@James_0011 said: The bonobos are the closest example we have of egalitarian ( or "evolved") human culture (even though they are monkeys but I think you get my point) and a distinct feature of their culture is non monogamy. The chimpanzees on the other hand are more similiar to modern humans in that they have a hierarchy and are essentially a war culture, Chris Ryan argues that this power driven culture is related to controlling female sexuality through monogamy.
Right. However, I would note that there is just as much or more control of female sexuality in polygynous cultures. Previous to practicing poly-amory, I was in a 19 year modern egalitarian monogamous marriage, a 9 month monogamous contract with a Dom in the BDSM sub-culture, and a 3 year Islamic marriage contract in which I insisted monogamy be practiced. So, I have some experience in how relationship power dynamics play out in varying cultural contexts. On average women hold the least power in polygynous contract and the most power in poly-amorous contract. I suppose that if the Island of the Amazons who practice polyandry, but not polygyny, existed then that would be the realm in which women held even more power than in poly-amory.
One problem with polyamory is that both submissive females and dominant males (and, of course, individuals tending towards the opposite dynamic) tend towards preferring, or retaining, a level of erotic possession in their sexuality and as romantic validation. "You are mine, all mine, and I will do with you as I please.Bwah-ha-ha" and gifts of tiny pink sugar-hearts that bear similar ownership memes. So, the funny thing is that the sort of nerdy human who is best able to compartmentalize or intellectualize erotic play for one set of purposes, can also be the sort of person who is best able to compartmentalize or intellectualize the practice of polyamory for another set of purposes. I suppose this is similar to how playing at sports releases some of the instincts and energies that might otherwise be exerted in warfare, but an individual who is a mature, civilized, "good sport" will quickly, fluidly, switch gears when the game is over and shake hands with members of the opposing team and invite them to convivial event at local pub. This sort of civility is also exhibited in casual sexual encounters between mature, experienced individuals. (However, it can also be great fun when you are 51 to pretend like you are a 15 year old protecting her virginity in the back seat of a car with a 58 year old man.)
Anyways, one of the reasons why I crashed and burned on polyamorous practice is that I observed some signs of lack of civility in the interactions between some of my male partners, and I probably over-reacted. An observation I would suggest to Olaz is that it is true that he may experience a good deal of difficulty competing with men who are willing to offer and insist on monogamy in our culture, which is now to some extent the culture of the world, in which every female will have watched umpteen Disney Princess movies by the time she reaches sexual maturity, and is therefore drilled in the notion that your sexuality ( and/or your heart's affection) is something you only fully own until some attractive and powerful man claims it for his own.