Hi Everyone. Thank you so much. Here's my story.

[trashcanfire]

Hello. I've been lurking for a couple months around here and other FIRE-themed blogs. I just want to say how positively influenced I've become by the words in the FIRE community's books, blogs, and forums. Jacob, your book is very important to me. There really is truth to the value of surrounding yourself with similarly oriented people. Thank you all.

You can stop reading here. Saying thanks is the most important part of this post. If you want to take a small peek into another person's life, read on.

My situation: I'm 34 and just starting a path to financial independence. I just flipped from a negative net worth to a positive net worth this year. I currently save 38% of my take home pay, with many very easy changes that can be made to improve that rate - for instance, I'm paying way too much for housing right now. I have a lifestyle that will accept drastic changes quite easily: I'm single and live alone in an apartment, I'm happy with few things, I have an understanding and supportive family, I live in an inexpensive region (the southwest), and I setup good boundaries at work - sudden changes will go unnoticed and I won't have to answer many questions.

My story: I have never been happy. I have never known what I wanted. I have never had a passion. But for 32 years, I pretended in all three cases. What a mistake.

I learned to fake smile. I said what I wanted was what everyone wanted - a designer education and a great job. I said becoming a doctor was my passion because nobody's going to call you a quack for saying that's your life's dream. My parents also said that they came to this country so I could become a doctor.

So I went to college, never taking the time to figure out what I really wanted. I didn't get into med school on my first try, so I got a job as a research tech. On a whim, I applied to a Ph.D. program for biology and got in. I accepted, even though I had not one ounce of interest in biology or any concept of what a Ph.D. program would entail. Those of you who attended grad school, I'm sure you can imagine how miserable it would be if you really didn't want to be there.

And it was incredibly miserable. So much so that I developed quite a few bad habits. Drinking, smoking, and basically every vice adopted by the depressed. Bar fights. I used to get into bar fights. I was too much of a coward to quit, which undoubtedly would have been the right move. 7 years later, I finish with a paper Ph.D. at 31. I did such a piss poor job, that I had no advocacy from my advisors or anyone else in my department. That support is the whole point of going to grad school.

So at 31, I get rid of almost every one of my possessions and move back in with my parents because I have limited job prospects. I'm a weak candidate (laughable actually) for Ph.D. level positions and I'm weirdly over-credentialed for the positions where I would be qualified. Living with my parents in a tiny town far removed from the hubs of my industry didn't help my career prospects either.

I hit rock bottom. For those of you that are on the downward spiral right now - let me tell you something that you're probably not able to see right now. Losing your pride is one of the most freeing things that can ever happen to you. The beauty of losing it is that you see all the artificial boundaries you set for yourself.

Why only look for work in the field you were educated? Why define work as labor for pay? Why base your identity on your career? You know, some version of the awakening most people the hang out here have had.

So I wake up. Thankfully, I have my basic needs taken care of by my parents. They wake up too - they realize that they never gave me the opportunity to discover what I wanted out of life. Be a doctor. That was it. I will always be grateful for what they did next. They said they will feed, clothe, and house me for as long as I want. They will not ask me a single question about how I use my time. Just do what you want.

My necessities were taken care of without a worry, but little money beyond that. What I had was a surplus of time - and this was the first time there was no expectation on how I should use it. I hit the gym. I became what some might consider absurdly active. I started eating right. I spent time outdoors. I read books. Like a lot of books. Philosophy, spirituality, money, basically any book that I could get my hands on that wasn't science - I was still burned out on science.

Flash forward a year and I am absolutely shredded. I run 35 miles a week. An hour of own bodyweight exercises everyday. An hour of meditation everyday, without fail. I don't miss a sunrise or a sunset. Food somehow became less interesting to me and I eat functionally. I am kind to everyone. I never tell lies. I own up to every mistake I have ever made because I don't care if others know - there's no need to hide things if you don't want anything from others. I look and sound sincere.

Out of the blue I get a call from a tiny startup company that's hiring a biologist. They're just an hour from where my parents live. I know I'm only being interviewed because I'm the only biologist in a 500 mile radius and they don't want to spend the money to fly-in candidates. I get hired. At this point, the job is just icing - I'm so happy with so little.

Nothing has paid me more than the happy-with-less attitude I developed during unemployment. I work like I don't care if I lose my job. I don't care if other people take the credit for my work. In fact, I often find ways to give the credit away. I have no problem being subordinate to anyone at work because I just don't care. My day at work is just like a game to me. Wanting little has created such a safety net for me that I fear nothing. I stand up to the bullies. I do random nice things for the good guys - usually secretly. I do random nice things for the bullies too. It's just fun.

So we're back to me in the present, at 34. I know exactly what I want from life. Nothing. I want to aimlessly roam the earth, stopping a moment here and a moment there. If people cross my path, I want to do something nice for them, preferably secretly. To do this, I will need my safety net: my health and some money to deal with the essentials. The health part is taken care of - movement is just something I enjoy. The money part has been subsidized by my loving parents until about a year ago.

I'm looking to FIRE at 40. Many many changes still need to be made.

I'll leave you all with one thing that I've found to be generally useful. Never, I really mean never, tell other people what you want unless you are absolutely sure they will understand or that they want the same thing. Actually, just don't tell anyone. Your dreams are nourished from the well of your own imagination. As soon as you put your desires to words and then transmit them to another human being, you leave those words vulnerable to be tortured and transmuted by the misunderstanding or maliciousness of others. Nothing murders imagination like your own dream said back to you incorrectly, or worse, in the wrong tone. This is especially true if said by someone close to you.

Talking about your dreams anonymously on the internet is probably OK.

[IlliniDave]

Greetings. That's a pretty impressive story. I wish I had your degree of self-understanding at your age!

[Chad]

Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed reading about your experience. Sounds like you really made some progress in your life.

[workathome]

That's awesome, thanks for sharing.

[batman]

Wow, your story really resonates with me. Welcome to the forums!

[Retiree]

Enjoyed reading your perspective.

I agree, sharing offbeat dreams is risky. Internet anonymity does help a lot. And finding this group of (fairly) like-minded folks was very heartening to me too.

Just thought I'd shake your hand, so to say, and say Welcome.

[Hankaroundtheworld]

Impressive story, especially not to expect anything from life, which is freeing you early in life, and actually helps to find your real path in Life. Not many people even reach this stage in life, so impressive indeed. It always reminds me of the movie "the unbearable lightness of being"

[archi]

Nice story. Welcome to the forums.

[sshawnn]

I identify with some of the parts of your story. In particular your mention of pretending to be happy and the freeing feeling of losing your pride. I have come here to say thanks on occasion as well. Gratitude is good but if you were like me and never really "journaled" in any form what you wrote above will become valuable to you!

Your story is a good one and it sounds like you have worked through some of the major limiting factors to get where you aspire to be.


Thank you for your writing and we hope to hear more.

ps I have never regretted slowing down to fully take in a sunrise or sunset

[GandK]

Welcome! I enjoyed your story, too.

Most people aren't malicious. You do know that, right? They don't understand your perspective because they haven't been there themselves. It's okay (and understandable) to be protective of your vision, but if you wall yourself off so much from potential judgment that your connections to others remain superficial, you may eventually become lonely. You don't want to let unworthy people in, of course, but you don't accidentally want to keep worthy people out due to hypervigilance, either. Just a thought.

[trashcanfire]

Thanks to all who took time to read my story! It's great knowing that there are some kindred spirits out there. I look forward to participating in this forum with all of you.

GandK: Everything you say is right. My statement about keeping your dreams to yourself should have been balanced by saying that I think people are generally good; true maliciousness is rare. I didn't always think this way and the hypervigilance to which you refer would have been a good description of me for a few years. I paid the price you refer to as well - loneliness.

Misunderstanding is the real enemy.

[simple aly]

Your story is so insightful. I hope you can find your passion. By "roam the earth" do you mean literally? Maybe you could consider teaching English abroad or helpx.net.

[JeffD]

What an amazing story. When you lose the ego and don't care about anything, its kind of a freeing, good feeling doesn't it? Like anything bad that could happen, you can find humor in it. Welcome to the forums, here, you can do what you want.

I agree with not telling other people about your dreams. For me, its like when you hold it in, the fire keeps on burning inside you and get you to act. Once told, its like you make the fire smaller and it won't be as powerful.

[Chad]

Not telling others of your goals/dreams may help you achieve them.

http://lifehacker.com/5921478/shhh-keep ... your-goals

http://sivers.org/zipit

[lilacorchid]

Welcome!!!

Welcome! I enjoyed your story, too.

Most people aren't malicious. You do know that, right? They don't understand your perspective because they haven't been there themselves. It's okay (and understandable) to be protective of your vision, but if you wall yourself off so much from potential judgment that your connections to others remain superficial, you may eventually become lonely. You don't want to let unworthy people in, of course, but you don't accidentally want to keep worthy people out due to hypervigilance, either. Just a thought.

I will build on this and say that if you are sure about what you want, it's not always terrible to tell people. I basically told everyone at work in a supervisory position that I wanted to go part time until someone threw something my way. If people don't know, they can't help you either.

[riparian]

Hey, congrats on becoming your awesome self.

I travelled and lived in a minivan for years. It doesn't take much money.

[BlackRat]

Hi,
I just thought I'd say I really loved your story, I'd like to get somewhere like where you are, mentally.
Thanks, and Welcome.

[Detente]

Your story really struck a chord with me, too. Thanks for sharing.