FI or bust; FBeyer.

Where are you and where are you going?
Mister Imperceptible
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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Mister Imperceptible » Sat Jan 19, 2019 3:19 pm

Thank you for your sincerity FBeyer.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by wolf » Sun Jan 20, 2019 2:26 am

Thank you FBeyer for that incredible post, which was your 1000th! Deep down this is so true what you write, that it's about life and not about money. And yet this is a process for many of us developing from a mindset of money to a mindset of life. I am also glad, that you are doing better.

If you'd like to read a great book, I could recommend "Principles" to you. It is written by Ray Dalio who is probably also an ENTJ/ENTP. I found it very worthwhile and insightful.
...and I have just read all your posts in this journal. Wow! I'm totally impressed by all the things you have done so far by the age of 40. You are a few years ahead of me, so I'm thankful for some of your insightful experiences.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer » Sun Jan 20, 2019 9:54 am

Thank you wolf. I just turned 37 so I have 3 more years to add another career to my resume before 40. :D

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:00 am

Ma' Biz:

I've coached a couple of people on different aspects of life and business, and I've still got two more in the pipeline that I just have to make appointments with.

But!!!! I finally got off the fence and signed up for coach training. In other words: It's happening. I'm striking out on my own for now!

I'll begin training late March and finish at the end of June. Normally the courses would take longer but, luckily for me, this time training days were squashed together slightly for whatever reason, which suits me just fine. It's the course with the most hands-on hours, and also the course that finishes within the shortest time span so it's all good!

I was contacted by one of the other fathers from kindergarten. He's starting up a biz that is trying to help refugees find some meaningful work faster, and he wants to enlist me in the project. Work is spotty, well-paid on an hourly basis, and doesn't seem too demanding by a long shot, which is absolutely perfect.

His initial estimates of the work load indicates that I can just about cover all my living expenses every month (Yay frugal living!), with about 1-1.5 days of part-time work every week. This means that I'm not digging myself into a financial hole while I'm building my coaching biz on the side. Furthermore, there is room to expand my involvement in the project with actual coaching activities which could further my experience in the field as well as make me even more moolah off of the gig. I suggested the coaching activities myself, and there is very good reason to include them. Whether the time schedule and budget allows for it is another thing. So I'm going through the formalia and time tables to see how I can make a credible argument for including one-on-one time with these job seekers. This whole serendipity thing seems to be working out just fine for me currently.

So although I've got a couple of years in cash after paying for education, it seems that I might not have to draw from the stash quite as heavily as I initially thought. Phew!

I'm having a hell of time trying to figure out what's most important to work on now, but all things considered: Shit's on a roll yo!

Ma' Peeps:
I figured a way to enlist a business psychologist to help me out if there are any rough patches during my startup phase, so I've got access to a couple of psychologist hours (free of charge) in case they become necessary.

I'm also building a support group of people who are working on improving their lives, as well as a separate group of new business owners to keep each other on-track and well-functioning through the initial phases of biz.[1]

Ma' Feets:
Dancing gets under my skin in the most magnificent ways. I'm high on accented 2-and-4 beats all day after a lesson; literally groove walking[2] all over the house. I'm incredibly thankful that I got to sign up for Lindy Hop this time around. My knee was busted last January so I couldn't start dancing then. But I am now, and it's amazing!

[1]'been told that this here social support thing ain't jus' malarkey

[2] This is for Jason: The song is about the choir girl that Fats Waller fell in love with; the girl who had a big ass, and no breasts, prompting Waller to write the song: All that Meat and No Potatoes.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Dunkelheit » Wed Feb 06, 2019 2:57 pm

FBeyer wrote:
Sat Jan 19, 2019 1:26 pm
I joined the forums about three years ago. This is my 1000th post and an overview of what I've learned in those three years...
...which has been A LOT!

I fell in love with this journal since the first day I began reading it, but today I have to tell you that you surpassed every expectation I had. I had to stop several times while reading the "On Getting to Know Myself" part. I needed to digest it slowly and will read it again and again to remember myself how life and suffering almost always come together.

You are f****** awesome, thanks. Unfortunately, this world may not be prepared for such kind of awesomeness. FBeyer-37 has lived more lives than some of us, at least in his head, and the way he expresses what's going through it makes me think a lot about my own life, and asking myself if what I am doing is to put shit over my head instead of living the simple life I would like. I'm sorry but my introspective side makes me feel like an idiot when I'm trying to put into words what's coded in my brain.

Please, keep on writing this superb journal. I wish you all the best in your new ventures.

PS: A PM is on the way...

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by LiquidSapphire » Fri Feb 08, 2019 7:38 pm

I'm trying to participate more...yay!
I've only read the last little bit but I'm glad you've mustered what it takes to put away suicidal thoughts and try again. I don't know what to call it. Motivation? Courage? It doesn't matter I guess.
I'm very happy and glad you're coaching and getting into honing your skills. I'm curious to see what you learn through the process and hope you share.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer » Sun Feb 17, 2019 2:00 pm

Things I've learned since Dec. 18th.
Satisfaction in life is a cursed overgrown garden you have to weed every single day!
- You cannot, ever, persuade anyone with reason alone.
- People accept change only if they come up with the terms themselves. Hence: Giving advice doesn't work unless there is an emotional angle.
- Only people in crisis are willing to change. Extend or exacerbate the crisis to make them susceptible to new ways of doing things.
- I have a supernatural ability to pinpoint something that will tear another person's self image to shreds in seconds and I tend to prod it with curiosity, not compassion.[1]
- Dialogue has two major factors to be aware of: What is the true objective of the conversation, and to what extent are both participants aware of that objective. Any mismatch leads to dissonance of some form.
- Mirroring and labeling works!
- Whenever you have to choose, always choose from more than 2 options, but not more than 5.
- consider, locations, people, equipment, and time in your options.
- There is always more under the surface. Even after talking for 45 minutes about one very particular subject. There is always more...
- The answers to a good life changes all the time; there is no such thing as the right answer.
- Prototyping beats analyzing's ass! ie find ways to TEST your ideas, and especially ways to test your fears and assumptions.

So a hodge podge battle plan using last month's learning only, applied to ERE-unwilling spouses goes something like:

Make it absolutely obvious that the intent of the discussion is not to find ways to save money, but to find a way to live a long, and fulfilling life of productivity, and purpose. That the discussion is about building a life you will be proud of[2]

Compassionate and understanding listening. Get the other person to talk for hours, or days, about their true needs, their self-image, how they feel loved and what kind of world they want to live in. Once you have a rock solid network of compassionate UNDERSTANDING (not a manipulation framework) then you can actually make a unified plan.

Don't steer the conversation towards money, but focus intently on the other person and what (always the 'what' question) they need to unite their most intense human needs. Ask what they'd like to give up to to focus intently on acquiring those needs (we all have shit in our lives. Find ways to get rid of shit so you can actually make mental and temporal space to make this project happen). What can they do to make room in their lives to live even better lives? Ideate on every single need. Find options, plenty of options, and let the other person come up with all the options on his/her own.

Highlight how your SO's current life is in conflict with their true desires. They're likely only halfway there and the debt they're paying on their half-assed (don't use that phrase) approach is actually hurting them, although it feels good and familiar. The side effects are catastrophic, even if they are well known. And it'll only get worse with time.

Fears are a major deterrent, so every fear needs its own options too. First find ways to actively (yes, out in the real world) test in a benign way whether those fears are actually well-founded. Again, when brainstorming solutions or workarounds to those fears try to make use of locations, people, equipment, or time, not just more money.

Talk about every option and it's emotional significance. Address the emotional connection between a person's base needs with ERE thinking/web of goals thinking (not FI thinking).

Always think of ways in which you can test something out in the real world where you can get valuable and cheap experience with the decisions you're making.

Don't ever fucking judge your significant other for being different than you!

[1] Sincere apologies to those who've suffered so far...
[2] 'cause no one remembers their best day of television.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by classical_Liberal » Sun Feb 17, 2019 3:33 pm

FBeyer wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 2:00 pm
Only people in crisis are willing to change.
Teachable moments. To be handled with care, yet do not deflect cause and effect.
FBeyer wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 2:00 pm
I have a supernatural ability to pinpoint something that will tear another person's self image to shreds in seconds and I tend to prod it with curiosity, not compassion.
Again, we are alike. The is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because weak willed people are afraid of me, saves lots of time muddling through the crowd. A curse because even the strongest of us have weak moments or weak spots. These need to be handled with great care, because even if we are just expressing genuine interest/want to help, it often comes across as if we are being assholes.

All of these are great realizations! Those two just hit home because I've experienced them recently.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by prognastat » Mon Feb 18, 2019 11:11 am

And even when in crisis many still will struggle and often fail to take and apply advice.

Habits are hard to break and people also like to fit in so if it's a habit and it makes you fit in more with the general populace it's going to be even harder to change.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer » Thu Mar 28, 2019 6:21 am

theanimal wrote:
Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:50 pm
...When are we going to hear more about Lindy Hop?? Extra, extra bonus points for videos. :D
How about I not only give you a video of me dancing, but one where I dance badly, make mistakes, AND totally lose my sense of musicality all in the time span of a few minutes? :lol: ...

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by jennypenny » Thu Mar 28, 2019 6:31 am

Way to go! ;)

I thought of you when DS told me he joined the swing dancing club at his school (same type of dancing). He said it's really big and students come from other colleges because his college is mostly men so there are plenty of partners for the women. He met his GF there* and said it makes for an easy date night every week.

* this is a hint for the guys who haven't taken 7W5's learn-to-dance dating advice yet

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Jason » Thu Mar 28, 2019 8:23 am

I saw two people who with more practice will be really good. It's there. Plus the Elvis Costello/Buddy Holly look will kill in that setting.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by cmonkey » Thu Mar 28, 2019 8:24 am

You were great!!

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Mar 28, 2019 8:26 am

What fun! Cosign on the cute nerd glasses.

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Gilberto de Piento
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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Gilberto de Piento » Thu Mar 28, 2019 9:30 am

I'm happy things are going well for you these days. I enjoyed the dance video. I've taken a few lessons at different times in my life and always enjoyed dancing.

Can you elaborate more on the prototyping vs. analysis you mentioned back in February? Is it as simple as experimenting with a solution vs. thinking about one? Do you have any links to more information?

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by theanimal » Sat Mar 30, 2019 10:11 am

Nice dancing! You look like you're having a lot of fun. They offer a class here on Lindy Hop sometimes in the spring. I'm hoping it'll be available next year.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Cheepnis » Sat Mar 30, 2019 1:03 pm

That was awesome! I've tried to convince the GF to take a dance class of some sort with me a couple times. Firm no's all around, which makes me sad. Thinking I might just go out and do it without her. Relatively cheap and looks like a hoot.

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