Trailblazer's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
trailblazer
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2016 8:18 pm

Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

classical_Liberal wrote:
Fri Aug 17, 2018 3:52 am
did this person ever ask again?
:D not really haha. It was back in school days. We ended up loose acquaintances at best. I’d like to think I would not say the same thing today, or at least would have the good sense to return the invitation the next day. The person ended up being quite successful in our line of work. Maybe we’ll bump into each other some day. I always remember this incident for some reason . . .
classical_Liberal wrote:
Fri Aug 17, 2018 3:52 am
Maybe a capital "G" god is trying to make friends too?
They are really hard to find!

* * * *

Interesting day at work yesterday. Had unplanned one-on-one lunch with our senior investor/ultimate boss. He asked how I saw the next 5 years playing out career wise. A tough question for me, the guy who has trouble making life plans more than 90 days out. He talked about all the reasons he’s excited about what we’re doing and what is going to be achieved. I’m thinking “you have no idea how close I came to quitting the last few weeks.” Or maybe he does . . .

In any event, I think I did a good job expressing my own excitement for our project but also my long term desire for a certain amount of slack time in my life to explore different ideas. I then explicitly said I’m not going to spend the rest of my life working 24 hours per day. I think he heard what I said . . . we’ll see. If nothing else maybe I’ll get some more equity out of all this.

It was nice to have the reassurance that I’m doing a good job in his mind. So far every project has felt like it’s on the edge of failure, and I know some of my anxiety is simply not wanting to fail, which is making me want to flee the situation. I think it would be premature to make any dramatic moves. Need to buckle down next couple months and see how things are as we get toward the end of the year.

trailblazer
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2016 8:18 pm

Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

Time for an update because . . . why not

Last week at work has been good. Feel like I’m making progress on a very difficult client, and we won another client that I had been working hard on pursuing. I realize the right thing to do is keep pushing and not give up. Though at some point every day I have an “I’m going to quit” moment. If I’m ever going to have huge success in business (which yes, I’ll admit I want that), I have to learn to relax, have fun, and go with whatever is happening in the moment.

Trying to be more aware of people that are indicating they want to socialize. Still a lot of work to be done In this area but just need to keep pushing. I’ve accepted the fact that all my friends are work related and am doing my best to have fun with them.

As I get very near to the age 40 number I can see how the next few years are going to be a slog. But if I keep pushing, by mid 40s I can be in a great place financially, have solid personal relationships and generally be doing more and more interesting things in life.

Re-reading several novels by Robertson Davies. He’s a Canadian writer I stumbled on about 10 years ago. His best novels are The Deptford Trilogy series and A Mixture of Frailties.

The best novel in The Deptford Trilogy is Fifth Business. The protagonist is a guy who on the surface is a boring school teacher. But in his private life he has fascinating personal relationships with an insane variety of individuals - a magician, a deformed woman, a billionaire and a mad woman. He spends every summer “saint hunting” in Europe, satisfying his internal lust for hagiography. He’s kind of the guy I want to be.

wolf
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by wolf »

In the last few weeks I thought about "socializing more" too. I am into this, because I've met an old friend from school. We had some walks and understand each other pretty well. After those meet-ups I felt quite positive. It's good to see how a great conversation and talk can influence my mood positively.

How do you approach "socializing"? Do you read books about it? Do you have a role model? Do you plan "socializing"?
trailblazer wrote:
Thu Aug 23, 2018 9:51 pm
As I get very near to the age 40 number I can see how the next few years are going to be a slog. But if I keep pushing, by mid 40s I can be in a great place financially, have solid personal relationships and generally be doing more and more interesting things in life.
From a pesonal side, I'm in a similar situation. Therefore I'd really appreciate your feedback.

Currently I investigate success factors in order to change my personality a bit (towards socializing, extraversion, relationships). From experience I know that changing some aspects of personality could be difficult. So, I wanna be prepared for what comes next. Naturally I'm an introvert and very rational. Besides family, work colleagues and a few friends I don't have any other relationships. And I have to say that I value quality in relationships, not quantity. Having a few very good friends (outside of work) would be great. Well, I am working on it.
trailblazer wrote:
Thu Aug 23, 2018 9:51 pm
I’ve reached out to a number of friends on social media and it’s starting to lead to some lunches, catch up phone calls etc. Nothing earth shattering - never fear, I’m still 100% introvert - but the focus going forward is going to be on building relationships.
How was the feedback from your friends on social media? Were some successfull?

classical_Liberal
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

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Last edited by classical_Liberal on Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

trailblazer
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

wolf wrote:
Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:37 am
In the last few weeks I thought about "socializing more" too. I am into this, because I've met an old friend from school. We had some walks and understand each other pretty well. After those meet-ups I felt quite positive. It's good to see how a great conversation and talk can influence my mood positively.
This is exactly what triggered the whole line of thought for me as well. Nothing more dangerous than an introvert (especially of the I-N-T variety) suddenly having high quality social interaction and then just as quickly being left alone to think about it.

I've realized that my past reaction to these situations has often been along the lines of "uggggh I just experienced human emotion - I can never let that happen again." But I want to build quality relationships and need to make it a priority. Both from the morbid standpoint of “if I died who would actually be at my funeral?” to the much more sappy but true statement made by another person I know “having special people in your life is that extra thing that makes life worthwhile." I'm embarrassed to write the last statement but I'll admit it is somewhat true. :oops:
wolf wrote:
Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:37 am
How do you approach "socializing"? Do you read books about it? Do you have a role model? Do you plan "socializing"?
I am the least qualified person ever to answer these questions. One of the reasons I decided to pursue my current work opportunity is the senior people I’m working with are total experts at human relationships - both in terms of business and personal life and I think they can start to pull me upward into new areas of competency. One guy in particular is a master of emotional intelligence. I’m trying to spend a lot of time working with him and thinking about how he handles different situations. I’m also just trying to be friends with these people.

I did read the “Personal Village” book recommended on another thread - it was worthwhile and has encouraged me to try and find different community groups I can be part of, and also to simply start taking more walks with a proactive mindset of interacting with the community. But for me, the real need is actual practice, not more books. I'm gradually realizing what most 5 year olds already know, that people signal that they want to socialize, and that I can also signal the same. So trying to be very aware of this and then go with the flow.
wolf wrote:
Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:37 am
Currently I investigate success factors in order to change my personality a bit (towards socializing, extraversion, relationships). From experience I know that changing some aspects of personality could be difficult. . . . And I have to say that I value quality in relationships, not quantity.
I agree. We are who we are - that said, I’ve realized I can dial certain things up or down a notch. I just need to consciously practice. I’m not looking for quantity either. I have a feeling my “need” will be met with a fairly small quantity, and I suspect that once this need is met it will actually lead to more quantity.
wolf wrote:
Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:37 am
How was the feedback from your friends on social media? Were some successfull?
Yes it was worth doing and I’m going to be more proactive about it in the future. My past attitude has been “if someone wants to interact with me they’ll reach out.” Well it turns out I can reach out too. I genuinely made several people happy - they were glad to hear from me. Several lunches and catch-ups, and I think ongoing interaction, but guess what . . . the most successful attempts were local people I’m connected to from past work. It was still good to connect with people from out of town, as I’d like to do extended travel again at some point, and would be nice to have people to visit along the way.
classical_Liberal wrote:
Fri Aug 24, 2018 5:11 pm
I think what suomalainen posted in my journal on the subject is probably the most pertinent; repeated unplanned interactions, which tends to require proximity. Any "personality" or habit changes should probably be focused on putting oneself in the situations that promote such exchanges.
Yep I think this nails it. Pretty hard to beat repeat interaction and shared experience. Reminds me of a totally random and only somewhat off-point quote I heard from Peggy Noonan. Apparently many years ago there was a political debate about whether male and female cops should be allowed to work together as partners on a shift. Her quote was “yes it’s fine if your goal is for them to fall in love.” Not trying to make a political point here, just noting that if you put people together they are going to become a community of some sort. Without interaction, it’s a lot harder.
classical_Liberal wrote:
Fri Aug 24, 2018 5:11 pm
Trailblazer seems to be lucky in his work environment, he works with people he enjoys and respects., so good relationships will come more naturally. I think that's a situation he has earned with semi-ERE though. Certainly not the norm across Western society.

Congrats on the clients Trailblazer!!
Thanks! Yes - the chance to work with certain people is exactly why I took the opportunity. A number of people in our field declined to join because the opportunity was not "secure" . . . they may be right but if nothing else it's giving me a good chance to build some much needed social skills.

wolf
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by wolf »

trailblazer wrote:
Sat Aug 25, 2018 2:02 pm
This is exactly what triggered the whole line of thought for me as well. Nothing more dangerous than an introvert (especially of the I-N-T variety) suddenly having high quality social interaction and then just as quickly being left alone to think about it.
Exactly, I reflected those meetups afterwards in my daily journal. And I wrote texts with many hundred words. It's caused by the imagination in my mind. When I rethink and refeel the social interactions, there is a lot more that goes deep. Probably it's true that introverts could "see" more afterwards. So currently I only observe and experience those social interactions.

I am not sure 100% what to do with them. Where is the proper place for them in my life, which is already defined 90%. I got already social interactions at work and within my family. More social interactions outside of work must be handled. And I have to be honest with myself. More time and energy (probably also money) means less to other (already established) areas of my life. Letting go of other ideals is a must, in order to increase social interactions. At least in my case and situation.

It's great to read, that you have a good setup for social interactions at your work place. That sounds like a Win-Win-Situation.
trailblazer wrote:
Sat Aug 25, 2018 2:02 pm
But for me, the real need is actual practice, not more books. I'm gradually realizing what most 5 year olds already know, that people signal that they want to socialize, and that I can also signal the same. So trying to be very aware of this and then go with the flow.
Yes..."practice, not more books". I can emphasize that too! My instinct says, that I can read more books about it, learning the theory behind social interactions. I gotta admit, that I already know enough in theory about it. I need practice. "Learning by Doing" could be a great principle. I need real-world experience first-hand. But creating another mind-map, reflecting one more time, or making a plan comes so easily. :)
How can I motivate myself to go out there and overcome my anxieties regarding social interactions? That is a question I need an answer. One needs a motivation to change/transform oneself in some areas. I gotta behave partly against my modus operandi And that's a challenge.

trailblazer
Posts: 122
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

@wolf - thanks for your thoughtful comments. I've been thinking more about quality vs. quantity. I definitely prefer quality but there is something to be said for quantity as well. Takes away the pressure of expecting too much (or too many different things) from any one relationship. Also allows some freedom to experiment. Ironically, more quantity could lead to more quality down the road.

Moment Where I Realized Again That I'm An Introvert: There's a guy I work with - 100% extrovert - he spent the entire day today desperately trying to find someone to golf with him this weekend - many of his friends are out of town due to the holiday. I'm thinking, man, just go by yourself or stay home and read a book. Extroversion can at times be a disability if you think about it. Too bad I don't golf as I guess I could go with him. :)

Financial considerations . . . I'm thinking of doing a Roth conversion for my pre-tax 401(k) from prior employer. Would be about a 50K tax hit to put 150K in a Roth. For the next several years, I'll probably be in a high tax bracket, and I'm in a somewhat "lower" bracket this year as I've only worked partial year and earnings are just starting to ramp up. Could withdraw the 150K in 5 years if I want. For the next few years I would push to maximize the value of Brokerage + Roth to as high a number as possible.

In general, I'm thinking about revising how I calculate net worth. I would only include funds in my brokerage or Roth, and only include those funds to the extent they are invested in stock. Anything else is more properly categorized as either a "reserve/emergency" fund or a speculation fund. These "other" funds would become part of net worth only when cash is realized and moved to brokerage/Roth and invested in stock. (One of the lessons I learned from my mini-retirement is that having money in a traditional IRA/401K annoyed me. In theory I love the idea of a Roth pipeline but tempermentally I don't think I can pull it off.)

2Birds1Stone
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by 2Birds1Stone »

I would NOT advise the roth conversion of 401k funds. You could eventually get that money out tax free, and it could continue to grow in a tax deferred fashion. Think about how much that $50k in taxes will be worth with compounded growth in 10+ years.

trailblazer
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

Thanks 2Birds. Probably a bad idea. Fidelity makes it so easy. Click one button and all growth is mine forever. Congrats on your new job - look forward to hearing how it plays out.

wolf
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by wolf »

trailblazer wrote:
Thu Aug 30, 2018 5:37 pm
@wolf - thanks for your thoughtful comments. I've been thinking more about quality vs. quantity. I definitely prefer quality but there is something to be said for quantity as well. Takes away the pressure of expecting too much (or too many different things) from any one relationship. Also allows some freedom to experiment. Ironically, more quantity could lead to more quality down the road.
That's something I thought about it, too. Lately I came up with the idea of practicing smalltalking more often. Best case would be, that it will become a habit I enjoy. Whenever I have a social interaction or dialoge, I mostly enjoy that afterwards. The challenge for me is to get to know people, because in unknown situations with others I typically observe, rather to start communicating. So in regards of quantity I think smalltalking could be worth it. Then I'll probably relax more whenever I talk to unknown people. I hope that it will get easier from time to time. And who knows if any smalltalk develop into a deeper conversation.

Did you try and improve smalltalking at work? I guess extroverted collegues would be a great example.

Regarding your comment, maybe the following is logical?
More smalltalks -> lead to more quantity
More quantity -> improves the chances of quality social interactions?

Well, you should know that I appreciate the conversation with you about this topic a lot. Thanks for your answers trailblazer.

classical_Liberal
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

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2Birds1Stone
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by 2Birds1Stone »

Thanks TB, I'm enjoying the conversation here about socializing. I'm extroverted about 60-70% of the time, and the rest of the time I need to become a recluse and recharge my batteries.

trailblazer
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

@wolf - I think small talk is important. I’ve been making more of an effort to engage in it. OTOH so superficial, but it’s a gateway. It also helps take the edge off any feelings of isolation. Doesn’t exactly solve them but helps. INTX can so easily slip into isolation.

I got offered a job by a client. Not taking it . . . at least not yet . . . But reinforced the feelings I’ve been having of needing to be super aggressive about taking risks. I’m not exactly old but I’m not exactly 18 anymore either. Now is the time to take some aggressive swings. I have 250K of my portfolio set aside in a “responsible” Bogleheads approved manner, and this is enough for me to survive on. Everything else is pretty speculative, and any paid employment needs to be speculative as well.

Still wrestling with the Roth conversion idea. Mathematically I can’t really justify it . . . But I’m thinking of at least making sure I completely fill the 24% bracket.

Re-reading (again) the books by Felix Dennis. Talk about a guy that swings for the fences, but also has a great sense of perspective. A billionaire (or close to it) but also a life of health crises and dead at age 69.

trailblazer
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

It’s random update time! Still plugging away at the start up adventure. Breaking even in terms of net worth. Spending way too much but am living within my means. Insane amounts of money on food and rent. Not sure I even qualify as “ERE” at this point but I do have just enough saved up saved up that I can quit at any time and survive for many, many years.

Every day - literally every day - I’m tempted to quit - but I like the people I work with and would have a hard time finding an activity that demands the same amount of daily cognitive problem solving as the client projects I’m working on.

Not reading as much as I’d like, but am still getting in about 250 pages per week. Mostly business books and literary fiction with a small bit of Bible thrown in. I think that makes a nice barbell if that’s the word for it.

Investment-wise, I continue to be attracted to a global deep value approach. Almost entire net worth is in funds from Alpha Architects (VMOT, QVAL, IVAL, QMOM, QVAL) and Cambria Funds (EYLD, FYLD, SYLD, VAMO, GVAL). Roughly 10 percent in each of those 10 ETF’s. I’m slowly realizing that I don’t like relying on accumulated assets sitting in an account somewhere. Would be good to figure out a way to get a couple K per month cash for minimal work and just do that for the rest of my life.

Socially still room for improvement but feel like I’m gradually building up some long-term relationships.

2Birds1Stone
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by 2Birds1Stone »

Would you mind sharing a rough idea of how much you're currently spending per month (with and without rent if possible). I'm toying with the idea of moving into NYC vs having my current commute. PM me if you rather not share publicly.

trailblazer
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

2Birds1Stone wrote:
Thu Oct 18, 2018 8:32 am
Would you mind sharing a rough idea of how much you're currently spending per month (with and without rent if possible). I'm toying with the idea of moving into NYC vs having my current commute.
Since you asked . . .

Rent 3,200
Housekeeping 200
Bills 350
Food 1,200
Sundries 500
Life 1,000
Savings 2,500

Total: 8,950

Rent is for a small basic apartment in an extremely premium location and a great building. 100 percent walkscore and 100 percent transit score. 5 minute or less walk to work, groceries, parks, beautiful scenery. Super location for enjoying life. Probably where I'd live forever if money was no object. Half-way through a 12 month lease - did this to put the pressure on for sticking with my job.
Could get this down to 2k but would start sacrificing. When I was in accumulation mode before I was living in same area for 1,400 a month but didn't have own bathroom and building was borderline unclean/unsafe.

Housekeeping - probably the most satisfying thing I spend money on

Bills - misc utilities/insurance/memberships

Food - 40 per day. 8 to 10 for coffee and breakfast at Starbucks or the like / 10 to 20 each for lunch and dinner - let's say 10 to 12 for a sandwich and 3 for a drink. Generally get a few free meals at work and buy cheaper groceries for several meals, but this is balanced by occassionally more expensive meals.

Sundries - everything from toiletries to laundry to haircuts. I only buy disposable plates/cups/utensils.

Life - misc. travel/events, books, whatever

Savings - cash flow has picked up the last 3 months so I've been able to top off my core investments. Getting killed on deep value emerging markets so pouring extra funds into that. I would really struggle to spend more than I currently do, so any additional income is pure profit that I'll invest.

What am I doing well from an ERE perspective? No car. No expensive furniture that usually goes with moving to a new place. Mmmm not much else financially though I generally feel like I'm having an adventure.

2Birds1Stone
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by 2Birds1Stone »

Very interesting, thank you for sharing the details.

I actually think that's quite an awesome setup, especially since you could easily move across the world and enjoy a similar lifestyle for 1/4 the price.

Extrapolating the numbers, you would need ~$1.9 million to sustain that @ 4% wr.

The only thing I honestly cringed at, is the amount of garbage 3 meals out a day + disposable cups/plates/utensils means.

trailblazer
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

2Birds1Stone wrote:
Thu Oct 18, 2018 5:44 pm
The only thing I honestly cringed at, is the amount of garbage
Thus the need for housekeeping! :)

trailblazer
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by trailblazer »

Random update time. I wish I could post more on this forum but frankly it’s a really high caliber of discussion here and I don’t often have much to add.

Still plugging away at the start up adventure. Negotiated for a higher equity stake - I said I’m quitting and they doubled my equity. I would still like more but this is a good start. My thought process is that I will never complain about cash compensation, but I want an ownership stake in whatever we do going forward. They are actually pretty generous with cash (since they are already wealthy and don’t care) but I need to stick to my guns and demand a cut of the business.

Been thinking a lot about compound interest and the idea of fight vs. flight. I almost always lean toward flight . . . I have quit many things. My one “failure” in my prior career was the fact that I never figured out how to live my life in a way that allowed me to cope with the stress of work. I think ERE is empowering in terms of developing a web of goals, but I’ve been using it more as an excuse to bail out of stressful work situations I don’t like.

ERE has made it clear that I can survive on an extremely small amount of money, so going forward I’m going to focus on pushing forward at work and not fearing failure. If I can stick with it I will not only be ok financially but will also conquer my inner demon of always bailing on a situation that gets stressful.

classical_Liberal
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Re: Trailblazer's Journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

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