Early Retirement Extreme Forums

Even though I am pretty far from financial independence I am grateful to have a fair degree of economic security. This is the product of significant hard work and discipline. On reflection it is worthwhile.

This has been magnified to my attention recently. I have a friend who is 53 years old and is very economically insecure. He works in aged care and does not earn much money. He also has probably next to no capital. He is currently living in shared accommodation with other people and has been moving from house to house as he keeps having issues living with other people. He has now just been given notice by the owner of the house who also lives in the shared accommodation to leave within 2 weeks. There does not appear to be any valid justification for doing so. He also has a car he depends upon to get to work which has mechanical issues which sound really expensive to fix and he would be better off buying a new car but he does not have enough money to do that. The car keeps running for now. But only a matter of time until it craps out. He is now highly stressed about having to move out because he is so economically insecure. He has divorced his wife, is single and his son who is about 22 years old is not someone he can depend upon for assistance. He also has a bad back and has had a couple of serious health scares for other issues.

I feel very sorry for him. He is two decades my elder and I cannot imagine being in this position at that age. That was basically the type of economic insecurity i had at about age 21 which was bad enough, but an easier age to be dealing with such issues. He is also a hell of a nice guy.

I am contemplating maybe giving him a bit of money, like $2k, to help him get his own place since he keeps having issues in shared accommodation where other people own the house or the lease.

However while I dont know his entire history I do suspect that some of his situation will be attributable to decision making on his part over the decades. I do know that his father is a millionaire and his family were very rich. Maybe that could be a source of assistance for his current situation but I am not sure.

A couple of things which I have found a bit strange for him are his work focus and his spending habits. He has said that he chooses not to work on the weekends nor on Mondays as he hates working Mondays. He also said he never starts work before 930am as he doesnt like working too early,. He often doesnt work on Thursday either. He works about 20 hours a week. I got the sense that this was a choice and he could work more if he wanted. Being such a type A personality this totally baffled me. He also usually eats takeaways and spends money on expensive specialty food items. TBH I have been a little bit jealous of his leisurely lifestyle at times. I guess it seems that overall he has taken a bit of a lifestyle focus which has been pleasurable for him but left him economically exposed.

Anyways putting this down in writing has made me think this through and the decisions he has made, while I have placed myself through intense strenuous education and then paid it off and worked 60 hours a week consistently for the last 11 years since, as well as been tighter than a fishes asshole with money, makes me turn away from thinking of giving him any money, But I am tossing this one up a little bit.

Interested in any thoughts around economic security and economic insecurity and also whether others would be likely to give some monetary assistance or not.

I think your friend would benefit more from some friendly discussion and advice about his financial situation and his long term plans. It doesn't sound like he would use any financial aid from you wisely.

@chendra - yes good point. Im not too keen to give a couple of grand to someone if they are just going to keep working 20 hours a week by choice after that. I have started talking about financial matters with him before. Doesnt seem to have sunk in though. Maybe find a new angle.

Don't give him money. He doesn't really want more money. He could easily work more, make more money, and reduce his housing and transportation stresses. Instead of that, he prefers the situation he's in now - to work only 20 hours but have the stress.

Type A should not give Type B money unless Type B is attractive female who might hand Type A a metaphorical martini and help him loosen his tie.

Totally agree with C40.
Dont give him money. There have been decades in his life when he made decicions selfresponsibly. Talk to him. Show he some areas and topics for improvement. Either he want to get out this situation or he doesnt want to.

Alright crisis averted. He is not being kicked out. Apparently it was because he was leaving mess everywhere all the time and not keeping things clean. Owner of the house is a Type A. Type A with bad communication skills from the sounds of things. Agreement has been made that he will keep better tidiness around the place now. So he is not being kicked out.

If this person is truly your friend, you'll better preserve the friendship by not offering to bail him out of self-induced situations. Doing so will create expectations on your part (despite your best intentions) that he'll value the relationship between current sacrifice and future benefit just as you do. That sets up the friendship for feelings of betrayal and resentment on your part when in reality he's been clear about his values. Respect those values and let him navigate the consequences. That's what adults do for each other.

After putting a care agency in charge of hiring workers for my elderly mom recently I've met some people I'd call financially insecure. The night shift people actually have day jobs. They know there are cameras in the home and have asked me if it is ok to cat nap during the night shift. I said yes and they explain that the agency doesn't allow it. They then say they have a day job and they need to sleep a little.

they often say they are good at caring for a sick person because their mom is ill too.

All are studying some kind of material to try to go up a pay grade in the medical field.

My original caregivers that I recruited were a financially sad bunch. Lotsa bad financial decisions. I got to know some very well over the years. Just unable to calculate stuff out or plan ahead. Blowing their bonus instead of squirreling it away.

I don't want to criticize them because they just don't know any other way. Investing is fixing up their car so they can make it to work. Their cars are newer than mine but again this is what they know how to do.

I would not give this person any money and I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for your good advice to change anything either. In my experience, the issues that look like a crisis to you are a way of life for people like this. They have all of the information and help they need to make things better and have made a deliberate choice to continue their lifestyle as is. I suspect in 53 years more than one caring individual has helped this person and it didn't change anything. Don't let them become an emotional or financial vampire for you. I'm sorry this sounds heartless but I've learned from personal experience going down the road you are considering.

thrifty++ wrote: ↑

Sat Aug 19, 2017 6:16 pm

I have started talking about financial matters with him before. Doesnt seem to have sunk in though. Maybe find a new angle.

Maybe keep it simple: start working Mondays to get the car fixed = less stress overall

Also explain how Social Security works. Higher-earning working years will result in larger Social Security checks in his later years.

God helps those that help themselves. You can be god's instrument, but only help him after he takes steps to help himself.

Sclass wrote: ↑

Fri Aug 25, 2017 7:07 am

they often say they are good at caring for a sick person because their mom is ill too.

Funny that you say this because that is exactly the case.