Embracing Solitude: INTJ's Journey Towards Retirement

[suomalainen]

Before you guys suggest that I reuse the oil of my Honda to fry chips, I’m a Spaniard, I need olive oil as much as Americans need NFL, NASA or Donald Trump.

At least you still have your sense of humor. Just keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise; who knows what the tide could bring.

[Henry]

I would appreciate if someone could give me a tip to become even more depressed.

Life only gets harder as you get older. Just like your arteries.

[chenda]

I think you should quit your job and move to Morocco to keep goats or something. I'm being serious...

[delay]

Thanks for your journal!

I can’t save more money, and life is becoming more and more expensive; e.g. a bottle of olive oil is now 9 EUR (5 years ago was 1/3 of that).

Yeah, life here in The Netherlands is getting more expensive too. Necessities like rent, groceries and food take up a larger part of my budget every year. I'm always cutting back on "wants" and trying to figure out what I really value. It's like that for many people, I see fewer people eating out, shorter holidays, fewer new cars. A colleague was talking about paying for a new bike in monthly installments!

Bad day at work today. I don’t know why, but I feel ultra-sad. This is the third time I’ve counted my net worth today and tried to make predictions on how long I need to endure this particular prison sentence.

If you don't like where you are, why stay put? Work doesn't have to be a prison sentence.

Even if you don't change jobs it's often possible to improve your work. What is bothering you about work? It's unlikely you're alone!

[Henry]

I don't think he realizes how good he has it. His boss died. You know how many people would give their right arm to walk into work this morning only to be informed that their boss died? They'd be taking turns sitting behind their desk faking heart attacks. But here's Oku being all Emo about it. Nothing personal, but the problem I see with these Zen Buddhist types is that they think if they're miserable something is wrong with them. It's not wrong. It's the right reaction to things. So trying to escape misery only increases misery because they add failing at escaping misery to all the other things they're failing at. People need to stop whining and just learn how to be fucking miserable. It won't make them less miserable but at least it won't make them more miserable. This happiness option is a bunch of bullshit. People would be much better off giving up on the idea. You'd think they'd learn by now.

[okumurahata]

Thanks, folks, for the kind words. External circumstances impact me more than they should. I’ll persevere, accepting the misery and hoping that, at some point, things will change for the better. In Spain, we say, “No hay mal que cien años dure.” Spanish philosophy isn’t the best though; look at our economy and the countries that were conquered in the past. Jesus.

Even if I move to another position, I can guarantee I’d still be miserable. Whether caring for goats in Morocco or any other job, I’d end up feeling like rubbish. The thing is, I don’t want a job; any routine feels like putting olive oil in my rear and trying to fit my Honda. Similar to @Henry’s words, soft and amusing at first, until you notice the wheel approaching.

[Jin+Guice]

Even if I move to another position, I can guarantee I’d still be miserable. Whether caring for goats in Morocco or any other job, I’d end up feeling like rubbish. The thing is, I don’t want a job; any routine feels like putting olive oil in my rear and trying to fit my Honda.

I agree that you'd be miserable in other circumstances, but I think it's because happiness comes from internal circumstances.

Are you able to see that you have power over whether or not you are happy? Are you able to accept that power without it making you feel worse? Do you know what you'd need to be happy?

[okumurahata]

@Jin

I’m likely grappling with depression. I can manage my job outwardly, but every day is a struggle. After finishing work, I feel utterly drained. It’s a familiar pattern; many people probably experience the same silently. Like many others, you’d never realize if you met me in real life.

Perhaps “hopelessness” best describes it, having lost control of life and lacking an inspiring reason to wake up each morning. Working daily to escape a system where I don’t fit and never will.

There have been moments in my life where I didn’t feel this way. When employed, it takes a few months to bring me to this state of misery. I can’t think of something that I could do for 8 hours a day. I can adapt to live with this pain, or become homeless. Sometimes the second option doesn’t seem too bad.

[okumurahata]

By the way, somewhat unrelated, the other day, a coworker contacted me on Teams and mentioned discovering one of the books I published. I never discuss them, especially with coworkers. I don’t want them to read my books because they might wrongly link the author to the person, sparking gossip. After the call, I decided to unpublish everything and reached out to Google to delist the URLs under the “right to be forgotten” policy. I feel as though I betrayed myself by taking that action—a part of me feels extinguished.

[theanimal]

I'm sorry you're feeling poorly, That's an unenviable position to be in and can be overwhelming when you feel that everything is hopeless.

We only have your posts to go off of, so we don't have the full picture. But from what you write here, it seems like it could be beneficial to go through something like Plotkin's books or Jin&Guice's needs framework in his journal. I think you could also benefit from reading the article in this thread.Admitting that you have insecurities or needs that are not being addressed is hard, but the alternative is far worse.

Ultimately it's your choice, but if things are miserable, what do you have to lose in trying? Why not try acting as if your problem is fixable, do the work and see what happens? If it doesn't work, then you are step past where you are now and can go from there. You're young with zero dependents, you live in the western world, and you are on this forum. The world is literally your oyster. But right now it reads as if you're just committed to being miserable.

However it happens, I sincerely hope you are able to turn things around.

[okumurahata]

Thanks, @theanimal, for your words. I acknowledge several shortcomings in my character that I need to take responsibility for. From the post you shared, the message is clear: everything is learnable. I must learn to navigate the corporate world, embrace rejection, expose myself to better opportunities, and build resilience to pain, as rejection is inevitable. Additionally, as @Henry suggested, I should refrain from whining on the internet; it doesn’t yield positive results. The challenge is that I feel compelled to write when I’m feeling low—it serves as my escape valve.

Well, anyway, today is numbers day.

All-time highs in the stock market, euphoria, etc. My salary has seen a 300 EUR increase, not real, but due to lower taxes because my contract ends in June; anticipating a potential lack of work afterward. My economy is progressing gradually. Tomorrow, we’ll go to get an ID card for my girlfriend, and she will begin applying for jobs.

February 2024 update:

Code: Select all

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Assets
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stocks: 38.364,96 EUR
Cash: 17.285,00 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 55.649,96 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Liabilities
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Debt: 0 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 0 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Monthly income
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job: 2.200 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 2.200 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Monthly expenses
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rent: 500 EUR
Electricity: ~40 EUR
Water: ~20 EUR
Internet: 40 EUR
Food: ~400 EUR
Gym: ~50 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 1.050 EUR
+----------------------------------+

Progress until retirement (considering 25x yearly expenses):

Code: Select all

⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ 17,66%

[Henry]

Additionally, as @Henry suggested, I should refrain from whining on the internet;

I do believe that the internet should be reserved for buying stupid shit, inciting capital riots, trolling and porn. But if you are suffering on a deep level, don't let people like myself prohibit it. Maybe it's best to block me.

[okumurahata]

Maybe it's best to block me.

No, I appreciate you, @Henry. Your posts bring a smile to my face. You’re the kind of person you’d want around when things go wrong. It’s good to hear some truths protected with the internet’s anonymity.

I also find it amusing how you assume I’m some sort of Buddhist monk who wants to retire and ride his motorcycle. Maybe I should do that; fuck off coworkers and bosses.

[Henry]

No, I appreciate you, @Henry. Your posts bring a smile to my face. You’re the kind of person you’d want around when things go wrong. It’s good to hear some truths protected with the internet’s anonymity.

Let the record show that if Okumurahata tops himself after another endless day of misery at the Acme Carpel Tunnel Syndrome Corporation it had nothing to do with Henry's incessant mockery of his abysmal existence.

[Biscuits and Gravy]

@Henry The record shall so reflect.

Oku, please don’t “refrain from whining on the internet.” You’re one of us and we want to see you succeed, financially and otherwise.

[okumurahata]

Wake up and it’s raining. Hold on. Is it @oku being emo again? No. In Catalonia, there is a state of emergency due to the lack of rain. We can’t take long showers, wash our cars, or water gardens, and consumption is limited to 200 liters per person per day. This region is as dry as the Sahara.

So, a rainy Saturday is perfect. You’re in bed listening to the drops hitting the floor. Sleeping as much as you can. Being so lazy that you never could believe that level of laziness was achievable for a non-dog creature. And the best part? The garden is watered automatically. AI isn’t just ChatGPT, but also the architect planning a rainy Saturday.

[okumurahata]

Another @oku’s salaryman life rant. Thesis: Today, I had a conflict with a coworker.

Let’s rewind…

I’ve been spending three days creating an atlas in QGIS for a project that needs modification. Normally, this task is handled by the subcontractor; it’s tedious and time-consuming. Coworker A asked me for a favor to help her modify the atlas because she lacked the necessary knowledge. I don’t enjoy doing this kind of work as it’s more suited for a draughtsman rather than an engineer. Apologies if that sounded elitist.

Nevertheless, a favor is a favor. I spent three afternoons on this unpleasant task, and finally, today, I completed the atlas. I showed it to the coworker, and she was satisfied. Then, she mentioned we’ll need to create six more. At this point, I questioned why she hadn’t suggested to our boss to subcontract this work because I can’t afford to spend time on it. She responded politely, stating she would attempt it herself.

However, coworker B interjected, asserting that we couldn’t afford to subcontract the work and should do it ourselves. I reiterated the importance of considering our workload and suggested hiring someone else for the task might be the best solution. She asked why it was so difficult, and I explained the manual effort required, the limitations of automation, and so on. She insisted it could be automated easily, which infuriated me. I told her if it’s indeed easy and automatable, she should handle it next time. @okumurahata was more than angry at this point.

As tensions rose, coworker A suggested she would try it herself, which was a relief. I excused myself to the restroom, feeling the urge to punch the walls and scream in frustration. I loathe dealing with coworkers. The day I’ll get fired is closer…

[Henry]

Coworker A asked me for a favor

Unless your coworker is Don Corleone, I don't know why you capitulated. Seems to me, Oku the little corporate fiddle got played.

[mathiverse]

I gotta plus one Henry on this. I don't get why you said yes in the first place.

[okumurahata]

I don’t know either. Sometimes, I sense the pain in others and feel compelled to assist. I suppose it’s a desire to be helpful.

Now, my willingness to quit is through the roof, until I remind myself that the next ACME will be filled with assholes taking advantage of others.