Abitofluck's Journal - Sticking Out the Golden Handcuffs

[abitofluck]

About Me:
I'm a married (DINK) 38 year old software engineer (old by ERE standards) living in silicon valley. I left grad school for the working world about 15 years ago. I started my career eager and full of dreams, loving my work and never questioned the assumption that I'd be working my entire adult life. Over the years, however, that love for work and dreams of doing great things has turned into drudgery and a life in which I've allowed work to expand to fill every crack and crevice of my life (weekends, nightly phone calls, etc.). I've traded my time, my health and my freedom for money. Over the years while I secretly pined for my freedom and a chance to get my life back, I'd concurrently chide myself as an ingrate for even thinking that I disliked my job -- the same job with the pay and respect and opportunity that others would kill for. In my family, and in a career defined by Internet start ups in fast-moving industries surrounded by type-A personalities, the idea of not working at all hours until age 65 is for lazy, worthless people. Only in the past year have I come to realize that the thing, that freedom I've secretly longed for has a name (FI) and have I come to accept that it's a good thing and have I learned that there is actually a community of folks actively pursuing it!

Where We Are:
My financial story might be a little different than most ERE-er's. In our 15 year careers since grad school my partner and I have been fortunate to have fairly well-paying jobs (but jobs that we both can barely stand any more). We've also been fairly thrifty by big city standards (but not by ERE standards -- working on it). Being in the software/Internet space, I also managed to have the extremely good fortune to fall into a good start up opportunity almost one very long decade ago which is about to pay off (while it's required a good education, good experience, and hard work, I'll be the first to admit there was a good chunk of "right place and right connections at the right time" involved here -- 'abitofluck' was helpful).

We currently have approximately 20 years of current expenses accumulated (neglecting inflation). That number will approximately double by end of year with my company's exit event and get to an estimated 55-60x if I can stick it out about 3 more years (details are pending).

My Goal and Why I'm Journaling:
There are three reasons I've discovered the concept of FI in the past year. One is a life changing personal event which made me question the idea of selling every moment of my life for money, second is reaching the point where I thought I couldn't endure another day on the job, and third was finally taking a look at my finances and realizing that I'd actually done OK over the past 15 years coupled with the light at the end of the startup tunnel.

I never foresaw this coming, but I feel that I've reached my breaking point. I know -- I can't imagine how whiny and petty this sounds to someone on the outside, and I continue to chide myself for even thinking of the possibility of quitting now, when I have the opportunity to really secure my future. Every day I remind myself of how fortunate I am and how grateful I am that I was able to make it this far and that very few people are this lucky. It would be like quitting the marathon at the 26.0 mile mark. But in reality that doesn't make going in every day any easier (I know, crazy). My goal is quite simply to make it through the next 3 years and not screw up the remaining opportunity I have to make money at a rate greater than I ever could have imagined.

After I make it through these three years I have a bucket list a mile long of the things I've not done due to lack of time, lack of energy and lack of freedom. When I say lack of freedom, I mean both the literal inability to schedule days off, as well as the self-imposed mental prison of feeling that vacation is merely the act of compressing work and pain into the weeks before and after vacation which results in "vacation" being a week of anxiety, dread and worst of all, guilt (yes I realize I do this to myself and it's my own fault).

So this journal is part of my self-administered therapy needed to make it through these last 3 years. It is the outlet that will hopefully stop the inner, impulsive, job-hating, worn-out, poor attitude self from shooting myself in both feet and regretting it. It's the place to vent and remind myself of the steps I need to take to secure my financial future, so I can put on my happy work face each morning. <-- Work face

What's Next?
Last month I killed the landline. This weekend all the cable boxes go back. I've worked too damn hard to spend a penny of this money on cable service we don't even use. That money is for the hiking, biking, travel, personal software projects, family, home, ... actually living (someday).

I'd love to hear from anyone who's been in a similar situation.

[dot_com_vet]

I'm really looking forward to reading your journal!

Similar situation as yours, high tech, startups in the past, but no payoff. Switched over to a megacorp, which will do the heavy lifting to FI on a glide path.

I think you're going to love getting to live again. I had the opportunity in the past after a startup failure, and it was GREAT!

I plan to take a minor paycut and work less hours next year. Nearing decade "2" of high-tech really puts things into perspective.

[1taskaday]

I am also sticking out the "Golden Handcuffs”, albeit mine are probably a dull bronze compared to your gold!

It doesn't really matter the reward, as at the end of the day, handcuffs are handcuffs and precious life and time passes by.

Every time my mind counts through the many months that I have left, I get deflated, so I quickly switch my thoughts to the plan, the progress so far and the ultimate GOAL-FI.

It is the only way to keep spirits up; basically it is all about self-discipline and one eye always on the GOAL.

I will enjoy reading your journey as it will also pep me up on mine.

[abitofluck]

First many thanks to those who read & replied, both publicly and privately.

I have a few minutes, so some long, random, rambling thoughts here, not necessarily retirement related...

While my first post was not as quantified as many of the blogs tend to be, I'll eventually get around to giving some numbers here. I do track my spending and finances religiously. I may be spending where I don't need to, but I am conscious of where every penny is going. Right now my focus is on the psychological aspects of making it through a company's exit and from someone who never watched the clock and probably wouldn't have noticed if my employer stopped paying me (meaning, I was fulfilled by my work and never though of retiring) to the sudden onset of constant clock and calendar watching (1taskaday: I'm right there with you on counting the months). Maybe this is burnout, maybe it's normal when a non-type-A crosses the boundary into "enough" but has the open for "just a bit more." Maybe its a 'midlife crisis' (whatever that means), though I seriously don't believe I fit the stereotype or characteristics (at least per Wikipedia's definition).

One thing I've noted recently is that my bucket list is very heavy on outdoor activities. I find this interesting because I was raised in a suburban setting and my family not geared toward such things. The only sport I ever enjoyed, have been able to stick with for stretches at a time, and have been able to use to get reasonably fit a some points in my life is (casual) road cycling. It's probably the combination of a sport involving gadgets, time alone to think, the ability to roam freely and far (other INTJ's like cycling?). Throughout my life, I've had an on/off relationship with cycling (starting with a 1988 Trek 330 crunched by a car (while i was on it), 1991 Trek 1200, and now a 2005 Giant OCR C3). When I'm into it I'll do say 1000 or 1250 miles a season. When I'm not I'll do 0. The last 3 years have been 0 years.

With the goal 2014 of pushing work back into a box with some boundaries (after all, all I need to do is not get fired now) and starting some focus on my bucket list, I signed myself up for a (fairly easy) 6 day bike-and-camp tour for the summer. It's something I've always wanted to do but never did (time, partner uninterested in doing this, etc.). The fact that I've already paid (~$600) will force me to get in shape before the date arrives and will allow me to cross some things off my bucket list (now I need camping gear -- this is starting to feel expensive). So this morning, for the first time in 3 years I finally managed to get my a*s out of bed early and on the bike for a fairly pathetic 20 miles (it has been 3 years). I do feel accomplished.

Yesterday I also looked at something that has been on my "material things I want" list for a long time -- a hybrid bike (or possibly a MTB), something I can just jump on around town (even in jeans, no lycra, no cleats) and for light trail riding. I test rode 4 bikes yesterday at a couple different shops and left fairly certain that I want someone beyond a road bike, but unsure of how much I want to pay since I've not been investing time in riding. Then last night I finally sat down and did our taxes (goodbye TurboTax-- $50 more just to get a schedule E? WTF?). Mind you it's our first year married, and yes I have back-of-the-envelope calculated marriage penalties for my windfall year (2014) but not 2013. I was a bit taken aback (to put it mildly) to find that we still owe about $20K in federal taxes -- suddenly we owe AMT, NIIT, Additional Medicare Tax and just plain old horribly skewed married tax brackets (Note: I don't intend to discuss politics, Obamacare, etc. here... marriage penalty isn't anything new anyway). Sigh, we are what is probably the worst part of the marriage penalty hot zone. We make just enough to get the worst of the marriage penalty and not any more. The point being that, maybe I'll make sure I really am going to be riding before I plunk down several hundred on another bike (or maybe that money is better put into divorce paperwork) I did say I am just rambling...

Oh and dot_com_vet -- I'm with you. I've done them all now: the moderate size established (~2000 person) tech company (gobbled up by GOOG, the megacorp), the failed start up (never got past 10 people) and now the semi-successful start up. The failed start up was the most fun (no customers to bother me!). But as much as I complain, the prospect of FI and getting to live again will hopefully make it worth it (and I take no shame in the fact that I basically got lucky on the second try). Glad to hear you're finding balance as well.

[abitofluck]

I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I've gone from eager to work (heck, I'd probably not have noticed if they'd stopped paying me) to the point where I the first thing I do after waking is grumble to myself "I hate my job". In the end it won't really matter -- I'll have that moment of bliss the last time I walk out that door, when the to-do list, problems and anxieties all evaporate in an instant.

But for now, I've got to deal with reality. Here's how I believe I got here and why it's not a bad thing (apart from the money).

My Goals and Values Don't Align with my Work
I've come to hate my job. There, I said it. I believe there are three conditions I need to really enjoy my work:

1. A sincere belief in what you and your team are trying to accomplish
2. Enjoying the day-to-day tasks and interactions on more than half of your days
3. The knowledge that the position you're in is a step along the path to where you want to be

At present, I can't honestly say that any of the three hold true for me. My immediate desire is to live a life of freedom and experience certain things that only become more difficult with age. My present goals and values don't include innovating in the industry in which I work. They don't include sitting in front of a monitor all day answering email and designing workflows. They don't include building presentations, taking conference calls and dealing with irate customers. The last thing I would want is to be promoted, to be the 'new guy' at any company or to be saddled with more responsibility. I have no need or desire to network, read industry news or link to you. The fact is that, beyond wanting enough money to escape, my goals and values are not currently aligned with my work at all. I truly believe that's been different in the past, and they may re-align in the future (perhaps even at this job), but at present they don't. And this leads to extreme bouts of day-dreaming.

The Curse of the Light at the End of the Tunnel
For many years, I was blessed to not know when or where or how that end light at the end of the tunnel might come. My misalignment, burnout or whatever it might be called, probably predates my current situation by many years but was masked by not knowing when or if I'd come into money. I managed to continue patiently plodding along.

Once I learned the company's fate, I found myself with a motivation-killing combination: feeling burnt out, drained and disliking my day-to-day responsibilities, knowing I'll have a chunk of change which could sustain me for quite a while, and, finally, knowing exactly how long it would take to earn out the rest. The last part is the most challenging. Suddenly the notion of enduring another 3 years, 1 year or even six months distorts and warps into a virtual eternity. The slow, steady and automatic plodding, has turned into an a daily negotiation with myself just to win the concession of getting out of bed and to the office.

I know, what a f****** whiner. I'm about to rake in as much in one day as some people do in their working life. I'm about to shift into a rate of earning far beyond what I've ever dreamed (do remember: 'golden' is all relative and my sights were never set too high). And that will continue. Guaranteed. For years. And I have the nerve to complain. Trust me, I chastise and berate myself every day.

Burnout as a Good Thing
In the end, it's not that I hate doing things for money. Some people call this work. I call it work only when I feel that it's not on my own terms. That I don't have a choice in the matter. That I can't choose what, when and how much I want to do. I'm sure in the future, even after this job and after I "retire" (I'm well aware of how loaded that term is) I will want and choose to exchange my time, energy, skills and creativity for money again, so long as it's on my own terms.

At this point in time I feel so burnt out and so dissatisfied that I actually can't believe that is true. How could I ever possibly work again? But this is a good thing. If I didn't create this artificial scarcity in my life, I'd probably have quit by now with the knowledge that I could just get another job. But that would only prolong the duration of my indentured servitude. Believing I will collapse at the end of these next few years, unable to work ever again, will serve to push me to accumulate what I can now with the long view in mind.

Time to Change the Topic
Poor me. I've bellyached enough about what a burden it is to be employed and make a bunch of money. I'm tired of hearing myself (there are only three posts from me here, but I have a constant monologue going in my head. ) Time to change the topic. I had a fantastic weekend (got in 50 road miles and also borrowed my brother's MTB for another 20 on gravel path), I've learned to 100% disconnect from the ol' Exchange Server on the weekends, and I just made some fantastic lamb burgers. Next time I'll write about some strategies I'm using to better connect the "long" term payoff (freedom a few years out) with my immediate behavior by shortening the feedback loop (i.e., creating short term bribes for myself, something I've never had to do in my entire life). Now, if you'll excuse me I have a conference call to attend to

[Hankaroundtheworld]

The Curse of the Light at the End of the Tunnel
For many years, I was blessed to not know when or where or how that end light at the end of the tunnel might come. My misalignment, burnout or whatever it might be called, probably predates my current situation by many years but was masked by not knowing when or if I'd come into money. I managed to continue patiently plodding along.

Once I learned the company's fate, I found myself with a motivation-killing combination: feeling burnt out, drained and disliking my day-to-day responsibilities, knowing I'll have a chunk of change which could sustain me for quite a while, and, finally, knowing exactly how long it would take to earn out the rest. (

Hi, welcome, I do not think it is whining at all, and I am almost sure that this "curse of light at end of tunnel" is part of how you feel. At least, I had the same issue the last 12 Months, when I realized that FI was in sight, suddenly mind and body start to react, all those questions that you suppressed, pop up, like, do I really like what I am doing, etc..It was the time/motivation for me that I started to read books, like ERE, and it seems you are going through the same emotions.
So, it is not whining, it is transformation/transition to a different stage in Life.
If you have the chance, take some time off, and connect with that new part of your life. If that "bucket of gold" is welcome from your Companies' exit, then setting new goals, preparing yourself for a new Life after work, will get you through the upcoming 3 years. I am doing this by reading a lot, preparing where I want to live, invest better, have long sessions with my wife (help each other visualizing the new future) etc.. Good Luck !!!

[IlliniDave]

Going back to your original entry, my situation is not terribly dissimilar. I'm a little behind you on the wealth accumulation curve it sounds like, but I had a big speed bump in the form of a divorce about 6 years ago. In general I like my job and if there was a way to pick it up and move it to another part of the country I don't know if I would have considered an all-in attempt to retire from it as quickly as it seems prudent to do so.

However, I have found that the more of my energy (mental, emotional, and physical) I pour into my own early exit strategy, my enthusiasm at work had begun to wane. Part of it is that we've hit a slow stretch and I've been somewhat of an adrenaline junky and enjoyed wallowing in the crazy stretches where everything is urgent and critical. But mostly it's just that I've formed an increasingly concrete vision of a future in which maintaining my current job is not an option.

Like you, I have a point a few years down the road that if I stay the course until then will make a truly substantial difference in my retirement finances. It's just a where I hit a combination seniority/age threshold, nothing dramatic. I could probably leave now and be okay if I made learning to get by with minimal money my primary future occupation. Yet I find it really hard to leave so big a pile of money on the table and put myself in a position where success is not a given (living on a very low monthly cash flow). Soon I'll be in my 50s and prospects for restarting a career get more difficult and less certain from that decade onward. So in real sense, once I check out there's no going back--a scary prospect for me.

Interesting coincidence, but I was intending to ramble about these sorts of thoughts in my own journal today and happened to see yours at the top and took a peek. Now I've blathered in yours, and will have to find something else for my own!

[5to9]

We currently have approximately 20 years of current expenses accumulated (neglecting inflation). That number will approximately double by end of year with my company's exit event and get to an estimated 55-60x if I can stick it out about 3 more years (details are pending).

Reading through your journal, it sounds like work is making you pretty miserable. This bit of your intro post makes it sounds like you'll be FI by the end of the year (40x yearly expenses). Have you thought hard about why you want to stick it out another 3 years for the extra money? Are there additions to your lifestyle that you really want? I wonder if this is a case of loss aversion, where you feel like it's your money, and thus you value it more and can't walk away.

Sticking it out 3 years might be the best move, but it seems worth considering the alternatives, as 3 years is a lot of living.

[Carlos]

Just wanted to say that your April 15th entry really resonated with me. Thanks for writing.

[stand@desk]

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_as ... e_we_happy

Abitofluck, perhaps you can create some synthetic happiness to get you through as described in the link above. (Thanks Dragline)

I would say to keep working. You circumstances will change one day anyhow. If you are still talking about your work and confessing about it on here but are still working, you have decided to continue working. If you thought it would have been better to retire all things considered, you would have already retired. I'd say don't be so hard on yourself or the situation. If you retire a bit too early, you might regret it too. Your's is obviously a complex decision but you'll make a decision and as time passes you'll likely be happy with what comes after, working a bit more or not.

[Hankaroundtheworld]

Thanks "stand@desk", very much applicable to my own situation

[abitofluck]

Hello.

Well it's been almost a year since I've posted here. I let this slide, partially in an effort to prevent myself from dwelling on the topic (I still dwell on it, just not posting ). As IlliniDave pointed out, work enthusiasm decreases with focus on the exit. Low work enthusiasm turns time into molasses, making the exit appear so much further away!

Here's the quick summary:

1. I got my payout. I've gone from having <20 years of expenses saved to 51 (after I pay my 2014 tax bill)
2. What was originally communicated as 3 year golden handcuffs turned out to be 4. So I'm almost at one down, with about 3 to go. Staying 3 years will increase my SWR by almost 50%.
3. The job is still basically the same. Only the company is bigger. And more bureaucratic. Definitely not a start up any more.
4. My mood and feelings about staying are, on average, are better than where I was a year ago. The key has been the realization that, if I'm planning for an exit, why am I keeping the mindset of a wage-earner in search of advancement? I should be shaping my work to something I can enjoy for the next three years.
5. As many folks have suggested, I'm pushing myself to throttle down and take more time for myself

I would say to keep working. You circumstances will change one day anyhow. If you are still talking about your work and confessing about it on here but are still working, you have decided to continue working. If you thought it would have been better to retire all things considered, you would have already retired. I'd say don't be so hard on yourself or the situation. If you retire a bit too early, you might regret it too. Your's is obviously a complex decision but you'll make a decision and as time passes you'll likely be happy with what comes after, working a bit more or not.

I appreciate the comments. You're absolutely right that I decided to keep working. I'm so risk and loss-averse that its very difficult to give up the promise of increasing my SWR significantly though 3 more years of work. The challenge is finding a way to enjoy those 3 years. I watched the referenced Dan Gilbert talk and found and found the discussion about having vs. not having an option impactful to happiness. I've seen this with my own situation -- prior to knowing there was an exit, I was much more content to keep working. Actually having the financial means to leave -- but pressuring myself not to in order to gain the increased SWF -- that's the point at which my satisfaction significantly decreased. It seems completely counter-intuitive but having the option open mirrors what Dan Gilbert presented.

With the days getting longer and the emergence of spring, having ticked one of the four years off the calendar, I'm realizing that 3 years isn't insurmountable. After all, I've been with this job for about a decade! I've been working to take steps to prepare for my eventual exit and have found that extremely motivating.

• Choosing a specific timeline to work toward, rather than "just one more year, then I'll reevaluate." Setting a more concrete time frame has helped.
• Making a conscious decision and giving myself permission to shape my own job into something I enjoy, stop taking on more work and responsibility.

  Going back to your original entry, my situation is not terribly dissimilar. ... However, I have found that the more of my energy (mental, emotional, and physical) I pour into my own early exit strategy, my enthusiasm at work had begun to wane.

  I'm totally with you Dave, and this has been my key, #1 problem. As a wage-earner (particularly with a startup mentality) I'm used to never refusing any sort of suggestion that I take on more responsibility -- it's how you advance, right?
  
  It's this responsibility creep that has shifted my job away from the work at which I truly excel and enjoy. Couple that with not really needing the salary any more, and well... it's difficult to maintain motivation. I've recently taken steps to be more open with my manager about this and turn down new responsibilities (a large, difficult step for me). At this point, having only the career goal of sunsetting my career, it only makes sense to keep the scope and magnitude of my responsibilities as enjoyable and aligned with my skills as possible. Who knows -- if I align my job with my desires knowing I don't need or want to advance -- just maybe I'll re-kindle the flame and actually want to stay on longer than 3 years (and maybe I should have done that years ago).
• Generally taking more time for myself and turning my bucket list into a bucket plan (starting now)
  For fifteen years I've been the master of making bucket lists but convincing myself I don't have the time to do these things. Over the past year I've done a much better job at forcing myself to not defer my entire life until retirement (though more intense work projects and winter have caused a relapse). Having this plan -- for both pre and post-exit date -- has been immensely helpful mentally.

That's all for now (time to get to work). If you don't see a post within a year, then the new-and-improved attitude probably didn't work!

[abitofluck]

Hi, welcome, I do not think it is whining at all, and I am almost sure that this "curse of light at end of tunnel" is part of how you feel. At least, I had the same issue the last 12 Months, when I realized that FI was in sight, suddenly mind and body start to react, all those questions that you suppressed, pop up, like, do I really like what I am doing, etc..It was the time/motivation for me that I started to read books, like ERE, and it seems you are going through the same emotions.
So, it is not whining, it is transformation/transition to a different stage in Life.
If you have the chance, take some time off, and connect with that new part of your life. If that "bucket of gold" is welcome from your Companies' exit, then setting new goals, preparing yourself for a new Life after work, will get you through the upcoming 3 years. I am doing this by reading a lot, preparing where I want to live, invest better, have long sessions with my wife (help each other visualizing the new future) etc.. Good Luck !!!

I 100% agree with this Hank (I should have quoted you in my previous post). 1 year into my 4 year golden handcuffs and it's finally clicked that adjusting my mental trajectory (shaping my job, taking time, doing bucket list items now -- connecting with the new part of life as you put it) from that of a wage-earner living in fear of not advancing (doing whatever is asked, not putting yourself first, etc.), to someone whose pretty well set and, short of doing something to get fired, can shape his own work life, is the thing that will get me through the next 3 years.

Knowing this is the same reaction that's occurred in others is immensely helpful as well. It's not really easy to talk about this topic with non-FI-minded friends, especially those who might see your situation as having won the lottery. In reality I can't complain. Just need to power through the next 3 years.

[George the original one]

51 years expenses saved and you're staying because you'll get 50% more?!? That's already enough to carry you to age 99.

[theanimal]

Agreed with GTOO. Especially since you dislike your job! I realize you're risk averse, but you have 51 years expenses and a withdrawal rate around 2%. You're sitting pretty.

I think this quote that Chad posted in another thread applies here.
“The most dangerous risk of all -- the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later.” -Randy Komisar

[Peanut]

51 years expenses saved and you're staying because you'll get 50% more?!? That's already enough to carry you to age 99.

I think they would carry him to 89 rather than 99. Still, a looong time.

@Abitofluck: I also don't understand why you're waiting. From what you say it sounds like you need to stop for a while and do some of the things you've been putting off. Why not just take a break and see how it goes? A trial retirement. Your focus on working for ever more money doesn't seem very productive for your happiness. And anyway, if your spouse is still working you will have even less to worry about monetarily.

Your account reminded me of this article about tech millionaires in Silicon Valley:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/05/techn ... ml?hp&_r=0

[abitofluck]

Your account reminded me of this article about tech millionaires in Silicon Valley:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/05/techn ... ml?hp&_r=0

Thanks for the link -- great read. This is highly relatable and describes my situation quite accurately, though there are a few differences.

While I have for many years worked side by side with a number of deca-millionaires (no, I'm not one unfortunately, and yes I always found myself asking "why does so-and-so still work?") I've never felt particularly envious other than for their security and ability to attain freedom. It's never been about "keeping up" with anyone, which seems to be a theme throughout the NYT article. While I relate to the "still don't feel rich" sentiment (yes, I know how dumb that sounds) I have the sense to know when enough is enough, and get off the treadmill (+/- 3 years apparently ). The article makes no mention of retirement (much less early retirement) other than of Tony not being able to retire (probably because he spent $1.1M on his house).

Interestingly, I'm usually on the other side of this conversation (my parents: "you're going to live on what?!"). My father had his own successful business, worked hard and the family was never frugal (NB: while mom and dad got me off to a good start, paying for my education, my career and savings have been completely independent of them). Somehow I ended up with frugal/ERE genes, eschewing the luxuries they always sought.

I have a few reasons for wanting to stick it out:

1. Risk averse, risk averse, risk averse. Irrational, yes, but hard to overcome.
2. A little lifestyle inflation wouldn't be completely unwelcome. I have to admit that I like the idea of being able to, without giving up much security, inflate my lifestyle a bit. I currently live quite modestly by local standards (and remember my calculations are currently based on basic living expenses). Paying a little more of my life to avoid having to fret over a few $100 in the price of an airline ticket, or that really good but expensive Parmesean cheese with the crystals (that's like $25/lb). I don't think I've ever bought anything to impress anyone in my life.
3. Family needs.I don't and won't have kids of my own (the world has enough and nieces and nephews are free), but, without getting too into details, have several family members who, though no fault of their own (both cases of disability since childhood) have needed assistance. I have a special needs nephew, yet my brother (heir to the family business, but somehow without savings) and sister-in-law who spend with reckless abandon -- leased Mercedes, mega-McMansion, only fine dining. Funny how they have no savings, counting on grandma and grandpa's money to support the kids (including the special needs one who will never be able to be independent). I know it's not technically my problem, but their irresponsibility may someday become my problem if anything happened to them.
4. Spouse likes to spend. While (thankfully) quite reasonable by most standards (see my basis for comparison one bullet above), we acknowledge that we don't see eye to eye on ERE and higher levels of frugality. For some reason he loves collecting cardboard boxes from exotic sounding places like "The Banana Republic" and "The Amazon" (I know not of these places). He has his own savings and salary and to remain conservative I don't count any of this in my modeling. I can't expect to stay married and push the ERE thing to the extreme end (maybe you live with a similar situation, maybe not). He came form a not-well-to-do family which seems to have had the opposite effect of my upbringing. My hope is that actually experiencing freedom might make him re-think his values a bit.
5. This is a one-shot deal. I don't anticipate I'll ever be able to pull in money at the rate I have guaranteed in the next 3 years. If I did need the money, it's do this for 3 years (and no room for a break, no sabbatical offered, high-tech doesn't slow down) or work 10+ more years at another time, hoping I can even get a job (again, risk averse).

"All this for just 3 easy payments of 365 days of your life!"

I think back to all the times I almost walked away from this job, and thank my past self every time for not having done that. It's getting harder, but my strategy is to go as long as I can, up to the three year mark. From the outside I'm sure it all sounds totally irrational and whiney ("why is this guy whining so much? retire, or work and shut up!"), but this is merely meant to be my public confessional, the quiet place I can go and scream loudly so that I can go back in on Monday with a happy face.

I think they would carry him to 89 rather than 99. Still, a looong time.

I use two different models. My conservative hand-build Excel model assumes I just keeping up with inflation, and I gross up all anticipated distributions to assume 20% blended tax (i.e., 0% on basis, tax on capital gains, 401k/IRA distributions, etc.) which gets me to about 100 years of age.

I also model with Firecalc.com (try it). Using a 50-year window using the market data, when solving for spend level with 0% chance of failure, working 3 more years increases the maximum safe spend by 50% (note: it's not that my net worth increases by 50% by working 3 more years)

[RG1]

What's the % difference between basic expenses and actual? I calculate FI based on what I spend, and aim higher with assumption that expenses go up as I age. Health care of course but also generally needing nicer bed, better transportation, strange foods. I think some costs go down when you leave work (commuting, work clothes) but others go up (health care, internet, home decoration, hobbies).

[abitofluck]

I completely agree @RG1. This is why I play it conservative in two ways when I model 1) I tend to use use conservative, almost worst-case assumptions in my models (e.g., I assume 3% for market returns -- if I put the standard 7% in the number become suspect [to me anyway]) 2) I leave out all other forms of possible, but not guaranteed income (spouse's income and savings, possible inheritance). When you put it all together, actual is currently about 33% more. What I expect to change on retirement:

• Commuting expenses (a lot) are swapped for higher medical costs (a lot), hopefully nearly a wash
• Leisure activity expenses likely go up (most of those bucket list ideas don't come free)
• We both have a strong desire to live somewhere significantly cheaper. Though my family (and aging parents) live nearby
• We'll be swapping rent for mortgage and related home expenses, hopefully nearly a wash

As you point out, there are lots of places where we pay for convenience and can cut back, such as work clothes, restaurants/prepared foods (I really wish I had more time to cook), high-end cell-phone plans, maintaining multiple cars, vacations (I hate "vacations") needed to recover from work (luckily we already have memory foam mattress which I love and I can't believe how little we paid for it...).

[abitofluck]

At-Will Life Year One Fantasy

I spend so much time moaning about my job that even I'm getting sick of hearing myself. To switch gears I thought I'd post about how I envision the first year of my "at-will" life (I'm not calling it retirement, because fit's such a loaded word, and who knows if I'll work more). This is the fantasy in my head. Maybe things won't turn out this way, but I need the fantasy to keep me doing.

Summer 2018: At-will life begins. Year One: Recovery

I need a one year sabbatical to become human again. By sabbatical I mean, I do whatever I want without a feeling of obligation to anyone else (no, sadly my company doesn't offer these). From my experience, it seems to take a week away from the office just get to that point where I feel like a sane human -- happy to be alive and excited for the future. Currently, my weekends are mostly "wasted" because it takes at least a day or so of quiet to even get to the point where I feel semi-alive. By the time I do, it's Monday morning.

For the first time in my life I will be truly free. Not since college (both undergrad and grad school) have I actually felt that I had any degree of freedom. After grad school, any freedom and ownership of "my" time quickly eroded. Luckily it took me 15 before I truly realized it was gone, else I'd have never survived. I need my life to feel like it did then. Every bone in my body aches for the feeling of freedom and quality of life I once had. I was busy, but I was in control of my time using it for what was important to me (not important to my employer, or important to a big customer). I got to learn new things that interested me (not that were of interest to my employer). I went to new places, experienced new things and met new people in ways that corporate life can't provide (yes I get to travel to places, and meet new people -- but they're mostly unhappy customers). Getting to this place in which I was happy (and I honestly believe I was happier then, even accounting for the lens of nostalgia through which we all see the past) is what Year One is all about.

The Year One I imagine will be a feeling of euphoria from the moment I press the elevator down button and exit the office for the last time. It's the feeling of sinking into the most comfortable bed when you're dead tired. The most refreshing cool drink when you're parched. It's how I feel every Friday at 6pm times a thousand. No, times a million.

So what do I do with all this new found freedom and time? Here are some of the highlights from a more detailed list that I keep (I sort of picture myself like my cat when I spill an entire bag of cat food -- OMG! OMG! OMG! Where to start!?):

• Reconnect with friends and family.
• Be a good house-husband. I don't mind doing domestic work. I like to cook. It would be a luxury to be able to do this (today: either one of us arrives home between 7:45 and 8:45 and dinner is whatever can be cooked in 20 minutes or less and eaten about 9pm - 10pm on average, then possibly work phone calls, then bed. I hate it.). I'm sure domestic life gets old after years and decades of it, but for the first year it would be novel and I'd love to hone my cooking skills.
• Finish every project I've started with my nephews but never completed. Spend more time with them in general.
• Inexpensive bike touring. Lots of it. Hopefully enough to make me sick of it. (Yes, Backroads is my fantasy and I flip through Backroads catalog porn all the time, but we'll have to see how the numbers play out).
• Get in better shape than I've ever been in. Add plenty of time and remove the ever-present "baseline work blues" and I work out much more (this is evidenced by every staycation I take).
• Projects: learn and tinker with no intention of making money. Get back to doing technical projects and learning technical things that interest me (I have a long list). Currently the last thing I want to see on the weekend is a computer and I'm too mentally drained after the week to want to create. I distinctly don't want to create anything in the first with the aim of making money, as it only limits creativity and drive.
• Travel solo. I don't know where or for how long or if the DH will approve, but it's something I've always wanted to do. I'd like to go away for just a few weeks without a solid plan and just travel solo. Maybe bike, maybe train, who knows. This clearly needs more thought.
• Volunteer. I know this is on everyone's list -- one of those things that feels obligatory, but I have a specific interest in bicycle re-cycling and re-distribution programs locally and I'm semi-handy when it comes to bicycle repair (and wanting to learn more). I would also like to donate my technical skills for a few hours a week to worthwhile organizations that could use them.

I honestly can't imagine being bored or running out of things to do. But neither can any worker drone fantasizing about freedom after cubicle life. I certainly don't discount the wisdom of those who've been through this and have experienced the boredom. I was never bored during the points of my life when I did feel free and I just can't picture it (and even so, I can't imagine it would be worse than the mental state I'm in now).

Maybe after one year, I'll feel so rebooted and refreshed that I want to go back to work or have a potentially profitable idea to pursue. Only this time I'll be doing it on my own terms, truly "at-will."

Maybe none of this will happen, but at least it's fun to fantasize for a while.