Lightfruit55's Journal

[lightfruit55]

It's been a while.

Current liquid net worth is now around 16x annual expenses. Somehow managed to survive being laid off and now find myself in a position with greater visibility, more responsibilities and a 12% raise this year. Work is a mix of tolerable to "F DIZZZZ". My work environment is reasonably decent so the problem is all me - my apathy, my inclination to do minimum, to stagnate professionally, to procrastinate, to keep to myself and my head down. I feel like an imposter more often than not, and this brings quite a bit of anxiety and insecurity.

And the bigger problem is this - I want to retire "from", but don't have the faintest clue what I want to retire "to".

Other than work, life is great. I love my simple life in my city fringe apartment with unblocked city view in all rooms (so thankful everyday for the incredible view and location). I'm also proud of the following achievements this year:

- Picked up the flossing habit this year (I floss almost daily, if not 5-6 times a week! This is life-changing and I now feel grossed out if I don't floss.)
- Continued my workout habit (I work out 5-6 times a week)
- Finally ordered a Rubik's cube about 2 months ago, and learnt how to solve it (albeit via regular beginner's method) in 2 days. It's easier than I thought and I probably should pick up a couple of speed cubing methods next.
- Cooking most meals (I never thought I would enjoy learning new "simple and healthy" recipes and also meal planning so as to avoid ingredient/condiment wastage)

Until the next update, ERE FAM~

[chenda]

Nice to read your journal lightfruit. I spent some time in Singapore some years ago and loved it. I have very fond memories of Boat Quay and wondering the city at night. My friend lived there for several years and found moving back home to London very hard, adjusting to all the crime and social disorder.

''my apathy, my inclination to do minimum, to stagnate professionally, to procrastinate, to keep to myself and my head down''

I really resonate with this and is why I semi-EREed some years ago. One thing I have found is there is a big difference psychologically between working 2 days Vs 3 days. Two days feels very part time and work becomes a tiny part of your life, whereas 3 days feels almost like a normal working week with a long weekend.

Would you consider retiring to a LCOL country in the region ? I imagine you could do that easily with your current net worth.

[lightfruit55]

@Chenda:

Glad you enjoyed your time in Singapore. Yes, living in Singapore is like living in a bubble in terms of safety. Stay here long enough and you will lose all "survival" instincts. Regarding retiring to a LCOL country in the region - I don't think so. My family is here, I just bought an apartment and this country is a pleasant enough place to live. It is in fact very ERE-friendly (relatively cheap housing if you are lucky enough to be successful in a ballot for public housing, no capital gains tax, low property and income tax, solid public transport, and decent state-subsidised public healthcare). Of course, the country can also be as spendy as you want it to be, especially if you want a car (you will be floored at how much it costs to "own" a car for 10 years), stay in a private apartment, receive private healthcare/education, and eat/socialise at fancy places. Well, if you are ever back in Singapore, do DM me. I've met a grand total of ONE ERE forum member to date, and will be happy to increase the body count heh.

Very interested to read more about your "semi-ERE" journey and life. Tried searching through your recent post history but cannot seem to find your journal. Do you have a journal here?

[lightfruit55]

Nothing like a peaceful Sunday morning to introspect over a cup of tea.

The year is coming to a close and I'm starting to think about my plans for next year. By March next year, I will have reached 18x annual expenses in liquid net worth. I am determined to at least stay in my current job till then as that is when I would receive my annual bonus. After that, I will feel quite torn. Would I want to quit my job without a clear "freedom to" vision just so that I can have the time and mental space to explore other lifestyles and non-conventional work opportunities? Would I want to ride out this current job to its natural end i.e. get fired or laid off or be forced to quit at the point of intolerable mental burn-out? For context, every year at this job allows me to increase my NW by around 2.5x annual expenses in liquid net worth. Or would I quit, only to find myself looking for another full time employment? Option 3 would be so lame and the thought of it makes me want to retch - I would be so utterly disappointed in myself if I gave in to societal/family pressure to find another corporate job to "be more financially secure" and/or "fit in".

I used to work a part-time weekend job for close to 10 years (through university and also my first few years of full-time employment) and at about year 6-7, it was beginning to feel dreadful. But ya know what, I managed to ride the part-time job to its natural death (the business had to lay off its part-timers due to Covid) and I felt mostly relief. Sometimes, I am amazed (/sarcasm) at my ability to grind.

[lightfruit55]

Spent the most of my morning and early afternoon in the gold mine that is Axel Heyst's journal. Such depth of thought that makes me feel embarrassed just by reading his posts.

I also struggle with the same lack of investing knowledge as him (well, granted, I'm only around page 38 of his journal and perhaps he managed to make significant progress in this aspect after that) and am benefiting so far from the discussions on this topic. I've never been particularly interested in investing and a large part of my net worth is in index funds (DCA over the years) only because I don't have a viable alternative. I don't believe that the market will always go up overtime, yet I cannot afford to not be invested at all. I also do not have the interest to learn about individual stocks and am too risk averse to dabble into the likes of crypto. To date, my investment philosophy is really about: keeping up with inflation at the very least and sleeping well at night.

Roughly, this is my current AA.
Cash in savings accounts - ~22% (for context, approx ~5x annual expenses)
Bonds - ~15%
Index funds (~80% global, ~20% local) - ~33%
State Retirement and Medical Accounts (very illiquid and so not at all relevant for any non-traditional retirement) - ~29%

I know my cash holding is high but just dumping it all into index funds is out of my comfort zone.

I also have a 1.8% mortgage (with size approximately 8.3x my annual expenses) that I share with my partner. I've been thinking of prepaying a meaningful portion of it (around 1/3 to 1/2) to increase our overall financial security by reducing our fixed expenses. But popular financial advice says that the mortgage interest rate is low enough, and that I'll be better off "investing" the money instead. Also, it may not be prudent to have a large part of our net worth stuck in real estate which is very very very illiquid.

The struggle with holding/deploying cash continues.

[chenda]

Thank you Lightfruit, would love to meet up if I ever return to Singapore. I don't have a journal anymore but I might start one soon : )

[lightfruit55]

Y2022 Goals:
- Continue my active lifestyle of at least 5x workout a week (I've been maintaining a deliberately active lifestyle for about 4+ years now and intend to continue. This is worthy as a lifelong goal.)
- Continue daily flossing habit and don't cheap out on quality floss (I'd picked this habit up last year and intend to continue. This is worthy as a lifelong goal.)
- Eat slowly and until around 80% full (hara hachi bu). Do not over-eat. (This is the new habit I intend to pick up this year.)
- Work until at least end-May 2022, collect bonus and reach 18x annual expenses in liquid assets
- Quit my job (I waver between dreading work and feeling apathy towards work. I'm feeling mentally burnt-out and the thought of working for about 4 more years until 30x annual expenses is nauseating. I don't think I can live like this anymore and need to pull the trigger sooner rather than later.)

[AxelHeyst]

Great update, and Godspeed quitting the job! And thanks for the reminder on hara hachi bu… I’d done it years ago and felt amazing as a result. Partly because I normally eat insanely fast.

Your update from November is representative of my current status wrt investing. It took a push of effort to get allocated per the Permanent Portfolio, but I wouldn’t say I’m happy about it. Another push on the investment curriculum this year is in the cards for me.

[Eureka]

You are so right about pulling the trigger sooner than later. I did ERE about 5 years ago and have had so much quality in life since then that I often wonder why I did not quit way earlier. I had about 25x annual expences then and today I've got around 35x. The increase is due to stockmarket returns, little side incomes from various fun or volunteer projects (which almost cover my running costs) and less spending than my initial budget (with more time I can fix stuff myself, find better bargains and exchange favours with people instead of paying for their services, eg get carpentry done for webpage design). In fact, if I would adjust my 'annual spending' to my current spending level, I would have around 55x in savings.

I wish you all the best with your beautiful goals!

[lightfruit55]

1Q Updates

1. Continue my active lifestyle of at least 5x workout a week

Been keeping this up but it's getting difficult with work getting insanely busy. The more work I have, the more stressed I become and the more I want to move my body and sweat. But it's difficult when I can't find the time to work out because of all the overtime and "global calls" eating into my after-work workout time. It's going to be so much harder to find time to work out consistently when we get summoned back to the office, which is really soon. This is f****** annoying me and I don't want to have to wake up early to work out - I've tried this before and this doesn't work for me.

2. Continue daily flossing habit and don't cheap out on quality floss

I tried a new floss brand. Much pricier but I can understand why. I should also arrange for my yearly dental checkup soon.

3. Eat slowly and until around 80% full (hara hachi bu). Do not over-eat.

MUCH harder than I thought. I don't generally overeat or stuff my face, and I am also generally conscious of the types and amount of food I consume. BUT I have a tendency to eat more than I actually need to. After setting this goal at the start of the year, I've become very mindful of how little I actually need to eat, and how much I eat because of inane reasons such as being stuck in the "mental prison of having to eat 3 meals a day at fixed times" when I'm not even hungry then / social expectations to eat a reasonable portion / boredom leading to want to snack just for the sake of it.

Till now, I still cannot believe that a person actually doesn't need that much food to function healthily and I am beginning to feel so disgusted with myself whenever I cannot control myself and realise I'm eating for the sake of eating or for the sake of self-distraction (if that makes sense). For example, I'm often not even hungry but I just eat (albeit maybe a half portion) just because it's breakfast/lunch/dinner time. Another example, I buy a drink (e.g. iced tea with no sugar because I'm health-conscious like that) when I walk past a cafe, even when I'm not particularly thirsty or anything.

To be clear, I don't have a weight problem at all so I'm not trying to eat less to lose weight or anything, though I wouldn't mind losing that pesky 2-3kg to reach my ideal weight. I think the purpose of this goal is to avoid eating as a form of distraction.

A lot more mental work is required in this area.

4. Work until at least end-May 2022, collect bonus and reach 18x annual expenses in liquid assets

My bonus just came in and it was a sweet surprise amounting to 5 months' pay check. I also got a grade promotion but the raise was lower than I'd expected.

I've already passed 18x annual expenses in liquid assets.

5. Quit my job

So much to unpack here. I've received 2 grade promotions (and corresponding raises) in past 12 months and have a lot more responsibilities. While the money is good, I'm also working a lot more hours and this is impacting my personal time and especially my workout routine which seriously pisses me off.

Against the backdrop of high inflation, and also uncertainty regarding my partner's career choices going forward (he is considering downshifting and it annoys me that he makes such decision with so much more ease than me), I'm not sure if now is the best time for me to pull the plug. But then again, there never seems to be a good time.

I'm currently insecure about the amount of our mortgage even though it's only been less than 2 years into our mortgage (approx 295k remaining) and my parents' financial situation. I have enough to pay off our mortgage single-handedly (even if for some reason my partner is somehow not able to pay a single cent going forward) and still have 10-15 years of annual expenses in liquid assets remaining but that makes me feel so insecure. Also, my parents rely on me and my siblings to help them out with their monthly expenses because they are not in a good place in terms of cash-flow. They are, however, living in a somewhat expensive property (worth 2.5 times of mine) which they don't seem to want to sell due to attachment. I really don't mind helping them out every month but I'm really annoyed that I'm investing so much mental energy into catering for possible circumstances where they need urgent financial help (e.g. unexpected hospital bills etc) when they could be in a much better place by downsizing their goddamn house. It's almost as if I need to fully pay off my mortgage and set aside a huge sum for parents-related curveballs to feel financially secure (even then, I'm sure that I'm creative enough to find other things or think up other possibilities to worry about.)

I can't help but take everyone's situations/problems upon myself to plan for

My financial insecurity is the death of me.

At the same time, I haven't found anything to retire too also... I just don't have the mental energy and freedom to explore all that.

What a depressing update.

[lightfruit55]

And thanks for the reminder on hara hachi bu… I’d done it years ago and felt amazing as a result. Partly because I normally eat insanely fast.

Sure no problem. Are you still practising this? How has your relationship with food changed?

I don't eat insanely fast but faster than I would like. I would like to eat in an aesthetically and mindfully slow manner but I somehow revert to my normal speed :/

[lightfruit55]

You are so right about pulling the trigger sooner than later. I did ERE about 5 years ago and have had so much quality in life since then that I often wonder why I did not quit way earlier. I had about 25x annual expences then and today I've got around 35x. The increase is due to stockmarket returns, little side incomes from various fun or volunteer projects (which almost cover my running costs) and less spending than my initial budget (with more time I can fix stuff myself, find better bargains and exchange favours with people instead of paying for their services, eg get carpentry done for webpage design). In fact, if I would adjust my 'annual spending' to my current spending level, I would have around 55x in savings.

I wish you all the best with your beautiful goals!

This is so delightful to read, and it's how I envision my life also. I'll be very interested to read more about your journey. Do you have a journal here (if yes, could you please point me to it)?

[lightfruit55]

I’m on PTO for one week as I wanted the time off to reflect and consolidate my life position and goals going forward.

This post is going to contain a smorgasbord of somewhat disorganised thoughts.

Status Anxiety

I have been suffering from quite a bit of status anxiety over friends who have secured higher paying jobs in the currently booming job market. While I am happy for their achievements, I am quite surprised that I feel the way I feel, given that I don’t even care for working in the first place. To help in my reflection, I borrowed “Status Anxiety” (an ERE-recommended read) from the local library and have been doing some self-reflection over the past few days. I’m only halfway through the book and hope to attain more clarity by the end.

On the surface, there are a couple of feelings underpinning my status anxiety: feeling like I don’t have as much valued skills to offer to society, feeling like I don’t fit into the “corporate world” matrix and thus an outcast and of a lower status, feeling financially behind compared to my close friends who earning much more, feeling like I don’t have the capacity to spend as much as them, feeling like I don’t have goals compared to them.

On deeper reflection, many of these feelings cannot be justified. I don’t want to fit into the corporate world matrix (in fact, I’m trying to get the f*** out), I am not financially behind compared to them and even if I am this does not matter as their financial status has no bearing on my life, and I don’t want to spend as much them (they spend a lot on junk and vices). To them, I have no “motivation” nor “real goals” but it’s only because I practise stealth wealth building - I don’t ever talk about the financial moat I’ve built or the financial goals that I have. So while I talk to them about quitting my corporate job from time to time, they view me more as an offbeat bohemian with my head in the clouds meandering through life according to my whims and fancies, rather than a person with a concrete decade-in-the-making plan to leave full-time corporate work.

If I were to really distill down to which feelings really hurt the most, I suppose it is my deep-rooted feeling of inferiority over my lack of valuable skills to make money the way I want to and to live the way I want to, my frustration of being in the “boring middle” rut of just “passing go, collecting $$”, and the loneliness and inauthenticity of keeping my motivations and goals to myself.

I don’t think I’m envious of my friends (I do not want to trade lives). It’s just that their achievements amplify my personal failings, which hurt a lot.

Reduce Debt - Mortgage Prepayment

I’ve decided to make mortgage prepayments going forward. I’m not confident about the markets and my blind indexing "strategy". I’m still going to continue to index (only because I don’t know any other way and am not at all confident of stock picking) but with lesser amounts as I will want to direct more spare cash towards mortgage prepayments. While it may make not make optimal financial sense as my mortgage interest rate is low (less than 2%), the rate is only fixed for the next 3 years and I will thereafter be subject to the vagaries of the then-market. By prepaying our mortgage, this will mitigate exposure to higher mortgage interest rates in the future, reduce our fixed expenses going forward which gives me more financial (?) and emotional security for quitting my job.

My goal this year is to make sufficient prepayments to reduce our monthly mortgage repayment to less than $1,000 a month.

Renewed Liquid Asset Allocation

Sabbatical fund: 1.5x annual expenses (sabbatical spending)
Cash: 3x annual expenses (emergency fund)
Retirement Accounts: To continue to max out for tax optimisation, subject to continued employment
Local Bonds: 5x annual expenses (to mitigate SORR)
Investments (indexing for now): local equities (20-30%) and global equities (70-80%)

Streamline asset holdings and credit card holdings

I’m holding money all over the place, over various accounts. This makes tracking a cumbersome affair and is mentally very annoying.

The plan is to have a maximum of only 2 bank accounts and a maximum of 2 credit cards across 2 banks.

Habits and Hobbies

Continue my workout, flossing and “mindful eating/not over-eating” habit.

Recently started reading physical books again and I really enjoy it so far. Also started learning a new language recently and I’m enjoying learning the consonants and vowels.

Target timeline for quitting job

The new target timeline for quitting job is by the first quarter of next year after getting my bonus.By then, I should have at least 20-25x annual expenses in liquid assets, and while not sufficient for full retirement should be sufficient financial security for a one year sabbatical. Surely I owe myself at least that in my short stint on Earth.

12 months to go…

[MBBboy]

I really enjoyed your last post. I don't have anything helpful to say, but wanted to drop a note of encouragement

[Chris]

In your November update, your cash allocation was about 5x annual expenses. You now have cash+sabbatical fund at 4.5x annual expenses. Was this due to annual expenses increasing? Or were you successful in putting some cash to work? In the past you've mentioned having trouble investing your cash holdings.

[lightfruit55]

@MBB - Thanks for the encouragement

@Chris - Oops, I guess I wasn't clear. The "Renewed Liquid Asset Allocation" in my last post is meant as a re-allocation target for me to work towards. I am still holding around 5x in cash :/

[lightfruit55]

Today is the last day of my PTO, and it’s going to be largely spent on housekeeping, cooking, reading and self-reflection.

I’ve decided to post in this journal more frequently (at least monthly) going forward. I remember reading somewhere in this forum (can’t remember exactly where it was posted or who posted it) that forummers who post regularly (around maybe 10 pages worth of journal entries?) generally reach their goal or at least a good part thereof.

I’m in the "final throes” of my 10-year-long pursuit to some sort of financial independence. I don’t think I will reach the full financial independence after 10 years (i.e. the 30-33x annual expenses), but at least I hope to be able to close a decade-long chapter of dedication towards acquiring financial security, and start a new chapter on a different type of pursuit. I hope that 10 years of commitment is long enough for one to pay one’s dues, and that I can finally freely explore and pursue other ways of living outside of the salary-man matrix.

I embarked on my ERE journey circa Dec-2013. It was when I just started my first full time job. I’m not sure if it was actually good for me to have found ERE at the start of my salary-man journey for it had robbed me of the full “salaryman” perspective, desire and experience. I was literally jaded from the start :/ That said, I’m still thankful to have discovered the principles of ERE. To be fair, I was already looking for an “out” in the first month of full-time employment (then under a sociopathic manager *shudders*).

Because of ERE, I managed to steer away from the trappings of luxury consumption, private housing and car acquisition i.e. the status trap in general. I’ve also broadly managed to navigate the ERE shelter-food-transport trinity fairly well. I have put in great effort to apply for and acquire a small non-private apartment which is within walking distance to various public transportation nodes and amenities, and which is also reasonably priced (at the time of my purchase, I could have fully paid for it if I wanted to, but of course locked in a mortgage at a low rate instead). I appreciate the high quality and connectivity of public transport in Singapore (but will of course walk at every chance I can) and I think I eat modestly well (I enjoy cooking simple and healthy meals, though more often than I would like to admit, find myself succumbing to eating out at fancy places and purchasing fancy beverages and snacks -oh well-). Outside of work, I spend the remaining energy and time maintaining my physical fitness, mental health and familial relationships, and of course, indulging in life’s greatest joy of puttering around.

In the past 8+ years, I have acquired around 18-19 annual expenses in liquid net worth (I will ignore the retirement accounts as I cannot access it until old age).

Where I find myself lacking is developing new skills that I can offer to the world in some other full-time or part-time capacity and building/maintaining friendships.

I don’t know if I have the mental strength to last until Dec 2023 to round up my decade-long “money acquisition” phase. The current plan is to work until the first quarter of 2023, and then re-evaluate.

However, I should think that Dec 2023 will have to be my long-stop date of this decade-long chapter - any longer is a disgrace and failing.

Here’s to hoping that this journal keeps me accountable.

Goals for month of May
Close one bank account and cancel 2 credit cards
Work on deploying spare cash into mortgage prepayment
Read at least 2 books

[jacob]

I’ve decided to post in this journal more frequently (at least monthly) going forward. I remember reading somewhere in this forum (can’t remember exactly where it was posted or who posted it) that forummers who post regularly (around maybe 10 pages worth of journal entries?) generally reach their goal or at least a good part thereof.

The rule of thumb was that people would FIRE around the time their journal had 500 posts. I don't know whether this still holds. Of course correlation is not causation, but persistence of effort certainly helps.

[lightfruit55]

Thanks @jacob. While only a rule of thumb (but based on my squatting on this forum for many years, seems to hold some truth!), seems I've got 400+ more posts to go

[MBBboy]

I had this thought on your previous post, but held fire. But on the subject of mortgage prepayment......are you sure?

I don't know how things work in Singapore, but in the US your monthly payment doesn't change due to a prepayment. For that reason, it's commonly suggested that if your goal is to pay off your mortgage early, you should save up money in a separate account (typically invested, but can just be savings), and then make a giant payment to finish things off once your balance reaches the payoff amount.

The reason for this is liquidity risk - if you put all your spare cash into paying off your mortgage, you can't get it out easily if you need it for something else (like a job loss). And since your monthly payment didn't get lower as a result of prepaying, you didn't de-risk your monthly budget. All you really did was make cash inaccessible now in order to save money (mortgage interest) at a later date by moving up the timeline.

But you can have the same timeline and savings with a lump sum payoff strategy. Depending on whether you invest it, might even be faster.

So given your rate will reset in a few years, and presumably your payment along with it based on whatever your balance is at the time, maybe it makes sense to divert that mortgage prepayment into some interest bearing savings account instead and make a big payment before the mortgage reset, so you can still get to the money if you need it