Re: brute journal
Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2018 12:33 pm
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https://forum.earlyretirementextreme.com/viewtopic.php?t=7250
Wow. Sorry for the slow response, I had to think about it.how does Riggerjack know what kind of man he wants to be?
sure does.
brute literally can't understand what Jordan Peterson is saying. there are words, but brute does not know what he means by them. it's like listening to a religious art teacher who had too many spiked brownies.classical_Liberal wrote: ↑Wed Feb 07, 2018 12:33 pm
Jordan Peterson [..and his..] ideas on the archetypal heroes/gods/serpents serving as valuable contributors to overall human psyche as part of a biological, evolutionary process
brute isn't sure if it's "trying to reach the carrot" or "running on the wheel" that fulfills/distracts him, but it sure is fulfilling/distracting.classical_Liberal wrote: ↑Wed Feb 07, 2018 12:33 pmNow that you are employed again, your posts seem to emanate a more fulfilled, or maybe positive tone. I’m curious, do you think this the result of having carrots to chase on your hamster wheel? Obviously you’re fully aware of the fact you’re on the wheel, but it doesn’t seem to be taking away from the enjoyment of running. Put another way, do you think the distraction to trying to reach proverbial carrot, even if unattainable, a better distraction than just running the wheel?
The answer always seemed obvious to me. There is no threshold that makes us greater than the sum of our parts, no inflection point at which we become fully alive. We can't define consciousness because consciousness does not exist. Humans fancy that there's something special about the way we perceive the world, and yet we live in loops, as tight and as closed as the hosts do, seldom questioning our choices, content, for the most part, to be told what to do next.
that's the point. no human ever does. and the ones that say they do are fooling themselves more than brute.Riggerjack wrote: ↑Fri Feb 09, 2018 11:19 amI'm just not that rigorous. I didn't plan out who I wanted to be.
brute was never poor. brute grew up as sheltered as is possible. brute once had to get a $200 loan from a friend to cover rent, and swore never to go into debt again, because it made him feel terrible. the most pressing fear brute has ever felt is existential angst.
BRUTE wrote: ↑Sat Feb 10, 2018 2:48 amsometimes brute has vague dreams of learning certain skills (un poco español, caralho), but then again most of them strike him as pretty useless, and it feels similar to grinding in a video game to ascend to Level 99.
this isn't to say that brute's life is picture perfect like a Hollywood movie, it's just that there doesn't seem that much to go for that brute really cares much about.
what is a brute to do who has easy money but only likes cheap thrills? brute has spent considerable amounts of his life trying to find meaning, but has given up on the idea of meaning as different from distraction. all those humans who find their life meaningful.. brute just finds them distracted. this is not bad, as the thing they're distracted from (the truth that life is meaningless) is not very important. brute couldn't care less if humans are distracted. but it does make him somewhat cynical. if brute's life were to end tomorrow, he'd be fine. pain, bad. the end? not that bad. life is fine, but nothing compared to the real thing.
at this point, brute thinks he has discovered most of his own desires and many of his personal quirks. it mostly boils down to steak, coffee, typing on keyboards, and debating pointless philosophical questions with good friends. in that regard, this discussion with Riggerjack is providing great value to brute.
tbh it feels more like momentum than motivation. not doing anything at all is also a decision to make, for which brute doesn't really have a justification either.
I think I demonstrated in "the thread where riggerjack schools brute on free will" that I can't. I can't compete with your faith in determinism. I'm not trying. How, at the nuts and bolts level the brain works is not of much interest to me. All I need is a functional model.the point is that who Riggerjack wants to be "just happened" to him, just as it "just happened" to brute. trying to become something if something "just happened" seems somewhat absurd - like religiously sticking to the rules of a random board game, found on the side of the road.
there is nothing wrong with "Riggerjack does what Riggerjack does because that's what Riggerjack likes to do", but there isn't much advice in it.
brute isn't sure if it's "trying to reach the carrot" or "running on the wheel" that fulfills/distracts him, but it sure is fulfilling/distracting.
brute is fascinated by the live observation of internal, sub-conscious mechanisms. there are various mechanisms within "brute" than he can observe while they are happening, but it feels like watching an animal in a zoo react to a stimulus. besides the work carrot, another example is how the laughter of female humans makes brute happy. he knows that evolutionary biology just turned brute into a machine that wants to protect pretty human females so they can procreate, but it still works, even while brute is being cynical about it. it even works while brute is cynically commenting on it to said human female, causing her to laugh, making it work.
fuck yea. when humans say they'll get right onto that, and then brute has to stand there, watching them peck at the keyboard with 2 fingers, re-reading the first 3 letters of the word, and then hunting for the backspace key to correct themselves. brute is physically in pain when humans are inefficient.Riggerjack wrote: ↑Sun Feb 11, 2018 9:57 amFor instance, I have a strong emotional response to efficiency. When things are done as well as possible, I find that calming, almost comforting. When things are done inefficiently, well, let's say I lots of negative feelings get triggered by that.
it feels similar the other way around, although the order is different. upon reading a lengthy Riggerjack exposition, brute typically thinks "well, that didn't help at all, it wasn't even related to the question". then brute sits back and thinks "but it was a nice story, and brute had a good time reading it".Riggerjack wrote: ↑Sun Feb 11, 2018 9:57 amWhen I was young, I would have been eagerly reading all you have written. Now, it seems familiar. It seems like the way I thought, before. Instead of reading and agreeing, when I read your posts, I start to agree, and then a "yeah, but" kicks in. This happens all the time with your posts.
uuuuh not sure what brute just read, but he liked it.bryan wrote: ↑Sat Feb 10, 2018 4:45 pmI think @BRUTE (and others) will enjoy this: https://hotelconcierge.tumblr.com/post/ ... /the-tower
Yeah, that was my impression. I have no issue with the nihilism, and no need to convince you that life has Meaning, or meaning.maybe brute should also say that he doesn't sit around all day, wallowing in nihilistic depression. he's typically having a jolly good time.