Well, I have an interesting update for you guys. In the end of May, I was ready to leave in my resignation letter, as I have a one month resignation period at my job. However, I decided not to quit, at least as for now. I did something much more difficult and uncomfortable, for which I have been gathering courage for ages. Something that I've been running away for as long as I remember. I called my employee's health care provider and explained all the mental health issues (and the associated physical health issues) that I've been suffering for over 15 years, i.e. more than 50% of my life. This sparked a very fast moving process, which includes several meetings with a psychiatrist, psychologist and normal MD, as well as a long (fully paid) sick leave from my job. Moreover, I'm now in the process of starting a long-term (1-3 year) psychotherapy treatment (psychoanalytic approach). To be honest, I've always been extremely skeptical and dismissive of talking with mental health professionals, thinking that they would not understand my “hyper” analytical and rational brain, “unique and creative” thought and behavioral patterns, and the associated side-effects (generalized anxiety and paranoia [e.g. obsessing about black swan tail-risk hedging and other stuff like that], OCD, high sensitivity to external stimuli etc.). However, all my prejudices were plain wrong. All mental health professionals I've met have been more than understanding, emphatic and non-judgmental. Moreover, nobody has demanded me to take the “easy route / short term solution”, i.e. to prescribe me mental health medication (SSRIs, tranquilizers etc.), as they've seen long-term psychotherapy as a much more appropriate solution for my “hyper brain / hyper body” disorder, which is commonly associated with people with high IQ / cognitive function / creativity (for more information on this, see e.g. the following study: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/a ... 9616303324). In a sense, this means that your body and mind gets chronically overwhelmed, -stimulated and -burdened by your brain activity, external environmental stimuli etc.guitarplayer wrote: ↑Sun Jun 13, 2021 6:01 pmhi! June 2021 soon terminates, did you manage to avoid the one more year syndrome?
So, I'm now on paid sick leave, which can last up to about 52 weeks before my employee has any powers to end my job contract. Moreover, I have now frequent access to top-notch mental health care (for free). I'll be returning to my job at the earliest in August and even then with a modified and lightened work responsibilities. So, I've been able to hedge quite well the "ruin-risks" associated with my mental health issues.
No, I'm not crazy or mentally ill. But yes, I'm a “high functioning neurotic” who's now wise and intelligent enough to accept the fact that I need some external professional help in order to function at my highest potential and to live the most fulfilling life possible. I'm planning to be alive still an additional 60-80 years and I want to enjoy this time as much as possible. There's no doubt in my mind that the decision to seek external help for my mental health problems was the most important thing I've ever done, and it's something I'm truly proud of. And by the way, I don't give a damn what my colleagues, friends, family or society thinks about all of this. As the saying goes, "One must look like an idiot in the short-term so that one can be a genius in the long-term". Or another one, "Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life" (Jerzy Gregorek). That is, I'm willing to sacrifice short-term dopamine production in order to maximize long-term serotonin production.
In a sense, pursuing FI was a sophisticated way to escape my deeper problems. Don't get me wrong, the ERE philosophy and lifestyle is immensely valuable and I'm extremely happy that I've pursued it for the last 7 years, and I'm quite certain that I'll pursue it for the rest of my life in some form or another. ERE has made me very liberated and self-reliant in many ways, maybe some kind of aspiring "junior renaissance man". But, the brutal and honest truth is that FI is quite useless if one has not mastered one's psychology and self-awareness. Money will solve your money problems, but nothing else. One cannot escape oneself with money (or fame, power, materia etc.). This is something that very few people understand.
All in all, maybe I'll be returning softly to my job in August, maybe not. It could well be that I'm on sick leave for 6-12 months. It might be that I'll never return to my job. It might be that I go back to university and study medicine, psychology, biology and neuroscience, i.e. some of my true passions and obsessions. What happens, happens, and I'm fine with it. I'm just enjoying the summer and the freedom now (i.e. "flâneuring"), as well as doing the deep (and often exhausting and very "unpleasant") psychological work by myself and in psychotherapy. In a sense, I view this as the "last frontier" on the path to "total freedom". I'm pretty much financially independent as of now, I have all the materia I need, good physical health, a fiancé and plenty of social relations, almost too many interests and passions (or addictions..? ) to pursue etc. So, the "fundamentals of life" are quite robust and I'm very excited and optimistic about the future.
BR,
PoorButWealthy
Edit: some typos and additions etc.