Cheap date ideas?

[C40]

Cheap date ideas

1 - What are good date ideas that are cheap or free?
2 – How do I take women on these for first or early dates without seeming weird?

And a bonus question:
3 – How do I meet frugal or open-minded women who will appreciate me not blowing much money instead of being put off?




Details:

So I’ve been looking for a girlfriend, and dating much more lately. Normal date activities are often expensive (Dinner, meeting for drinks).

So far I've been taking girls out drinking, and a couple to dinner. When I go to bars myself, I control the cost by taking a flask. But when I’m on a date with just one other person whom I just met, it might be too odd to drink from my flask and offer it to them instead of buying them a drink. And I don't go out to dinner otherwise. I have done some cheaper things like meeting for coffee or taking a blanket and some drinks to the park.

Dating and low spending can feel a bit at odds at times. But I don’t think it has to be that way. I just need to meet more open-minded/weird/adventurous people.


Some of my own initial ideas:

1 – Cheap dates:

• - Art or history museum (there are a couple free ones close to me)
  - Relax at the park. Picnic, drink, walk, etc..
  - Zoo (free here)
  - Coffee shop
  - Watch movie at home
  - Have a drink / coffee / tea at home
  - Go for a hike or walk somewhere interesting

2 - How do I take women on these for first or early dates without seeming weird?
?? I don’t know… I guess I should just start trying and see how it goes. Many options on my initial list above aren’t all that weird. To some extent, if a woman is going to be put off by me not taking her to dinner at some point (whether sooner or later) then she might as well be put off right away, and we might as well not go the first time. So seeming weird might not be entirely bad… (?)… But – I can imagine women I currently know who would be good girlfriends being put off by someone suggesting something ‘strange’ right off (When they would be perfectly ok with cheap dates once they know a guy better). They are just accustomed to going through certain motions (?) Does this make any sense?

3 - How to meet frugal women?
???...
- The neighborhood I live in is pretty low key. Smallish houses. Neighborhood bars. Some festivals in the summer. I should be able to meet people around here.
- There are a lot of very different bars in St Louis. Might be able to find a few that have the kind of folks I want to meet. Not quite sure if that’s worth all the exploring.
- I remember Akratic writing about going to Couchsurfing.com meet ups. I’ve been meaning to look into that here.

[stand@desk]

1. Use pof.com to find the best suitable matches to your frugal self.
2. Message suitable dates, exchange a few messages.
3. Ask date out for breakfast on a Sunday. If it goes well, go for a walk to a park and sit on a bench and chat.
4. If still going well, invite over later that day and see if the connection is still there..
5. If still going well, ask to see your date again.

[altoid]

Maybe meet someone from a finance seminar? Are there any IBD meetup in your area?

Also just curious: how do you fit the girlfriend into your ERE journey? Sometimes relationship can change a person's life so much.

[saving-10-years]

If you can cook then inviting a girl to a home cooked meal could be deeply impressive and not too expensive. At least I was always impressed when a guy offered to cook for me. If it was edible and did not require boil-in-bag technology then that was a BIG bonus.

This could have the advantage of a return date where she cooks for you?

Chris

[jacob]

Yikes! I think this one comes up too often.---Of looking for frugal partners in non-frugal activities/clubs/bars/restaurants; then wondering why there aren't many/any there; and then despite that trying to figure out how to turn a given person onto some frugal activity against the odds.

Isn't it much easier to find frugal partners while engaging in activities that are frugal already?

I think if you solve (3), then (1,2) will be trivial.

I mean, if you wanted to date someone sporty, wouldn't it be easier to find them in a fitness club and work out together than going to the Chocolate Cake Factory and convincing someone there to go for a jog?

Caveat: Our strategies may differ substantially. I've never dated. I hate bars (also dancing, loud people, and telephones). All my relationships started out as friendships that developed beyond that on a timescale of weeks or months. I realize that while the majority of people at a bar are looking to pick up/get picked up, the same may not hold at a permaculture workshop.

[jennypenny]

+1 to what Chris said.

If you learn to cook, you can use that as an excuse to invite a date over for dinner. Even if you aren't that good at it, you can say that you're learning to cook and you'd like to try out something on her. If she's uncomfortable going to your place at first, offer to pack a lunch and do the zoo. A homemade picnic lunch and a bottle of wine is pretty romantic.

I don't think you have to say you're frugal. Just say you like to do things for yourself, or you like quieter dates like a picnic or museum because it's easier to talk.

[jacob]

You should never ever use the word "frugal" and other loaded words.

BTW I'm kinda surprised that the "dating section" on the forums never took off(*). Or maybe it did, but in PM. ERE forums would seem to be the ideal place.

(*) For that reason, I changed it to the more generic "classifieds".

[GandK]

First of all, a movie (or free concert) is a great date idea once you've established yourself a bit, but a bad idea for a first date. The goal is to get to know the other person. You can't do that when you're not interacting.

You enjoy biking. Are there biking clubs nearby?

If you're religious AT ALL, try finding a moderate megachurch* that you like. Even if you're not interested in attending services there regularly, they will (a) have a singles group, and (b) have regular free activities for those singles that (c) frequently have a focus on frugality and giving, such as community service projects.

* The bigger, the better.

[C40]

@Jacob('s first post) - Yes! I agree 100% and thank you for emphasizing/reminding me of this.

I need to make some changes for #3 to work out. Most of my frugal hobbies are typically solitary, or ones that I have made solitary because either I like it better that way (bicycling, for example) or for money reasons (lifting weights in my basement, instead of a gym). Other examples - gardening, reading, finance, calligraphy.

I've thought about finding a book club to join... not sure if I'd be able to find one where they have books I'd want to read AND that have women. Need to look into that more. Most gardeners are between the age of my dad and grandma. There have actually been a couple women I've met online that are into gardening. Didn't end up meeting them in person. Bicycling for fitness is male-dominated. When I was racing, sure there were attractive and fit women. Problem was that 95% of them had boyfriends who were also racing there. Not saying this can't work for me.. just that I need to think about and work on it more. My web of goals needs to change a little bit - I've focused optimization of my hobbies around enjoyment, cheap/free, and useful results - and very little on social aspects.

[stand@desk]

I think meeting people online is the best approach because you can get into a conversation beforehand which is interesting and makes the search for a partner fun. It gives you a chance to read people based on their communication skills. Then you can have a skype chat or phonecall to hear their voice, see the real them.

On the other hand, if you do all these said activities, clubs, courses etc and ask a person out, and they are already in a relationship, now you may feel embarrassed for doing so, and since that person now knows you like them, it may rock their existing relationship..possibly creating some emotional drama. I personally think it's best to know beforehand who is looking for a partner and who is not.

If you go for the online approach, expect to have a few experiences that don't go well that add up to life experience and hopefully one will eventually work out. Plus, those experiences give you awesome butterflies that make you feel alive! My Sis met her husband online and I met my F online too.

[George the original one]

Most of my girlfriends came from school or work. For myself, that was where the biggest pool of possibilities existed because they sort of knew what they were getting into (or at least thought they did!).

Online... not such good experiences.

[C40]

@ Chris & Jenny - cooking is a good one. I'll add that to my list for sure. I can cook fairly well. Nothing spectacular as I generally eat the same thing again and again and don't cook for flavor. But it'd be good to learn to cook more interesting and tasty things. Picnics are certainly good. Women have really liked the times we've done that.

@Bigato - speed dating - I did that once in Lincoln actually. Just went along with a friend who wanted to do it. It seemed alright. Good way to meet single people quickly. I may check into that here..

@GandK - I am not religious at all. There is actually an Ethical Society here. They have services/meetings weekly in a format that sounds similar to church but without the parts I don't like. They also have other sessions or discussion time.. I've been meaning to go. I think most of the people there might be quite old, but I'll go at least once to check it out (as I may enjoy it a lot outside of the chance to meet women

@Various.. I have used a number of online resources over the years. Some have worked fairly well. I've been using a really simple one lately (Tinder, a phone app) with some good results. I believe there's a higher portion of losers/crazies online. Also you're getting a fairly random cross section and while effective - not aligned with #3

Some others I've thought of:
- Board games. A girl I dated once brought over a game the first or second time we met and that was a lot of fun
- Ice cream. I've found that 98% of women who are not lactose intolerant love ice cream. It's not too expensive to go get a couple cones, though you'd need to have a way to extend it in to an entire date (park nearby or something along those lines). I want to start making ice cream myself so that's a good option.

@George - about meeting women from work.. I've been thinking about that lately. I've always compartmentalized and kept work and the rest of my life separate. I had a woman from work want to set me up with another recently and that drove me to think about this. I realized that a lot of my friends and family met their SOs at work. When I worked at other locations it was not a good option as there were few candidates. Now there are a lot of people at my office, including many around my age. The group I work in doesn't really have any promise (they're all males and/or older), but there are plenty in other parts of the company. They do have some social type events every once in a while so I suppose I could go participate in those.

[dot_com_vet]

I think you're on the right track, cheaper is better. Activities/free venues. Art galleries, free college sports, and museums can be good. Maybe the local liberal arts college has a wicked telescope? If you're already knowledgeable about a scene, it will be automatic.

Dinner is a horrible way to go, you just set yourself up for failure no matter what you do. Not offering dinner is a great filter. Never buy drinks. Learning about "game" is going to help a lot, because you shouldn't be concerned about "putting off" dates.

Asian culture embraces saving and frugality. Think about it.

[C40]

Another thing - I do have a preference for meeting women through friends/acquaintances. Many of my better relationships have came from them being friends of my friends/family. So I do want to get started making some friends here.

@dot_com - yes I really do not like going out.. One of them was with a girl I had been dating a while and I took her to a couple restaurants in my neighborhood which I wanted to check out anyways. Another was the second time I saw a woman who I already knew I didn't want a real relationship with - downtown - $70 ... When you say "never buy drinks", do you mean ever in any situation, or are you talking about not buying drinks for a women at a bar to get them to talk to me? (I doubt I'll ever do the latter in my life)

[dot_com_vet]

I wouldn't in the context of "meeting for drinks" or for strangers. It seems like you're setting yourself up to be taken advantage of if you do this.

[jennypenny]

Maybe you could say "I'll get this round" as a way to share the cost with less awkwardness. If she's not clueless, she'll get the next round.

[Seneca]

Dude...ditch the computer/power meter and go ride (or offer to help lead) with a local non-racer cycling group that gets together for "après ride" somewhere fun every time. Tons of ladies rode in the group I used to ride with, and it was a great time. If you're training hard and they're too slow for you, just make it a recovery day.

Hiking is a big part of my life, so hiking and backpacking were naturally a part of dating for me.

Cooking together...if you both are hopeless, take a cooking class. (For that matter, might be a good idea to hit a class solo too)

I'm learning photography right now so I have it on the brain, I'd bet photography classes at the local community college are full of ladies.

Bars are not where I'd go trolling for a lady I wanted a relationship with, unless I liked hanging out in bars.

[C40]

@dot com - good point.. When I go out for drinks, I'm not buying them many - just 1 or 2. So with mine also thats $10-$20. Not a huge amount but more than I like.

@ Seneca. Some good ideas on the classes.. Painting would be another option. I ditched the racing stuff (computer/power meter, specific training) a while ago. I ride by myself because I dislike planning and waiting to ride at a specific time from a specific place. I like to just go when I'm ready myself. I think I will check out some group rides in the spring though.

[riparian]

My best and cheapest or free dates have been about doing something. Like tanning a hide or carving or making things or fishing or going on a long walk to explore or check something. I'm not sure what the city equivalent of that is - maybe a bike ride to the museum?

In towns my idea of a fun date is a coffee shop and scrabble.

I've had several (not first) day long dates that have just involved reading each others books, eating, and discussing. Those people are rare tho.

[7Wannabe5]

Sex and/or romance are expensive (so do carefully consider if you wish to afford them at this point in your life) but cash is not the optimal form of payment. Obviously, you would like to find somebody who will chip in her half but consider carefully what your true desire for what she would bring to the table would be. Then consider what the necessary or appropriate complement you might bring would be. Then make your dating plans in accordance.

Simple examples of what I mean would be let's say you put your hands on a woman's waist, would it be your preference that her response would be to put her hands on your waist? If you do buy a woman dinner, would it be your preference that her response would be to ask for the bill, tote up her share and hand you the pennies or thank you sincerely and give you a kiss on the cheek?

IOW, if you are just or primarily seeking agreeable companionship then plan a date that would or could be like something a woman would enjoy doing with one of her girlfriends. If you are seeking sex and/or romance then plan a date that includes aspects of increased sexual dichotomy or pursuit/courtship behavior but not limited to the boring-because-conventional practice of man-pays-cash-for-dinner.

I should note that I subscribe to the post-feminist philosophy of gender-equality-freedom (everybody should be free to pick or change their role) with sexual dichotomy (but do pick a role and hold it, at least for the evening) because in my experience that's what works and usually what works ends up being the less wasteful or more frugal choice. YMMV.