Are you a Nomad or a Homesteader?

[chenda]

Yeah I've always been a bit of a mix of too young and too old. At the age of sixteen I was reading The Economist and listening to academic lectures on the radio. OTOH, I was also kinda stupid and immature for my age which took a long time to grow out of.

[7Wannabe5]

@chenda:

Exactly. That's why I don't grok why some of my peers feel younger by dating younger humans. I've tried it, and it has the opposite effect on me. Makes me feel ancient and Mumsy. I would definitely prefer a still virile 80 year old* over some 36 year old kid. OTOH, it's more difficult to see some gray bearded 50 year old guy out with his grandkid and realize "too young for me."

*I think there's something particularly sexy about Silent Generation men for me, because I started reading adult novels at a very young age. It makes me sad that all the men who are old enough to have worn a hat and an overcoat are dying off.

[okumurahata]

In general, it’s more common to find couples where the man is older than the woman. There are exceptions, but I would say that men peak later in life. If I were a woman, I would probably never choose a young man either. Having said that, physical degradation is inevitable, but compatibility should transcend any kind of number.

[J_]

I'm hoping in the next few decades we'll be able to treat age related conditions much better.

I do think that an age related condition is for a big part in your own hands. Not by living as a saint, but applying all the knowledge about health and nutrition as disciplined as you can be.

Accepting wrinkles and not striving to extremes I do think I can still have a very pleasant life in my aproaching 8 decade.

[chenda]

I do think that an age related condition is for a big part in your own hands.

Yes we already have a lot of the knowledge needed.

[7Wannabe5]

In general, it’s more common to find couples where the man is older than the woman. There are exceptions, but I would say that men peak later in life. If I were a woman, I would probably never choose a young man either. Having said that, physical degradation is inevitable, but compatibility should transcend any kind of number.

A very pretty female I know who does date younger men fairly frequently told me that the trick is that you have to be the "cool one" rather than the "pretty one" when you are the older partner, and offered up Patti Smith as an example of a woman who is cool enough to date younger men. In a discussion with my daughter on the topic of the difficulties of having a father (my ex) who is a hipster rather than classic dear old dad model, I was informed in very clear terms that I am zero percent cool or hipster, and to the extent that my personality/presentation varies from dear old cozy mum model, I vibe as totally dorky nerd. Of course, when she was in late adolescence, just after I separated from her father, she had to suffer through a phase I went through during which I delusionally convinced myself that I had the same figure type as Beyonce (in her chubbier days) and should therefore style myself similarly, and ended up dating a former member of Parliament. But whenever I would casually drop the fact that I was dating a former member of Parliament to any of my Mom-friends (especially the evil skinny ballet moms), they would just assume that I was dating some dorky British guy, so none of the coolness rubbed off on me.

Anyways, to bring this babbling back to the topic at hand, I will admit that my tendencies towards being both the Explorer type, yet frugal, have sometimes resulted in my indulgence in what I will refer to as Adventure Dating. There are really only two or three major ways in which men vary in their sexual behavior, so it's not that I seek sexual variety over quality; it's the lifestyle and personality variety that interests me. However, if I did ever find a man I liked and valued as well as I like and value my home state of Michigan, I might be willing to settle down upon his pleasant peninsula contentedly. Obviously, he would have to possess the human equivalent of the world's largest fresh water preserve, the largest diversity of crops grown outside of California, the most educated city in the U.S., facilitation of access to my extended family, and reasonably priced housing, so it seems highly unlikely to happen.

[okumurahata]

it's the lifestyle and personality variety that interests me.

In today’s society, it’s relatively easy to find physically attractive people. However, finding beautiful personalities is not that simple. I have a friend who always talks about a woman who may not be very physically attractive at first, but after you get to know her, your perspective of her changes radically (in a positive way). The opposite can also be true.

I consider myself a late bloomer. Like @chenda, I have a mix of an old and young personality. In terms of personal relationships, I have always been a step behind my friends. My first serious relationship started when I was 25. From 16 (first gf) to 25 (second gf), I didn’t have any kind of relationship, just a single adventure in Aalborg, where a pretty Danish girl chose me (what she saw in me was a mystery).

I guess I do well in some aspects of my life (data and numbers), while in others I am terrible (people and events). Sometimes I wish I could be that guy who goes out at night and can flirt with anyone, but okomurahata could never do that. Too introverted, too lonely, too dry.

[7Wannabe5]

Sometimes I wish I could be that guy who goes out at night and can flirt with anyone, but okomurahata could never do that. Too introverted, too lonely, too dry.

Poor thing. Are you sure that you are an INTJ? Those I know in real life would be unlikely to be so in touch with their "lonely." What I have observed from 3rd party perspective (to the best of my knowledge, I have never been in relationship with an INTJ myself, except for maybe the overt Dom I was in "relationship" with for around 6 months during my brief BDSM phase) is that they tend to plan on going completely off into the wilderness or a monastery type environment on their own, but then after about 3 months, a thought-bubble along the lines of "Oof, I forgot to bring a woman." pops up, and then they hustle up their next SO in very short order. My very bad science would also inform me that heterosexual INTJ men tend to be tall themselves, but prefer (or attract?)short curvy women. Generally, I would place them in the sexual category/quadrant labeled Locked Dominant.

[okumurahata]

Extremely introverted, but it’s true that I need a handful of people with whom I can be fully transparent. It takes special social abilities to unlock my true self. Recently at work, coworkers said they thought I was an only child and I didn’t have a family. I insisted that I had told them about my two little sisters in the past (I think I mention my family quite often but it appears not to be the case). They often joke about not knowing anything about me. It’s true, I become a shell if I feel any degree of discomfort.

If we ever met in real life, you would probably think that I’m constantly angry, when I’m not. It’s just that sometimes I don’t know what to say. I’m the kind of guy who might make people feel uncomfortable with my solitary presence, which is why I tend to avoid most people and social events. I think it all started during my parents’ divorce, and it accelerated strongly during college, when I spent hours and hours studying by myself. I lost social skills, and I wonder if I could ever regain them or if I even had them in the first place. For instance, I’ve been going to the gym religiously since I was 16, but I’ve never made a friend there (I just go to do sports, but sometimes through osmosis you make new connections). That’s how distant I behave.

It’s true that sometimes I have thought about going to a monastery, but I would miss sexual intimacy after a while. I couldn’t make it work. On the other hand, I have always (been) attracted (to) a specific stereotype of woman: short, brunette and voluptous. I’m not tall by today’s standards I would say (1.77 m), but I’m kind of a very fit nerd. Probably yes, I do prefer silently dominating, rather than being dominated.

[7Wannabe5]

Hmmmm...so, my very pseud-scientific theory may have some merit. I just realized after contemplating the dating habits of the male eNTPs I know in real life, they tend to mostly date Bohemian artist females or strippers, whereas I tend to mostly date Bohemian artist males or mechanical engineers, ERGO!, although it does not immediately intuitively track, it MUST be the case that lurking inside the body of the typical male mechanical engineer is the soul of a stripper.

[Laura Ingalls]

@7b5

You seem nomadic in this partnering.

I am definitely a homesteader in that category.

Location meh not so much.


Currently in Miami. Like lots of things about it. The consumerist tilt is pretty painful. Just saw a guy with a Masseratti shirt on probably drives an Audi. Saw a guy door dashing in an old Toyota with an Audi shirt on. Why??

[7Wannabe5]

@Laura Ingalls:

Yes, I have just come to the realization that I am Polyamorous Ecosexual.

[chenda]

Polyamorous Ecosexual.

This sounds lovely but what is it ? : )

[7Wannabe5]

@chenda:



https://theecosexuals.ucsc.edu/ecosexualmanifesto/

I also posted a video in Emerging Renaissance Ecology.

Definitely deserves its own thread.

[chenda]

I see. Possibly relevant, discussion by Swedish professor David Thurfjell on 'Is nature the religion of Scandinavia ?' His background is in Iranian studies.

https://youtu.be/QnCB5oywM7g?si=RIu65tNLBYe6_Rw9

[chenda]

short, brunette and voluptous.

You should come to southern Europe, you'll find plenty such women : )

[7Wannabe5]

I see. Possibly relevant, discussion by Swedish professor David Thurfjell on 'Is nature the religion of Scandinavia ?' His background is in Iranian studies.

Interesting. I'll have to check it out and his take on Iranian studies, since I did have my midlife reversion to Islam experience with my Iranian "husband." If one was to give any merit to the semi-ridiculous notion that religious tendencies might have a genetic basis, according to recent analysis, I am of primarily Northern European heritage.

Anyways, I've always experienced a very strong convergence of nature, spirituality, and sensuality/sexuality, and I don't believe that this is at all uncommon. However, what suddenly occurred to me as I was simultaneously joking (here) about my ideal man being like the state of Michigan, very mildly contemplating getting back together with a less-then-ideal partner who "happens" to own 20 acres of fairly pristine woods and water, and researching third wave sex positive feminism, was that although quite a few of my peak life experiences have basically been threesomes involving me, a boy or man, and nature, quite a few of my peak life experiences have also involved me being alone and "naked" in nature, or in a group of humans who are "naked" in nature. For instance, one of my earliest vaguely "self-authoring" memories was being 8 or 9 years old, realizing that I was already borderline "too old" to leave the house without my shirt on, but choosing to do it anyways as the sun was dawning one summer morning. I went out to the sandbox, covered myself with the damp sand, and silently said goodbye to that aspect of my freedom submissive to gender-specific cultural constraints.

Also, if I were to come out to my extended family/friends circle as Ecosexual, and announce that I was planning a committment ceremony with Lake Huron for some time this summer, I am certain that they would all joyously participate. And since some of them happen to be artists with high level (professional award-winning) film-making/videography skills and some of them happen to be social-activist lawyers, I am sure that my attempt to then gain greater legal status for my new spouse, at least at the level currently enjoyed by corporations might garner some publicity in alignment with the core values associated with ERE

[Henry]

Treesome

[jacob]

I see. Possibly relevant, discussion by Swedish professor David Thurfjell on 'Is nature the religion of Scandinavia ?'

While I can't speak for all Scandinavians, I would say no, it is not. (This is the first time I've ever heard of this idea.) The dominant belief-system is postmodern humanism. The historically Lutheran background leaves it up to individuals to find and practice their own beliefs which is commonly a variant of "great pie in the sky"-thinking with very little church involvement. (The typical Dane goes to church about as frequently as they go to the circus---maybe 3 times in their life. When they're born. When they marry. When they die.) Actual worship (as Americans understand that word) would be very rare. However, just as you can find someone who actively prays to a personal god if you look hard enough (I've known a total of two Danes, that is, TWO as in 2, who does this), it's likely also possible to find a few, who find a spiritual connection in nature. (I know none.) Otherwise, most go to the beach to swim and get tanned. And they'd happily burn a lot of jet fuel to do it elsewhere while thrashing the environment in the process. A current item of "news interest" is the substantial amount of coastal dead zones. However, people are mostly concerned because it looks ugly rather than any spiritual loss. They'll get used to it or just vacation elsewhere.

[7Wannabe5]

@Henry:

Exactly!

Think about it. In our culture, and many of those just now crossing borderline of Traditional/Modern epitomized by Disney Princess, weddings are peak consumer experiences, which are frequently associated with other major consumer events such as home purchase on 30 year mortgage. So, this performance art concept created by Annie Sprinkle and Beth Stephens is genius!