Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Where are you and where are you going?
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Lemur
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Lemur »

@suomalainen

Thanks for posting the Michael Steger bit. This is timely because lately I've been trying to grapple with absurdism. The distinction between meaning of life (absurd) and meaning in life (rebellion of the absurd) is important for logical consistency. Some critics of absurdism see a circular logic where they argue that rebelling against the absurd is actually absurd in itself. But that wouldn't make sense if we can understand the distinction between meaning of life vs meaning in life. We don't have to make sense of the universe because its unsolvable - but we can make sense within ourselves. This results in a logical consistency where we can accept that the universe is absurd, and that life has no meaning, but that doesn't mean that we personally don't have meaning. I would not consider this a "philosophical suicide" because we're holding both meaning of life and meaning in life consistent.

Regarding what I am now calling the "five year syndrome" makes sense. I'm in a similar boat. I too am at that weird 4%-6% SWR-ish area where I could theoretically make huge life changes away from 40 hours a week of labor but don't find it optimal yet due to multiple real or perceived responsibilities.

Western Red Cedar
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Re: 2022 Year in Review

Post by Western Red Cedar »

suomalainen wrote:
Sun Jan 08, 2023 10:59 am
5) I've been mildly interested in the gut microbiome for about a decade now. Mildly, because I haven't really pursued it - I've just said "Oh that's interesting" when I've come across some new article. Recently, however, I've started to become more actively interested. There was a recent study done comparing a high-fiber diet vs a fermented food diet, with the goal being to see which diet impacted certain immune system markers more. The high-fiber diet was more varied in response - those with more varied gut microbiomes had better responses than those with less varied microbiomes. However, the fermented food diet had a great response across the board. It seems that diverse microbiomes result in positive health effects and that eating fermented foods can increase your diversity. Some links below, but my takeaway was to increase my fermented food intake (kimchi, sauerkraut, kombucha) to a serving or two per day. Obviously subject to placebo effect and confirmation bias, but I do feel an improvement in my mood over the last couple of weeks while doing this.

Also, Dr. Sonnenburg suggests that it's not the volume of plants, but the diversity that matters, and he suggested reaching for 30 different plant species in a week. I thought it sounded like a fun project, so I started keeping track of my plant intake. At the end of week one, I managed 47 different species from various lettuces to roasted veggies to various nuts and seeds to berries to legumes and grains to fruits and dried fruits to herbs.
I've been trying to hit 30 plants a week over the last year or so. I recently listed most that I incorporate here:

viewtopic.php?p=265446#p265446

One benefit of prioritizing a plant-based diet and attempting to incorporate a wide variety of plants is that it naturally leads to weight loss in my experience. Eating more plants and vegetarian meals leads to feeling a bit better which leads to learning more about or prioritizing nutrition and health, which leads to better sleep, and ultimately leads to shedding some pounds.*

*I'm not fully plant-based. I also eat quite a bit of chicken, turkey and fish at the moment in combination with a lot of vegetables to maximize gains from resistance training.

suomalainen
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen »

@lemur - yeah, I don't think my thoughts have been as formalized / developed as yours, but I've lived in a similar bit of cognitive dissonance. For me, it's been a blending of "meaning" rather than "meaning of" and "meaning in". I hope to be able to keep the distinction in mind as I move forward. My mind does, however, have a tendency to wander into those unanswerable questions regarding the nature of the universe, etc. It probably doesn't help that my knowledge of the sciences stopped at uni level. Perhaps I'd be able to accept the nature of nature if I understood it in more detail.

@wrc - I am just starting my journey or attempt or trial or whatever you want to call it (or whatever it turns out to be). I mostly just find it kinda fun, as I think of it as tending to "my little garden", which just happens to be hosted in my butt. I will certainly add updates as either my physical attributes change or my psychology changes.

Also, I got an offer from the company I'd been interviewing with. They all seemed to love me, oddly enough. Or maybe I've just finally been through enough of these things to not act like a cotton-mouthed idiot. Anyway, the offer would gain me a 27% raise inclusive of pay raises and other direct economic benefits. It sounds like there are a few other indirect economic benefits that could also increase the value of the new company. I think I'll take it. I'll wait until after bonus season and then start on something a little bit different. Hopefully it turns into a good thing.

suomalainen
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Jan

Post by suomalainen »

- I've averaged 2600 calories per day over the last 3 weeks, since I started tracking.
- I'm down 3-5 pounds.
- I've eaten 53, 52, 59 and 50 (with one day to go) different plants species per week in the last four weeks. I like kimchi and sauerkraut straight out of the jar, who knew?
- I accepted the new job offer.
AnalyticalEngine wrote:
Thu Jan 05, 2023 10:43 am
My personal experience since I am in this industry: I have a remote software dev job with about 10 years of industry experience. I currently make $150k+ for about 20hr/week of work. My coworkers and manager are all easy to work with. My current role is absolutely ERE-Salaryman easy mode.

The main pitfalls of this approach have been the years of experience requirement, the fact I have had jobs that have been less than great, and the fact you almost make too much money to the point frugality starts to feel pointless. That being said, remote work is an absolute ERE godsend because you can do the same amount of work in about half the time and with a fourth the effort and get paid the same. This frees up energy you can start to spend on building up other ERE forms of capital. (Health, relationships, skills, etc)

Note that I have always taken "unsexy" software jobs in stuff like finance, insurance, whatever because those tend to be cushier and have better work life balance than the "sexy" silicon valley jobs.

That's just my story though and it may or may not be easy to replicate. Ultimately the path you choose depends on your goals and how you feel the choice is going to align with them.
I wanted to copy/paste this here so that I have it for easy future reference. I'm in a very similar boat, but rather than experiencing this as a feature, I've been experiencing it as a bug. It's been hard to find meaning or purpose in such an "easy" job, while at the same time it's been very difficult for me to disengage from "monitoring email" and doing something with that excess time. Maybe it's just being in a rut or having to deal with so much personal drama over the last few years when I had this work-from-home gig, but I'm hoping the new job provides me with a chance to reset a little bit - to find meaning and purpose in my work by having to engage more (gotta impress the new boss / clients rather than coasting on my previously earned reputation) while also hoping that it remains the kind of thing where I can accomplish it in less than 40 hours a week, so I have time and energy and mental space to spend more time on other of my needs and interests. It also pays more, so rather than simply breaking even while sending a majority of my take-home pay to my ex-wife, I'll finally be able to earn money for myself again (i.e., having an excess that I can start saving).

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Ego
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Ego »

Big, positive changes. Congratulations!

classical_Liberal
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by classical_Liberal »

Some people seem to have this innate desire to seek out personal challenges. Whether end goal oriented, values based, or just because.

There are also a huge group of people(my ex included here), who love challenges, but prefer to have them handed on a platter. Through employment, a values leader, or maybe parenthood.

Neither of these people have an inherit difference with becoming encouraged and tied to the challenge. Both engage and enjoy the work. Rather, it's how they have designed their life structure to find and achieve these things.

The only "wrong way" is to not have challenges. Sometimes I think our culture overvalues the first person to such a degree that the second struggles to become more of a "self-starter." I think this can be a mistake that leads to lack of challenging opportunities for many people.

suomalainen
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Regrets

Post by suomalainen »

From https://ayeshaasiddiqi.substack.com/p/a ... or-my-lost
[Questioner was depressed throughout their 20s and then started meds/therapy/working on getting better and continues:]I keep wondering what I could've done, who I could've been had I gotten better sooner. I know I’ve been lucky. But it weighs on me to know things could’ve been different. How do I make up for lost time?
You only feel you “lost” something because you keep inventing what you could have done or had. You’re in a time of your life without the darkness of your past and you’re choosing to bring it with you by theorizing the loss of something you never actually had. If you’re referring to potential, embrace all the potential you’ve just created for yourself by getting better. That was the potential you had. And you fulfilled it.
Growth often feels a little bad before it feels good because it necessitates a grieving period. You’re in one now. When we transform, even for the better, we must grieve the people we once were; their ignorance, their circumstances. You can grieve the painful times, the opportunities, relationships, and experiences you mention. Remember too that you’ve lived beyond them. Don’t dwell.
Your depressed self may have been meaningfully different from you who are now, but it was still you. Not a version of you that doesn't count. You aren’t in debt to a promise made in youth that you didn’t make good on. You did what you could when you could. Your life before accommodated your illness and your life now prioritizes your wellness. Who you are isn’t defined by either condition.
There’s a phrase I want to introduce to you, from this:

https://youtu.be/95mttyEQyfw

It’s one of my favorite clips. For those who haven’t seen it, on a British morning show an Italian chef prepares some pasta for the hosts. As they’re all tasting the dish one of the hosts remarks that with a few tweaks to the recipe it would be a different pasta dish. The aghast Italian chef replies, “If my grandmother had wheels she would be a bike.”
We all would be different people in different circumstances. And it can be tempting to cope with difficult circumstances by mourning the people we would have been without them. But you cannot organize your days around regret. Despite the ways we’re shaped by trauma, we are more just what trauma leaves behind. There is more to who you are than your struggles with mental illness, even if it is part of your story too. Thanks to your efforts, you have so much life ahead of you. And, unlike many people on the planet, you’re in control of it. Stop looking for yourself in the past, you don’t live there anymore.

The tension you’re burdened by lives between you and your present. For the first time in a long time you have a sense of possibility for your future. Which means the uncertain future suddenly has stakes. That may intimidate you. By analyzing your past you could be attempting to seek grounding on more familiar territory. The present is the time you need to deal with, it’s the only time you can act on.

I’ve said before I recommend against speaking about time as if it’s something that can be budgeted, that would imply we know how much we have. If there are ways to waste it, surely regret is one of them. Not because we should live our lives in fear of it (which equally allows it to direct your life), but because it postpones acceptance. It pulls you away from the time you still have available.

What do you want for your future? Luxuriate a little in the question. Enjoy wanting a future. The value you’re seeking to recover from your past exists in the life you’re living now. All you owe is continuing to take good care of yourself. And you owe it to the person who succeeded in the only thing they owed you—they survived.

suomalainen
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Feb / March

Post by suomalainen »

- I start my new job Monday. The people at my old job were very nice to me on the way out. I did a lot of work to leave on friendly terms (like with my divorce). Leaving a good gig was a tough decision, but, I still bet on myself to make this new gig work.
- I went to a wedding and a funeral one week apart. The funeral and the week leading up to it was brutal. The wedding was super fun. I went with @gravy to the wedding (not ours) and we got plastered and danced like fucking fools the entire night. The hangover was horrendous.
- @gravy and I signed a lease on a house. We've officially taken on a legal obligation together. I guess she's stuck with me. We move in a week.
- I've averaged 2200 calories during March. Down 10-12 pounds, depending on whether you look at a spot measurement or an average and when.
- I've averaged 54 different plants per week over the last 11 weeks with a range of 50 - 68.
- I've biked a little, both with and without @gravy. Maybe I'll start running again. Our new place is a block or two away from a running path and some of the near neighborhood seems quiet.
- My kids seem to be doing well / better. My oldest is making baby steps out of her recovery bunker, so that's something.
- @gravy's kids are still in that very demanding pre-school stage, so that's been very challenging for us both (and certainly more so on @gravy).

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Ego
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Ego »

Everything, everywhere, all at once. Mazel tov!

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

I keep trying to convince this man to make a living legal obligation with me so we can full-on Brady-Bunch this, but, alas, he’s far too smart for that.

So much life in just two months, handsome. I’m so thankful to be a part of it. That wedding was a blast. I was horrified when I learned after the fact they had a videographer. :?

suomalainen
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen »

Oh, we made the highlight reel, baby, for sure.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Happy note: Congratulations! Have so much fun setting up housekeeping!
Biscuits and Gravy wrote:I keep trying to convince this man to make a living legal obligation with me so we can full-on Brady-Bunch this, but, alas, he’s far too smart for that.
Cynical note: Experienced-if-not-wise old lady sez go slooooooooow second climb up the relationship ladder, because the more you think "this time is different", the more it actually is the same.

chenda
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by chenda »

@biscuits and @suomalaisen I had no idea you two were an item : ) How lovely.

Two of my favourite vloggers just got engaged and to lead her astray a few days before the proposal yer man went on a long rant about how stupid marriage was and how he'd never do it. Girl burst into tears and spent the night sobbing. He was like the rings in my pocket should I get it out and end all this but decided to wait until she had recovered...

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

Aw, thanks for worrying, 7w5. I was just kidding about the baby thing. I can keep my biology in check this time.

It is interesting to go from one LTR to another. It’s a great way to identify the shit I was and am bringing to a relationship. In that way this time isn’t different because I’m still me, albeit a more self-aware, knowledgeable, and cautious me. But it is different because my partner is different and together we make a different sort of mess of things.

I am really enjoying being with Suo. Relationships are hard, but connection is essential, and with our baseline super-charged connection and the wisdom we gained from our prior lives I’m hopefully and happily exploring existence with Suo.

Eta @Chenda Wow, that doesn’t seem like the best way to prime someone whom you presumably care a great deal about for a proposal. Poor lady.

suomalainen
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen »

Marriage is so stupid and there's no way I'm ever doing it again. :?

chenda
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by chenda »

@Biscuits - Yes it rather backfired but he ended up doing a romantic proposal at Durdle Door and they're all loved up and happy now :)

7Wannabe5
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

we make a different sort of mess of things
Hey, yah, that's life, if you're doing it right. :lol:

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

suomalainen wrote:
Fri Mar 24, 2023 3:39 pm
Marriage is so stupid and there's no way I'm ever doing it again. :?
Riiiight. Fast forward to page 34 of your journal.

And then page 52, after you leave me for a younger woman. And you’re still not retired. :lol:
Last edited by Biscuits and Gravy on Fri Mar 24, 2023 4:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

OutOfTheBlue
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by OutOfTheBlue »

What a lovely mess.

And I guess it helps that you have (or rather are) open journals to each other :⁠-⁠)

Even Harry Browne got around it in the end, so that keeps things in perspective!
Last edited by OutOfTheBlue on Fri Mar 24, 2023 11:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jacob
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by jacob »

OutOfTheBlue wrote:
Fri Mar 24, 2023 3:58 pm
Even Harry Browne got around it in the end, so that keeps things in perspective!
There's that.

Along the lines of "I used to be a libertarian until I grew up and learned how the real world works". Been there, done that.

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