Embracing Solitude: INTJ's Journey Towards Retirement

[Scott 2]

Good job advocating for your career.

For what it's worth, at least in the US, the delegation doesn't mean you're a bench warmer. Rather, the boss is trying to solve his problem. A young engineer is already paid for and has less overhead cost than a subcontractor. Using you can make his budget look better. It might even be that he's trying to divert the subcontractor budget, to retain or grow his headcount.

His priorities don't align with yours. That will be true everywhere. Resolving that conflict in your favor, is part of building a career. Competence is the price of admission. Politics is how you progress.

[delay]

Thanks for sharing how it went! Reply-All and a meeting seems like a very assertive aproach.

At around 13:50, coworker A approached my desk and asked what I wanted to discuss.
...
He replied that he didn’t know which email I was referring to, but the overall indications were from him.

This sounds like colleagues were not sure what you were upset about.

An assertive reply associates you with this issue in your own mind and in the minds of others.

[Henry]

This sounds like colleagues were not sure what you were upset about.

I'm hearing differently. This sounds like colleagues are backstabbing scumbags.

[okumurahata]

I’m considering both possibilities. The innocent part of me wants to believe that it was some kind of misunderstanding. However, the realistic side of me thinks more like @Henry, and a manager who’s trying to protect team morale. I may never know what actually happened, but the only sure thing is that the email was despicable.

[Henry]

Oku. On the negative side, your colleagues tried to fuck you. On the lesser negative side, your manager stepped in and made sure you didn't get raw dogged. What this means going forward, you will have to pay close attention to.

[delay]

I'm hearing differently. This sounds like colleagues are backstabbing scumbags.

Thanks for the laugh!

How would you take the wind out of their sails?

[Henry]

How would you take the wind out of their sails?

I think Oku did the right thing by informing his manager. Oku not only made them but showed his office pimp hand. The question is whether the ensuing round table discussion was just a pat on the head to Oku and a wink and a nod to the scumbag crew or whether the manager actually values Oku. My guess is that it was the former. However, at least the scumbag crew needs permission from the manager before fucking Oku moving forward.

With regard to moving forward, Oku should have his radar up as to whether there is any resentment evidenced by the scumbag crew and/or distance created by the manager. If he detects either, Oku will most likely be corporately executed in the near future. However, if Oku detects a slight twinge of fear within the scumbag crew and is greeted with previously not received pleasantries from the manager, Oku, if not establishing himself as someone to be respected, at least has shown he will not be shoved into the broom closet without resistance.

[okumurahata]

My interpretation of the situation aligns completely with how @Henry described it, with the manager supporting the scumbag crew. I’ll observe how things progress, but this contract concludes in June. If the option of renewal is still being considered, I’ll request a substantial pay raise as a way of gracefully resigning. In the meantime, I won’t take on any extra work. If they inquire about it, I’ll simply state that @oku has a heavy workload. If they decide to terminate my employment, I’m mentally prepared once again. Maintaining my dignity is now my priority.

I’m open to other suggestions if you have any ideas on how to navigate this situation.

[Scott 2]

Don't take the politics personally. It's how the game is played. You need to learn too. There's probably no malice, just other flawed players making their best attempt.

The entire work place is an iterated prisoners dilemma. Winning strategy is generally to cooperate until wronged, then wrong until cooperated with. You'll probably see cooperation repair attempts from the skilled players. Accept and reciprocate.

[frugaldoc]

Interesting discussion that demonstrates to me the differences in work culture. When I read this I ask myself "what's the big deal"? Someone emailed at 5pm and CC'd the boss. I get emailed at all hours with the CO/XO cc'd all the time. I just choose what to respond to, at the appropriate time. The cc'ing doesn't bother me except when I am cc'd on emails for situational awareness. Gives me a lot of emails to sort through and delete.

I am not saying you are wrong to be upset, just that there is a big difference in workplace cultures. Now, if everyone else looks at you and repeatedly says "What is he getting so bent out of shape for?" then I might consider re-calibrating your reactions and expectations.

[zbigi]

The entire work place is an iterated prisoners dilemma. Winning strategy is generally to cooperate until wronged, then wrong until cooperated with. You'll probably see cooperation repair attempts from the skilled players. Accept and reciprocate.

Which is the same as playground politics (and probably all else politics?). This signifies of importance of children having a lot of group socialisation, as otherwise they have to learn those dynamics in adult life, where stakes are much higher.

[frugaldoc]

Which is the same as playground politics (and probably all else politics?). This signifies of importance of children having a lot of group socialisation, as otherwise they have to learn those dynamics in adult life, where stakes are much higher.

I wonder if this has placed the last century's school children at a disadvantage compared to their predecessors. It is my impression that children of yore grew up with more diverse exposure to people of various ages. Now children seem to travel through life surrounded by people in the same age cohort or their immediate family. When I read biographies it always seems that notable people had exposure to non-parent adults who took an interest in them and cultivated their interests and gifts. In today's culture that seems alien and is even frowned upon.

[Henry]

War is politics by other means (Clausewitz On War). Gestating beneath all playground politics is Lord of The Flies. Beneath all office politics, palace coups. Enough of this post-industrial revolution white collar corporate culture doublespeak. It's war theory. This was not merely employees A&B. This was a faction that took a go at Oku. They have been revealed as his enemies and need to be treated accordingly. Oku knows it.

[okumurahata]

Things have taken an unexpected turn. The manager called me today for a one-on-one meeting to discuss recent events and my career expectations. I was completely honest, expressing my feelings without fearing potential repercussions. In brief, I explained that while I strive to be collaborative, I don’t want to be the useful fool of the company. The manager seemed understanding and clarified that the aim is to focus on meaningful work for the team, not on meaningless tasks. I sensed honesty from him and saw the conversation as a step towards resolution, although I remain cautious as you never know. I’ll keep my guard up, but overall, I don’t feel entirely secure.

Another strange incident occurred yesterday. I discovered a missed call from coworker B on my personal phone at 18:30, long after work hours. When I inquired, she simply said she dialed by mistake. Weird…

At this point, I’m becoming increasingly paranoid, feeling like I’m being gaslighted and questioning my own sanity.

[Scott 2]

Those may have been repair attempts.

Henry's trolling you a little. This isn't anything close to war. Just a friendly disagreement over what keys you'll press. Don't let it blow up.

[Henry]

This isn't anything close to war. Just a friendly disagreement over what keys you'll press. Don't let it blow up.

Scott 2 is trolling you. This is a war and these are not your friends.

Your boss called Oku in because Oku called out his coworkers and the boss is complicit in their shenanigans. There was a crime. And there was a cover up. The boss is now gauging Oku's temperature. The boss may be afraid of his boss.

Oku should now play too cool for school. Oku blows off the scumbag crew and engages with the boss only to the bare minimum professional standards. Oku does not show his cards. Oku gives the impression he has one foot out of the door. Oku is at work but not of work. Oku is cryptic. Oku goes back to being a man of few words. Oku makes the game come to Oku. Oku actually may have a hand up. Oku may have what is most important in office war-games. Oku may have The Leverage.

[Lemur]

Lemur predicts Oku is a free man by June, but it won't be his decision.

[okumurahata]

Here are the guidelines I aim to follow based on the comments from the thread:

1. Act with integrity.
2. Assume good faith.
3. Expect flawed players to make mistakes.
4. If a flawed player points a gun at you, point a gun at them.
5. No authoritative figure should be immune from criticism or scrutiny.
6. Don’t succumb to paranoia or escalate situations unnecessarily.
7. But also trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it likely is.
8. Don’t be afraid to take risks or stand up for what you believe in. It’s better to fully engage in the game, and accept the defeat, rather than to hold back out of fear.

Regarding @frugaldoc’s comment, I also frequently receive emails with managers copied on CC. However, within our team, and for daily operations, we avoid doing so out of courtesy, considering the overwhelming volume of daily emails. In this company, managers also use the “send mail to X and put Y in CC” magic sentence to force people to do their job. Hence, team members are aware of the implications when including a manager in CC.

[Henry]

I would add #9 and it's the key to all negotiations: Be prepared to walk and let them know you will do just that.

[Scott 2]

I like the list.

Consider your own strengths when playing.

Since I'm not charming like Henry, a threat to walk isn't in my toolbox. I might be prepared, my actions might imply it, but there is zero chance I utter the words. I don't have the skill to repair my relationships afterwards, even if an ultimatum is successful.

I suspect you might be similar, which is part of why I discourage the war metaphor. There's a good chance what feels soft to you, already comes across as overly firm to others. This can take a lot of practice to calibrate, if it's not intuitive.