First 'real' job. Feeling fed up and lost. Advices?

[Kimmism]

First real job is because I've been hiding in an academic circle for the last 8 years, with occasional part-time jobs (that bored me to death). I left my home country when I was about 15, and from then got various scholarships to do my Bachelor and Master degrees. I was raised a nerd (no surprise here) and was told that if I just focused on my study, everything would then naturally unfold.

Fortunately, and unfortunately, I broke through from that belief, decided to do Psychology instead of Maths or Finance. A shit tons of things happened to change my life significantly and at the end of my Master, I decided to move away from my academic path and left the UK (plus David Cameron was being a dick). After coming home I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I did a permaculture course in Laos. Travelled around Asia for a few months. Did occasional translation jobs. Live like a true minimalist. Read widely. Pondered upon breaking through from the 'system' and found my way here, to ERE.

The last couples of months have been tough. It has been extremely, if not impossible, for me to re-integrate into the Vietnamese culture. I feel pretty valueless here. The choice of career is limited and I have hated all the jobs that I tried and quit. I became really depressed, and broke of course. I just don't know how to move forward. A week ago I accepted a job with a start-up NGO. But I just feel so uneasy about the job it depresses the hell out of me. I hate the feeling of meaninglessness and I just feel like I'd rather die than wake up every morning feeling this way.

Anyway, I'd really appreciate some advices, inspiration, motivation. I'm just feeling lost in general, not even knowing what I'm living or working toward.

[vexed87]

Unfortunately no one here can help you find your purpose or calling in life. It will be very specific to you and will align with your values, experiences and expertise. What do you enjoy doing? Is there a way you can capitalise on that?

Life is hard work, no one can escape that... and employment is a sacrifice, giving up something good (your free time?) in exchange for money which can helps you fund the things you need and want. Even if you turn your hobby in to work, you might find you wake up one day and your hobby is no longer fun, and it starts to turn into real work.

There are times when I wonder what is the point in it all, and worry that what I have already isn't enough. Then I turn to this book, it may help you put things into perspective.

Do you have friends and family you can talk to and who can understand your troubles? If not you need to find a new social circle. It might be that you have outgrown your old friends and this is part of why you are feeling alone. It's a phase I went through too after discovering ERE. I learnt a lot about myself in a short space of time and it turned my world upside down. Everything I thought I knew changed. It was liberating, but scary at the same time.

[Did]

Hi Kimmism

As another poster said, you won't find all the answers here to your personal situation - we don't know you. But, in a general sense it's important to know you aren't alone, and have a lot of support out there, as well as a vague, virtual community of like minded people here.

I take it you are Vietnamese yourself? The first thing that comes to mind is whether or not you can use that to your advantage. For example, front a bunch of Vietnamese workers using your English and manage them. You could sell whatever you can this way online. Website development even if you find a crack website guy whose English is poor? Just a thought.

The other big advantage surely for you is that you can set up a low cost lifestyle where you are. Perhaps you could work in an English speaking country, build up a lump sum faster, then enjoy the lower cost of Vietnam if you find it acceptable to live there. You need not be set for life, just have enough stashed to enjoy yourself and have time to come up with another plan.

I would love to swap places for a month. The only time I get homesick for Australia, strangely enough, is when I see vietnamese people (I grew up with such communities). I pine for Pho. There is nothing like that where I am, Ireland. I went to a chipper in Belfast once that was run by a vietnamese family (more common than in the country of Ireland, where I am). The girl who served me had a clear vietnamese accent, but also a strong northern Irish one. I loved it. And it made me homesick.

I would also give all my turf** for an hour of sunshine from that part of the world.

** It's an Irish thing.

[SilverElephant]

Hi Kimmism,

when I started my first real job out of college, it felt meaningless and depressing as well. As it happens, in my case, the job was just that (I like to call it a money laundering operation that transferred public funds into university funds). The tough part was juggling the feeling of immediately wanting to quit with the more rational inner voice that tells you maybe you haven't waited long enough yet and not seen all aspects of the job yet or not tried hard enough yet.

Every job I've started working in has felt like real hard work in the beginning. This may or may not be everyone's experience, I'm just relating my own in the hopes that it might help.

Although they all felt like hard work in the beginning, I've found that if that hard work (which was mostly mental, as an introverted: dealing with the people, getting to know the ropes, hoping that the work output is adequate etc.) does not diminish by 60% (leaving that 60% for "enjoyment", whatever that is for you) in the space of a few months, I need to find another job.

Note that "enjoyment" can be anything here: fulfillment from the job itself, the people there, what you can buy for the money, the feeling of buying your freedom with the money you earn..

For me, I've only ever truly been happy working as a freelancer because the work I do translates into 100% money for me (minus taxes). I've never felt that level of satisfaction in an employment; however, I'm still employed because it gives me other benefits.

As vexed87 put it, and as I have experienced, there's a point where even a hobby turns into work. For me right now, that is determined by the weekly hours I have to put into it - this is true for everything I do. I get bored and fed up when I don't get to switch occupations after a few hours/days.

The best advice I can give you is that is the feeling of being deeply dissatisfied does not go away fairly quickly (a few months), don't rot there. You'll have plenty of people tell you that you're insane for giving up a job (what will become of you?), but the feeling of dread every morning keeps you from getting out and about in search of a new one.

[IlliniDave]

It seems you are looking outside yourself to draw happiness in when happiness should come from within and flow outward. If there are opportunities to seek out a counselor or mentor where you live now perhaps that would be helpful. There may be other perspectives from which you can view your present situation where you're more able to accept the things you have and see the opportunities that are there for you.

[SimpleLife]

I think most people, if honest, can relate to this. I myself am one of those people. The thought of working until the day I die just doesn't sit well with me, though thankfully I can retire now though I keep working for a larger buffer.

I've worked low wage jobs that were easy and never thought about retiring, just changing employers out of frustration from time to time, but in the end, the job was easy and I had a ton of time to read, plus I had a lot of fun colleagues and the job itself was generally fun. The only down side was driving beater cars, and living in an apartment (though a nice apartment complex) and the general hopelessness of never being able to buy a house or get ahead. Sounds like you like to read a lot, and at those boring jobs you can do that, so why not?

That said, no one goes to Grad school to sit at a low wage job all day. Or do they? WHY did you major in Psychology?

In any case, I make a very good living now but don't enjoy the job so much, but in contrast to my older jobs, I don't have to worry about housing, cars, and other financial matters; I've traded one set of problems for another. It is mentally, physically and emotionally draining. The technical complexity, coupled with idiocracy in the modern work place is enough to leave me a vegetable at the end of the day. No fun in my life. Compare that to my low wage jobs earlier in life and I noticed those jobs although not really allowing me to get ahead, were fun and easy, plus I had a ton of free time.

So I've pondered, should I retire? But then what will my Type A personality due with my new found free time? Should I instead get a low wage job that is easy just for pocket money and benefits, while I pass the time reading? At the end of the day, I think the biggest issue for both of us is that we have nothing to live FOR. It's just a daily grind for the sake of staying alive long enough to repeat the same routine of work/come home so many of us are trapped in.

I think right now you have spent a lot of time and effort into getting highly educated. You likely don't have enough money to retire now, so I suggest that you find work, and then figure out what you really want to do, give your life meaning. You can always switch jobs later to that. But it could take time to figure it out, and in that time you could be losing years of valuable savings. If you live the ERE lifestyle, you are golden in 5 years.

[Sclass]

The only down side was driving beater cars....,

You guys aren't kidding we all are different. I loved my beater cars when I was starting out I still drive one!

Back to the OP. Wow, I forget how it was to be young. I just recall having energy and potential. But your post reminded me of how much my first tech job sucked. Yeah. Everyone starts out someplace and it is just a beginning which is a delicate time.

I worked 15 years before retirement and all the jobs sucked in one way or another. But I saw them (as vexed put it so well) as a necessary sacrifice...a bridge so to speak. First job was designing a product where on completion I became the buyer/planner and eventually the assembler of the product. Talk about downward career mobility all rolled into one job. But I didn't know at the time that first job made me. I learned how to design, then produce, then ship and finally bill for my own product. I left that job and eventually became a serious competitor to my old boss who finally demoted me to shipping and receiving.

It's all a path. And at the time when I wanted to be an engineering VP someday, I shed a lot of tears sitting in a Burger King wondering how I was going to get out of that trap. I recall eating my Uber unhealthy combo lunch during my company mandated 15 min lunch...and promising myself that this would help me. I kept repeating that this won't be for long. A decade later I was losing control of my business to a management team hired by my investors and I wrote a little note on a post it pad to myself and stuck it to the bottom of my keyboard. "Sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards." So it always sucked just differnt kinds of suck.

Good luck kiddo. I'm 46. Banged up mentally and physically. FInancially free at last after years of depression, stress, struggle, victory and defeat. And I'd give it all up to be a young sharp kid in an emerging place like Vietnam where I could struggle out of the muck...again.

Start swimming. At least you know you're not where you want to be...and you are looking for the exits.

[SimpleLife]

sclass makes a good point. Everyone is struggling. Just google do all jobs suck and see how many threads there are about this all over the place.

I will say, some jobs have suck that's different than others. Minimum wage job is low stress but easy, push red button all day. What sucks is grave shift and low pay, no benefits.

Compare that to a six figure job where you get to work from home, have excellent benefits, and work generally when you want. The suck is the complexity and the stress.

Either way, you are trading one set of problems for another.

For everything you gain you lose something and for everything you lose you gain something - Emerson.

But like I said earlier, I think at this point you would be best served by living the ERE lifestyle, finding a job you can tolerate at least temporarily until you find something better, and plan to be ERE in 5 years. That time will fly super fast. The key is to start moving toward not having to work. Sadly, you're going to have to work at least for a few years to get to that point, and the sooner you start the better. I feel fortunate to be able to retire now or in a few years rather than having to work until I'm 80. THAT would be depressing...

[eudaimonia]

Having experienced a similar feeling after finishing school and joining the "real world" (whatever that is), I would suggest looking to do something to help someone or creates value for others. Even if that ends up being in your spare time.

As others have mentioned all jobs have their suck one way or another. What can make them more tolerable is that you are working towards something. Whether that is actually at your job (working to save the environment, help people live better lives, etc.) or if you just do that in your spare time while working for the man (hopefully for a specified duration less than forever) is up to you.

Assuming you chose psychology because you actually liked it I would suggest working on yourself as a starting point. What habits can you adopt to make yourself the most mentally health? Start practicing those. As you start practicing towards excellence in any are of your life it should soon become evident to you how to help others, provide value, and find worthwhile work.

[JamesR]

Fed up & Lost isn't a normal feeling? I'm too used to it

I recommend reading "So Good They Can't Ignore You" by Cal Newport, it might help put some of the work/job/career stuff into perspective. For instance, he tries to warn against falling into the passion trap (pursuing passion without any skill/money/connections), and also points out that happiness comes from a high degree of feeling in control & competency, and that what helps is to get work by use/develop your rare & valuable skills that are in high demand.

If you studied Psychology does that mean you're qualified for a job as a psychiatrist or similar? Perhaps you can find a way to combine your existing strengths/credentials with your interests in things like permaculture. But you might need to just work a boring job first initially and then leverage your work experience to get into more interesting jobs eventually.