Relocation & a Tangle of Issues
Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:11 pm
Hi everybody,
I am a Boston native and resident & have been thinking about out-of-state relocation. However, I am definitely struggling with whether this a good move. I am hoping those of you who have made major moves in midlife can offer me some feedback. Here is some background. I am 48-years old. Boston is a high COL area. I bike/walk/use public transit to get to work, shop at discount stores/Amazon/EBay/Savers/Craig’s List but haven’t really made much headway against $40,000 in public & private student loans. I have 2 kids ages 9 and 3.5. The 3 year old is full time in pre-school on my dime & the 9 year old gets extended day programming also o my dime.
My wife and I both work. We are in agreement that her $800k house with its $500k mortgage should be rented or sold. My wife owns the house. Unfortunately, she is spendy and plans to rent the house out until the 3 year old completes full-time preschool, than move back to the house. I disagree and want to move either to a smaller house in a walkable Boston suburb on a permanent basis or relocate. (We have had increasing disagreements about money in recent years as I have become less consumerist and she has not. She is only on board with renting our current place because she can now see she is going broke & will be unable to make payments on her $500,000 mortgage.) The marriage has a lot of other problems. I am wondering if relocating might be a means to separate without having to involve the legal system. (I am broke and would rather avoid the legal fees. Her entire family is composed of lawyers which makes a possible divorce unusually risky.)
If I moved, I am not sure what happens to the kiddies. Our town (and nearby suburbs) have outstanding schools and I would hate for the children to lose access to them. The kids are pretty mommycentric & would likely want to stay with her if we separated. I want to help them grow up but am worn down by endless fights with my wife.
I will add that I have an autoimmune disorder and a ton of spin-off conditions from that disorder. It is a safe bet that the stress of working at unsatisfying jobs, financial stress, etc., is negatively impacting my health. A reduced-stress level could go a long ways towards mitigating my symptoms. Right now, I am working part-time because medically I was struggling with working full-time. Reduced work is helping me to reverse what had been a declining medical situation but is making an already bad financial situation much worse.
In terms of work, the local market offers some opportunity but there are definite limits to that opportunity. If I want to advance in my field, enjoy much greater mobility/security, or obtain more interesting work, I would be much better off in the Washington DC area. (I doubt that would help my COL issue.) Alternatively, I could work remotely or work/live in a low COL city, hopefully pulling in a comparable salary to my current one. (I have had no luck landing remote jobs.) Maybe then I could get some money in the bank.
I view my current job as unstable and transitional. I don’t feel much attachment to it beyond my boss who is a really good guy. He has been much more flexible around medical issues and childcare than my previous boss at my old job.
My family is local to Boston. My mom is in her early 80s but still has good health & all of her faculties. If possible I would like to keep a close relationship with her during her remaining good years & be available as caregiver as she ages.
I am unsure whether to aim for a big city or a small one. I have generally been happy in major urban centers: I like the cultural options, career opportunities, walkability, etc. I have been unhappy living in two smaller cities because they lacked those options. However, small cities often have a low COL, which I need if I am ever going to put away some money. I ought to add that I hate snow and cold (it aggravates some of my medical issues) and would be open to a warm/sunny locale. (I don’t want the desert or mountains as the altitude and dry air would aggravate some of my medical problems.)
Sorry for the long post. My New Year’s resolution is to get a grip on these problems. So what should I do: move locally? Move to a far-away big city? What about the family issues? If you have faced similar issues, what did you do? How did it work out?
I am a Boston native and resident & have been thinking about out-of-state relocation. However, I am definitely struggling with whether this a good move. I am hoping those of you who have made major moves in midlife can offer me some feedback. Here is some background. I am 48-years old. Boston is a high COL area. I bike/walk/use public transit to get to work, shop at discount stores/Amazon/EBay/Savers/Craig’s List but haven’t really made much headway against $40,000 in public & private student loans. I have 2 kids ages 9 and 3.5. The 3 year old is full time in pre-school on my dime & the 9 year old gets extended day programming also o my dime.
My wife and I both work. We are in agreement that her $800k house with its $500k mortgage should be rented or sold. My wife owns the house. Unfortunately, she is spendy and plans to rent the house out until the 3 year old completes full-time preschool, than move back to the house. I disagree and want to move either to a smaller house in a walkable Boston suburb on a permanent basis or relocate. (We have had increasing disagreements about money in recent years as I have become less consumerist and she has not. She is only on board with renting our current place because she can now see she is going broke & will be unable to make payments on her $500,000 mortgage.) The marriage has a lot of other problems. I am wondering if relocating might be a means to separate without having to involve the legal system. (I am broke and would rather avoid the legal fees. Her entire family is composed of lawyers which makes a possible divorce unusually risky.)
If I moved, I am not sure what happens to the kiddies. Our town (and nearby suburbs) have outstanding schools and I would hate for the children to lose access to them. The kids are pretty mommycentric & would likely want to stay with her if we separated. I want to help them grow up but am worn down by endless fights with my wife.
I will add that I have an autoimmune disorder and a ton of spin-off conditions from that disorder. It is a safe bet that the stress of working at unsatisfying jobs, financial stress, etc., is negatively impacting my health. A reduced-stress level could go a long ways towards mitigating my symptoms. Right now, I am working part-time because medically I was struggling with working full-time. Reduced work is helping me to reverse what had been a declining medical situation but is making an already bad financial situation much worse.
In terms of work, the local market offers some opportunity but there are definite limits to that opportunity. If I want to advance in my field, enjoy much greater mobility/security, or obtain more interesting work, I would be much better off in the Washington DC area. (I doubt that would help my COL issue.) Alternatively, I could work remotely or work/live in a low COL city, hopefully pulling in a comparable salary to my current one. (I have had no luck landing remote jobs.) Maybe then I could get some money in the bank.
I view my current job as unstable and transitional. I don’t feel much attachment to it beyond my boss who is a really good guy. He has been much more flexible around medical issues and childcare than my previous boss at my old job.
My family is local to Boston. My mom is in her early 80s but still has good health & all of her faculties. If possible I would like to keep a close relationship with her during her remaining good years & be available as caregiver as she ages.
I am unsure whether to aim for a big city or a small one. I have generally been happy in major urban centers: I like the cultural options, career opportunities, walkability, etc. I have been unhappy living in two smaller cities because they lacked those options. However, small cities often have a low COL, which I need if I am ever going to put away some money. I ought to add that I hate snow and cold (it aggravates some of my medical issues) and would be open to a warm/sunny locale. (I don’t want the desert or mountains as the altitude and dry air would aggravate some of my medical problems.)
Sorry for the long post. My New Year’s resolution is to get a grip on these problems. So what should I do: move locally? Move to a far-away big city? What about the family issues? If you have faced similar issues, what did you do? How did it work out?