What I Spend

[Scott 2]

The therapist had decades of experience, was very busy and seemed genuinely intent on helping me. I had to book sessions almost a month in advance. So, I think she was a fair sampling of the profession. If I had a difficult emotional problem, I could return to her for care. She was patient, kind, intelligent, etc.

My goal was a proactive, expert guided investment in my mental health. In an ideal world, we would have established a baseline, comparing my results to population norms. Then we would have discussed outliers. Both low hanging fruit for investment, as well as exceptional traits I might want to exploit. Using those, we'd set a plan of attack, work the changes with regular check-ins, and reassess after an agreed upon period of time.

Essentially - I wanted a deliberate practice strategy to improve mental health. That didn't seem to be a product on offer.

The closest we got was discussion of formal autism diagnostics. But those are used to qualify people for government or corporate programs. I don't have such needs, so they didn't make sense to pursue.

She initially asked me - "so what do you want to work on?" My response was along the lines of "isn't that what you're supposed to tell me... how does a therapist provide value???" I guess that's not a typical request. After 6 weeks of conversation, I pushed the theme again in our last session. The best I can tell, insurance rules preclude any sort of treatment like I sought. It's not evidence based care.

How much protein are you aiming for in grams?

Currently, the priority is eating enough clean food to avoid feeling lethargic. I am using my fitness pal for macro tracking. The target is 140 grams of protein per day, with at least 2500 calories. Similar to your experience - that's about the most I can consistently handle. I am vegetarian, so a clean diet is bulky. For my protein - I lean heavily upon Greek yogurt and 2 daily servings of whey isolate.

I generally find eating empty calories worth the trade off, but had stopped appreciating them. I was choosing half a box of cereal for dinner, so I didn't have to bother with cooking. Same with cheese crackers, or maybe even a pint of ice cream. Not great. The intent of eating clean this lifting cycle, is to reset my palate. I want to enjoy the empty calories, rather than use them as a replacement for real food.

[macg]

Your comments on therapy are very interesting to me. I've been before, and ultimately found it helpful - and if anyone talks to me about going to one, I always recommend it. So I think it is a positive, I think it can provide help to everyone - knowing yourself is always good, and I think therapy can provide (most? all?) people with tools they didn't have before.

But I find myself in the same thought process as you - wanting "a proactive, expert guided investment in my mental health".

I have no insight lol - just wanted to acknowledge that statement and agree...

[Viktor K]

My experience was pretty different, I think if I wasn't experiencing and/or dealing with any trauma, than a trusted friend and/or self-reflection would be better for me. Some times in life are easier for some people, than they are for others. So I don't know if "normal life" therapy is something I'd reach out to. But I definitely appreciated the help, techniques, and guidance when I was dealing with trauma. And the next time there's trauma in my life, I'll likely reach out a LOT sooner for therapeutic assistance than I did the last traumatic thing that happened in my own life.

I'm definitely glad and jelly that you're happy with your portfolio right now. Would love to see a recap of how you're investing, you know, for personal research purposes

[Scott 2]

Our portfolio is purposefully dumb. Clever investing stresses me out, and I want my wife to understand what we're doing with the money.

So, I copied the Vanguard LifeStrategy Moderate Growth Fund allocations. 60/40 stocks to bonds:

https://investor.vanguard.com/mutual-fu ... file/VSMGX

I implemented it with individual index funds, so I can manage income and tax exposure better. I can't have my brokerage account throwing out unexpected dividends, pushing us out of the health insurance income bands.

The plan is to sell only bond holdings for a long time, possibly 10 plus years. This is a rising equities glide path. Since I retired into a high valuation environment, the hope is it will mitigate sequence of returns risk. It's hard to get excited about bond returns these days, but I bought them anyways, to support the strategy.

If the plan produces 3% real returns, annualized over the next 10 years, I'll be happy. Our withdrawal rate reflects that conservative expectation. It is also backed by home ownership, expected social security, possible inheritance, etc.

Back testing suggests moving beyond 10+ years, the bumpy ride starts to smooth out, and we could end up with a higher net worth than some of the more diversified portfolios. Given that long term care costs are an eventual concern, I thought stomaching that stress would be worth it. Intellectually, I know the portfolio could fall by a third and still be within parameters.

In practice - the 10% drop combined with 8% inflation, hasn't felt great. I can definitely see a sequence of events that leads us to one of the McClung inspired portfolios. The second our current strategy drops isn't time to change, but I am learning the appeal of sacrificing upside to reduce volatility. I am only happy now, because my expectations are sufficiently low. We're also tracking the market, which makes the pain easier to swallow.


Practically speaking - my wife and I are still learning to manage a simple portfolio. A year ago, we were blindly buying LifeStrategy mutual funds in all accounts. We had never cashed out an investment, exchanged a mutual fund, bought an ETF or re-balanced a portfolio. Moving from that to even this dumb strategy has been trying. The McClung portfolios would have been too much. In hindsight, developing these skills during the accumulation phase would have been a better choice.

[Scott 2]

Seeking proper medical care is one of my themes for the year. Tabling the therapist opened a some bandwidth. So, this week I saw an orthopedic surgeon. I've been ignoring pain in my shoulder and knee for 7+ years. I can trace each to acute events, which I solved by waiting the pain out, then resuming activity to the best of my abilities. Even though I had great corporate insurance. Not smart.

The good news. X-rays and a manual exam ruled out arthritis, bone spurs, ligament tears, fractures. When a joint hurts on and off for years, those are all serious worries. The most likely problems are a torn labrum (shoulder) and meniscus tear (knee). Neither would typically be treated surgically, especially given my current physical capacity.

So - I can get an MRI to verify and get a better understanding of how to manage. I've learned doing it through a hospital, even with insurance, is prohibitively expensive. But, I think a freestanding imaging facility might be feasible, putting me out of pocket a couple hundred after insurance. I'm calling around next week to confirm.


The dentist decided to pick a new fight related to billing. Somehow an account I thought was fully paid, now has a $480 balance. I've talked them down to $270 so far. I'm arguing the remainder. It boils down to disagreement over insurance coverage.

Over the past year, this has been a repeated problem, one of my bigger sources of stress. It's confusing, frustrating, and I feel misled. When every dollar could buy something else, those feelings are amplified. The experience is much different now than during the accumulation phase. Back then, $500 was a minor shift in my savings rate. Noise, really.

Ultimately, I think my dentist is transitioning to a concierge medicine model. They're beating around the bush, but I've played this game before. I either need to fire my insurance company or my dentist. Objectively - my wife and I agree - our oral health has never been better. This is modern dentistry at its finest. So, we're probably going to pay. In the best case, it's about $250 more a year. In the worst case, around $2000.


We entered the month angling for a new dishwasher. Appliance shopping sucks, for so many reasons. Today, my wife took initiative and started trying to clean the old one. A soak and wash with vinegar. Then baking soda. Better. I got caught up and spent several hours cleaning and learning. Motivated, I'm sure, by money - medical expenses and other unmet wants.

The dishwasher is far less disgusting. The critical problem is a detergent cup that isn't latching, but looks highly repairable. Watching videos online, I think taking the sump cover off will let me get most of the remaining mold out. I'm going to explore both ideas further tomorrow. Other than the time involved, those attempts should be inexpensive. If the dishwasher works well after, the argument to keep it running is strong.

If that path works, we may also replace a rubber filter that is decaying in the bottom. Another $50, but harder to get at, without damaging other aging plastic. It's tough to know how much time repairs buy us. From what I can tell, these things are made to be serviced. While it's at least 15 years old, maybe we get 5 more?

Most importantly - I learned we should have been doing a cycle of vinegar rinse every few months. Coupled with an occasional wipe down inside, we may have averted the mold problem entirely, possibly the decaying coarse filter as well. Good lessons.


The past few months have me frustrated by financial constraints. I enjoy premium medical care. I like throwing money at problems. I don't want to clean. I don't want to DIY. I don't want to sell my investments. I don't like watching my net worth go down.

So - I've recently felt motivated to look at ways people work. The idea of an asynchronous remote first company has caught my interest. I binged a couple books from the Basecamp / 37 Signals guy and have started poking around at how Gitlab does things.

I don't know if this goes anywhere. We plan on ramping down the social distancing near term. It could tank my interest. I can have some of the luxuries offered by money, just not all of them. When I am no longer trapped at home, that may feel less bothersome.

On the other hand, maybe there's a way to work that I wouldn't find miserable. I like solving problems. I like collaborating with interesting people. I like using the computer every day. It's the schedule constraints, travel, meetings and politics that make me crazy. Maybe there's an enjoyable middle. Especially since I don't need to maximize income or career trajectory. I'd just want a fun work/life integration.

I poked at the idea of taking an over-employed attitude, but with only one job. Other than money, it doesn't seem like a good fit. I think gaming the company would stress me out than doing work. I don't do well playing in the grey areas. Above the board professional relationships are already a challenge. Nuance has never been my strength, and I think it's required to gracefully play such a game.

[Scott 2]

Dishwasher update:

1. Between today and yesterday, I have >90% of the mold and build up cleaned out. The last 10% would take a lot of patience and care, especially with the age of the plastic. We're guessing it's from 2001. My hope is cleaning build up from the sump cover will let it drain better. Reaching to unbolt the piece was a pain.

2. I took out the door liner and traced the detergent cup not closing. Adhesive holding a piece of sound dampener on the door failed, letting it fall in front of the detergent cup lever. So, I ripped out the sound dampener. I cleaned the bottom of the door liner too. The build up was so bad, it had pushed part of the bottom gasket out.



The first run looks better. The detergent cup worked. The dishes are maybe cleaner? The inside of the dishwasher is definitely cleaner. I'm going to be around while it runs for awhile and see what happens. There's a chance leaks develop or something else breaks from me poking around in there. It's definitely possible build up was keeping water in.

If it is stable, I'll probably call it done. Given the age of the unit, I don't think there's value in pursuing a higher standard. My inner perfectionist wants to fix the small problems, but that probably won't make the dishwasher work better or last longer. The bottom gasket on the door isn't in great shape, the coarse filter on the bottom needs replaced, sound dampening is missing, there's still a little mold / hard water buildup, etc.

[Scott 2]

Dentist Update - TIL about the alternate benefits clause or Least Expensive Alternative Treatment (LEAT) clause in dental insurance. If the dentist fills a molar with composite, insurance will say "it should have been metal (amalgam)" and pay less. Then the insured is responsible for paying BOTH their copay on the downgraded procedure and the difference between procedure costs. This pattern escalates all the way to major treatments, like crowns and implants. Don't want a metal crown??? Alternate benefit downgrade!

When I worked, my dental insurance was employer funded. Partners and owners of the firm used the insurance. As did their families. So there was strong incentive to make the LEAT clause favor the insured. Composite fillings were always covered, for example.

As an independent consumer, it looks impossible to buy a policy without an aggressive LEAT clause. In some states, dental associations are fighting the composite vs. amalgam battle. Not mine though. This is another premium for declining traditional employment. I'd call it a penalty for living lower income, but I don't think most playing around the poverty line are affording dental insurance.


So - my financial disagreement with the dentist is partially due to alternate benefit downgrades. There's also a problem with my specific insurance provider. Another insurer is an option. However - the alternate benefit downgrade needs to be accounted for. So if I assume my family has $1000 of fillings per year, with a 30% copay, $150 deductible and downgraded services cost 60% of rendered services:

Expected Out of Pocket: $450 = $300 (copay) + $150 (deductible)
Actual Out of Pocket: $730 = $600 x 0.3 (copay) + $1000 x (1 - 0.6) (downgrade) + $150 (deductible)

As a consumer - I pay 50% more out of pocket than expected. Very misleading.

This information must be available from the dental insurers somehow, but I definitely didn't see it when signing up. Even now, putting an hour into searching, I haven't been able to find the language or rules for my dental plan. People inside the insurer must know exactly what is happening. I bet it's a case of "this is just how the business works" or "everyone does it this way". This is a great example of why people hate insurance companies.

I think insurance has it's place. Encouraging preventive care. Pooling risk. Negotiating rates. Smoothing the demand of expenses on cash flow. But the transparency needs to be better.

[zbigi]

So if I assume my family has $1000 of fillings per year, with a 30% copay, $150 deductible and downgraded services cost 60% of rendered services:

If this is a constant ongoing expense, shouldn't insurance technically be redundant in this case? Since the fillings are a certainty and not a risk, why not just pay the money directly to the dentist and skip the middleman? Aren't there dentists who'll charge reasonable amounts directly to you? The benefit to them would be not having to deal with the insurance companies' opaque bureucracies.

[jacob]

If this is a constant ongoing expense, shouldn't insurance technically be redundant in this case?

Technically yes. But in the "free competitive marketplace" that is the US healthcare system, people often pay different prices depending on whether they have an insurance company negotiate the price on their behalf or whether they're "free agents" and doing their own negotiation. So, in practice it's complicated and often worrisome. There's no "one single transparent market clearing price", rather it's a different price for everybody with good "negotiators" getting a better price than others. Kinda like a bazaar, really. It's part of US culture and deeply ingrained. A lot of people make their living as middlemen in this business, so it's very hard to change or get around. Even paying ones taxes demonstrates similar dynamics.

[Scott 2]

Dentist resolution - I negotiated the $480 disagreement down to $6. I could have gotten that last $6, but would have created a lot more work for the billing person. I took the chance to give her something back, offer praise, and get a receipt closing out the transaction. There wasn't a single party at fault here, so I also threw them 5 star reviews on Google and Yelp.

I am going to fire my current insurance company, then hire another that's about 50% more expensive. They offer better coverage and are the dentist's preferred network. This specific office has a premium product and is worth the money. For my wife and I, I expect to pay $1100 in annual premiums and will ear mark another $900 for unplanned care. I am hoping I can get the waiting period waived for the new coverage.


@zbigi - My cash option is the dentist's "plan for health". It costs $500 per year, per person. It covers baseline preventative care, plus a 20% discount on retail, for other care. You get a 5% discount for paying at time of service. The 25% total discount brings cash prices similar to rates contracted with insurers. Total out of pocket would be similar to the insurance I am buying, but I would be 100% tied to the specific practice. Given the recent billing issues, I didn't want to make that commitment. They might close, leaving me out of pocket.

For this specific dental office, a simple pay as you go would be the most expensive approach. Pure cash pay doesn't suit them, since people skip preventive care and decide not to pay bills. There's a gym membership aspect to the plan for health as well. People buy it and don't use it, subsidizing the rest of us.


Were I willing to accept variable dentist quality, I could find better pricing elsewhere. There are a few clever paths:

1. Pick cheap insurance, stick entirely to in network dentists. Accept that once a practice builds their client base, they'll drop the insurer and I'll need to move on. For the practice - accepting cheap insurance is a marketing expense.

2. Offices offer "new client cleaning, exam and x-ray" specials around $100. One could churn those, switching dentists every 6 months. If care is needed, cash prices can be negotiated. It's like finding a mechanic to do repairs on your car. One can buy a dental discount plan for $10 a month, to help get negotiated prices.

3. The US has a rule going into effect, that medical debts under $500 no longer show on your credit report. Someone who wanted to play in the gray area, could burn through dentists $490 at a time. They have minimal recourse - selling the debt to collections at 30 cents on the dollar. That's a 70% discount, if it is ever paid at all.

4. Get care at a dental school. From what I understand, it's cheap but slow. Professors are supervising, so it's rare anything goes terribly wrong.

The complexity raises prices for all of us. My dentist has a team of people to deal with insurance and collections.


It's a train wreck. Medical is even worse. I am shopping two MRI's right now. In-network options are:

1. Cash pay at a freestanding facility - $375 per, a $750 out of pocket total.

2. Insurance pay at the same facility. $1100 billed. I have a 20% copay, so a $220 out of pocket total. If I hadn't met my deductible already, the full $1100 would be out of my pocket. So I'd need to decide if it's worth using my insurance, on the gamble that credit towards my deductible is worth paying $350 more. Conversely - if I'd already hit my insurance max out of pocket, the cost to me would be $0.

3. The exact same MRI, but at a hospital facility. At least triple the numbers above, maybe more. The insurance co-pay also increases to 40%. Were I to pick an out of network hospital, the sky's the limit. I could spend $4k for the exact same MRIs.


Navigating this is one of the most complex aspects of not working. White collar corporate insurance gives a safety net. Large companies self-fund, and as a result, offer benefits superior to anything available for an individual consumer. The only reason my medical care is financially viable this year, is because I am playing income games for government subsidies.

Both my insurance premiums and co-pays are government subsidized. This year, I pay $220 a month for a $200 deductible and $2900 max out of pocket. Last year - it was $400 per month for a $6000 deductible and $8000 max out of pocket. Those are all in-network numbers. If I pick the wrong doctor, my out of network deductible is $15k. I have the most premium plan I can buy.

Even worse - one can't go without insurance and cash pay. Most medical providers have inflated their rates to account for everything above. Retail for a surgery might be 10x the negotiated insurer rate. Cash pay customers are noise in the system, entirely secondary to satisfying government and corporate plans.

The assumption is any care rendered to the uninsured will be negotiated down, not paid, or funded by charity programs. Often, it is a hospital or pharmaceutical company offering the charity. So the over-inflated retail price turns into a tax write off - either because it wasn't paid, or because the hospital "donated" the dollars. Despite the initial price being a totally made up number, which everyone knows nobody can afford to pay.

When you want care from a specific doctor, that isn't on your insurance, or offers a procedure insurance doesn't want to approve, this becomes a major barrier. I've been recommended jaw surgery for a bite issue. If I can't find a clever answer, it's >$100k. Should things go wrong - maybe unbounded. If I can't figure out how to game the system, my only rational choice is to do without.

As an individual consumer - I can't buy insurance that covers jaw surgery. It is specifically excluded from the available individual plans. The angle I am exploring now - if my insurance won't approve the care, can I still get their negotiated in-network rates? While it might not be my preferred surgeon, that would be financially viable. I don't know the answer. I haven't found the motivation to explore further, so my care remains delayed.

[chenda]

Maybe go to Mexico for dental work?

Is the surgery to correct an underbite, if you don't mind me asking?

[Scott 2]

Is the surgery to correct an underbite, if you don't mind me asking?

I have both an open bite and a cross bite.

From what I understand, fixing it requires a series of surgeries, with courses of braces in between. Something like:

1. Remove wisdom teeth
2. Install rapid maxillary expander, to widen arch of upper jaw
3. Perform maxillary impaction, to change angle of upper jaw. Maybe touch the lower jaw, so it lines up.

So the orthodontist is coordinating with the surgeon, over a period of 12-18 months.

When the surgeon is out of network, just making a firm plan costs near $1000. I stopped upon learning that and getting order of magnitude estimates. Until you've paid for the plan, and it's been submitted to insurance for approval, the estimate is opaque. It could be $50k, it could be $150k.

The surgeon takes x-rays and possibly other imaging, feeds it into software and uses that to project a possible end result. The surgery itself uses templates out of the software, machined down to something crazy, like one thousandth of an inch. I imagine the model is refined as a patient moves through the stages of orthodontics.

The challenge with medical tourism, is the experience is far from a one and done. Beyond orthodontic collaboration, the impaction surgery alone includes half a dozen surrounding appointments, along with 4-6 weeks before you are back to chewing. Check-ins continue for a year or two. Complications can be urgent and severe.

Mexico is substantially cheaper - my rough guess is 25% of the uninsured US cost. I suspect the cash pricing is comparable to the negotiated rates of an in-network US procedure.


A poor American in my position loses their teeth over time. Maybe dentures as they age. TMJ pain and sleep issues are suffered through. Eating is a problem.

On the moderate path, one fixes what they can with Invisalign ($7k), hoping to slow the failure. Maybe implants as teeth go (~$5k/per), provided the underlying bone supports it. Insurance addresses TMJ pain and sleep issues. I am also considering this path.

The medically optimal course, as an adult, is what I described. When insurance doesn't cover it, I believe the wealthy pay out of network surgeons, without a second thought. Beyond averting health issues, there can be substantial cosmetic benefits. Not my motivation - but a wider smile, straight teeth and stronger jaw are prized. Pretty people earn more. Return on investment is there.

[Ego]

3. The US has a rule going into effect, that medical debts under $500 no longer show on your credit report. Someone who wanted to play in the gray area, could burn through dentists $490 at a time. They have minimal recourse - selling the debt to collections at 30 cents on the dollar. That's a 70% discount, if it is ever paid at all.

The system is changing fast. Traditional credit reports are still used but AI screening is coming on fast. It uses a million unrelated snippets of data to make decisions. How many of those snippets correlate with medical debt?

[Scott 2]

I can imagine personal data that could be used as a proxy variable. A naive example - flag individuals visiting more than 5 unique dental offices in the same zip code, over the past 5 years. I'm sure a well trained predictive model could do much better.

I think the larger barrier would be offering a profitable business. Assume the model works. It will be vilified by the same legislators who have invalidated small medical debts. Public scrutiny will not be kind. This means hearings, new regulations, negative PR, etc. Parallel to this, organizations that want the model need to justify time and cost to integrate. Given the product's uncertainty, when is it worth committing?

I am interested to see how providers respond to the credit reporting change. It's an enormous middle finger to every medical office in the country. I do think they will fight back, especially as revenues fall. Yet, public appetite for punitive controls isn't there. So, I don't expect AI models holding debtors accountable.

My guess - stronger preventive controls. More services requiring prepayment, with the insured being directly reimbursed by insurance. A refusal to provide care without insurance pre-certification. Escrow accounts for high risk patients or services. Bundling of care into units costing >$500. Consolidation of medical providers, making it easier to track bad actors.

None of that sounds consumer friendly, but maybe it will help prevent costs from rising even further.

[chenda]

From what I understand, fixing it requires a series of surgeries, with courses of braces in between.

If not already I'd get a second opinion as to whether these surgeries are actually necessary or if it could be treated in a less invasive/cheaper way. Even if money is no object surgery is best avoided if at all possible.

[Scott 2]

@chenda - I appreciate the support. My next step down a surgery path, is conversation with an in-network doctor. My current top candidate was at a non-profit teaching hospital up until recently. I am curious if he offers a different perspective from the out-of-network surgeon I spoke with last.

Getting older, I'm finding medical discussions are sometimes nothing but bad choices. My wisdom teeth are already worn flat. In every scenario, they go. Taking action only means I get to choose when and how. Friends in their 40's are finding similar experiences. One person it's the kidneys. Another the knees. Doctors will say - "X is going to fail, here's what your paths might look like..." I never ran into this during my 20's or 30's. Lucky me, I suppose.

[Scott 2]

March 2022 Total (Couple) - $2648
Healthcare/Medical - $1029
Groceries - $807
Home Maintenance - $290
Utilities - $209
Exercise - $140
Video Games - $62
Entertainment - $50
Automotive - $43
Streaming - $18

We ran about $700 under the planned budget of $3438. This month marks a retirement inflection point. I'll post more on that separately.


April 2022 Estimate (Couple) - $4336
Healthcare costs remain the biggest category. Home insurance hits in April. All utilities bill in April. We are each taking $250 of disposable income. So, we get some toys. We left $550 of last month's underage unplanned, out of this estimate.

No large purchases are expected. Kittens arrive Monday. I resume lifting at a gym mid-month. Spring makes time outside more fun. We celebrate Easter, as a secular holiday. Lots to do, that isn't spending money.


Overall
Net worth rebounded, making recent portfolio volatility feel more tolerable. Annual re-balancing happened for the first time. We executed the steps together, primarily so my wife could learn what happens with the money.

Starting with a simple 4 fund portfolio was a smart choice. I am unsure when or if it will make sense to take on greater complexity. Diversifying to lower volatility holds appeal, but the mechanics need to remain accessible.

[Scott 2]

A Retirement Inflection Point
I was feeling a lot of financial discontent mid-month. I found myself looking at ways to earn money. Since then:

1. I delayed a new dishwasher by fixing the old one.
2. I negotiated away a $500 dentist bill.
3. I found predictable dental insurance that costs less than strict cash pay.
4. I budgeted realistic assumptions about dental co-pays and deductibles
5. I used my health insurance for affordable medical care
6. Our portfolio bounced back about 5% from recent lows.
7. My lifting cycle ended strong, within 85% of all time PRs. Strength is up 10% in the last sixteen weeks.

The discontent has improved. I am back to enjoying the moment and working on quality of life improvements.

With hindsight, this will prove to be a pivotal FIRE month. Due to skill development, we ended with a budget surplus. More importantly - we are approaching the tail of retirement driven lifestyle contraction.

My first year held repeated discovery of under appreciated employment perks. Every step forwards met with two steps back. This month was the opposite. We navigated new challenges with skill development. Life got better. I got better. That progress sets up future growth.

It does highlight how failure avoidance motivates my more significant results. I have a tool available here - creating risky situations, where my options are to learn or fail. Use sparingly.



The month offered another a powerful demonstration. Retirement changed how I experience alcohol.


Several years ago, near the peak of my career, I chose to focus on my yoga and meditation practice. This included abstaining from alcohol for several months. Time passed and my enthusiasm waned.

The moment I resumed drinking was pivotal. Upon the first sip, deep relaxation washed over my body. It was more intense than any recent spiritual practice, a WTF moment. Why even bother, if an ounce of liquor does more???

I found a new balance and enjoyed my fair share of whisky. I'd nurse a Scotch in the evening, while forcing myself through some tedious work problem. Numbing my brain made the monotony tolerable.


With my most recent lifting cycle, I chose to run a similar abstinence experiment. I definitely had moments where I missed whisky, but they faded. The worst part was doing taxes sober. So boring.

This week, after two months alcohol free, I cracked a bottle. Red wine. It was fun, but overwhelming relaxation never arrived.

I've reflected on why. In short - I'm already there. Alcohol isn't required to find an escape. Every day of retirement offers hours of tranquility. Hours free from problems racing through my head. My life is peaceful.

The contrast is stark. Even writing it out makes me feel a little anxious. I have a precious treasure someone might take. I understand grasping is counter productive, but protecting that tranquility feels essential.

It is something to consider as I explore adding new stressors into my life. Loss of the ability to relax, without chemical support, warns of a failing path. I need to watch for it.


I still find myself browsing job postings at times. An extra $5-10k per month holds appeal. Yet, the money is not worth losing my tranquility. I do wonder if there's a world where I can have both.

[Scott 2]

A few frugal changes for the month:

1. The price of my cat's wet food increased substantially, 33%-50%. We've started buying the 5.5oz cans and will feed him half per day - 83 cents per serving. Previously, he'd get a 3oz can. But I'm not paying the $1.33 they are asking now. That's crazy inflation.

2. I am not going to use the dryer. It is working fine, but around 20 years old. I always laughed at the idea of line drying outside, but I'll see what I can do in the house. I like the idea of removing a mechanical dependency.

3. I am giving boxed red wine a try, starting with a $15 Cabernet Sauvignon from Aldi. I don't know much about wine, but I like this. The box lasts 6 weeks and offers ~25 drinks. 4 drinks per week is a very manageable amount. At the price point, I think it is better than a comparable whisky, beer or cider.

[take2]

2. I am not going to use the dryer. It is working fine, but around 20 years old. I always laughed at the idea of line drying outside, but I'll see what I can do in the house. I like the idea of removing a mechanical dependency.

I think mechanical dryers are one of those things you get used to using and start thinking are standard until you go without one. They are much less common in U.K./EU, to the point where it’s a bit strange if you have one at all. When I first moved across the pond it took some getting used to but I wouldn’t go back even if I moved back stateside. It’s cheaper and better to line dry (clothes last longer).

We currently use an extendable drying rack, which is probably the best option for you. Just set it up inside or out, takes very little time, especially if it’s just for 2 adults. When I was still single I bought a roll of clothes line for £1 and used to string it up between two walls in my flat. That was my claim to ERE fame (in my head at least). My GF was not amused. We now use the aforementioned drying rack.