Embracing Solitude: INTJ's Journey Towards Retirement

[okumurahata]

Hello, I'm okumurahata, a 32-year-old engineer from Southern Europe, a long-time lurker. I enjoy reading diaries but have never found the time to write my own.

Ever since I was a child, I have always been an excellent student. However, after completing my studies, I realized that I didn't fit well in the corporate world. I began my "career" as a technology consultant for a major bank. My responsibility was to enhance an accountability application by inputting spreadsheet data into an Oracle database. I despised every day at that job, to the extent that I contemplated suicide by the end of the contract. Eventually, I quit and took some time to reflect on what I should do next. Fortunately, I had saved some money by this point. I decided to travel to an affordable destination, and Asia was my choice. I lived as frugally as possible, savoring life without excessive consumption. It was the first time I experienced what retirement might feel like. I read, swam, coded, slept, walked, explored, met new people, and tried unfamiliar foods. Having an open schedule worked wonders for my mental health. During this period, I entered into a new relationship and became a different person.

After a year in Asia, I had spent almost all my savings. I needed to return to Europe and find a new job. I thought that perhaps my initial work experience was simply unlucky. My subsequent endeavor took place in a different location, but I found myself in a similar situation. As a highly introverted person, I struggled with meetings, deadlines, and the expectations of my superiors. Whenever I work for someone else, it is challenging for me to say no. Since I am not very talkative in the office, I come across as quiet, calm, and efficient, leading people to assume that I can handle any workload. Eventually, I reach a breaking point and quit. This cycle has repeated itself with the four jobs I've had over the past seven years.

During a gap between two engineering positions, I worked at the local library for three months. It was a refreshing experience that made me realize there is life beyond engineering and that I can contribute meaningfully without relying on Outlook, Microsoft Teams, and similar tools.

Here are some numbers:

Code: Select all

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Assets
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stocks: 32.448,35 EUR
Cash: 14.317,43 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 46.765,78 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Liabilities
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Debt: 0 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 0 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Monthly income
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job: 1.900 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 1.900 EUR
+----------------------------------+

// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
// Monthly expenses
// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rent: 500 EUR
Electricity: ~40 EUR
Water: ~35 EUR
Internet: 35 EUR
Food: ~400 EUR
Gym: ~50 EUR
+----------------------------------+
TOTAL = 1.060 EUR
+----------------------------------+

Progress until retirement (considering 25x yearly expenses):

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⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ 14,7%

I wish I could retire tomorrow, but I'm not obsessed with it (it will take me ~20 years to reach it with the previous savings ratio). Until today, I have always liked taking long vacations between positions; I don't mind spending some savings from time to time. This has had consequences as my "career" is nonexistent, moving to unrelated engineering positions in fields that I'm not particularly interested in (e.g. banking).

I will use this diary to reflect on my life in general and to complain about the horrendous 9-5 life that I'm currently living. I'm interested in philosophy, alternative ways of living, task automation (I wish society doesn't need to work), and products with long lifespans, regardless of their cost.

[okumurahata]

So, like every Thursday, I had the weekly meeting with the infrastructure team. It's always a bit peculiar for me because I'm not much of a talkative person. In meetings, I often find myself unsure of what to say or discuss. Being introverted, when someone tries to engage me, my mind goes blank, and I struggle to think clearly. If I make a mistake or say something inappropriate, it haunts me for days.

Strangely enough, I do find some people outside the office with whom I click and become more talkative. However, with my co-workers here, I tend to enter a quiet mode, even during breakfast when I barely utter a word. There are three very extroverted individuals who dominate conversations and introduce new topics. Just as I'm contemplating a response or how to participate, they swiftly change the subject, rendering my input irrelevant. Perhaps I shouldn't overthink and simply speak up.

Office dynamics can be quite peculiar. Strange situations and conversations often arise. For instance, when we all gather in the elevator to go from our workspaces to the meeting room, the atmosphere becomes awkward with uncomfortable silences, leaving people unsure of what to discuss. These meetings make me anxious and nervous. Ideally, I'd prefer to avoid them altogether, but that's not feasible in large corporations where meetings are inevitable. Given my incompatibility with such settings, I wonder what options I have.

[arbrk]

One option is to let it stop bothering you.

When you make a mistake and it is haunting you, just stop thinking about it. Say to yourself "I don't like this thought. I will now have another one".

To do this, you need to have some other thoughts prepared. They can be anything, but you must practice them beforehand and make them as vivid as possible with all of your senses. They can be short, like 15-30 seconds and just repeat on loop, adding more details each time.

Examples can be:

a) Going to the zoo - pick your favorite animal and think of all the details of seeing them at the zoo or in the wild. What does it look like? What does it smell like to be there? What is the animal doing? Are there other animals around? What are you doing (using your camera? pointing it out to your kids?). I usually think about baby hippos.

b) Having sex - either with someone real or imagined. Fill in your own details here.

c) Driving in a beautiful place. Imagine shifting gears, the wind in your hair, the car you are driving, the heat and stickiness of sitting on leather seats in the sun, the smell of sage brush in the canyons (or whatever)

Just loop one of these or any other in your head, adding more details (not just visual but auditory, touch, smell) until it feels real to you. When you finish doing this after a few minutes, the thought you didn't like will be gone then you can go back to whatever you were doing before. Eventually the thoughts you don't like will stop coming up.

I am also not convinced the silences in meetings are awkward or uncomfortable. There are long silences in meetings I'm in all the time, yet I never feel awkward or uncomfortable. Just stop feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I see the same thing with my boyfriend all the time - I didn't take in the trash cans and he was mad at me about it, "What will our neighbors think? We don't want to be those neighbors. We can't leave our trash cans out for a day after the trash was picked up" and in my head I was thinking, of course we can leave them a day after the trash is picked up if we want to. I don't think our neighbors will think anything about it. When other people do it, I am glad they left them on the curb because there are no public trash cans in our neighborhood so it saves me from carrying dog poop for the rest of my walk. He thinks everyone else sees our trash cans out at 9 pm and goes "Wow, I can't believe they are so inconsiderate to leave trash cans out all day". Yet if you look around, most people have left them out. Hardly anyone is probably looking around thinking that. Their thoughts are totally in his head.

[mathiverse]

Some ways I coped with not being great at on the spot thinking during corporate meetings:

. Insist on a meeting agenda being provided ahead of time
. Using the agenda, pre-plan my input. Write it down, so I can say exactly what I need to say and don't have to worry about going blank when put on the spot.
. Using the agenda, try to anticipate what other information might be asked or needed. Write that down too.
. Request anyone who wants me to speak up about any topic notify me ahead of time. If someone puts me on the spot because they forgot this request, deal with it during the meeting the best I can, then re-iterate the request after the meeting one-on-one (preferably in person in or on a video call for less chance of coming off aggressively/rudely) in a polite way.
. Aggressively reduce meetings on my calendar - turn those that can into emails, decline any I'm not needed at, question my manager and tech leads about why we meet if I think a meeting is useless, prefer tasks that require less coordination (though this last one can reduce promo chances in my field)
. Aggressively update via non-meeting communication settings so people don't feel the need to bring me into meetings
. Take notes about follow ups/questions I have, then follow up with an email or chat rather than trying to bring it up in the meeting assuming it wasn't critical to ask several people in the meeting. In this way, I avoided having to figure out the right question and phrasing on the spot. I also didn't have to worry about missing my chance to ask due to being slow to jump into the conversation flow.
. Have one on one meetings with people I need to speak to rather than speaking to them in group meetings - this doesn't reduce meetings, but I find that it's easier to think slowly and on the spot in one on one settings, so sometimes this worked well

Fortunately, my team also had a document-based discussion culture where many discussions would happen as comments on design documents and the like. I also took advantage of that, but it's not necessarily the culture everywhere.

I also aggressively filtered for teams with a low meeting load during the job search. That's something to think about during your next job search.

Yes, I spent more time than most on meeting preparation, but it made things much less stressful.

[okumurahata]

One option is to let it stop bothering you.

When you make a mistake and it is haunting you, just stop thinking about it. Say to yourself "I don't like this thought. I will now have another one".

Engaging in another activity is the only way to help cease repetitive thought patterns (e.g., engaging in sexual activity). However, eventually, the thoughts will resurface. The issue lies in acknowledging that these thoughts are irrational and that making mistakes is part of being human. Nonetheless, despite this awareness, it does not become easier to let go of these thoughts. It's comparable to asking me to stop blinking my eyes; it's simply something I can't do.

Thanks for the suggestions, @mathiverse. I would feel more comfortable if I had some prior knowledge of the meeting agenda or if the meeting involved fewer participants. On my next venture, I definitely should find a team with async communication as the default and a documentation-based approach. How do you filter those teams though? Do you ask about the communication style of the company during interviews?

[mathiverse]

Filtering can happen at a few stages.
. Interview level - See below for some questions that hopefully help
. At the company level - Companies that emphasize in person are less likely to have an async culture, for example. You don't always have info like this though. If you have friends in your industry, you can ask about their company cultures and then filter. There are also some well known companies whose culture is a known entity in your industry and that *might* mean better odds of finding a low-meeting team.
. At the job description level - Some roles have more meetings than others. (Compare software dev to product manager.)

Yes, if I'm filtering at the interview stage, then I ask about communication style, frequency of meetings, how the team coordinates work, and about the manager's preferences around the above. I also tend to ask to talk to a team member or two before joining the team to cross reference their answers with my own. I recognize that such a thing isn't necessarily possible for all roles. Here I'll write a list of the questions I can remember off the top of my head:

. What are the main responsibilities of the role? (Look for roles with more individual contributor tasks as opposed to coordinating and collaboration.)
. How many recurring meetings does the team schedule in the week?
. How does the team collaborate internally?
. For a person in the role I'd be taking on, what percentage of the time is spent "heads down"?
. (Alternative phrasing which is the inverse of the above) For a person in the role I'd be taking on, how much of their time is spent in meetings each day? Each week?
. How are designs (insert relevant types of discussion here) discussed? Via meetings? Documents? Chat?
. Do you have regular stand ups? How frequent are they? (In case they don't use this term in your field, stand ups are status meetings.)
. How are email and text chats used as communication in the team?
. How are new ideas and initiatives developed and discussed?
. What are the main collaborators outside of the team? What kind of stake do they have in the projects the team works on? How do they get updates? How do they provide input? How does the team work with stakeholders? How frequently does the team meet with stakeholders?

These are some questions that might be relevant. You don't normally have to ask all of them. Sometimes you get answers that rule out a team really quickly. There are teams where everyone not at the entry level have 20 - 30 hours of meetings a week. Avoid those teams. They are usually pretty honest about it, ime.

I go for teams with: 1) no status meetings, 2) one on one with manager at a rate I choose (ie not forced to meet once or twice a week or whatever), and 3) at most one mandatory recurring team meeting. I might end up with, at most, 1 - 2 meetings on top of that each week if I am careful not to take on projects that obviously require a lot of meetings. I can, of course, end up with more meetings if I choose projects that require them (for example, if I choose to lead a project with other devs involved or where I have to gather the requirements myself by speaking to users, etc).

Also all of the above was written from the point of view of being a software developer. If your chosen career path is fundamentally about coordination or collaboration (eg manager of any type - people, project, product, customer service, first level IT, etc), then your minimum is likely to be much higher than the minimum for a software developer focused on individual contribution as I mentioned earlier.

[okumurahata]

I go for teams with: 1) no status meetings, 2) one on one with manager at a rate I choose (ie not forced to meet once or twice a week or whatever), and 3) at most one mandatory recurring team meeting. I might end up with, at most, 1 - 2 meetings on top of that each week if I am careful not to take on projects that obviously require a lot of meetings. I can, of course, end up with more meetings if I choose projects that require them (for example, if I choose to lead a project with other devs involved or where I have to gather the requirements myself by speaking to users, etc).

It would be nice to find a team with such conditions for my mental well-being. These are matters I need to consider in my future positions.

I've been with this job for nearly 1.5 years, and I'm starting to experience signs of burnout. Yesterday, I felt like I was going to reach my breaking point. As I rode my motorbike back home, thoughts of quitting filled my mind. There's simply too much on my plate at the moment. I observe my colleagues, and although they too have a lot on their plates, they appear to be coping fine. I never openly complain as I don't wish to appear lazy or feeble. Nevertheless, this job is slowly draining the essence of my being. I'd say that after spending countless days in the same place, doing the same tasks repetitively, I begin to deteriorate.

I can't fathom how people endure corporate environments for such extended periods. In my organization, there are individuals who have been working here for over 20 years. My father spent his entire career at the same company. How is that even possible? I suppose at some point, you become institutionalized, much like prisoners who struggle to adapt to life outside prison after their release.

A few days ago, I was tending to the garden and it occurred to me how pleasant it would be if my entire family—my mother, uncle, sister, and I—could all reside in the same house, sharing everything and renting out the other family properties. This way, we could collectively cover expenses, rather than each of us paying separate bills for the same services. Additionally, we could generate income from the rented properties. In Asia, it's customary to live with one's parents and grandparents, but here in Europe, it's not the norm. By doing so, I could instantly save 500 euros per month on rent, and retirement would be within closer reach with a savings ratio of approximately 70%. Shared bills would further increase that number to around 80%.

[okumurahata]

Today at work was incredibly intense. My boss keeps setting arbitrary deadlines, and I can't even finish one task before he asks me to prioritize another. The more I work, the more I realise how uncomfortable I feel around people I don't genuinely connect with. It's frustrating being forced to interact with individuals I'd rather avoid. It almost reminds me of how animals might feel at a circus.

The thing is, I can't be around the same people for long periods. It's only a matter of time until I start to feel some kind of aversion towards them, and until it becomes reciprocal. Only a very short list of unfortunate humans gravitate towards my weird personality. I must admit that even with these people, we maintain a strong sense of independence and don't actively pursue continuous contact.

[Henry]

It's frustrating being forced to interact with individuals I'd rather avoid. It almost reminds me of how animals might feel at a circus.

When that lion tried to bite the head off of Siegfried or Roy I thought what a great day for the animal kingdom. Surprised those magical assholes got away with it for that long.

[Lemur]

I used to deal with a ton of anxiety with meetings, deadlines, presentations, etc. and my early journal posts document that. Quite a few things have helped me over the years that I think could serve you:

1. More exposure. Counterintuitively even though it might hurt more up front, if you put yourself out there more and get exposure you'll grow. The best way to get over public speaking is to public speak. The best way to get over meeting anxiety is to partake in more meetings and speak up. Etc. Its hard but it works.

2. Compartmentalize feelings (don't put weight on them). I read this book called "Constructive Living" by David Reynolds and it really helped me a lot years ago. I still remember the mantra: a. Accept your feelings (meditation; learn to let a thought flow without judgement), b. Know your purpose (he/she who knows their purpose can overcome any how), c. do what ought to be done anyway (a feeling doesn't have to lead to a behavior unless you let it). In other words, you can't necessarily control your feelings (and subsequent anxieties), but you can control your behavior. And that is empowering when fully understood. See anxiety as a tool that our ancestors used - to prepare for action.

3. Therapy if your social anxieties are bad enough. Cognitive behavioral therapy is really nice and it is essentially a pre-step to what I wrote in post 1. Also not a psychiatrist but you could also have some sort of OCD - which is not only for compulsions as is typically known by the mainstream but also for excessive rumination and thought habits that you can't seem to get out of your brain. Obsessions themselves are sometimes not a problem (conveniently when they lead to standard definitions of success it could even be a positive trait) but can become a problem if they induce anxieties.

4. Care less. Its just a career/job for income. Many people don't realize the people in the room are thinking far more about themselves and how they're perceived then you. 99% chance that anything you say that you think is weird and you ruminate on for days - no one else is even thinking or even had a 2nd thought about. So let those go; they're in the past.

[okumurahata]

When that lion tried to bite the head off of Siegfried or Roy I thought what a great day for the animal kingdom. Surprised those magical assholes got away with it for that long.

When I lived in Thailand, I witnessed elephant abuse in tourist places. It was reassuring to know that elephants have a high IQ and never forget; they retaliate against humans as a response to years of mistreatment. Buddhist caretakers would refer to it as karma.

In the business world, the abusers are corporations. The way they are organized, in a hierarchical manner, puts workers at a significant disadvantage, especially those at the bottom. The asymmetry is evident; I can't simply fire my manager if I want to continue increasing my net worth by the end of the month. While I might have some options, the least risky one would be to seek another job. Even if I manage to pass one of the 50 ridiculous interviews, spending months grinding LeetCode just to never use it again after day 0, there's a chance that I meet a manager I disrespect, and the cycle starts anew. Firing a manager requires a great deal of effort.

A more elegant solution is FI. With it, you can escape whenever you want, without providing explanations. You can literally vanish, knowing that you'll have a roof over your head and something warm to eat the next day. We are discussing an entirely different game here. The elephant escaping to the jungle.

[okumurahata]

I used to deal with a ton of anxiety with meetings, deadlines, presentations, etc. and my early journal posts document that. Quite a few things have helped me over the years that I think could serve you:

1. More exposure. [...]
2. Compartmentalize feelings (don't put weight on them). [...]
3. Therapy if your social anxieties are bad enough. [...]
4. Care less. Its just a career/job for income. [...]

Thanks, @Lemur. I agree that exposure is the direct way to alleviate anxiety. However, I perceive anxiety as an indicator of my personality that something isn't right. Sometimes, I feel that improving my character is akin to cutting my legs to try to fit me into a Procrustean bed, rather than acknowledging that Procrustes is the problem.

I observe that people suggest solutions with the best intentions. However, I don't understand why there is a tendency to focus the solution on the individual rather than on the corporation. I'm content with who I am; I'm a peculiar lone wolf who prefers to avoid meetings, presentations, and minimise human contact, especially with bosses.

I would be happy to hear that there are businesses out there that accept and embrace lone wolves without trying to force them into extroverted molds. @mathiverse's suggestions were a good starting point to filter those businesses. Nevertheless, I would like to explore this further, for the benefit of other introverts. Is there anyone here not financially independent but still earning a decent income with zero people exposure? I would love to hear stories of programmers, writers, artists, and so forth, who have escaped the corporate world and make a decent salary. Perhaps I'm being idealistic, and those professions only exist in my mind.

[J_]

During a gap between two engineering positions, I worked at the local library for three months. It was a refreshing experience that made me realize there is life beyond engineering

So you discovered yourself the way you can follow which suits your personality.
A good way can be: Be(come) your own boss.

Think about your qualities, think about a way to sell them. Become an entrepreneur.

[Henry]

You can literally vanish,

Can you? Even if you become the Timothy Treadwell of the elephant world, you wake up to the world and your flesh. Then there are the concepts we argue about - God, natural law, the devil, your conscience, your soul. Maybe office life isn't for you but you might be downplaying the internal issues that will never stop hounding you and from which there is no escape..

[chenda]

Maybe office life isn't for you but you might be downplaying the internal issues that will never stop hounding you and from which there is no escape..

Aside from salvation presumably.

[Henry]

I get an Eastern vibe from Okumurahata so I'm not pushing my eschatological viewpoint. I'm just saying material conditions can improve but they are still material conditions. He'd obviously be happier not doing what he is doing but he's not going to vanish into something else. Wherever you go there you are type of thing. People fall victim to admiring their own fireworks. Pardon the pun.

[okumurahata]

Maybe office life isn't for you but you might be downplaying the internal issues that will never stop hounding you and from which there is no escape..

Escaping internal issues is relatively easy if you have some cash, e.g., Prozac, Zoloft, et al. However, there is no pill to avoid snarky strangers on the internet. (Lk 23:34)

[okumurahata]

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went to the beach. It was a pleasant day. We laid our towels near four women, in their late thirties to early forties, who were discussing men and their recent real-estate purchases. "Date John, he bought a house in $expensive_area." My girlfriend remained quiet, and I felt grateful to have found her. Money attracts the wrong kind of people. If one day I become homeless, it would be interesting to see who stays by my side.

Reflecting on the beginning of this diary, let's acknowledge some truth in anonymous words: I have social deficiencies and some form of mental illness, be it depression or something else. But here I am.

What I want to express is that considering my adult life involved having my social "legs" amputated, I desire to find a place where I can minimize their use. The internet often suggests solutions like "if you lost your legs, grow two more", or "go to therapy to cure your trauma", or "buy two prosthetics." However, the truth is, I probably won't be able to "run" again. Despite my efforts and ongoing attempts, I've come to accept my situation and consider FI as embracing my circumstances and acquiring a "wheelchair." However, I aspire to discover a place where legs aren't required, such as the sea.

In the sea, I might encounter women talking about real-estate and John, or I may realize I lack legs when trying to leave the water. Yet, I won't constantly be reminded of my lower body while swimming. Fishes don't care.

[mathiverse]

As far as jobs where you don't have to talk to people very much, look for jobs where you have technical skills that don't require input from others. So consulting of any kind is out. So are most/all jobs with manager, project, or management in the name. But coding could be a good option. Or even general IT once you get above help desk level (first level IT support usually involves customer interaction). Maybe... Accountant as an employee in a company (ie not an independent accountant)? Maybe a bookkeeper? Those are the ideas on top of my head. But think of jobs where the flow can be: here is my list of issues, please fix them. Or where the flow is build this to this spec. Or maintain this system to this spec. Or audit this data and write a report on it.

If you're planning to quit, spending part of your time off to transition to a job with less social interaction seems like a potentially good idea.

Another idea is to find a remote job. A remote job where you never have to turn on your camera are possible, too. I find that I am less stressed when the camera is not on even if I'm just as engaged in the meeting.

Anyway, I support your quest to find something bearable. I also find it's easier to seek personal growth when I'm not already overwhelmed by my current situation. Maybe you'll "find your legs" when you can do it on your own terms?

[Lemur]

Thanks, @Lemur. I agree that exposure is the direct way to alleviate anxiety. However, I perceive anxiety as an indicator of my personality that something isn't right. Sometimes, I feel that improving my character is akin to cutting my legs to try to fit me into a Procrustean bed, rather than acknowledging that Procrustes is the problem.

And I think you’d be right here and I understand it. No amount of improving my own character got me to stick it out in my last corporate high stress consulting job. It did build up my stress tolerance to make my next job way easier. It’s like lifting weights to get stronger. I believe the same can be applied to learning mental tools. Building character and learning how to handle uncomfortable social situations makes life much easier then having to continue on avoiding them.

I observe that people suggest solutions with the best intentions. However, I don't understand why there is a tendency to focus the solution on the individual rather than on the corporation.

Because corporations are not changing and you can’t change them. So only solution left is to find ways to either alleviate symptoms weakly or build your own character to handle stress better for the long run. CBT tools should not be underestimated. They’re well documented in psychological literature to be useful and have been for decades.

I'm content with who I am

Are you? Doesn’t seem like it. And sorry to prod - I just see a lot of early 20s Lemur in you. I had that same avoidant attitude and it got me no where. Mostly in work but also in life (which I personally separate still - arguments can be made for incorporating I suppose). I’m not saying to change who you’re at the core - introversion is in the genes but there is a difference between navigating social situations you don’t like vs avoidance. You know something is off when you literally stated “I contemplated suicide at the end of my contact” but also state you’re content with this. I sense a dissonance.

You mentioned something about your personality being off .. perhaps read into the Cluster C types? Do these resonate? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persona ... disorders)

Ironically the solution is doing the opposite - not avoiding social situations. A lot of those with Cluster C issues get real good at rationalizing their own reasoning to avoid rather then deal with the social situations they want to get better at - or at least tolerate better.

I'm a peculiar lone wolf who prefers to avoid meetings, presentations, and minimise human contact, especially with bosses.

Same here. But introversion is not social anxiety.

I would be happy to hear that there are businesses out there that accept and embrace lone wolves without trying to force them into extroverted molds. @mathiverse's suggestions were a good starting point to filter those businesses. Nevertheless, I would like to explore this further, for the benefit of other introverts. Is there anyone here not financially independent but still earning a decent income with zero people exposure? I would love to hear stories of programmers, writers, artists, and so forth, who have escaped the corporate world and make a decent salary. Perhaps I'm being idealistic, and those professions only exist in my mind.

Zero people exposure is near impossible but there are plenty of remote working jobs where one can mostly keep to themselves. Classic tech - I’m a data analyst and I rarely have to deal with others except through email, teams, and only the occasional online meeting which is no biggie.

With all that said - don’t take these as judgements harshly. I hope I did not come across that way. You’re of good moral character it seems but sometimes we get in our own heads too much as @Henry alluded too.