What I Spend

Where are you and where are you going?
Scott 2
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Scott 2 »

I've been reflecting on the gym and politics thing. It seems small, but this is a repeated pattern for me. I am drawn to min / maxing. Get as much money as possible. Spend as little as possible. Get as strong as possible. How can I try even harder? Who is the best fighter? What's an even more exciting show? Etc.

As the min / maxing escalates, I find myself surrounded by people whose ideals do not align with my own. The hyper-aggressive behaviors draw hyper-aggressive people. Scratching my very specific itch, by going to the extreme, also detracts from the rest of my life.

My career is a great example. I made everything secondary to chasing the most lucrative remote work I could find. The life imbalance it introduced was an obvious problem. By the time I left, I was also surrounded by people who treated social objections to our products as just another business hurdle. The question was not "should we?" but "how do we?" Removing myself was a tremendous relief.

My actions chose a situation misaligned with my ideals. I got exactly what I worked towards. Then I was pissed off and unhappy for it. I suffered, and my response was unfair to coworkers living in alignment with their ideals. If I don't like their game, why play it???


I think this could be a valuable perspective in evaluating how my time is spent. An attribute of my atypical mental wiring is heavy preference for black and white situations. Min/maxing makes those neural pathways sing. Perhaps I can short circuit the pattern, by starting with the people instead of the activity.

Yoga comes to mind. The people aligned with my ideals, but the activity heavily conflicted with my desire for black and white. The exact opposite of my normal pattern. The practice was massively beneficial to me as a person. I attribute the change to yoga, but perhaps it was the inversion of my patterning. A taste of what could be.

Instead of asking - "what do I want have, how do I get it?", I could ask - "who do I want to be, what do they do?"


The other strategy would be to adopt ideals aligned with black and white thinking. Create a consistent environment by leaning into my nature. I am inclined to rule that path out. With all my min/maxing, if the ideals suited me, they would have been adopted organically. Instead, my personal development lead away from them.

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mountainFrugal
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Re: What I Spend

Post by mountainFrugal »

Scott 2 wrote:
Wed Dec 01, 2021 1:27 pm
Instead of asking - "what do I want have, how do I get it?", I could ask - "who do I want to be, what do they do?"
I used to be a black and white thinker when it came to goal/achievement. It is just easier to put down the head and grind when the world is black and white. I found the "identity based goals" exercise in Atomic Habits by James Clear helpful as a way out of this when I read it a few years ago. Your re-framing to do what they do is a helpful way to break out of the black and white cycle. This way of thinking also lends itself well to being okay with going after multiple goals because as long as you are 60+/40- towards "doing what they do" on a daily basis you will eventually end up there over the long run. Of course there is the 100+/0 approach, but that is less sustainable if you are trying multiple new things towards the person you want to be. The other helpful idea from that book was to not put up a "0" more than one day in a row for progress. Never put up a 0 is black and white, but realizing that your life is not a single goal, this is a wise way of approaching it. I would be interested in your thoughts if you decide to try this approach. Note: I think of goals as also practiced "ways of being" not just external material things.

Scott 2
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Scott 2 »

I threw atomic habits into my queue and will give it a listen at some point. Another perspective could be helpful.

Since I can do whatever I want, I vacillate on the need for goals. Maybe there's something to floating along in life, seeing where it takes me. Enjoy doing things with people I admire and/or respect is about all I have in mind.

The more I look at options for finding like minded people IRL, I don't think lifting will be it. I have tabled picking a new gym until at least February of 2022. With college kids returning home from school, people gathering for holidays and new years resolutions - I am hesitant to try new spaces.

Western Red Cedar
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Western Red Cedar »

Atomic Habits meshes well with ERE IMO. James Clear emphasizes the importance of establishing systems to make progress.

theanimal
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Re: What I Spend

Post by theanimal »

His podcast with Peter Attia on The Drive was very good. It's more or less a shorter version of the book.

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Re: What I Spend

Post by Frugalchicos »

@the animal

Noted! Will definitely listened to the podcast

Scott 2
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Scott 2 »

Lately, I am running head first into the difficulty inflection point introduce by my retirement. Axel did a great job of plotting this:

Image

Image

While I know this is what learning looks like, failing all the time doesn't feel great. Especially without unlimited money to smooth over any problems. Some of the recent ones:


1. Took the car in for an oil change, found out another $440 of maintenance is due. Declined, price shopped, and am now tucking tail back to that same dealer. In the process - I learned my car has a maintenance minder, how to check it ahead of time, why the work needs to be done, why it costs what it does, how I ultimately would pay more ignoring it, what attempting to do it myself would look like, etc. But, I just wanted a $50 oil change.


2. I setup the first appointment to use my 2022 insurance. I got a referral first. Like a responsible adult, I wanted to confirm the doctor was in network for my new HMO. Two hours later, I still don't know. The health care exchange says yes. My insurer's website says no. A billing clerk at the doctor's medical group says yes. A customer service rep at the insurer can't decide between yes and no.

My best guess - the doctor's medical group joined a newly formed medical conglomerate. The insurer isn't accurately parsing the conglomerate, but the doctor is in network via their original medical group. It's a guess, to be sure. If I'm wrong, since all my current care goes through that conglomerate, I'll have insurance that doesn't work with any of my doctors.

I could chase a definitive answer forever - getting broad agreement might be impossible. So, my options are to risk the HMO or make a last minute plan change to a PPO. For various reasons, I am taking the gamble. If I'm wrong, I get to pick all new doctors. Or - maybe get a job long enough to trigger a life event that creates a special enrollment period. The entire system is nuts. I miss employer insurance.


3. My dentist fell out of network on my dental insurance mid-year. The insurance I bought because the specific dentist was in network. For my preventive care, they've agreed to write off the balance vs. my insurers out of network pricing. But that means the dentist gets next to nothing for my care. Coincidentally, he finally followed upon the x-rays I had two weeks ago. Apparently I need some filling work. He ran out of time to tell me what, or how much it costs, so now I'm waiting again. Nothing hurts today, but obviously I want to stay ahead of dental problems. What will it cost? Is the dentist eating the out of network rates here too???


Back when I was running a 75% savings rate, It'd be trivial to throw money at all these problems. Learning the new path doesn't feel great. I've heard this type of change described as the "hump of pain". I feel it.


Some small victories to close:

1. My wife swapped her shower head, didn't like the replacement, and swapped it again.
2. I finally upgraded our password vault to a paid product and introduced physical security tokens for our key online accounts
3. I replaced our broken doorbell button
4. In person yoga at my gym may offer like minded people. Mats are sectioned off in 6x6 foot blocks. Everyone remained masked while practicing.
5. I added goggles to my swimming experience and am really enjoying doing laps 2-3 times a week, in the middle of the day.
6. I picked up a lifting belt for the first time. It feels great.
7. Lots of progress integrating movement into my lifestyle. Many small, but time consuming, improvements I'll keep.
8. I learned about the inside of a toilet and have ordered a replacement fill valve and flapper. Maybe I'll make the repair attempt before year end.
9. Waiting for the oil change, I spent hours exploring an enormous, beautiful park. About 10 years ago, I lived a few blocks away, but this was my first attempt to really appreciate it.
10. I bought a new video game the week it released and had time to play it extensively. I've also started another game, in my backlog since this time last year.

Life is harder, but also better. I need to remember that.

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mountainFrugal
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Re: What I Spend

Post by mountainFrugal »

Thank you for sharing these details Scott 2. Especially the healthcare ones. Our healthcare system is a complete mess. [insert rant] As you said in your reply to @bostonimproper, you are trading one set of problems for another. Hopefully everything shakes out for net positive though. This does not get discussed enough and it is good data for you being just on the other side thinking about and sharing these details.

ducknald_don
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Re: What I Spend

Post by ducknald_don »

mountainFrugal wrote:
Thu Dec 16, 2021 11:22 am
Our healthcare system is a complete mess.
It's interesting that quite a lot of what makes ERE difficult comes from the dysfunction of external society.

Scott 2
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Scott 2 »

Took our car in for the $400 of maintenance raised during the oil change. During inspection, the mechanic pointed out our rear tires are from 2014 and down to 4/32" of tread. So, I get to price compare that and decide who gets the next $300. Any budget slack for January is gone. Too bad, we wanted a new dishwasher. Not even close to the most frustrating part of the day though.


Once I start a problem, I have a really hard time ignoring it. I gave figuring out the HMO another try. Then I replaced it. I learned:

1. When setting up an HMO, you have to designate a Primary Care Practitioner (PCP). Once established, all specialist referrals have to go through them. It is a very specific process, run through an insurer managed call center. A message from my primary doctor in their online medical system doesn't cut it.

2. My existing primary doctor, while in network for the HMO (as shown on the exchange!), is not a PCP. Their specialty under the HMO is "internal medicine", meaning I need to also pick a PCP. I put a lot of energy into selecting my current primary doctor. For the most part, the PCP would replace them. Bait and switch, IMO.

3. The HMO will show a medical group as "in network" if they have at least one doctor, under one specialty, in network. That doesn't apply to all doctors, or even all specialties for a given doctor. There are very specific rules about who a doctor can see, based upon the relationship they commit to with the HMO.

4. The allergist I want to see, while his medical group is in network, is not in network for the HMO. I couldn't figure out how to find _any_ allergists within the HMO network.

5. The jaw surgeon I was considering, while under an HMO with the insurer I selected, is not in network with the specific exchange HMO. This is despite showing a green check on the exchange website search. He's literally unavailable via any insurance I can buy. He was a key reason for considering the HMO. Maybe medical tourism isn't that crazy?

6. After playing a 2 hour game of phone tag - insurer, exchange, insurer, exchange, insurer, exchange - I learned somebody terminated the HMO I selected for 2022. Instead, they set me up to continue the plan from 2021. This is _after_ I paid the insurer for the HMO plan, as it shows in their billing system. I still don't know which party is at fault. But it explains some of the trouble I had figuring things out earlier this week.

7. Phone reps for the healthcare exchange can override rules enforced by the exchange website. Despite it being past the 12/15 cutoff, to fix this problem, they were able to make changes effective 1/1/2022.

With that opportunity - I decided to pay for a silver PPO. It's literally the most expensive silver plan in my state. I'll be paying more for care too. But, I think I'll be able to pick my doctors and minimize the bureaucracy. I still get my subsidies and cost sharing.

I clearly misunderstood what an HMO looks like. The theory sounds great. In practice, the red tape discourages medical care. I have an extremely low tolerance for bureaucracy. I would give up. I guess by changing policies, I did.


I am getting the tiniest sample of what it's like to be poor in America. No wonder people are angry.

I know this experience is part of establishing my new normal. It will get better. Today though - not working kind of sucks.
Last edited by Scott 2 on Fri Dec 17, 2021 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bostonimproper
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Re: What I Spend

Post by bostonimproper »

That sounds terribly frustrating. I’m sorry you’re getting sucked into all the awfulness that is American health insurance. We’ve always gone PPO for similar reasons— trying to figure out who is in/out of network (esp. for specialists we are already seeing) is a nightmare.

shaz
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Re: What I Spend

Post by shaz »

Ugh! The only reason I am still tied to my employer is for health insurance. And I don't see any way I could manage my current healthcare needs through an HMO. I don't have any useful advice, just wanted to say I feel your pain!

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Lemur
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Lemur »

James Clear has a talk with Rich Roll for his book as well.

https://youtu.be/s9uDVVWN_ZE

I’ve this book on my hold list at my library - looking forward to reading it.

Scott 2
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Scott 2 »

Atomic habits is in my holds list at our library, around a month out.

I decided to drop podcasts as a medium. The signal to noise ratio is too low.


December 2021 Total (Couple) - $3657
Healthcare/Medical - $970
Automotive - $752
Groceries - $632
Home Maintenance - $449
Exercise - $363
Utilities - $250
Clothing/Shoes - $96
Entertainment - $86
Video Games - $32
Streaming - $27

Expensive month - about $400 over the plan of $3241. The car was our heavy hitter - $400 of unexpected work, with another $300 due next month. Some general medical stuff as well - fillings at $100, $50 to change my insurance, $50 for masks, etc.

My wife did a few more house things since the last update. Meanwhile, I got into a video game mid-month and checked out. That freedom is part of why I am not working, but it re-prioritized my time. So much so, that I decided not to buy any new games during the December sales. A gaming break could be in order - once I finish.

We did not re-budget, even though we could see the overage approaching. Doing so could introduce dysfunctional behaviors - either racing to spend or going without (due to insecurity). That meant discretionary spending was high. The plan was $700, but I got caught up in my game and didn't figure out how to use the last $80.


January 2022 Estimate (Couple) - $2780
Tighter month, by design. We ended the year lavishly and will absorb some of December's overage now. Discretionary spending will be around $200 per person.

We need to cover some one offs. Car tires, insurance deductibles, and medicine not covered by insurance. Our natural gas bill is up 80%. Annoying.

Life is good, but we are sitting on unmet wants. The current strategy favors many small purchases. Our medium to large rocks are languishing. It is hard to ignore the potential impact of full time work. We talked about both and decided to stay the course.


Rolling 12 Month Spend (Couple) - $54,006
No surprises here. Monthly spend was $1413 higher than last year, bringing us right on trend to hit $57k by 3/1/2022.

Watching net worth month over month isn't useful, but we are back within 1% of all time highs. Working all year could have made that number 15% higher. Looking back on the time, I am happy with our choice.

Annual re-planning for March is the next big test. I hope we are approaching a steady state financial picture. I am nervous about the result. How expensive is using my health insurance? What do 2021 taxes look like? How will inflation and valuations impact the SWR?

While I have prior analysis and expectations, I bet the execution raises unanticipated feelings.

Scott 2
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Scott 2 »

mountainFrugal wrote:
Wed Dec 01, 2021 1:49 pm
I found the "identity based goals" exercise in Atomic Habits by James Clear helpful
I finished atomic habits. His identity based goals align with my thinking around seeking like minded community. I can see why you'd suggest it. He has a great strategy for behavior change. It's like reading a laundry list of the best tips I've pulled from other sources over the years. I do the no zero days thing. It works well for me.

The writing does worship at an altar of achievement. I find this a core assumption in most self improvement books. I don't buy in anymore. I think it's another Plato's cave scenario, where modern society conflates maximizing success with a life well lived.

The complement to "get 1% better", is the implication you are never good enough. I spent too many years making myself miserable with that attitude. Part of the reason I'm an incomplete human, is I chased my potential - always leaning into strengths. It never ends. The price is your life.

Core to my retirement transition, is finding a new balance. Joy in the lived experience, rather than the anticipated achievement or reward. With most of my life racing in the opposite direction, it's been slow going. I was objectively bad at everything beyond my previously narrow world view.

Undoing that is tough. Especially compared to the high competence held in my prior bubble. Axel's charts (posted earlier) capture this experience well. My ability to find and connect with a desirable community may not yet exist. It could be I need more time in conscious incompetence, before I can even see where I belong. Let alone connect with it.

Scott 2
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Scott 2 »

General updates:


1. My dental insurance seems to have worked out - best case scenario. I changed nothing. The dentist is getting paid. I got two fillings with an $80 copay. He used a laser drill, which is part of why I picked this specific dentist. The experience is fantastic. Zero anesthesia and the least pain I've ever had with a filling.


2. We replaced the car tires, only to learn the battery is also going. With winter upon us, that meant another $180 into the car. I think all the delayed maintenance is done. We only drive a few thousand miles a year, so hopefully we're limited to oil changes for a couple years. I don't think this is an area where I could come out ahead with DIY, but the $1000 over two months kinda hurts.


3. Due to Omicron, I decided to stop attending in person yoga classes. I am bummed about this. My wife's doctor was very clear on our need to manage risk. I did replace it with a 30 minute online class, before bed every night. I got a month free trial to Yoga International, and it looks like I can try services for several months before spending anything.

The impact has been undeniable. I am back on top of cleaning the house. I even swept the garage and basement. Yoga makes my brain work better.


4. Along those lines, I finally tackled the slow draining bathroom sink. This involved taking apart and cleaning out the trap. It was disgusting, one of the worst smelling chores I've done around the house. The pipe was full. I take zero pride in the work, but am grateful the sink drains.

Back when I was working and this problem came up, we paid a plumber to deal with it. This is absolutely a case where I would prefer sitting on some conference calls, then letting someone else live my life. He charged around $150 for that job. It was a deal.

Technically - we have four bathroom sinks, so I could have moved on to a new one and continued ignoring the problem. I was tempted.


5. With my insurance finalized, I took the first step to setup therapy. It's time to look beyond "life just be that way." My intent this year is to invest extensively in my mental and physical health.

I don't have specific expectations for therapy. I am generally happy, but also very good at compartmentalizing. Between walking away from my career, my self-diagnosed autism and my wife's chronic illness - there's probably some benefit to gain.

Using the insurance is going to create weird cash flow issues. I expect to hit my $2900 max out of pocket relatively fast. My annual healthcare cost will be similar to last year, just front loaded. And I'll actually get medical care. That's a big plus.

Western Red Cedar
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Western Red Cedar »

Scott 2 wrote:
Sun Jan 09, 2022 7:09 pm
3. Due to Omicron, I decided to stop attending in person yoga classes. I am bummed about this. My wife's doctor was very clear on our need to manage risk. I did replace it with a 30 minute online class, before bed every night. I got a month free trial to Yoga International, and it looks like I can try services for several months before spending anything.

The impact has been undeniable. I am back on top of cleaning the house. I even swept the garage and basement. Yoga makes my brain work better.
Have you tried Do Yoga with Me? It is my go to for free, online yoga. Many of the classes are behind a paywall, but they have a lot of free content as well.

https://www.doyogawithme.com

Salathor
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Salathor »

Scott 2 wrote:
Sun Jan 09, 2022 7:09 pm
4. Along those lines, I finally tackled the slow draining bathroom sink. This involved taking apart and cleaning out the trap. It was disgusting, one of the worst smelling chores I've done around the house. The pipe was full. I take zero pride in the work, but am grateful the sink drains.

Back when I was working and this problem came up, we paid a plumber to deal with it. This is absolutely a case where I would prefer sitting on some conference calls, then letting someone else live my life. He charged around $150 for that job. It was a deal.

Technically - we have four bathroom sinks, so I could have moved on to a new one and continued ignoring the problem. I was tempted.
This might be one you just have to get used to. I've had to do the same thing every year or two for the last ten years or so. We only have the one sink so it's all my shaving, our hand washing, etc. It gets clogged up pretty fast. And yeah, truly smells terrible. But at least it's an easy fix!

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Re: What I Spend

Post by jacob »

Scott 2 wrote:
Sun Jan 09, 2022 7:09 pm
Technically - we have four bathroom sinks, so I could have moved on to a new one and continued ignoring the problem. I was tempted.
You can proactively do a lot to avoid this or at least postpone the inevitable by weekly flushing a big pot of boiling water down the sinks (and tub). This prevents the build up of soap scum that would otherwise form a clog with the hair.

Scott 2
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Re: What I Spend

Post by Scott 2 »

I have not tried Do Yoga With Me. I'll throw it in the queue. Previously I used Yoga Works and jbrownyoga. Glo, Gaia, and Om Stars are on my list as well. If the habit sticks, I am ok with eventually paying $10-$20 per month. I have a low tolerance for ads and would like to give the yoga teachers something. I've decided to let Audible lapse, so it could take that slot.

My wife offered a session of online classes over Zoom, early in the pandemic. The experience falls short of practice in a community. I had discounted videos as a result, but my brain seems to respond just fine.


I'll give the boiling water a try, as part of my scheduled cleaning. It's an easy add and the type of change I am good at keeping. Last year I started running the bathroom fan while I shower, along with taking a squeegee over surfaces after. It eliminated the pink slime build up I used to live with. This seems like a similar sort of change.

I literally have a set of recurring tasks in my digital planner, with scripts. Stuff like "Clean sinks and mirrors" or "Clean master shower". From what I understand, it's a compensation for limits in my executive function. The problem is beyond my being lazy or simply not caring.

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