I'm introverted, there seem to be quite a few of us here.
No matter how hard I try I can't seem to convince people that I'm happy not being social, that I like to keep my weekends etc free. And please don't ever turn up without phoning first.
And if you do phone, don't assume that because I'm home that I'm available for a visit.
And especially don't turn up at tea time or lunch time.
I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, when I was busier I did.
One of the reasons for my ERE is to have freedom to do what I want at times, even if it's nothing.
Eg I love to dream, jigsaws etc.
It's so tempting to cut myself off from everyone except close family.
Am I a hermit, are you a hermit?, and any tips on how to stop people from just turning up.
I'm not very good at hiding.
Am I a hermit
You don't sound like a hermit, you just sound introverted. This is pretty normal for introverts.
I've never had a problem with people 'just turning up.' I don't carry a phone and rarely answer it when it's around. I don't know anyone who would invite themselves to visit me, and would consider it presumptuous if they did (unless it was a neighbor asking for/doing a favor). If I invited myself to visit someone else, uninvited, I would feel near-physical pain/discomfort and it is curious to me that other people apparently don't feel this way.
I've never had a problem with people 'just turning up.' I don't carry a phone and rarely answer it when it's around. I don't know anyone who would invite themselves to visit me, and would consider it presumptuous if they did (unless it was a neighbor asking for/doing a favor). If I invited myself to visit someone else, uninvited, I would feel near-physical pain/discomfort and it is curious to me that other people apparently don't feel this way.
Why you feel the need to ask?
Not being social is fine. Feeling the need to convince others that you are happy about not being social is a whole other kettle of fish.
Pursuing ERE in order to have more control over ones time for... say... meditation is a wonderful thing. As long as it is combined with other social activities. But spending ones entire day dreaming and doing jigsaws is not living. It is retreating from something.
Please do not take this as a personal criticism. I have just recently taken a job as a Resident Manager at an independent living senior apartment complex. It is absolutely fascinating. The tenants who have retreated from the world entirely are the least happy and most burdened by chronic conditions. It's as if their bodies manifest "problems" to occupy their emptiness. One in particular calls herself an introverted hermit. She used those exact words. She also takes a cornucopia of antidepressants.
Countless studies have shown a high correlation between happiness and social connection... and depression with a lack of social connection. Of course, correlation does not necessarily indication causation.
Perhaps the people you wish to avoid are the ones to whom you feel the need to explain your hermit-status.
To answer your question: Obviously you are not a true hermit because you enjoy this community. That says a lot.
Not being social is fine. Feeling the need to convince others that you are happy about not being social is a whole other kettle of fish.
Pursuing ERE in order to have more control over ones time for... say... meditation is a wonderful thing. As long as it is combined with other social activities. But spending ones entire day dreaming and doing jigsaws is not living. It is retreating from something.
Please do not take this as a personal criticism. I have just recently taken a job as a Resident Manager at an independent living senior apartment complex. It is absolutely fascinating. The tenants who have retreated from the world entirely are the least happy and most burdened by chronic conditions. It's as if their bodies manifest "problems" to occupy their emptiness. One in particular calls herself an introverted hermit. She used those exact words. She also takes a cornucopia of antidepressants.
Countless studies have shown a high correlation between happiness and social connection... and depression with a lack of social connection. Of course, correlation does not necessarily indication causation.
Perhaps the people you wish to avoid are the ones to whom you feel the need to explain your hermit-status.
To answer your question: Obviously you are not a true hermit because you enjoy this community. That says a lot.
@ego
Good question.
I had a bit of an incident.
I arranged a special meal with a few very close family members before they left overseas.
We just sat down and somebody arrived,...
somebody arrived unexpected.
We felt caught. Its hard to get to our house so if we went outside we would have felt like we had to invite them in.
So we pretended we weren't there.
Unfortunately i think they knew we were home
You should have heard the performance,
It epitomized to me how I feel when I'm on my own and people just turn up.
I felt trapped in my own home.
You're absolutely spot on with
"Perhaps the people you wish to avoid are the ones to whom you feel the need to explain your hermit-status".
I've tried to explain the fact that I'm introverted to a number of people and they don't get it.
The weird part of it is I like a certain amount of interaction, especially being needed, but I have a strong need to control the amount.
And the more things like this happen, I wonder if one day I'm just going to lock the door and never answer it.
I know people who are depressed, I'm sure I'm not, but I understand where you're coming from.
I used to volunteer at an older peoples hospital and I enjoyed sitting with people one on one, listening, feeding, whatever. When I'm not needed in the future I do hope to return to it.
But in the back of my mind I know an aunt who withdrew and lost her marbles.
@m741
Thanks for the reassurance, I felt better last night for it
Good question.
I had a bit of an incident.
I arranged a special meal with a few very close family members before they left overseas.
We just sat down and somebody arrived,...
somebody arrived unexpected.
We felt caught. Its hard to get to our house so if we went outside we would have felt like we had to invite them in.
So we pretended we weren't there.
Unfortunately i think they knew we were home
You should have heard the performance,
It epitomized to me how I feel when I'm on my own and people just turn up.
I felt trapped in my own home.
You're absolutely spot on with
"Perhaps the people you wish to avoid are the ones to whom you feel the need to explain your hermit-status".
I've tried to explain the fact that I'm introverted to a number of people and they don't get it.
The weird part of it is I like a certain amount of interaction, especially being needed, but I have a strong need to control the amount.
And the more things like this happen, I wonder if one day I'm just going to lock the door and never answer it.
I know people who are depressed, I'm sure I'm not, but I understand where you're coming from.
I used to volunteer at an older peoples hospital and I enjoyed sitting with people one on one, listening, feeding, whatever. When I'm not needed in the future I do hope to return to it.
But in the back of my mind I know an aunt who withdrew and lost her marbles.
@m741
Thanks for the reassurance, I felt better last night for it
@george,
I think you're being too hard on yourself. Controlling your time and obligations, social or otherwise, is just living as a free man and should not require excuses.
And I know that just about everyone has this problem, even extroverts! There will always be a surplus of people wanting something from you, and it will always rise to exceed your capacity.
I rebuffed an offer to have lunch with a friend (so I could watch him engage with his blackberry-nothing like socializing). He accused me of being a hermit and I assured him that it was just for him
I think you're being too hard on yourself. Controlling your time and obligations, social or otherwise, is just living as a free man and should not require excuses.
And I know that just about everyone has this problem, even extroverts! There will always be a surplus of people wanting something from you, and it will always rise to exceed your capacity.
I rebuffed an offer to have lunch with a friend (so I could watch him engage with his blackberry-nothing like socializing). He accused me of being a hermit and I assured him that it was just for him
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LiquidSapphire
- Posts: 510
- Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:40 pm
I probably would have done the same thing, pretended I wasn't home.
Perhaps the solution is to just tell these people that you respect your personal space very much and that you need them to call before they come over, then you can tell them if it is a good time or not. Once you spell this out and make this clear, if they don't stick to that, you would have a free conscience to say hey, now's not a good time, call me next time, OK?
I think the best solution here is very clear boundaries that you are then able to stick to.
I don't think it's strange at all; I would be very taken aback to have someone just show up unexpected and I would not feel at all comfortable doing that to someone else, for exactly the reasons you mention (they have other company over, etc.)
Perhaps the solution is to just tell these people that you respect your personal space very much and that you need them to call before they come over, then you can tell them if it is a good time or not. Once you spell this out and make this clear, if they don't stick to that, you would have a free conscience to say hey, now's not a good time, call me next time, OK?
I think the best solution here is very clear boundaries that you are then able to stick to.
I don't think it's strange at all; I would be very taken aback to have someone just show up unexpected and I would not feel at all comfortable doing that to someone else, for exactly the reasons you mention (they have other company over, etc.)
This column will change your life: introverts
Look out, here come the introverts
Oliver Burkeman
guardian.co.uk, Friday 3 February 2012 22.59 GMT
In 2003, when the American author Jonathan Rauch published in the Atlantic magazine an essay entitled Caring For Your Introvert, the response was "astonishing". Years later, it was still the magazine's most popular piece online. "I have shrunken and laminated 100 copies and carry a few in my shirt pocket," wrote one reader. "Now, when someone perplexed by 15 seconds of silence asks, 'What are you thinking about?' I simply hand him or her a copy and retire to the basement." I predict a similar fate for Susan Cain's forthcoming book Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking, which rails against the "New Groupthink" of a culture fixated on teamwork, open-plan offices and the wisdom of crowds. Introverts will flock to bookshops to buy it, I suspect. Except not in flocks. Maybe they'll just download it to their e-readers in private.
Rauch's essential point was that introversion doesn't mean being shy or misanthropic; what defines an introvert is finding social interaction tiring and solitude revitalising, while for extroverts it's the reverse. Cain insists, meanwhile, that solitude is crucial to creativity. For every charismatic Steve Jobs, there's a retiring Steve Wozniak; idea-sharing works best when we also protect the interior quiet in which, for many, inspiration first arrives. Research suggests group brainstorming doesn't work and that open-plan workspaces are associated with high blood pressure and conflict. "It's one thing to associate with a group in which each member works autonomously on his piece of the puzzle," Cain notes, but "another to be corralled into endless meetings… in offices that afford no respite from the noise and gaze of co-workers."
To be fair, there's plenty of research attesting to the benefits of teamwork, too; as with all such questions, it's a matter of personalities. What makes the introversion/extroversion standoff unique is how, by virtue of the traits involved, the extroverts get to define the debate. It's extroverted workers who excel in teams, become managers and end up in charge of office layouts. (Since they're better at claiming credit, they're probably more likely to get promoted per se.) Likewise, it's people inclined toward publicness, like the new-media guru Jeff Jarvis, who give talks promoting their view; advocates of living more discreetly stay off the conference circuit. If teaching methods increasingly favour extroverts, as Cain argues, maybe it's because teachers and education ministers belong to professions that reward extroversion.
Gripes about open-plan offices and "digital distraction" tend to go hand in hand, but the internet is a sort of saviour here. Online brainstorming is the only kind that does really work – introverts get to stay behind their screens – while email, unlike the phone, is "serial communication": you can revise before hitting send. What's needed most, though, is mutual understanding, and here another problem rears its head: "Extroverts," Rauch observes, "are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, frequently inescapable, interaction with other people." He thinks the opposite's not true: extroverts can't imagine wanting to be alone, and introverts don't help by preferring not to talk about it. If you're an extrovert who manages introverts, you have to start from the assumption that you haven't a clue. And that a brainstorming session in the conference room might not be the best way to find answers.
oliver.burkeman@guardian.co.uk; twitter.com/oliverburkeman
Look out, here come the introverts
Oliver Burkeman
guardian.co.uk, Friday 3 February 2012 22.59 GMT
In 2003, when the American author Jonathan Rauch published in the Atlantic magazine an essay entitled Caring For Your Introvert, the response was "astonishing". Years later, it was still the magazine's most popular piece online. "I have shrunken and laminated 100 copies and carry a few in my shirt pocket," wrote one reader. "Now, when someone perplexed by 15 seconds of silence asks, 'What are you thinking about?' I simply hand him or her a copy and retire to the basement." I predict a similar fate for Susan Cain's forthcoming book Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking, which rails against the "New Groupthink" of a culture fixated on teamwork, open-plan offices and the wisdom of crowds. Introverts will flock to bookshops to buy it, I suspect. Except not in flocks. Maybe they'll just download it to their e-readers in private.
Rauch's essential point was that introversion doesn't mean being shy or misanthropic; what defines an introvert is finding social interaction tiring and solitude revitalising, while for extroverts it's the reverse. Cain insists, meanwhile, that solitude is crucial to creativity. For every charismatic Steve Jobs, there's a retiring Steve Wozniak; idea-sharing works best when we also protect the interior quiet in which, for many, inspiration first arrives. Research suggests group brainstorming doesn't work and that open-plan workspaces are associated with high blood pressure and conflict. "It's one thing to associate with a group in which each member works autonomously on his piece of the puzzle," Cain notes, but "another to be corralled into endless meetings… in offices that afford no respite from the noise and gaze of co-workers."
To be fair, there's plenty of research attesting to the benefits of teamwork, too; as with all such questions, it's a matter of personalities. What makes the introversion/extroversion standoff unique is how, by virtue of the traits involved, the extroverts get to define the debate. It's extroverted workers who excel in teams, become managers and end up in charge of office layouts. (Since they're better at claiming credit, they're probably more likely to get promoted per se.) Likewise, it's people inclined toward publicness, like the new-media guru Jeff Jarvis, who give talks promoting their view; advocates of living more discreetly stay off the conference circuit. If teaching methods increasingly favour extroverts, as Cain argues, maybe it's because teachers and education ministers belong to professions that reward extroversion.
Gripes about open-plan offices and "digital distraction" tend to go hand in hand, but the internet is a sort of saviour here. Online brainstorming is the only kind that does really work – introverts get to stay behind their screens – while email, unlike the phone, is "serial communication": you can revise before hitting send. What's needed most, though, is mutual understanding, and here another problem rears its head: "Extroverts," Rauch observes, "are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, frequently inescapable, interaction with other people." He thinks the opposite's not true: extroverts can't imagine wanting to be alone, and introverts don't help by preferring not to talk about it. If you're an extrovert who manages introverts, you have to start from the assumption that you haven't a clue. And that a brainstorming session in the conference room might not be the best way to find answers.
oliver.burkeman@guardian.co.uk; twitter.com/oliverburkeman
Thanks for your posts, I find it all so interesting. i think you'll understand when i say i'm going to be rereading and pondering this for a while.
I realise now i appear an extrovert because I find it easy to talk on interesting subjects, so when I try to explain, people tend to think it's a joke.
Now I realise they're extroverts who don't get it, or introverts who don't understand/know it yet.
And how can I expect them to understand when I've only worked out whats going on myself. I feel like I'm coming out of the closet.
I realise now i appear an extrovert because I find it easy to talk on interesting subjects, so when I try to explain, people tend to think it's a joke.
Now I realise they're extroverts who don't get it, or introverts who don't understand/know it yet.
And how can I expect them to understand when I've only worked out whats going on myself. I feel like I'm coming out of the closet.
@george: I think of extravert communication as a kind of conversational sonar. They're not just speaking or looking or listening. By interacting with others they're bouncing their personality off others, and the image that comes back reaffirms them. And the collection of all the images coming back from the people in their lives seems to form their self-image.
Introverts see themselves as different from the image that others have of them ("I think, therefore I am"). Whereas you and I as introverts communicate to exchange information and feelings, an extravert is also communicating with others to see and interact with themselves. Not in a self-centered way, but more in an "Am I alive? Yep, still there!" sort of way. In my husband's extraverted mind it's vital for him to interact periodically, and he doesn't understand why I don't have the same need. (As a Feeler, I need to feel included when people are around, but I'm totally OK with them not being around to begin with.)
I think a lot of extraverts see introversion as a sort of social handicap when IMO it's kind of the reverse. I see extraversion as a kind of self-blindness that keeps the extravert almost compulsively using that sonar in order to get the feedback that assures them they exist, are important, have friends, etc.
Introverts see themselves as different from the image that others have of them ("I think, therefore I am"). Whereas you and I as introverts communicate to exchange information and feelings, an extravert is also communicating with others to see and interact with themselves. Not in a self-centered way, but more in an "Am I alive? Yep, still there!" sort of way. In my husband's extraverted mind it's vital for him to interact periodically, and he doesn't understand why I don't have the same need. (As a Feeler, I need to feel included when people are around, but I'm totally OK with them not being around to begin with.)
I think a lot of extraverts see introversion as a sort of social handicap when IMO it's kind of the reverse. I see extraversion as a kind of self-blindness that keeps the extravert almost compulsively using that sonar in order to get the feedback that assures them they exist, are important, have friends, etc.
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jennypenny
- Posts: 6861
- Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:20 pm
@hoplite--"Controlling your time and obligations, social or otherwise, is just living as a free man and should not require excuses." I really liked this.
@ego--"Countless studies have shown a high correlation between happiness and social connection... and depression with a lack of social connection." I think the problem is that the extroverts end up dominating and controlling the social connections which exhausts the introverts (who end up conforming or withdrawing).
@ego--"Countless studies have shown a high correlation between happiness and social connection... and depression with a lack of social connection." I think the problem is that the extroverts end up dominating and controlling the social connections which exhausts the introverts (who end up conforming or withdrawing).
@GandK, "I think a lot of extraverts see introversion as a sort of social handicap when IMO it's kind of the reverse." Both extremes CAN BE social handicaps. If focused, they can also be the greatest of strengths.
@jennypenny, "I think the problem is that the extroverts end up dominating and controlling the social connections which exhausts the introverts (who end up conforming or withdrawing)." Perhaps that's true. If so it would mean that introverts have to work doubly hard to elbow themselves in and make connections, because there is no doubt that the most connected live longer, happier lives.
Often our greatest accomplishments in life come when we harness not only our innate strengths but also when we find ways to overcome - or harness - our weaknesses as well.
@jennypenny, "I think the problem is that the extroverts end up dominating and controlling the social connections which exhausts the introverts (who end up conforming or withdrawing)." Perhaps that's true. If so it would mean that introverts have to work doubly hard to elbow themselves in and make connections, because there is no doubt that the most connected live longer, happier lives.
Often our greatest accomplishments in life come when we harness not only our innate strengths but also when we find ways to overcome - or harness - our weaknesses as well.
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jennypenny
- Posts: 6861
- Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:20 pm
@ego--You're implying that being introverted is a weakness and something to be overcome. I respectfully but wholeheartedly disagree. Why should introverts have to work "doubly hard" to fit in to an extrovert's expectation? The underlying premise that extroversion is the norm and introversion a deviation is the problem. It makes me wonder if "social connections" are defined by extroverts in those studies and don't include an introvert's definition of a social connection, thereby making the results only applicable to extroverts.
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aussierogue
- Posts: 379
- Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:02 pm
Great stuff
i can relate to Geoerge. People also think in an extrovert because i do like having convsersations and a can be foreceful in a confidetn way. INTJ s are also vert confident.
But truth is i get tired real quick in group social situations especially if it gets gossipy, if there is a loudmouth type A etc. I now avoid those get totgethers but its hard because my wife who has a much more social and in many ways balanced personality doesnt quite get me not wanting to go.
@ EGO - love your work and its something i instictly understand but i need to work on it. Saw both my father and and grandfathers grow old and lonely despite both being engaging people. I have many of their genes and its something i need to actively be aware off. Kep here is brining your partner and family on some of myy journey...explain intj, explain introvert, and talk a bit about fears of the future...that seems to get everyone on the same page for a little while and then we get on with living..
@jennypenny...
like any good trader we need to understand our strengths and weaknesses no matter how unfair they may seem. Although intoeversion by itself is not an issue, in the context of a working society there are things all of us can work on. I dont wanna be lonely, depressed and sick as i get older and if focing some social connections is needed then i should do it..my take anyway..
i can relate to Geoerge. People also think in an extrovert because i do like having convsersations and a can be foreceful in a confidetn way. INTJ s are also vert confident.
But truth is i get tired real quick in group social situations especially if it gets gossipy, if there is a loudmouth type A etc. I now avoid those get totgethers but its hard because my wife who has a much more social and in many ways balanced personality doesnt quite get me not wanting to go.
@ EGO - love your work and its something i instictly understand but i need to work on it. Saw both my father and and grandfathers grow old and lonely despite both being engaging people. I have many of their genes and its something i need to actively be aware off. Kep here is brining your partner and family on some of myy journey...explain intj, explain introvert, and talk a bit about fears of the future...that seems to get everyone on the same page for a little while and then we get on with living..
@jennypenny...
like any good trader we need to understand our strengths and weaknesses no matter how unfair they may seem. Although intoeversion by itself is not an issue, in the context of a working society there are things all of us can work on. I dont wanna be lonely, depressed and sick as i get older and if focing some social connections is needed then i should do it..my take anyway..
because there is no doubt that the most connected live longer, happier lives.
I think this is a pretty good rule of thumb. But like all rules, there are exceptions. And perhaps George is one of those exceptions.
There are plenty of examples of eremitics who've lived long, joyous lives in solitude. Though they are the exceptions, they do still exist.
It seems entirely possible to me that there exists a small minority of people who may thrive in a life of no or limited social connections.
I think this is a pretty good rule of thumb. But like all rules, there are exceptions. And perhaps George is one of those exceptions.
There are plenty of examples of eremitics who've lived long, joyous lives in solitude. Though they are the exceptions, they do still exist.
It seems entirely possible to me that there exists a small minority of people who may thrive in a life of no or limited social connections.
@ego--You're implying that being introverted is a weakness and something to be overcome.
It can be - in the same way that extroversion can be a weakness.
If it is a barrier to making and maintaining social connections then it is something that must be overcome. The same is true for extroverts. Some extroverts can be so off-putting that they cause people to flee from their presence. They make many connections but fail to maintain any.
Perhaps "overcome" is not the right word. The theory goes that we all have an inner-introvert and an inner-extrovert. For about 30% of the population, one dominates the other - 15% full-on-extroverts, 15% full-on-introverts. The rest of us fall in the middle, neither fully introverted nor extroverted.
You may be right about how we define social connection. Things are changing so fast... it will take time for researchers to catch up.
It can be - in the same way that extroversion can be a weakness.
If it is a barrier to making and maintaining social connections then it is something that must be overcome. The same is true for extroverts. Some extroverts can be so off-putting that they cause people to flee from their presence. They make many connections but fail to maintain any.
Perhaps "overcome" is not the right word. The theory goes that we all have an inner-introvert and an inner-extrovert. For about 30% of the population, one dominates the other - 15% full-on-extroverts, 15% full-on-introverts. The rest of us fall in the middle, neither fully introverted nor extroverted.
You may be right about how we define social connection. Things are changing so fast... it will take time for researchers to catch up.
The New York Times has a great article in tomorrow's magazine about living alone and connectedness. It touches on many of the things we're talking about here.
The results are surprising!
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/05/opini ... ml?_r=1&hp
The results are surprising!
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/05/opini ... ml?_r=1&hp
Regarding the research that shows people who have more social connection live longer - Is it because we live in a world that favours extroverts, and they don't have so much stress trying to fit in, putting on a mask etc. Also perhaps the introverts don't get enough time alone which adds to their stress.
Am going to a social gathering in a few weeks.
Have wondered why i look forward to it when i detest extended family gatherings, work social nights etc.
It's because I don't have to engage in small talk. These people have known me for 30 years. They would never turn up uninvited. And the last time we met we had a really passionate political discussion, which I thought might lead to the end of my invites. But no these people are genuinely interesting people. Whom I've got to know individually over time. So there's hope for us introverts yet
Sure this will tire me out, but these people are really genuine.
So from now on no matter who's present, no more small talk and i will not put on a mask of being an extrovert unless I really have to.
And the encouraging thing about introverts, we might build fewer relationships, but they're genuine long lasting ones.
@ego thanks for the above article. I also see the the trend of middle aged people living alone in relationships is becoming common. Ie each person keeps their own house, but are in a permanent relationship. It is more expensive, but if it safeguards your personal space, why not. ERE is about freedom to do what you want.
Am going to a social gathering in a few weeks.
Have wondered why i look forward to it when i detest extended family gatherings, work social nights etc.
It's because I don't have to engage in small talk. These people have known me for 30 years. They would never turn up uninvited. And the last time we met we had a really passionate political discussion, which I thought might lead to the end of my invites. But no these people are genuinely interesting people. Whom I've got to know individually over time. So there's hope for us introverts yet
Sure this will tire me out, but these people are really genuine.
So from now on no matter who's present, no more small talk and i will not put on a mask of being an extrovert unless I really have to.
And the encouraging thing about introverts, we might build fewer relationships, but they're genuine long lasting ones.
@ego thanks for the above article. I also see the the trend of middle aged people living alone in relationships is becoming common. Ie each person keeps their own house, but are in a permanent relationship. It is more expensive, but if it safeguards your personal space, why not. ERE is about freedom to do what you want.
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jennypenny
- Posts: 6861
- Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:20 pm
@ego-thanks for the article. I think George is on to something with inroverts being more stressed because the world is structured for extroverts. I know I didn't realize how stressed I was until I stopped working in December. I still head out every morning (mass, gym, errands), but I don't feel the need to put on my game face every day. I can just be *me* now most of the time. Maybe that's why ERE appeals to more introverts.
@george
I must be a hermit as well. One of my pet peeves is having someone just drop in on me unannounced. In fact, I consider it quite rude to do that. I never go to another person's home without calling first or being expected. Many people see nothing wrong with doing that. We do have over invited guests. We do the inviting, not them. I expect someone inviting me would do so because they would like me to drop by. I would invite someone, socialize, and then I would expect them to respect my time and keep the visit length reasonable. I am not an difficult person, but privacy is one life's foremost rights. I love to be home, with wife or alone, and not be bothered or obligated to anything less what I am doing at the time. This again should be a right a person has. If we want to put all the computers and phones and cell phones and social media in a lock box and take off to the woods all alone, that should be our right. I would love to have a cabin on the lake or something like that where solitude would abound when I chose it. Nothing wrong with any of this. I do like people. I like people who have a switch installed on them so I can turn them off. I like to sit and stare. I love to read. I also like going out and about, but choose when I do it. If I have a relationship with someone, yes, I will surely invite them to my home. I like them to respect my privacy and most of my close friends know this and do it.
I am 67 years old. Therefore, you look at what time is left to a 67 year old person and then one's time is worth a zillion dollars an hour, or immeasurable. Using one's time as one wishes then becomes paramount. At some point I may have no privacy unless I can live till I die on my own. Once that point arrives, I am ready to go then.
I see nothing wrong with privacy.
I must be a hermit as well. One of my pet peeves is having someone just drop in on me unannounced. In fact, I consider it quite rude to do that. I never go to another person's home without calling first or being expected. Many people see nothing wrong with doing that. We do have over invited guests. We do the inviting, not them. I expect someone inviting me would do so because they would like me to drop by. I would invite someone, socialize, and then I would expect them to respect my time and keep the visit length reasonable. I am not an difficult person, but privacy is one life's foremost rights. I love to be home, with wife or alone, and not be bothered or obligated to anything less what I am doing at the time. This again should be a right a person has. If we want to put all the computers and phones and cell phones and social media in a lock box and take off to the woods all alone, that should be our right. I would love to have a cabin on the lake or something like that where solitude would abound when I chose it. Nothing wrong with any of this. I do like people. I like people who have a switch installed on them so I can turn them off. I like to sit and stare. I love to read. I also like going out and about, but choose when I do it. If I have a relationship with someone, yes, I will surely invite them to my home. I like them to respect my privacy and most of my close friends know this and do it.
I am 67 years old. Therefore, you look at what time is left to a 67 year old person and then one's time is worth a zillion dollars an hour, or immeasurable. Using one's time as one wishes then becomes paramount. At some point I may have no privacy unless I can live till I die on my own. Once that point arrives, I am ready to go then.
I see nothing wrong with privacy.