hunterweir's journal

[hunterweir]

Today begins my commitment to post and maintain my ERE journal here. My planned posting cadence is weekly, since I have two years of understanding these concepts and not applying them to make up for. My plan is to jump into the deep end with a buy nothing year.

I've read Jacob's advice that the point of a buy nothing year "is to figure out how to enjoy life without having to consume." I want to be very intentional about not loopholing my way out of inhabiting a post-consumer frame, regardless of the inevitable withdrawals.

My immediate lowest hanging fruit is not eating out, which I have already committed to with my girlfriend starting this month. Tomorrow I'll go through and calculate my current savings rate, which is going to be an ugly negative number, but I have to face reality and begin where I'm at.

Excited and nervous to actually start this journey after so much time lost in abstraction.

[Henry]

My immediate lowest hanging fruit is not eating out, which I have already committed to with my girlfriend starting this month.

Mine was books. Now I can't buy one. So I save the money there. Now I don't need bookshelves to hold them. Or containers to move them. And sit in a room where I didn't realize the air quality was suffering because the paper absorbs airborne particles. Intentional and unintentional consequences, all positive. Not to mention the myriad of psychological burdens attached to it. It looks like a piece of fruit at first, but then you realize it's a farmer's market of bullshit and you'll start hating yourself for being a victim of your own idiocy for all these years. Good luck.

[hunterweir]

June

Fixed Expenses:
Rent- 1866.92
Health & life insurance- 256.2
Car insurance- 116.89
Education- 834
Child care- 276
Internet- 55.57

Variable Expenses:
Groceries- 697.39
Eating out & Movies- 660.15
Shopping- 374.28
Gas- 109.47
Electric- 53
Haircuts- 94
Waterparks- 59
Subscriptions- 52.45
Tolls- 20
Counseling- 100
LLC filing- 189
Misc- 19.07

Total Expenses: $5833.39

Income: $3247

Savings rate: -79%

Obviously a lot of room for improvement. The big thing that changed for me was my perspective on motivation. I now see positive social pressure as a tool rather than something I shouldn’t need to use.

A bit of background: grew up & currently living in the North Texas area. Divorced single dad father of two boys. Sold my house a year ago and moved into an apartment 5 minutes from school.

Worked at a medium sized local retailer, big health insurance company, and a small furniture startup most recently. I ended up being part owner of that business for a while, but I sold my stake and now I’ve been working towards a different career path.

Currently taking a programming & design course that is both challenging and rewarding, with something like a front end programmer role as a good outcome. In the meantime I’m (obviously) bleeding significantly.

Quite a bit of the fat in my finances comes from 'going out', and food in general. As of now, no more meals/coffee out. Shopping is out too.

Any advice/ perspective/ things to think about, I’m all ears. That’s what I’m here for. Glad to have taken the first step of the thousand mile journey.

[hunterweir]

Mine was books.

I've definitely been guilty of this myself. What I've found is I have tend to switch: books to music to movies to electronics to video games, and back again. Once I 'saw' it I recognize it everywhere now. Status seeking creatures, socialized to equate status with material possessions. It's no wonder I see storage units on nearly every block.

[OutOfTheBlue]

Welcome! I think a buy nothing year is a great way to go.

For no eating out, what are your thoughts?

What is eating out offering for you? How can you meet that differently? How's your collective cooking level? If convenience or lack of time, some batch cooking, having a well stoked pantry and mastering a few quick/easy to make recipes could make the trick. Special occasions? Maybe being a bit creative, and allowing for some special cooking evenings or weekends.Xhat if the kids were active participants? Socialization? How to enjoy getting together differently. Thinking of mountainFrugal's monthly epicurian events. Change of scenery? How about going on a picnic and combining with some outdoor activity?

Instead of looking it only from the lens of what you're cutting out/sacrificing, this can open up excitement and possibilities.

[Henry]

I see storage units on nearly every block.

The content of the new medium is the old medium.

Marshall Mcluhan

[Scott 2]

Instead of looking it only from the lens of what you're cutting out/sacrificing, this can open up excitement and possibilities.

This. Especially with dependents. They might not choose the ride, but they can derail it.


Some quick observations on your budget:

1. Income is below 2x the poverty line for 3. Have you applied for the affordable connectivity program? $30 free dollars per month. It's also possible that internet bill could be negotiated down. Between the two, my internet bill is $0/month. 90 down, 12 up currently. If you are renting a modem/router, acquire one and kill that fee.

2. If the car insurance bill is monthly, that could be high. Have you shopped it recently? Does it point at an expensive to insure car that could be replaced?

3. The gases and tolls point to an amount of daily driving that could be reduced.

4. A $20 pair of clippers is free haircuts for 10 years. $94 in a month is a lot.

5. Have you looked at optimizing health insurance costs? ACA subsidy? Cost sharing plan? Or is it through an employer?

6. Is life insurance a simple term product? Whole life? An investment vehicle? Term can make sense with few assets and children. The others, less so.

7. Where do you buy groceries? Ever run a price book? We get almost everything from Aldi, and are feeding two adults on luxury foods for your amount. What stops us from eating out, is knowing how much more and better food we get for the same money.

8. Assuming the kids are full time, your monthly income is below the services line for the food pantry I volunteer at. Given your negative burn rate, it might be a reasonable option to consider.

9. Rent is half your income. That's a lot. Any chance of the girlfriend splitting it with you? Moving?

10. Your budget tracking has black holes. Shopping, subscriptions, misc. To what purpose is your money going? Buy nothing will force the evaluation, but asking that question could help design your replacement behaviors proactively.

11. Any missing expenses? Phone bill, renters insurance, taxes, car payment, loan interest, credit card interest, bank fees? Taking an annual lens can identify less frequent expenses. Instead of reacting, you can plan. Smooth the ride. A transaction aggregator like personal capital can help here.

[hunterweir]

Welcome! I think a buy nothing year is a great way to go.

For no eating out, what are your thoughts?

What is eating out offering for you? How can you meet that differently? How's your collective cooking level? If convenience or lack of time, some batch cooking, having a well stoked pantry and mastering a few quick/easy to make recipes could make the trick. Special occasions? Maybe being a bit creative, and allowing for some special cooking evenings or weekends.Xhat if the kids were active participants? Socialization? How to enjoy getting together differently. Thinking of mountainFrugal's monthly epicurian events. Change of scenery? How about going on a picnic and combining with some outdoor activity?

Instead of looking it only from the lens of what you're cutting out/sacrificing, this can open up excitement and possibilities.

I think you're asking just the right questions. Convenience is the default when I'm at my place with the boys, and when I'm with my girlfriend the key will be how to enjoy getting together differently. For me, getting comfortable with some simple instant pot recipes will be a good first step. And with my gf I can be more adventurous since her cooking level is higher than mine. This transition process will be much easier when I'm at my girlfriend's because we enjoy cooking together and both want to 'cut back' on eating out. For me and the boys, I'll have to be more intentional about how to substitute rather than deprive.

[ertyu]

a partner with a higher skill level is nice. have her teach you. 1. you learn, 2. it's a good way to spend time together

what's the plan for your friends? are they on board with what you're doing or do you expect ribbing and resistance? a pitfall to watch out for here is, anyone can buy nothing for a year when they free-load. how can you pull your weight in the group?

[7Wannabe5]

One tactic I've seen other divorced frugal Dads successfully use with their kids is to give them a small budget while grocery shopping with them. One thing most people like about eating out is that they get to make their own choice from the menu. You might end up with some weird dinners such as Instapot Chicken thighs and Broccoli (your choices), with Cool Ranch Doritos (Kid 1 choice), and Strawberry Yogurt (kid 2 choice), but it will still be much less expensive than going out, and you can eventually steer them towards learning to cook along with making their choices.

[hunterweir]

This. Especially with dependents. They might not choose the ride, but they can derail it.

Lots of good challenging stuff here that I've mulled over this week. I'll give where I'm at so far on them, obviously more work to be done so consider this a starting point.

Some quick observations on your budget:

1. Income is below 2x the poverty line for 3. Have you applied for the affordable connectivity program? $30 free dollars per month. It's also possible that internet bill could be negotiated down. Between the two, my internet bill is $0/month. 90 down, 12 up currently. If you are renting a modem/router, acquire one and kill that fee.

Cancelled my internet service, attempting to make do with hotspot for now.

2. If the car insurance bill is monthly, that could be high. Have you shopped it recently? Does it point at an expensive to insure car that could be replaced?

It's a used GTI worth maybe $10k. I'm checking into whether I'm not overinsured and have the best rate.

3. The gases and tolls point to an amount of daily driving that could be reduced.

Gas was a little high due to road trip vacation. As I shift back into frugal mode I plan on cutting back on tolls like I have in the past.

4. A $20 pair of clippers is free haircuts for 10 years. $94 in a month is a lot.

Agreed. I've done the shaving my head thing before and can go back to it. Gotta work up to being comfortable with shaving the boys heads.

5. Have you looked at optimizing health insurance costs? ACA subsidy? Cost sharing plan? Or is it through an employer?

Already done, I'm on a super cheap ACA cost sharing plan.

6. Is life insurance a simple term product? Whole life? An investment vehicle? Term can make sense with few assets and children. The others, less so.

Yes, simple term

7. Where do you buy groceries? Ever run a price book? We get almost everything from Aldi, and are feeding two adults on luxury foods for your amount. What stops us from eating out, is knowing how much more and better food we get for the same money.

I do mainly Aldi as well, also Kroger. I can get much more granular in future expense breakdowns on the food side so I can optimise.

8. Assuming the kids are full time, your monthly income is below the services line for the food pantry I volunteer at. Given your negative burn rate, it might be a reasonable option to consider.

Kinda like the shaving my boys heads, would require a significant reframe but willing to consider everything.

9. Rent is half your income. That's a lot. Any chance of the girlfriend splitting it with you? Moving?

Long story but I'm where I'm at for at least thru Oct. GF and I have talked about moving in together, she has a house on the other side of town. Mostly having any control over where my kids are in school (divorce decree) would keep me in my current area. More to say and consider here.

10. Your budget tracking has black holes. Shopping, subscriptions, misc. To what purpose is your money going? Buy nothing will force the evaluation, but asking that question could help design your replacement behaviors proactively.

Went through and cancelled (all but one of) my subscriptions, monthly and annual. As referenced below I'm open to broadening and deepening the look at my spending so I can be more intentional. Shopping should be covered by my buy nothing year. Recently my indulgence has been mostly buying vinyl records.

11. Any missing expenses? Phone bill, renters insurance, taxes, car payment, loan interest, credit card interest, bank fees? Taking an annual lens can identify less frequent expenses. Instead of reacting, you can plan. Smooth the ride. A transaction aggregator like personal capital can help here.

I'm on mint and personal capital. Renters insurance and my credit card annual fee are two I have on my radar. I can post more of my annual picture to get a broader view. No car payment, loans, or credit card interest. My mom is currently covering my phone bill since I sell stuff on fb mktplace for her.

[Scott 2]

Big changes and fast! The upside of buy nothing.

Could be worth checking the haircut thread. Changing fast forces some austerity, but it's not hard to improve upon a shaved head:

viewtopic.php?t=8499

Your experience reminds me of this chart @AxelHeyst made. Things will get much easier:

[not sure]

I cut DH hair with clippers and we use a "3" attachment (or something, not sure of the terminology). Does not result in a shaved head, just uniformly trimmed. Lasts him about 6 weeks

[hunterweir]

The content of the new medium is the old medium.

Marshall Mcluhan

McLuhan is incredibly important. I'm glad to have been exposed to his media theory frameworks within the past year or so.

a partner with a higher skill level is nice. have her teach you. 1. you learn, 2. it's a good way to spend time together

what's the plan for your friends? are they on board with what you're doing or do you expect ribbing and resistance? a pitfall to watch out for here is, anyone can buy nothing for a year when they free-load. how can you pull your weight in the group?

Agreed on the first point. We've committed to cooking together it is adding to the relationship rather than detracting from it.
I don't really have many friends (sad trombone?) so I don't feel like this needs too much focus at this time. At some point intentionality around planning a home-cooked meal/game night with my friend and his gf in place of our usual way of meeting up (eating BBQ out) would be a nice gesture.
Most of the need to be conscious about not freeloading feels like it's coming from sharing the grocery load with my gf.

One tactic I've seen other divorced frugal Dads successfully use with their kids is to give them a small budget while grocery shopping with them. One thing most people like about eating out is that they get to make their own choice from the menu. You might end up with some weird dinners such as Instapot Chicken thighs and Broccoli (your choices), with Cool Ranch Doritos (Kid 1 choice), and Strawberry Yogurt (kid 2 choice), but it will still be much less expensive than going out, and you can eventually steer them towards learning to cook along with making their choices.

Here's the cold reality of where I'm at (since it's where I have to start): I generally make separate meals for myself, and each of them. Mac & chz for the younger, pizza for the older, and some type of chicken based dish for myself. There will have to be a sacrifice of comfort with this arrangement on both sides at some point, in order to deeply integrate this mindset shift into my life. Getting their buy in will be a big part of the process, I've already made inroads there with my oldest.

Big changes and fast! The upside of buy nothing.

Could be worth checking the haircut thread. Changing fast forces some austerity, but it's not hard to improve upon a shaved head:

viewtopic.php?t=8499

Your experience reminds me of this chart @AxelHeyst made. Things will get much easier:

Big changes and felt good indeed, thanks for the detailed notes that encouraged these shifts. Had to back off cancelling my internet because my coursework demands it (hotspot failed miserably during my video class meeting on Friday). I plan to apply for the affordability discount, though. I'll check out the haircutting thread, hopefully it'll help me come around on the idea, that graph was certainly helpful to properly conceptualize what I'm attempting!

I cut DH hair with clippers and we use a "3" attachment (or something, not sure of the terminology). Does not result in a shaved head, just uniformly trimmed. Lasts him about 6 weeks

~"3" clipper attachment was what I used in the past when I tried this, and would likely be where I start again.

[arbrk]

I think you're asking just the right questions. Convenience is the default when I'm at my place with the boys, and when I'm with my girlfriend the key will be how to enjoy getting together differently. For me, getting comfortable with some simple instant pot recipes will be a good first step. And with my gf I can be more adventurous since her cooking level is higher than mine. This transition process will be much easier when I'm at my girlfriend's because we enjoy cooking together and both want to 'cut back' on eating out. For me and the boys, I'll have to be more intentional about how to substitute rather than deprive.

You don't need a lot of skills to cook a good meal. My man is a great cook and way better than me, but he says I am the first girlfriend of his who is a good cook. I usually just cook vegetables in a cast iron skillet or roast them in the oven with olive oil, salt and pepper, then put them on rice and pasta and squeeze some lemon. This is better than 90% of recipes you will find on the internet and easier and less ingredients. A gourmet chef will be happy with this meal. You cannot go wrong.

There is nothing wrong with a lot of "kid meals" too. Make a casserole pan of mac and cheese - see if your kid will switch from boxed. Microwave it/oven for leftovers. A casserole mac and cheese with decent cheese is a good adult meal as well as a kid meal, and it freezes individual portions well to save you on cooking later on meals your kid doesn't eat. Same with pizza dough from Trader Joe's - make pizza for everyone. A good adult meal as well as kid, and lasagna. All super easy.

[Henry]

McLuhan is incredibly important. I'm glad to have been exposed to his media theory frameworks within the past year or so.

Someone I knew was bragging about having the Samsung Freestyle. A projector that requires no screen. That's like 2000 plus years of rubble to return to Plato's Cave conditions.

[Scott 2]

Had to back off cancelling my internet because my coursework demands it (hotspot failed miserably during my video class meeting on Friday).

I've done no internet. Without dramatic lifestyle change, access to alternate high speed locations is key. Wifi at the gym, school, coffee shop, or library. My library allows one to book conference rooms, that could be used for video conferences. But the ACP program is a pretty good deal. We ultimately found the ease of home internet justifies the overhead. I am hopeful that mobile internet eventually becomes good enough to change that.

Buy nothing attempts a speed run between the Wheaton levels. There's an implicit assumption - you want to achieve a high level. You value the ecological implications and renaissance ideal. This may or may not be true. The question is worthy of consideration, once you've finished the experiment.

For me personally, I prefer life around level 5, with indulgent dips back to 4. I'm happy playing consumer for "free" money. It's not truly free, in that I remain beholden to the consumer mindset. But I'll churn credit cards for sign-up bonuses. I cherry picked Amazon's prime day events. I enjoy a deal. Strawberries for $0.75 made me feel victorious, all day. It's a little ridiculous, but I know what's fun, for me.

Despite my hesitance, there's still a slow drift towards WL6. Once you start considering the ideas, I think level creep is inevitable.

https://wiki.earlyretirementextreme.com ... ton_Levels

[hunterweir]

Buy nothing attempts a speed run between the Wheaton levels. There's an implicit assumption - you want to achieve a high level. You value the ecological implications and renaissance ideal. This may or may not be true. The question is worthy of consideration, once you've finished the experiment.

Seeing the BNY as an accelerator helps me know I'm on the right track. Also I hadn't seen that newer version of the Wheaton level chart, I appreciate that. Yep, it's easy to say "I value x" but my behavior/lifestyle tells the real story.

[hunterweir]

Three weeks in update: mostly feels good just to have started & committed. The boys and DGF have adjusted to the 'no spending money out' rule. Made lentil soup a few times in the instant pot, even a homemade pizza for the boys, eating through some of the stuff that's been sitting in my pantry. I'm realizing how much attention 'consumption' was taking up now that it's not there as an option.

A few other changes I made before this that are all working together to improve my baseline: I quit drinking a few months ago. I quit sugary food/drinks (big weakness). I disabled my phones web browsing capabilities to prevent mindless/pleasure browsing.

I'm nearly 4 months into this programming/web design course, which has been super rigorous and seems tailored to fit me for a well-paying job once I'm done. It's been a struggle at times, but just like with ERE I'm staying committed to the process.

A big part of the battle, I'm discovering, is the meta-skill of retraining your dopaminergic pathways to enjoy the process of challenge/effort/doing hard things. I highly recommend the Huberman Lab podcasts on dopamine. Revelatory how I've spent my whole life avoiding hard things and telling myself I don't like them cuz they're hard.

[AxelHeyst]

Just wanted to chime in to say your updates are inspiring and I appreciate getting to follow along.

+1 to the Huberman podcasts on dopamine, I got a lot out of those.

If ^H^H when you 'fall down' or feel like you 'failed' some aspect of this... remember it's part of the process. If you don't fail at this along the way here and there you're superman. It's okay to feel bad for a bit, the feels are legitimate. Just get back up and keep going (and check in that where you're going is still authentic to your desires etc).