak and now I use it. It blew my mind someone could trow away such a nice blanket.
It was under some rubish in the (not so dry) dry waste pile. We still have piles of trash instead of containers like TheAnimal mentionned. And yes, these small regional dumps work well on a small scale. We had a Free Store at our local dump (28 000 population). The city closed it a few years ago after someone found a diabetic needle between two t-shirts.

Alright... back to the actual topic ! :D

.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by EdithKeeler »

Wow. This has become an interesting thread. Well.... interesting may not be the right word.

I think I was the one who asked a few months ago about the ratio of men to women on these boards. I thought we had a pretty good discussion about it.

For the record, I, as a woman, generally don’t find the discussion here particularly misogynistic or sexist. I think there’s a few goofy ideas occasionally about M-F relationships, but mostly I put that down to some immaturity on the part of certain individuals. They’ll figure it out. The great thing about message boards on the internet, though, is you can avoid/ignore stuff/posters that you don’t care for.

And ever since we had a bit of a dust up a while back, I try to remember this is Jacob’s living room and I’m a guest in his home, and I try to behave accordingly.

Life’s too short to get into pissing matches with people on the internet. I think that if someone finds this an overall unpleasant place to be, well... it’s a big internet world out there. Go in peace to find a place you like better.

I do think that the beauty of this forum is that generally there’s a pretty high tolerance for doing stuff your own way, whether it’s FIRE or relationships or cooking or dump shopping. I like that. I think if you look for ways to be offended, you are going to find offense everywhere. I try to assume people are coming from an overall good place unless they repeatedly show me that they are not.

Anyway... I just felt like I should weigh in since I’m one of the women who post here and some people were speaking on behalf of “women” who were not necessarily speaking for me. I’m not particularly offended, I don’t feel the forum—or the movement—is particularly misogynistic, and I think it’s pretty clear when Jason is joking—and I think he’s funny.

ETA: it occurs to me, too, that the whole idea of FIRE is completely counter-cultural and antithetical to the world at large. So it’s not surprising at all to find other counter-cultural ideas to creep in as well. So if we assume that the larger culture is concerned about misogyny and sexism (I think there’s a good argument that it’s not really that concerned...) then it’s not unexpected that, if you’re on a board questioning our 9-5 until you die, big house in the ‘burbs, spend it if you got it—or even if you don’t—larger culture that other counter cultural ideas slip in, like questioning monogamous relationships, or questioning being politically correct all the time, etc.

So. Back to it.

Jean
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jean »

Reading the women on this forum probably contributed a fair share at stopping me from falling into mysoginy. Being misandrous or misogyniste is often a symptom of you not having learnd to select members of the opposite sex you interact with. If you think women are bitches, try to identifie what select for bitches in the way you attract them. This was difficult to learn, so i don't blame anyone.

Freedom_2018
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Freedom_2018 »

From what I see:

Misogyny, misandry etc emerge from human inability to reconcile between our biological urges and instincts and our rational belief and desire that we can rise above that. It is essentially a cognitive dissonance (essentially like a malnourished vegan who is vegan for the 'right' reasons but unfortunately the cells of his body have not heard of ethics, they just want the nutrition they want irrespective of source)

We need to honor both biology and rationality for full expression as a human being and learn to self modulate between those two viewpoints. If we don't do it for ourselves, many others are happy to tell us which way to think/behave.

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Ego
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Ego »

Many of the themes talked about here on the forums are money-related so it is normal for people to be in a money-mindset while they are here. Many interactions and relationships in life like working, buying, selling, and doing favors for neighbors, are transactional. We give something and get something else.

It is tempting for those who are good with money and good at managing tranactional relationships to apply these skills to all relationships. But the good relationships, the ones that inject meaning and joy in life, are not transactional at all. They are something entirely different. A transactional mentality kills them.

This article is a bit hokey but it gives a good overview of the difference....

https://medium.com/thrive-global/how-to ... 1edfb68d89

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