Too Old To Retire "Young"

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Jason » Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:27 am

EdithKeeler wrote:
Sat Apr 27, 2019 8:17 pm
Bought a house.
Better than the farm.

Congrats.

EdithKeeler
Posts: 945
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

So all of this happened....

Post by EdithKeeler » Fri May 10, 2019 9:00 pm

Back on March 26, I was railing about the fact that I had been told that the job I didn’t think was quite mine, necessarily, but that I kinda thought I wanted and I’d been told that I’d have to move if I applied for the job and got it. But I had to make the decision that I couldn’t move right now because of my mom situation.

A couple of people here really encouraged me to rethink it, and I appreciated the input, but I just couldn’t do it. And… some recent events have confirmed to me that I made the right decision--just yesterday my mom was formally diagnosed with dementia, and she’s also had several falls recently including one that could have ended much more badly than it did--she cracked her head on the fireplace hearth in the last fall. Bad enough, but could have been much, much worse. Anyway, in retrospect, everything that’s happened with her in the last few weeks have confirmed that I made the right decision to stick around town.

So anyway, after I was told that I’d have to relocate and was out of the running because I couldn’t, another person in that position very unexpectedly quit, meaning that there were now TWO open positions, not one. A few days after that person quit, I got a call that they would let me apply for the position, and despite previously being told I’d have to move, they’d “consider” letting me do the job from where I’m at. I went for the interview and still there seemed to be some hedging along the lines of “we feel pretty confident that we’ll find people here….” I thought the interview went OK (not spectacularly, though, due some pretty serious insomnia the night before), but still didn’t feel confident because of all the signals along the lines of “you’re great, but there are a lot of great people who live in the City that would want to work here” that I kept getting.

So shortening this already long story--got the call today with the job offer. And raise. (And some very nice compliments about my work). So yay! Decent raise, a little more travel, but I get to keep my home base here, at least as long as my mom is still around.

And of course I bought my house, as I mentioned earlier. Haven’t moved in yet, but probably will move Memorial Day weekend. I’ve got a business trip for the new position that may delay that a bit, but it’s nice to not have to rush. But I’ve been spending money like a drunken sailor--got a FABULOUS deal on a dining room set from a friend who’s liquidating her parents’ estate--pristine condition, and while it’s maybe a little dated, it’s super pretty and very high quality, for an amazingly cheap price--$250 for a table, chairs, and china cabinet. But did spend some money on new living room and kitchen furniture. I’ve been slowly packing stuff, and anticipate recouping a little money selling some stuff that I won’t be moving.

I feel really good about everything. Ok, maybe not so great about the depletion of my savings, but I’ll be fine once I get my current house sold (decided to sell--had been thinking about renting). I feel like something has sort of become unclogged. I’ve been a bit ambivalent about my job, and the whole “you gotta move” thing pissed me off a little, because so many people are doing the job or similar jobs remotely. But I’ve also been a little “feet in two worlds,” too--really three worlds between DBF in Texas, here with my mom, and thinking that I’d have to move to that other city in the future. It was nice to close the door on the possible move, and there may be some changes on other fronts as well. I frankly don’t know if DBF will eventually move here or we’ll break up--sorta could go either way, and if it goes to breaking up, I’ll be sad, but that, too, opens some new potential doors. I think it’s going to be great to finally get into a house I absolutely LOVE, in a neighborhood that I LOVE and which feels safe. And it’s closer to my mom. While things are up in the air with my mom right now, it seems pretty clear what the trajectory is, and I’m committed to enjoying the time I have with her as much as I can. I took her to the doctor yesterday, and while that part sucked, the rest of the day--lunch, shopping, good chats--was great.

I’m also working on getting my mom approved for TennCare--Tennessee’s version of Medicaid. Medicare does not pay for in-home care, and TennCare (and Medicaid) does. If we can get approved for some help to come in and aid my mom with showering and some other things, she should be able to stay at home and avoid a nursing home a little longer.

So… I will be working a while longer, but I’d already committed to working as long as my mom is still around. I also have to look after my brother to an extent, so a little extra money in the bank can’t hurt. Right now I’m not feeling like there’s TOO much I’m missing out on by continuing to work--there’s some stuff I’d like to do, most particularly travel, but I think I can do what I want to working around my work, etc. I get quite a bit of vacation time with my company, the benefits are good, and every year I work I contribute toward more money in the pension pot.

It’s great knowing I have the flexibility to leave if/when I really want to, but I don’t think it’s right now. I figure having a new job will give me some new challenges and keep me engaged and interested for a while longer.

And my plantar fasciitis is almost gone, too.

K60
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Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:59 pm

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by K60 » Fri May 10, 2019 9:52 pm

Great update. So much good news.

bigato
Posts: 1961
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 pm

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by bigato » Fri May 10, 2019 11:27 pm

Nice! So now you get to stay around your family, care for your mother, get the raise without moving to another city, and also get the personal satisfaction of winning the game. And live in a new shiny house no less! Hoping that all of this will make it a little less difficult to take care of your mother.

McTrex
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Location: NL

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by McTrex » Sat May 11, 2019 3:42 am

Congratulations!

Cheepnis
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Cheepnis » Sat May 11, 2019 7:39 am

Wow, talk about a great update! I'm sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis, but very glad that you'll get to enjoy life with her in her twilight years. I think having the ability to be there for your parents when they need it most is another great function of FU money or FI.

Your post has reminded me that I need to email my Grandma and see how she's doing. I try to keep it touch regularly and it's been a minute. My other three grandparents all passed by the time I was in my late teens and if there is one true regret I have it would be not having learned more about their lives. Specifically life during wartime/in the service.

jennypenny
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Location: Stepford USA

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by jennypenny » Sun May 12, 2019 6:21 pm

Wow, new house, new job ... congrats!

Sclass
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Location: Orange County, CA

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Sclass » Mon May 13, 2019 7:50 am

Great turn of events. There is a lot to be said about living the life that makes you happy. Good to see the job promotion will give more pay and fulfillment.

Sounds like a good balance.

EdithKeeler
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Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Thu May 16, 2019 10:58 pm

Just back from a last minute business trip for my new job. Gotta day: it kicked my ass. It’s become very clear I need to improve my nutrition and my fitness level. I’m writing this here so I can remind myself to step it the fuck up!!!

EdithKeeler, remember how shitty you felt marathoning it thru multiple airports? Do you WANT to feel that way? I think not. You know what to do!!

Jason
Posts: 2111
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Jason » Fri May 17, 2019 11:47 am

Before you start exercising and getting in shape or whatever, have you considered accelerating getting out of shape until you are one of those people who get the wheelchair service? Not only do they pushed through the airport, they are a priority passenger getting on and off the plane. Ultimately, you are going to end up there any ways, it seems to me that getting in shape is just an interruption before that which is inevitable occurs. Big deal you can run through an airport. That shit is old. It's not like someone's going to say "Look at that woman running through an airport, let's make a Hertz commercial with her like that guy who murdered his ex-wife after he looked inside her window and saw her going down on her waiter." Running for a plane is for losers. Being pushed while drinking a coffee watching losers run for an airplane now that's what I call winning.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Fri May 17, 2019 12:15 pm

Before you start exercising and getting in shape or whatever, have you considered accelerating getting out of shape until you are one of those people who get the wheelchair service? Not only do they pushed through the airport, they are a priority passenger getting on and off the plane.
I do see your point.... and I’m gonna be honest: in two different airports those dudes on the scooter things stopped and asked me if I needed a ride. I know I was limping a bit from a fractured toe, but damn, that was embarrassing and made me feel fucking OLD and decrepit. It was tempting, though, but my wounded pride wouldn’t let me.

I actually don’t care if I can leap over stuff like OJ (look where that got him anyway), but I don’t want to be the old lady who needs the scooter, either.

Just yet.

Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Jason » Fri May 17, 2019 1:58 pm

EdithKeeler wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 12:15 pm
though, but my wounded pride wouldn’t let me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruhFmBrl4GM

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Fri May 31, 2019 7:09 pm

Quick EOM update: turns out the reason I felt so shitty after my business trip is because I had PNEUMONIA!! (At least in part—I still need to get into shape). So, two weeks of feeling like crap, lots of drugs, lots of sleep, a few sick days....I’m finally on the mend. Today’s really the first day since I got home that I can say I feel pretty good.

And in the midst of that, still managed to get moved. Well, my stuff is here, but definitely have a lot of work to do to get stuff where it needs to be. But it’s all good, and I still LOVE my new house!

Apparently, though, I have lost a relationship. Shortly before the business trip I started getting irritating one-word responses to emails, and silence on the other end of the phone. Well, I freakin hate that passive aggressive shit. When I asked what the issue was, it started out about a conversation we had about movies (it’s always the important stuff, right?😁). I had teased him about a movie he loved and recommended and that I absolutely hated. Somehow he took what I meant as light-hearted joking seriously....(and I explained AND apologized), but then it turned into a discussion about he feels like I complain a lot (and I will admit to wanting a little emotional support during those few bad weeks with my mom so maybe a little bit of a point there), but then he went into how complaining can be like bragging to people who don’t have as much as you do.... it was odd. And there was no further explanation despite my attempts to discuss. And now it’s radio silence.

I really don’t know what the hell happened. I know he’s a bit old school with respect to man/woman money/provider stuff, but he’s been semi-retired or retired as long as we’ve been together (10 years) and we’ve both paid our own way, etc. He knows I have a career that right now is going pretty well. When I first made the offer on the house, we talked a good bit about him coming to visit more.

So I dunno. I’m a little sad, a little mad, and right now a lot irritated. But maybe not surprised. And as I think about it, I’ve sort of liked the long distance relationship thing. Intimate.... but not too. Lots of space, lots of personal time and freedom. But maybe I’ve been short changing myself.

Anyway. I may be asking for dating advice soon.

jennypenny
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Location: Stepford USA

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by jennypenny » Sat Jun 01, 2019 7:45 am

I'm sorry about the relationship EK.

It's weird how sometimes we can go through major changes -- with you it's a new job, new house, newly single -- even when we don't really intend to. Being resilient isn't just about being ready for STHF scenarios, it's about being ready for when you have your own personal upheaval (good or bad). Even with being sick and the end of your relationship, you sound good. That's a good indication of how strong you are. :)

Jason
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Jason » Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:01 am

EdithKeeler wrote:
Fri May 31, 2019 7:09 pm
I had teased him about a movie he loved and recommended and that I absolutely hated.
I could see how that "crack" could turn into a canyon. Especially between a man and woman. It's like a fault line that turns into an earthquake and all the shit just falls into it. The issues were obviously already there, like feelings of intellectual inferiority or cultural aspirations or whatever and this just precipitated everything.

What was the movie?

EdithKeeler
Posts: 945
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:07 am

What was the movie?
“The Lobster.”

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:19 am

Being resilient isn't just about being ready for STHF scenarios, it's about being ready for when you have your own personal upheaval (good or bad). Even with being sick and the end of your relationship, you sound good. That's a good indication of how strong you are. :)
Thanks. I feel good about life in general right now. Not that everything is sunshine and roses, obviously, but I feel like I can HANDLE it, you know? Sounds dumb, but was I had the stray thought yesterday that I finally feel like a grown up. Weird...

And ERE tie in: since things are going pretty well, I don’t feel that need—like I did 5-6 years ago—to cut loose and quit my job and retire super early. I guess at this moment I don’t really feel like I’m missing doing anything I want to do, or at least that can’t wait a bit. The job is interesting and challenging, which will keep me going until it’s not (which will likely happen in a year or so knowing me!), the money’s good and will help me feather my nest to be ready when it is time to quit, and I guess right at this moment, given the constraints in my life (mother—and I don’t mean constraint as a bad thing—I want her around as long as possible!!) , I just don’t have much desire or inclination to chuck it all and live in a tiny house at the beach or whatever.

I guess—at this moment in my life (sure to change!)—I feel content. It’s a weird feeling for me.

FBeyer
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by FBeyer » Sat Jun 01, 2019 1:22 pm

EdithKeeler wrote:
Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:19 am
...I feel content.
Just a friendly reminder: if you still feel like this after three weeks, we'll boot you from team ENTJ. ;)


Agency EK; I guess you're feeling the effects of being in control of your existence.

Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Jason » Sat Jun 01, 2019 2:56 pm

EdithKeeler wrote:
Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:07 am
“The Lobster.”
"Robert is caught masturbating and the hotel manager burns his fingers in a toaster."

I can see why he dumped you.

Frita
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Frita » Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:20 pm

ENTP here so I get the restlessness. I do notice that as I’m getting older, feeling content is easier. Is your mood a function of your circumstances or from within?

Some relationships fade and others just disappear. The latter seems to trigger lots of emotions.

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