Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Where are you and where are you going?
TopHatFox
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

@Salathor, yeah, I don't know how I'm going to get a job or make income. That seems to be the ire of all my plans -- no engine.

100%, living with the parents is not free.

Probably, but if I get some sex from a thin, nice, & std-free girl along the way, that's ok. I agree singleness is ok too, and likely the more common result from refuting marriage/co-habitation. Problem with the alternative, getting married, is your requests no longer have any teeth; if she cuts the sex, gets fat, goes woke, etc., you can say "I'm out," but to leave you must pay half your stuff. Even with co-habitation, it's de-facto marriage in some states, and still suffers from the more low-level issues like reduced sex frequency, nagging, etc. The marriage laws and family courts have effectively made marriage a bad deal that should likely never be made ever, even for conservatives. The one reason to would obviously be kids, but I think you still have to accept the possibility that your relationship will statistically be boring/stale/fail over the decades -- that's even if you're putting effort in.

Other thing I realized is that if I do want a paid off house, I will have to build the income and startup myself. It's unlikely a woman will have a STEM-related job and provide for a house, and then if her name is on the mortgage as well, it leads to the issue of the lawyers again -- probably irrelevant of the percentage contributed to the equity by your or her (I'd bet that the guy contributes more to the home equity on average). Same with the chances of her also knowing DIY skills for home repair, car repair, or even traditionally female-DIY skills like sewing, healthy food preparation, cleaning, etc.

-----------

On the job app thing, I applied to 20+ geologist jobs directly on the website, talked to the entire recruiting team -- they agreed my resume is stellar with an MSc, coding ability, good years of xp, etc etc -- and yet they still said I might get a job interview in a year if I keep trying. It's crazy how they say "omg no one is working," but then when you do apply to work, it's a mission to get the job. I think one of the coding interviews was literally 4 rounds for an entry to mid-level role. I can see why some guys check out and just play video games indefinitely, but I don't want to do that.

No cap, I wouldn't be surprised if I wrote female on my resume, if I'd get more interest from hiring managers. I think a redditor applied to 1000 Insta-apply coding roles with two resumes, and the female resume had a 30x higher chance to get an interview than the male one with the same resume (just with the name swapped out)
Last edited by TopHatFox on Tue Apr 04, 2023 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

theanimal
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by theanimal »

If I remember correctly, you amassed six figures in savings by the time you finished school. I'm presuming you've been saving since that point and have more now, which leads me to my question. Why not move out to where you want to go (AZ/UT/wherever) now? You'll get a better idea of the area you'd like to be in by living there and renting. If you end up really liking an area, you'll be in a better position buy.

PS: Most states are common law states, which means that in the event of a divorce, assets acquired prior to the marriage are considered separate while assets acquired during the marriage are split equally. The other states are community property states which split assets 50/50. AZ is a community property state. That being said, I would highly suggest that you don't approach relationships with the idea of how you can win/maintain your nut in a divorce. It is the wrong approach imo and is not a recipe for success.
Last edited by theanimal on Tue Apr 04, 2023 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TopHatFox
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

@theanimal, need stable income first, otherwise savings will sink quick with how high cost of living is in most places with jobs. I'm hoping coding or mines will come through this year. As soon as I get a good mining or coding contract, I'm out. Maybe wait a little with the coding, as I don't know what to expect with a coding job, and if I'll be able to hack it. I've done the mining jobs, and those are pretty mentally ez by comparison (just long hours + potentially dangerous), so more confident in those. I agree moving to an area makes more sense before buying, definitely will do that. At least I know which part of the US I like from the COVID road trips I did.

I will spend literal decades amassing skills, money, and a house to be free, it seems foolish to throw that away just cause i wanted consistent sex/companionship (unless one wants kids). Succeeding in 2023 is extra challenging with how demanding it is to acquire and maintain good employment or a successful business. Dealing with lawyers and divorce court is hell if you've ever talked to guys that have gone through it. Seems important to at least keep it in consideration, just like any other good financial planning.

guitarplayer
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by guitarplayer »

You could find a workaway or helpx in places you would like to end up living. Likely would break even and could have a good time + meet someone.

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Viktor K
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by Viktor K »

I’m getting a “women are bad” vibe from you. Am i misreading that?

TopHatFox
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

@Viktor K, women good, current laws + culture bad

ertyu
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by ertyu »

down the line, when you make your money, you strike me as the ideal candidate for getting a sugar baby. from what i read above, i agree with you that you shouldn't marry or cohabit.

TopHatFox
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

@ertyu, probably yeah. Stacking money and skills sounds nice. Time to spam job/contract leads with a well-timed "any update" ':D

What I'm wondering is, by that time (10-20 yrs from now), will AI, robotics, and VR have replaced human intimacy? The world is rapidly changing, it's almost scary how fast new tech is flying off the production line. Honestly, even with classical code and an API, I've quickly realized I could replace tons of low-level jobs, even at my rudimentary skill level. I'm honestly surprised the jobs haven't been automated already (e.g., an automated drive through voice-to-order program, or an app to help you locate stuff at Walmart instead of asking the usually hapless employees).

zbigi
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by zbigi »

TopHatFox wrote:
Tue Apr 04, 2023 5:22 pm
I saw that happen in a downtown area, where a condo required owners to each pay $100K for repairs for the building.
Can you elaborate? I've never heard of anything of the sort here in Poland, and here most of people live in apartment buildings they co-own (so basically condos?). The big difference may be that here no one builds multiunit buildings out of wood, so the biggest jobs come down to redoing roofs (only on buildings with shingles - i.e. flat roots don't require that) and adding exterior insulation. Both are usually done with the help of long-term financing (credit from bank), so that people's monthly upkeep costs don't go up too much.

TopHatFox
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »


ertyu
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by ertyu »

zbigi wrote:
Wed Apr 05, 2023 5:23 am
Can you elaborate? I've never heard of anything of the sort here in Poland, and here most of people live in apartment buildings they co-own (so basically condos?). The big difference may be that here no one builds multiunit buildings out of wood, so the biggest jobs come down to redoing roofs (only on buildings with shingles - i.e. flat roots don't require that) and adding exterior insulation. Both are usually done with the help of long-term financing (credit from bank), so that people's monthly upkeep costs don't go up too much.
nah, it happens. if the building needs painted or the roof needs repaired etc, the cost is split between all owners in the building. it's a pain, too, because where im from many are poor pensioneers who can't pay, many others are somewhere abroad like me, and so on. It's a pain to get necessary repairs done.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

It pays to stay flexible with your preferences on the dating market. For instance, when I'm interacting with a guy who is pushing 70, I just close my eyes and feel for the skater-boy muscles underneath the somewhat wrinkly skin. I might also say something like "Hey, I like your skater boy muscles.", thereby earning myself some street-cred for being on the "nice" side of cute-for-a-chubby-old-nerd :lol:

Frita
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by Frita »

TopHatFox wrote:
Tue Apr 04, 2023 7:18 pm
Problem with the alternative, getting married, is your requests no longer have any teeth; if she cuts the sex, gets fat, goes woke, etc., you can say "I'm out," but to leave you must pay half your stuff.
Are you saying that you would like to have power over a partner to do what you prefer and/or to remain frozen in time? It sounds like you know yourself and that marriage is not for you, now or possibly ever.

This is my personal experience as a person married 30+ years: People change because change is a constant in life. There is a huge commitment from both people in marriage if it is going to work. That requires communication, care, trust, and respect from both. And self-love and personal responsibility by all involved seem to be necessary ingredients for any sustainable intimate relationship. (Emotional intimacy is significantly more vulnerable than just sex. Insecure attachment can make than even more difficult to impossible.)

Smashter
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by Smashter »

Plus 1 to what theanimal said above. You've gotta get out of that house, man. You're giving off a lot of negative vibes. I bet employers can pick up on that. I have been a part of a lot of the hiring at my tech company. For better or worse, you gotta come across as really positive, upbeat, and optimistic in order to have a chance.

I feel like moving somewhere fresh and drawing down your savings a little is worth it to get in a better headspace.

I can corroborate what you're saying there being high demand for women developers right now. Our lead recruiter has an explicit mandate to try and hire as many women and BIPOC people as possible. She has to report to the company on what percentage of each gender she interviews, and everyone gives her a lot of praise when she interviews women. That's just life right now. Our dev team is all men, and they want to try to balance that out. That said, if they find a great candidate who is a man, they will hire him in a heartbeat. Ultimately they just want to make money and keep the investors happy.

Also, excuse the question if this is too forward, but are you applying as an underrepresented minority? That's something you can leverage, because from what I remember you would qualify.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Frita wrote:Emotional intimacy is significantly more vulnerable than just sex.
Very true. Even if your primary orientation is solo or poly rather than partnered. For instance, due to multiple rounds of prednisone mixed with extreme self-pity, I recently "got fat" on three fairly long-term-with-some-intermittence partners and MYSELF. It doesn't matter that my partners are free to have other partners who are skinnier than me (and they do); it's still me in my relationship with each of them either dysfunctionally reacting or functionally responding to their somewhat similar, but also quite different communications with me on the problem. I mean it's kind of predictable that my ENFP partner would be compassionate and concerned, my ESTJ partner would be rude and directive, and my ENXJ partner would be frank yet jolly, but there are multitudes in each of us, so it's always possible to be surprised, especially when/as you grow (or choose to self-aware, purposefully behave)out of character yourself.

TopHatFox
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

@Frita, I'm saying I'd like to not lose my shirt or deal with lawyers when a relationship ends. Almost all of our relationships since birth have ended eventually, so statistically it doesn't make sense to put a contract on any relationship; it's obsolete at this point (I could see it if you want kids).

@Smashter, I'm optimistic, happy, etc., and don't say any of this stuff at work or in interviews. Also make sure to dress up and look good on the Zoom camera. I'd say it has more to do with the amount of ppl applying to each job, and that I don't have an MSc + BSc specific to CS, even if at this point, I've taught myself more code than many CS programs would (and for 1/2500 the price). The employers can afford to be very choosy; I wouldn't be surprised if you need to be referred and be in the top 20-10% of the referred pool. Professional fields are simply über competitive, and require large volume and stellar applications + interviews to get anything. I am applying as a minority, but also as a male. I've also assessed that tech companies are left-leaning as heck compared to mining companies, likely akin to the trades v. white collar work.

ertyu
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by ertyu »

Frita wrote:
Wed Apr 05, 2023 9:21 am
Are you saying that you would like to have power over a partner to do what you prefer and/or to remain frozen in time? It sounds like you know yourself and that marriage is not for you, now or possibly ever.
It's even less than that -- not even "a partner." 0 things in what is written above are about partnership. It is about obtaining a set amount of sex from a body that looks a certain way while minimizing exposure to one's assets -- thf isn't describing a partnership, he is describing a business transaction.

His thinking on the subject might or might not evolve with age, but as it stands, if he seeks to date, cohabit, or marry, he will be miserable and he will make his partner miserable. He does not appear to hold any consideration for the inner state of the person he's with, but even so, as soon as that person has needs, opinions, thoughts etc. of their own that deviate from the ones he thinks she should have, it would make him angry and frustrated and he will want to punish her for it until she fits into the mold he's got in his mind. Even if we overlook the fact that it would be unethical to date from the place thf is at now, even -he- would not be satisfied.

With a sugar baby, it is part of the job that she will maintain a certain appearance, "put out" a certain pre-agreed upon number of times, and keep any of her personality and opinions out of the interaction. He will have the control he desires because he's paying for a service. His assets will not be threatened because as the saying goes, you don't pay sex workers to fuck you, you pay them to leave -- to not have any further demands on you or your time ("nagging"/"going woke") or your assets. The relationship is contractually defined such as to best meet the needs of all involved.

TopHatFox
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by TopHatFox »

@etyu, my gf of three years is pretty happy, just not with the fact that I don't want marriage or kids (I told her that from the beginning, but I think she wants to change my mind). I'm not actively talking about this stuff irl, as it's a harsh topic.

Truth be told, we all pay for a service, especially at the end of a marriage contract. Most of the cost comes in the middle to backend in a marriage arrangement (e.g., lawyer, vindictive ex, asset forfeiture, sexless marriage, kid forfeiture, etc.) -- Google the Marriage Wheel -- whereas most of the cost of sugar dating or paid work comes up front (e.g., potential STIs, literal $, potential to get assaulted, illegal most places, etc.). For example, I'd wager most guys are the ones paying the mortgage for the larger house, cars, repairs & maintenance, and so on, in return for a nice pretty wife that if you chose right, gives you sex, supports you, has kids with you, etc. That's the trade, and basically what's been done for thousands of years. It's only within the past 50 years that the institution is falling apart in record time.

I'm unsure I'd do prostitution though, as there's probably a higher risk of STIs and it's pricey. Probably makes more sense to just do serial monogamy or find a rare someone that's ok being a life partner but sans marriage or kids. That and have lots of friends, money, and hobbies to keep one’s mind occupied over the decades. Unfortunately, unless the laws and culture changes, that’s the best deal I can sign on to. If marriage rates amongst 18-35 YOs is any indication, I'd argue more and more guys are going down this route, for better or worse.

zbigi
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by zbigi »

If you're worried about losing too much money during divorce, wouldn't a prenup solve that?

Frita
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Re: Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

Post by Frita »

@5W7 :lol: “Anywhere you go, that’s where you are” seems more apparent as I age.
TopHatFox wrote:
Thu Apr 06, 2023 12:08 am
@etyu, my gf of three years is pretty happy, just not with the fact that I don't want marriage or kids (I told her that from the beginning, but I think she wants to change my mind). I'm not actively talking about this stuff irl, as it's a harsh topic.
Depending on priorities, differences in opinion on marriage and kids is HUGE. Open, honest, direct communication is hard. Avoidance is part of human nature. What are you getting out of not discussing this with her?

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