What I Spend

[delay]

May I suggest also trying FairEmail (email client) and Bitwarden (password manager).

I have used K9-Mail and KeePass in the past, but the above have won me over.

As an email provider, I am using Autistici.org (free, donation based) for years now, managed by an Italian anti-establishment collective. Probably not your cup of tea, but putting this out there. The Swiss "Kolab Now" and the German "Posteo" are strong paid privacy-minded options.

Thanks for the tips! FairMail is available on F-Droid, Bitwarden is not. I'll try FairMail.

I enjoy keeping my Linux skills up to date and I run my own email server. Not sure privacy exists on the interntet. Even if I mail myself this gets forwarded to devices running MacOS and Windows and Huawei EMUI. My own email server will contact servers on the internet to check if the mail I send myself is spam

[OutOfTheBlue]

F-Droid is mentionned on the Bitwarden.com downloads page, but it seems one currently needs to add the separate repo in F-Droid settings:

Also see: https://mobileapp.bitwarden.com/fdroid/

Some additional apps are also available through Izzydroid repo:
https://apt.izzysoft.de/fdroid/index.php

[zbigi]

You can migrate all old email and contacts to a paid protonmail account and then have the ability to search it. The data is behind strong encryption, so no one including proton can see your data.

https://proton.me/support/switch-from-gmail-to-proton

There's a caveat to Protonmail's search abilities - since the emails are encrypted with a key that protonmail itself does not have (the decryption happens in the client, i.e. on your PC/smartphone, and not on protonmail servers), they cannot perform server-side search. This means that, if you're using their web client or smartphone app, the search is limited to emails headers (subject, sender etc.) only. This is a pretty serious limitation. On PC, you can circumvent it via using ProtonMail Bridge and downloading all mail into a local client (like Thunderbird), instead of using their web app. There's no equivalent solution for mobile though, and the inability to do proper search through emails while on the go can be annoying.

[Scott 2]

@outoftheblue - bitwarden is the password manager I see commonly recommended. Assuming I want someone else to manage things.


That's the critical distinction, IMO. Is the gain from self hosting worth it? Do I want to fully own my KeePass database?


When I look at something like self hosting email - it's definitely not for me. Standing up the service, hardening, monitoring, patching, backups, etc. What are the odds I get it all right? Successful encryption is hard. And I know the playing field will continue shifting.

Gmail might not be private, but it is secure. They're extremely unlikely to delete or corrupt my mailbox. Spam is not my problem. There are continuous internal and external audits, including ongoing penetrating testing.

This goes double when I think about my wife's data. I don't want to be the reason she no longer has some critical file.

When I look at a smaller email provider, or even an app like fairmail, those same considerations come into play. Proton and K9 might not be Google, but they have enough scale to be very predictable.


@delay - noted about Bitwarden on fdroid. At this point, I've deleted the alternate app store. Unless I fully get away from GApps, I can't see taking on the manual app updates. I'm also not keen on running a rooted phone.

My intent is to favore secure computing from a larger device, which simplifies a degoogle.

I think the maps problem will be my biggest barrier. Losing portable Google maps is a sacrifice. The two map apps I tried off Fdroid were not comparable. Without all that user data, they can't be.

I'm getting used to inferior swipe text. I might be able to get there with maps too.


@zbigi - That's a great point on search. A necessary sacrifice for the privacy, but not immediately obvious. Any encrypted email service should have similar limitations.

[Scott 2]

It's been awhile since I fired Amazon. I'm finding there's a small financial premium, maybe 10-20℅. However, I am spending less overall, because I need to think about what I buy, and who I will buy it from. This has greatly reduced impulse purchases and items sitting in my home unused. Quieter mental space, overall.


Additional progress away from big tech has stalled. Over the past few years, I've transitioned my medical strategy. From thinking doctors cost too much, to fully engaging with modern medical care.

That effort hit an unexpected swell during Q1. If a doctor has something promising to offer, it generates a cascade of activity. I underestimated that and got multiple hits. So a busy January ate my February and March.

I think some brain testing unlocked a paradigm shift in how I approach mental health. The impact will be seen over months and years, but I have high hopes. I can articulate cognitive deficits, why they lead to career burnout, and how the impairments impact me even now.

A second opinion on my foot issues completely alerted trajectory there. I was anticipating surgery for a full return to activity. A more prestigious doctor advised the opposite. That I can do much more now, and surgery is likely to lower that potential. So PT and footwear related efforts have been demanding.

Annual blood work was great, the best I've ever seen.


Money is doing fine. We're approaching a nominal peak in net worth, though real is still below prior highs. Spending is a little higher. Estate planning. Helping family. Medical. Hired a house keeper. Even used the dryer a couple times.

[mathiverse]

I think some brain testing unlocked a paradigm shift in how I approach mental health. The impact will be seen over months and years, but I have high hopes. I can articulate cognitive deficits, why they lead to career burnout, and how the impairments impact me even now.

If you are interested in sharing, I'd be interested in hearing about the brain testing you did (what tests, what doctor, how you got them ordered, etc) and the insights you got.

[Scott 2]

I'd be interested in hearing about the brain testing you did (what tests, what doctor, how you got them ordered, etc) and the insights you got.

A series of in-network referrals, starting with my internal medicine physician, lead to a neuropsychological assessment. I paid $80 out of pocket, insurance paid another $1100. Retail was $3600. Dunno how attainable it is without insurance.

We talked about my issues, concerns, self history, etc. Then tested the relevant traits. Autism confirmed. And yeah, I'm real smart. The mind blower? I have support needs. WTF??? Like dude, I already made it in life. I've suspected the autism for a decade. What are you on?

His point - I have cognitive deficits. I use my strengths to brute force the related impairments. While mildly effective, it is exhausting. Success does not preclude a need for accommodation. Better to understand proven strategies. Use those to build a scaffolding of support. Stop burning my energy on a game of pretend, followed by a frantic scramble when things go south.


And you know what? It is better. Over the past decade, resources on neuro-divergence have drastically improved. Instead of teaching "normal", they teach self-reflection. Understanding what might serve you. How to collaborate with normal, without sacrificing yourself. Identifying where you might genuinely be limited (disabled) and how to ask for help.

Some of my limitations, relate to self perception. Only - there's half a dozen terms, for the different aspects of self perception. Each of those have possible impairments, along with ways to provide support. So instead of a vague sense I'm blind, I have actionable steps for relief. It is far better. The framework is rich.

Much of this has to be self directed. Mental health professionals focus on children and individuals with higher tiers of diagnosis. I am tier 1 of 3 - low support needs. I tried an autism focused therapist about 2 years ago. It wasn't particularly fruitful. If she had these frameworks, she did not share. The volume of time I've spent learning and reflecting, would have required years of sessions.


Now the caveat - testing relies heavily upon self-report. I answered hundreds of survey questions. But the autism makes me an unreliable narrator. I'm bad at feelings - both in myself and others. So one of the diagnoses we arrived at was depression. I did not agree, was told it's somatic, and I should try a drug anyways. That went poorly. I essentially lost 10 days, to a drug that did not help me.

So, we're still chasing the cause of my original symptoms. Based upon the drug experience, as well as my informed reading, I have a theory. Rather than anchor on a self-diagnosis, I'm headed back to the neuropsych. I'll take advantage of expertise available via my insurance. I suspect he'll confirm:

1. My original symptoms ARE somatic presentation of conditions I failed to perceive

2. The core is anxiety, not depression. I've been stumbling into self-treatment, without understanding what I was doing. It explains some very annoying behavior loops on my part. Heroic volumes of yoga. Avoiding fun but socially challenging adventures. Drinking at weird times. Etc.

3. There are also traits consistent with inattentive ADHD. Much less confident on this. But it's relevant, in that the anxiety could be load bearing. Treating it could make ADHD related symptoms worse. It's also tricky, in that there's overlap with autism and high intelligence. So I may successfully borrow behavioral strategies, but not have the condition. When it comes to medicine, this is an area to tread _very_ carefully.


I'm excited for the future. I think this paradigm may substantially improve my life.

[Scott 2]

I'm leaning into mitigation strategies for my atypical wiring. I am good at using hyper focus, to introduce systems that bypass deficits.


Today I focused on my Garmin, updating the watch face to go beyond heart rate:

1. Hyper focus - Move reminder graph, along with alerts. Break me out of ignoring, well, everything
2. Interoception - Weather. Maybe instead of a "just be hot/cold" strategy, I can dress for it.
3. Time agnosia - Sunrise to sunset graph, along with times. Maybe I can realize the day is passing.
4. Executive function - Day of week and date. I often forget what day it is.

There's still space for optimizing calendar alerts or alarms. Incremental changes though.

I have longer term interest in a better watch. The $400 version can program an entire workout, eliminating any need for executive function at the gym. I could literally walk in, push the button, and follow time based alerts. No picking exercises or even counting reps or sets. It also has improved sensors, to supplement my poor interoception.

But, I think I should maximize what I have first. I also have mixed feelings about a ~$400 accessory. If not for the deficit angle, I'd never consider it.



A few other smaller changes:

1. I ordered a fidget ring that looks like a wedding ring. Historically, I haven't worn one. I'd never check another person's ring finger. But I guess many people do. So as someone who struggles with social signaling, a physical symbol that I'm "safe" seems worthwhile. Having something discrete to help my focus meter also appeals.

2. I've ordered transparent ear plugs. They take about 16 decibels off the ambient sound level, while being visually unobtrusive. I'm not above wearing full foam ear plugs or sound cancelling headphones, but I'm being more cognizant of the social signaling.

3. A couple t-shirts and a bag that subtly signal my atypical wiring. Again, going for some social signaling and easier peering.


There's an over arcing theme here - pay the ADHD tax. It's going to be an expensive month. I'm buying tools as quickly as I can integrate them. I also committed to meeting with the diagnosing therapist weekly for awhile.

Compared to learning something like systems thinking, the effort to reward ratio is off the charts. So much low hanging fruit.

[AxelHeyst]

This is very interesting thanks for sharing Scott. I’m curious - how are the tshirts and bag signaling?

[zbigi]

@Scott, if you don't mind me asking, how did you manage to do well in a demanding tech executive job with both ADHD and autism? It seems that either one of them would be a serious obstacle for such job (autisms makes it hard to read and influence people, while ADHD hinders general execution).

[Scott 2]

how did you manage to do well in a demanding tech executive job with both ADHD and autism?

I didn't. As my peers made the transition to Director level, I burnt out and retired. My work life devolved to constant procrastination, followed by intense sprints of anxiety induced hyper focus. It was horrible.

[Scott 2]

This is very interesting thanks for sharing Scott. I’m curious - how are the tshirts and bag signaling?

Merch from a popular ADHD youtuber. A couple things say "Try Different". Another says "Hello Brains", with pictures of relevant objects.

Her book has been the single most useful resource I've come across. So I figure support her, others in the know, will know. Someone who's curious, can approach.

https://how-to-adhd.myspreadshop.com/

But it doesn't scream MY AUTISM!!! Because, there's levels to this stuff. And people have a lot of misconceptions. I'm not looking to get into it, with the gen pop. Though honestly, anyone who interacts with me for some period of time, already knows I'm unusual. It's a pretty good explanation, and better than pretending that I'm not, IMO.

[Scott 2]

So I fired amazon about 3 months ago. From an ERE perspective, it's had an unexpectedly positive implication. I still want to make small purchases. But most vendors depend on bundles, to justify their shipping. Pricing for "just one thing" is outrageous. Enter Ebay. My internet experience has gone full circle, returning to the days of making bids.

And so, with no intention - I've increased consumption from the waste stream. And shifted my shipping from Amazon contractors to unionized postal workers. I'm also spending less per item, which is welcome. Previously, that alone wasn't enough incentive to move my patterns.

I never expected this. I laughed at my Dad's continuing use of Ebay. "That's so 1999!" And now, I'm off to check my auctions.