Being misunderstood while trying to be ERE/ Finding a partner

[distracted_at_work]

end up wasting your time on 9 weeks of hawt meaningless sex.

Free/cheap exercise

[TheRedHare]

Also, suggesting doing something at your place on a second date will be interpreted by 90-something percent of females as "likely going to try to get me in bed."

It would have to be a pretty cool chick if she wanted to sleep with me on my twin size Japanese futon lol. I would much rather go to there place if possible, but I think most girls wouldn't like that idea.

[7Wannabe5]

@distracted_at_work: Nobody has gotten as much mileage out of that rationalization as me. In fact, I am currently reconciling myself to the fact that men/dating/sex/relationships are luxury items on which I can no longer afford to waste my valuable time whilst in pursuit of economic independence. Even though in my case, this reconciliation also leads to sad reflection on the fact that by the time I have achieved economic independence, I will quite likely have aged out of the market of those who may yet "gather ye rosebuds" or even hope to signal "tad over-ripe, but not yet shriveled." (long sigh to sound of tiny violins.)

It would have to be a pretty cool chick if she wanted to sleep with me on my twin size Japanese futon lol. I would much rather go to there place if possible, but I think most girls wouldn't like that idea.

If you are shopping for the long run, you better get the girl who would sleep with you in the back of a jeep. Try to visualize the person with whom you could enjoy yourself if you were stranded in an airport. I have to say that I worry a bit about you guys who are shopping for the ideal partner for while you are on the build-run of ERE without so much thought for the next phase which might have different challenges.

[GandK]

...and I certainly wouldn't include my designer purse in my dating profile picture.

This. Those photos are about signalling, pure and simple. A small minority of women go through life blissfully unaware of what they're communicating to others in their selfies. Most will take 50+ carefully staged but artless looking photos for a dating site and choose only the most "flattering" ones for display. Pruning women with high end handbags is not about them owning or even being proud of owning that item, it's about them valuing it so highly that they're communicating that it's part of who they are in photos whose sole purpose is to give that information. Guys do the same thing, BTW (sports car shots, anyone?). Run, Forrest, run.

Also, suggesting doing something at your place on a second date will be interpreted by 90-something percent of females as "likely going to try to get me in bed."

This too. In all the years I dated, going into a man's home for the first time always meant he was angling for sex. I would not want to go to a man's home that early on because I've never moved, or wanted to move, that quickly toward sex. If I'm not comfortable enough in your company yet to discuss important life subjects, rational Me will not want sex, and I don't want to be in the uncomfortable position of having to say no either to irrational Me or to you. If a guy suggested his house for Date #2, I'd definitely counter.

[TheRedHare]

I have to say that I worry a bit about you guys who are shopping for the ideal partner for while you are on the build-run of ERE without so much thought for the next phase which might have different challenges.

Could you elaborate a bit more on this? What phases do you have in mind?

[FBeyer]

It would have to be a pretty cool chick if she wanted to sleep with me on my twin size Japanese futon lol.

That attitude reeks of apologeticism.
Don't be meek. Own your life dude. It's yours.

It's you!

If you don't like you, then change.

[7Wannabe5]

@TheRedHare: What I mean is that the partner with whom you are most compatible during the Work phase might not be the partner with whom you are most compatible during the Relax phase, and the partner with whom you are most compatible during the phase when you are feeling not yet free with somewhat scarce resources might not be the partner with whom you will be most compatible when you feel free and in possession of abundant resources

This is going to be one of my worst analogies ever, but it is like if you do not have a vehicle and you have a lot of work to do and a lot of miles to cover, you will shop differently than if you are an old retired guy with plenty of money in the bank moseying around a classic or new auto show.

[TopHatFox]

Joshua Sheats did a podcast on the stages of life, or more specifically the stages of money throughout life. Little did he know the stages of money might come with different partners too

I agree. The partner that's great when you're both working 40-60 hour weeks might not necessarily be the best when you're wanting to drop it all to be a professional ultra runner in a few years.

I'm not sure in our case though. How stark is the difference in goals from the avg 22 year old to the avg 27 year old?

[jacob]

It's not an age thing. It's a stage thing. Most people live paycheck to paycheck all their life. As for post-FI, many will decide to hang on to work because of one-more-year syndrome or simply because they get bored with RE w/o the structure provided by work. It's hard to know in advance.

[TopHatFox]

How long does one more year syndrome typically last for people? Surely not more than a few years...?

[jacob]

It typically lasts one more year.

[classical_Liberal]

...

[7Wannabe5]

@Olaz: What Jacob said.

In theory, there is such thing as a good or natural divorce. Best you can do is find a partner who not only supports your goals, but also respects your purpose, and even honors your truth. It is pretty rare for a person to alter their core truth, but it does happen, and that can result in a good or necessary divorce.

So, what you do not want to do is pick somebody for life partner just at the level of support for your current goals, or at even lower level of strategy/tactics.

For instance, an ENTP is supposed to achieve personal growth in the direction of the INTX through the shared trait of curiosity in alignment with the value of conservation of resources. So, if you met an ENTP and she was a bit of a hawt mess in the realm of her finances, but she admired your functioning, she might be a better long term partner than a financially high functioning female who was primarily motivated by value of power rather than by value of conservation.

[BRUTE]

humans never get divorced because their marriage was going so well. <insert Louis CK sketch on this topic>

[classical_Liberal]

...

[TheRedHare]

For instance, an ENTP is supposed to achieve personal growth in the direction of the INTX through the shared trait of curiosity in alignment with the value of conservation of resources. So, if you met an ENTP and she was a bit of a hawt mess in the realm of her finances, but she admired your functioning, she might be a better long term partner than a financially high functioning female who was primarily motivated by value of power rather than by value of conservation.

As an INTJ (although I sometimes end up getting INFJ), I found a couple of girls that were EN?Ps and have found them most attractive in terms of their personality. Although, I found there concept of money to be lacking, then again they were younger than me. There is this one ENFP girl whom I find physically and emotionally attractive, but she is all caught up in the world of "Frat" where she mostly hangs out with a bunch of douche bags. I can see how hard she is trying to "fit in" to that category, but I also see how she knows she is different than them. Since her family and mine are fairly decent friends, I'm hoping she might realize how fake the frat people are and just be herself....but I don't have my hopes up.

[7Wannabe5]

ENFP is warm, open, generous, needs to be needed type. Signaling self-sufficient will render you invisible. Try making demands in form such as " I need you to come over on Friday and watch movie with me." , but keep tone cool masculine assertive, not pathetic, even though you are using the word "need."

Also, you will find yourself miles ahead of the game if you can stop thinking of your male competitors who are not like you as douchebags. It's kind of like calling the player who steals the ball from you cause you did not make your play fast enough a douchbag and then wondering why basketballs seem to always be choosing to let themselves be handled by douchebags

[BRUTE]

7Wannabe5 is a pick up guru

[Jean]

I met my GF while living in a squatted house.
But as a rule of thumb, the more your life is alligned with your goals, the more the people you meet will be alligned with them too.

[SustainableHappiness]

Try to stop using the word normies. Makes you sound like a prick.