Early Retirement Extreme Forums

Title is because inconsistency is my most consistent trait.

Hello everyone. Thanks for reading my journal, blah blah. I have a tendency to write a lot and I realize I've already said a lot about me in my presentation. I'll try to keep this a short and straightforward journal.

I am 20. I have a lot of time to develop as a person. I dislike working. I'd like to spend more time doing other, various, fun stuff like walking, learning languages, traveling, soldering, doing push-ups, kayaking, having sex, kickboxing, doing drugs, crying, whatever. Not bland, boring, useless work.

I know the ERE philosophy is more process-oriented. I can't help it but be goal-oriented as I find it more motivating at first.

I live at my parents at the moment. I hope to do it as long as possible. They pay for food, electricity/heating, housing. I would like to, when necessary and possible*, live in an apartment to get better habits and to be less spoiled.

*Possible meaning I actually had a part-time job with steady income for long enough that I feel safe keeping it.

I work as a teacher of French as a foreign language online, and that brings around 300-400 Swiss Francs each month (CHF more or less equal to USD at the current time). I'm happy with the mental freedom it brought me. I don't want to do it so much when FI, but I can do it if investments go down or if I expenses go up. I have another family provided semi-online job that I don't like so much although it's incredibly easy and extremely-well paid (370 CHF/month, 8 hours a month). Kind mother gives 200 CHF/monthly to pay for health insurance and will continue to do it until I get a job.

Therefore, I was able to save up some money even though I wasn't working so much the past year. NW is around 11000 CHF. Invested is around 8300 CHF. Expenses are around 6000 CHF a year, but half of it comes from the buying and reselling of an RV in more or less the same year.

Investments are totally dumb and impulsive and result from performance chasing:

• First investments were made using a robo-advisor (worth around 2000 CHF)
• next ones were done on a broker. I never check the robo-advisor, but am planning to transfer to broker eventually.
• Stocks/ETF (worth 5300 CHF) on broker are atm: 66% VT, 20% TSLA, 7% URA, 7% other stock-picks.
• Also have 1000 CHF locked until next year in a Swiss fintech VC.

Plans are to do a caregiver course from January 2023 until March 2023 and to work in this field for as long as possible. Then, travel a bit with the saved money to reset willingness to work. Rinse and repeat until no longer necessary.
Prospects:

• Net income should be (3700 CHF + 370 CHF) * 12 = 48840 if I keep the other job.
• Expensesshould range from 4000 CHF to 10000 CHF depending on housing situation and healthcare costs*. Taxes should be around 4000 CHF.
• SR should be 85%?

*It's likely I can qualify for free healthcare when living out of my parents house and without a job income. Until then, cheapest health insurance is 250 CHF/month, expected to rise.

Anyway. I'm not sure I will like the caregiver job. If I don't and the same applies for other jobs, I can lower my expenses even more (bike camping, dumpster diving), or find another job that I like. Since I'm young, I have opportunity to study more, so I can also start a librarian apprenticeship with expected net income around 70000 CHF once employed thus making it seem worth it to me. I want to make it possible, so I must adapt to find a job I can handle/like even if it means working intermittently and part time. I don't mind reaching FI in a long time if I can enjoy the time until then.

Thanks for reading and welcoming me here.

I look forward to following along with your journal.

I was thinking about this thread today on a long walk and was asking myself what advice I would give a 20 year old that could be useful…and for whatever reason, I didn’t come up with anything too specific. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how lucky you’re to discover these topics (FIRE/ERE) at your age. After-all, the “power of compound interest” works exponentially. But not only financial, but knowledge and learning are also greatly impactful at this age. This is the age to learn that one should never stop learning. You also have time on your side with no lock-ins such as a relationship, mortgage, career. A canvas waiting to be painted if you will.

Anyhow, you mentioned that you’re still rather goal oriented vs process oriented. I believe in most cases, the latter just comes with experience. But the former should be appreciated at this age. Setting goals and completing them is how one builds confidence and character.

The ERE book alludes to this so my advice will copy - do that hard thing. Get that PhD if academia is your thing, aim for a 75% savings rate (learn to think strategy here), do a 50 books in one year challenge, complete a marathon, etc. I think that is a good step.

@Lemur

That's kind of you to think about me. I also consider myself lucky. I'm very grateful to not have fallen down most of the "lifestyle traps" that are designed in society, be it smoking, studying, partying, dining out, etc. I guess I can thank my weird personality and the people I've met that gave me the confidence to try and do stuff like dumpster-diving and living moneylow*. Once it's acquired, it's very hard to go back (WL).

*I've met two different people who both live almost completely moneyless. It seems a lot of patience and serenity are necessary to achieve this. Also less fun. But it's instant FI and ERE!

I guess knowledge and interests can also be working exponentially if one has the motivation to do so (web of goals).

Same as you said, ERE books alludes to this (or Jacob's blog posts about "crowbar maneuver"and also "s-curves"). A goal oriented mentality seems more inclined to make massive changes to one's life, while a process oriented mentality, well, seems more focused on "the path". The only issue I've seen, is that very goal oriented people undergo massive changes quite easily, but often let go halfway through, even if they're going faster than the others. This happens to me too. We'll see, I'll try to adapt.

———

Today I was browsing job postings because I was thinking that being a caregiver might be too hard of a job. I can explain this by describing my ideal job (which indeed, is very idealistic):
- Be on the move (ideally not in a car/truck/van but walking/cycling)
- Not social/semi-social (social interactions, but not "make the client happy" type)
- Outside, no computers
- No responsibilities outside of "wake up, come, do the tasks, leave, get paid"
- Not too much people on my back (linked with the above?)
→ Calm
- More or less fixed hours, ideally 80% part-time
- Can be quite physical but not too much (not like bike courier)
- Actually useful (no dumb jobs)
- No apprenticeship/bachelor needed (but can do 6 months, and can do way more if—afterwards—salary is following)

Most freelancing / entrepreneurship opportunities often comes with too many responsibilities, flexible hours and you must make the client happy. I have this when teaching French: I must improve my teaching, make repeatedly sure the student is happy, work on weekends to have enough demand, etc. I'm lucky I like a minimum. If I was skilled enough and with a better mindset, I would have better opportunities, but so far it's like that.

Caregiver is quite social, and not outside. Since you're not so skilled when starting, people are—very understandably—a lot on your back.

It seems state jobs would be ideal for the fixed hours and good pay, but are most often inside in front of a computer with a required 3 years apprenticeship. The jobs I think I'd like are, in order: postman (they are on e-scooters here), gardener, vegetable farm employee, bike courier*, street-cleaner, garbageman.

Jobs I would consider are in order: bike mechanic, public librarian, computer hardware maintainer, road maintenance, caregiver, housekeeper, janitor.

I'd actually love public librarian, "computer hardware maintainer", bike mechanic, but they all need bachelors/apprenticeship. The same way, the other jobs have extremely strong concurrence, given they don't need any skill. I'm a bit at a crossroads here: either study more or try harder. Both sounds just like "struggle more".

Because I have family working in the field, I was lucky to work for some time in a movie shooting as the location assistant (making sure people are happy with snacks and coffee at the shooting location) and this was actually very enjoyable, albeit the flexible working hours. Family member is giving me very interesting opportunities to do an internship as a boom operator. The only issue is that while the job has a higher pay than most entry-level jobs, it's very intermittent. I still think it's option number one so far if the caregiver course doesn't work out. The main reason I didn't take it yet was the potential responsibilities-induced-stress, the freelance part, and "me not willing to depend on family even if it's dumb".

*In Switzerland, it's getting trendy to ship stuff on bicycles, and some jobs involve large electric-cargo-bikes where you don't have to rush like crazy. "Traditional" bike courier I wouldn't do; a friend was working in this field and was constantly tired and ended up having a collision with a bus.

I think I wouldn't mind learning for a job, but what you learn is sometimes extremely unrelated to the actual work.

What do you people think? Maybe I should post this in another board.

Other than that. I currently have another family opportunity: selling a thermoforming machine and a laser cutter for a 30% share. They cost respectively 5000 USD and 10000 USD new. It's an insane amount of money, but, weirdly, I'm not even so motivated. Maybe I'll be when the opportunity will be gone.

About my journal, I'll be trying to post on every Sundays at least, let's see how it goes.

The job I had that most closely matches your list was when I worked on a horse farm. Once you get some skill at it, a lot of horse farm jobs can also include a place to live on-site. You have to keep a lot of horses happy but few people. It's something you could consider if the other possibilities you listed don't turn out to be right.

It will be interesting to hear about your journey.

The mailman pretty much meets all of your criteria, except maybe the "calm" part, as it can probably get hectic if there are too many letters to deliver on a given day.

EDIT: Nevermind, I see you've listed it as your first choice already

A friend of mine worked as window cleaner for tall buildings - the guys that hang on a rope on the outside of the building and wash the windows. Outside, task-focused, physical and a bit of a thrill but not exhausting, camaraderie with colleagues but no pleasing customers beyond what goes in the quality of your work, directly useful - you can observe it making a difference: the windows were grotty before and now they're nice and clean.

It was comparatively well-paid due to the risk factor as well.

You do, however, have to be mindful of work safety because an accident where you fall from significant height can disable or kill you.

Rewrote this post thrice. Now I'm very much motivated to keep it straight to the point. The first two times were because what I wrote was boring: me ranting towards my inability to express interest towards something more than a few month—it is my most distinctive trait. It is interesting only to MOLM*, so we can always chat by PM. The last time is just me refreshing the page by mistake.

*Me and Others Like Me. Probably not you.

Tomorrow I'll:
- See a guidance counselor. Maybe there's an apprenticeship/work option I don't know about. In the past, they were rarely useful, but I now have my expectations very well set.
- Send more applications for my caregiver course mandatory internship, because the one I have is too far, at the wrong dates, and is in an institution who houses old (like aged) detainees with mental issues on parole.

Wish me the best!

EDIT: Also thanks for your suggestions. I appreciate them.

mush wrote: ↑

Mon Dec 12, 2022 6:31 pm

- See a guidance counselor. Maybe there's an apprenticeship/work option I don't know about. In the past, they were rarely useful, but I now have my expectations very well set.

This is smart. Keep checking what's available and apply. You can always say no.

Hello everyone, some feedback from the last days.

1. Guidance counselor was not very useful, but I'm happy to have taken the initiative.

2. I've sent job applications for a particular job: aerial adventure park operator.

I really have no damn clue how I fell upon it, but it seems to fill some of my job ideals:
- No apprenticeship/bachelor needed
- Be on the move
- Outside, no computers
- Not too much people on my back
- Actually useful (no dumb jobs) → People directly have fun thanks to you
- Can be quite physical but not too much (not like bike courier)

But not:
- No responsibilities outside of "wake up, come, do the tasks, leave, get paid" → You have to make sure the children don't die. I think it's at least a motivating responsibility compared to "post a newsletter before the deadline"
- More or less fixed hours, ideally 80% part-time → It's not fixed hours, but it can be worked part-time. The good part about this, is that you actually work 7 months of the year.
- Not social/semi-social (social interactions, but not "make the client happy" type)

While it doesn't feel some pretty important ones, it makes me realize some other points I've forgotten in the other posts. It seems fun, related to my interests (climbing, knots, outdoors) and is intermittent. The high value, is that it's a seasonal job with the longest season of all, which is actually quite ideal to me.

Most seasonal jobs are fun, but too short (ski season, wine season, or potato season are all 2-4 months). One can accumulate two seasons to make it worth it, though. The seasonal model suits me, because I like working quite intensively for short periods of time. In this case, if I get the job, I can work 7 months of the year, and travel 5 months. And compared to other jobs, it's not a default, it's a feature—because I like to have an intermittent job more than a part-time job. This means I can only save 60% of what I'd be saving with a full time job, but I think the mental health advantage is worth it. Like I said in the first post, I don't mind too much cruising to a lean financial independence if I have time to work on other goals (it's like being retired for half of the year). I can also work odd jobs in winter if I want to.

3. I've sent more applications hoping to find a better internship than the one I have.

4. @ertyu I took what you said and applied it. I've sent applications to be a "bike mechanic" (more like parts changer and bike end of assembly line assembler) at Decathlon. Also sent one as a municipal junkyard agent on Saturdays.

I am now still thinking about jobs I try which are similar to the one in adventure parks. Mountain guide? Too much training and responsibilities. Trails restoration agent? Not paid! Please tell me if you have any ideas.

I read through (most of) your thread. Based upon your exacting criteria, the only job I could come up with is "fucking old ladies in the woods" but I'm neither sure of the sustained viability nor the legality of something like that.

Putting aside a talmudic observance of your bullet points for the moment, have you considered pest control? I had to hire a service and found the various servicemen highly intelligent, knowledgeable and in extreme demand. They all appeared to enjoy their jobs. They are often outside, it's a low density social interaction situation, and actually interesting when you get into the intricacies and knowledge requirements. They are like ecological hitmen. Plus it requires licensing, which is good in the fact that the industry cannot go to cheaper labor. I thought it was a good trade. Not that it doesn't have its hazards.

The other was electric garage door installation. Pretty much the same thing. The guy who did mine was young and apprenticed. He was very diligent and well trained. It is a skill job but not on the level of electrician or HVAC, or auto mechanic.

I am chuckling at the similarities between us. I found a horticultural job in a park. It's one of the more tolerable jobs I've had, but still a job. Best of luck to you my friend.

https://www.amazon.com/Growing-FREE-Mic ... 1737841363

This book is expensive but I have found it to be a valuable resource for people in our demographic (young, wanting to tell society to fuck off so we can play in the forest, etc)

A friend of mine lives in Bavaria close to the Alps. I understand from the thread that you are too located close to or in the Alps.
He does hiking and cycling tours with Americans tourists in the summer. In the winter he teaches children snowboarding in the same alps in the winter. That is where I met him. He is not rich financial wise, but has a pretty good life going on for him. I am sure many of us tech workers are jealous of how he spends his days.

The jobs you're looking for grow on trees in the Colorado mountains, but it's not a cheap place to live (anymore), or in the winter an easy place to live. The big resorts run a brisk summer business nowadays, and then you have all the adjacent employers such as bike shuttles and guided climbs and rafting. Many of them hire Europeans your age because they can't find enough Americans. Usually the resorts have dormitory-style housing you can live in — not for free and the atmosphere is basically like college/uni as you'd call it, but certainly cheaper than anything else. My more relevant point is similar to @bos's, the resorty areas closer to your home probably have lots of jobs you'd find interesting and stimulating for at least one season.

Henry wrote: ↑

Thu Dec 15, 2022 11:30 am

I read through (most of) your thread. Based upon your exacting criteria, the only job I could come up with is "fucking old ladies in the woods" but I'm neither sure of the sustained viability nor the legality of something like that.

Reminds me of a hike I was on in the Schwarzwald when I was much closer to OP's age. Deep in the mountains I took a side trail that led to a rock outcropping with a nice view. I got there and a lady of about 70 was standing on the outcropping, facing out, arms outstretched as if to take in everything, completely naked. She rushed to put her clothes back on when she heard me coming, I mean arriving, as if no one would have noticed her from below. So they're out there, I guess.

Henry wrote: ↑

Thu Dec 15, 2022 11:30 am

I read through (most of) your thread. Based upon your exacting criteria, the only job I could come up with is "fucking old ladies in the woods" but I'm neither sure of the sustained viability nor the legality of something like that.

I've considered it, but it doesn't even fulfill all my points either. You have to look and perform well, make the client happy and it's a completely irregular work schedule. Also not viable as one gets older. Maybe as a last resort? I think I have some more jobs to try before we get to that. SO wouldn't agree

In all seriousness, pest control could be interesting, and it doesn't seem I must spend three years working for a third of minimal income to get a job in this field. I'll contact some companies to see what they say about internships and requirement. I didn't know there was such a thing as garage door companies, but it makes sense. I think I would hate both this jobs, and the clients though—car industry makes no sense to me.

RoamingFrancis wrote: ↑

Thu Dec 15, 2022 3:26 pm

I am chuckling at the similarities between us. I found a horticultural job in a park. It's one of the more tolerable jobs I've had, but still a job. Best of luck to you my friend.

<3

I hope to find something like this without a certification. I should network a bit more maybe. Apprenticeship is also three years otherwise. Another job in this field that I've considered is tree surgeon. You need to know a lot of rope tricks to get down trees without hurting yourself, others and buildings in the perimeter.

The book seems very interesting. I'll get it right ahead. Most books about FI I've read are very interesting on the theoretical level, but often lack some experiences I can relate to. If they bother writing about experiences, it's often about mid-life Americans selling their houses and realizing they're already FI if they live in a sailboat. I'll definitely read it.

On another note, I see* how people here have interest in living even more frugally than necessary. Before reading about ERE and RE in general, I was a lot into moneyless living; meeting a lot of people living a lifestyle close to that. The idea's always the same, there's more to life and our social interactions than how our money-based society structures them.

Books I recommend, and people I follow:
- The Man Who Quit Money, by Mark Sundeen about Daniel Suelo* (not only an interesting subject for a biography, but also a beautiful storytelling by the author)
- The Moneyless Man, by Mark Boyle (more practical and less lyricism)

*I've seen that Jacob has Daniel Suelo's blog in the sidebar of his own. It's the stem for this interpretation.

@bos I've read through your journal recently, and you should move to Switzerland! A warning though, you'd be disappointed by the quality of life in big towns. I advise you to, especially considering your work field, move in the countryside in the Alps. It's LCOL and much more beautiful and relaxed. But you have to work online. I'll continue the discussion in your journal.

On my side, I know I'm very talented with computers and I could learn rather quickly, but I demonize working in front of any kind of screen. Any way, seasonal jobs are really getting the spotlight in my mind currently. They were put aside for some time since they don't bring so much money.

@unemployable Your story is very cute. I'm happy for that old lady—though she's probably now deceased. About the jobs, you got the issue right:

unemployable wrote: ↑

Thu Dec 15, 2022 5:36 pm

[…] jobs you'd find interesting and stimulating for at least one season.

I'll try to find stuff like that.

Today I spent some time (more like 3-4 hours) looking at bicycles since the one I have is too small, too old and *other reasons I can find to buy a new one*. I'm looking at second hands bicycles but I don't want to be cheap since I want to do some long distance trips with it. I've found one crazily good deal, but the seller was really bad at communicating. It's surprising how much this was stressing me for the whole day. I had FOMO from potentially missing the deal—I had missed another good touring bike just a day before*. I basically had to slap myself in the face to make me come back from checking my smartphone all the time to see if he answered.

I must have some kind of addiction to screens, thus the love-hate relationship you might have seen. SO is making jokes at how much time I spent in front of the computer, but I know that I should actually spend less time inside and more outside. I'm a bit afraid of becoming some sort of written media hikikomori.

*Also the guy wouldn't call me, which I found a bit sketchy, so I'll be careful when coming to the appointment.

I've visited a friend living in a squatted house and it made me wonder if I should be on the lookout for opportunities to move into such spaces. I also wonder what's the opinion of people here towards squats. Waiting for answers. See you next Sunday!

I was seriously considering quitting money and pulling a Suelo in the spring and summer of 2021. Decided against it because there were a number of things I felt called to, that living completely moneyless would make impossible or at least very difficult.

I would advise against being overly averse to credentials and certificates. This one took me a long time to learn because I was a goddamn anti-authoritarian anarchist who hated the system, and I was a neurodiverse learner that had been shoved through the oppressive cookie cutter of public school and hated having people value a piece of paper with my name on it more than they valued my actual skills. Now I'm not opposed to certificates at all - if doing something like that could earn me a solid income while giving me time to do what the fuck I want, I have no issue with playing the game. Render unto Caesar and all that.

My two cents, given that we seem to have very similar orientations for the world. Take it with a grain of salt.

P.S. Is French your native language? German? Italian?

Sorry everyone, I missed last week update!

@RoamingFrancis I'm not overly averse to any sort of certification. I'm often overly averse of the idea of putting time into something. Thinking more about this recently, I realize I was a bit "traumatized" (in the sense of it affecting my choices now) by bad experiences in the school system. Nothing horrible, but sincere boredom. I'm lucky to have SO, who's making it seem much more enjoyable to be spending time without traveling while it was something I couldn't think of before. We've been together for a bit more than a year and, before that, I was planning on hitchhiking towards Georgia (country not state), and I'm happy to see I've handled this 1 year period with only a few trips just fine in the end.

I've been reading your journal, but I'm not yet at this period you're talking about. Happy to learn from your experiences if I can. On a side note on what I said about FI books: I believe, on the contrary, that the journals on this forum are a gold mine for the more emotional, time and effort aspects of ERE. Surprisingly, everyone achieves this while introducing new concepts—WL, JAFI, eco-Jacob (I liked this one), etc.

I've been trying to buy the book you sent me, but I don't want paperback and the (preferably DRM-free) e-book is only for sale in the US. I'll find a way for sure, but it wasn't a one click thing and so I didn't do it yet. Also SO broke my e-reader while laying in bed and I have to wait for the new 20$ screen from China

Funnily, I was reading Rob Greenfield's blog and stumbled upon a guest blog by the book author Laura Oldanie. I've been having a lot of these Baader–Meinhof's recently. I can't wait to read more from this person anyway!

Meanwhile, I'll keep investing any excess money in VT as I build myself a better sustainable investing opinion and plan. About this, let's digress:

Like I believe I said previously, I don't mind delaying perfect FI if I can have a better ERE indicator by having different investments that are also more "conscious friendly" and fun.

But I still want to have investment income big enough to cover health insurance and health costs (including potential ones) ASAP. It's very important for me. I know I'd be very happy and much more relaxed once I reach that, because I already know—if need be—that I can live with very little expenses outside of this one. It also mean that with a flexible WR, and health expenses often not reaching the deductible, I can hope for lower actual WR most of the time and therefore capital increase, which in turn means covering more expenses eventually.

The biggest things I want to cover are (approximately):

1. Health: 6000 USD/year
- Health insurance: 3250 USD/year
- Deductible: 2750 USD/year
2. Food: 1200 USD/year (I dumpster dive a lot, so I can probably go lower if need be → flexible WR).

With a 150'000 USD, I can already cover health at a 4% WR. It's important to take into account that if I have under 27'000 USD of income, I qualify more or less for free health insurance. This means that this WR could then cover food and possibly housing.

About housing, you can get good deals in Switzerland if you buy with a mortgage instead of renting in LCOL area (particularly a few rural towns and villages in Valais or Neuchâtel). You can find good condo apartments or small houses between 150'000-200'000 USD which mean a (very approximate) monthly cost between 500-1000 USD. Combined with a bit of house hacking or a tiny house in the garden and it's easy to have cheap or maybe even free housing. It's still risky and maybe the stress is not worth it considering my sensibility. All this is talking for the future me anyway: all I know now, is that I'm aiming to reach a 100'000 USD in between three to five years and it would be a very important milestone for me.

Spending as been a bit higher this month as I bought a new bike second hand for 300 USD. I guess I still made a good deal since it's from 2016 and worth 1500 USD new (not counting the front and rear rack and triathlon handlebars that are mounted on it). I was wondering if it wasn't actually stolen when I bought it but I brought it to the cops and a frame number search returned nothing. I also received big medical bills. I got some money from Christmas, small jobs and selling stuff around the house so I'm still at a somewhat high saving ratio. I don't calculate it because it doesn't mean anything since I didn't work more than 15 hours and I live at my parents and don't pay for food. Think 1200 USD or so revenue and 500 USD expenses.

======

Other than that, last week was a bit intense as I've hitchhiked to Austria and back to meet with people for NYE in an abandoned house but the house was in such a bad state and claustrophobic that I decided to leave and rather celebrate with family. A funny 4-days 1600 km round trip sleeping in petrol stations and windy hills at 0°C. I liked it because it gave me a good hedonistic adaptation reset of some sort.

Plan is still the same: follow through with caregiver course. Find a job in that field if I like it or hope to be hired as an aerial adventure park operator for the whole season. It seems I got an interview for this one, but it's for a park that's 40 km from parents' home, which is also me and SO current home. I haven't got an answer from the one close to home. Next step is: work part of the year and take breaks when needed, rinse and repeat—you've heard it enough already.

That's it for this week! Already wrote too much

PS: French is my native language.

Hi there,
just 2c regarding a fulfilling job

another aspect is the people you work with and your direct boss
in any career/job choice - if you work with people who you can call your friends, everything else is better
Something to keep in mind when interviewing, or even choosing a work path - what kinds of people it attracts..

Laura has a blog too that I highly recommend: https://www.richandresilientliving.com/

How long have you been with your partner? I have finally been feeling ready to date for the first time in my life and am curious to hear other people's stories.

I can 100% relate to your terrible experiences in the school system. I was a really curious kid with undiagnosed ADHD. School was like a prison for me because I wanted to learn but couldn't because it was geared towards smashing innate creativity.

I have honestly only done really long hitchhiking adventures where I have been on the road for months. Could be cool to do shorter ones that are a little less grueling. I lived in a squat for a little while so I could meditate full-time but then I got kicked out. Are any of the abandoned places you encountered healthy? Some of the scenes I have seen like that seemed to have a lot of substance abuse going on which I really prefer to avoid. And interpersonal challenges usually destroy those sorts of experiments.

not sure wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 02, 2023 10:58 am

another aspect is the people you work with and your direct boss
in any career/job choice - if you work with people who you can call your friends, everything else is better
Something to keep in mind when interviewing, or even choosing a work path - what kinds of people it attracts..

Yes! I already knew that the work environment was important, but didn't think as far as how the work field attracts certain types of people. I think I'd like the people working with me as a adventure park operator. I'm not sure about the caregiver field, because there's more differences between institutions while most adventure parks are the same.

@RoamingFrancis

Thank you for your journal! I'm still reading but many many of the concepts I like were introduced by you. I'll answer in yours as soon as I'm finished reading. I'll read Laura's blog more in detail when I'll be done writing so much. I'm a big talker, sorry (see lower).

RoamingFrancis wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 04, 2023 3:49 am

How long have you been with your partner? I have finally been feeling ready to date for the first time in my life and am curious to hear other people's stories.

Regarding to romantic relationships, I can see from your journal and other posts that you have a tendency to overanalyze things. I say that because, like you said, we are very similar, and I do feel like I often think too much.

Anyway, I've been with her for a little bit more than a year now. She the second romantic partner I had in my life.
Between age 15 and 18 I was obsessed with getting in a relationship with no success. I felt like finding a relationship would provide the comfort needed to endure the day to day school grind. It was between 16-18 that my focus shifted to hobo life as a cure to my looking for meaning. Still I felt like a relationship would be a nice sugar! In retrospection, a lot of the relationship that I tried to get would've been likely very casual, because very few people shared common interests with me, or at least, mental tolerance for my radical lifestyle/views. I'm not so sad to have missed on them, but I would have benefited from more emotional and sexual intelligence if I've had a relationship earlier.

So, I signed up on Tinder at age 18, where I met my first partner with whom I ended up for about a year and a half. I believe we were sincerely in love (whatever that means, times fixes everything anyway), but also radically different. She was kind of a careerist and had emotional issues which I was bad with dealing with (you said you are neurodiverse and probably so am I, thus sometimes a bit too honest and cold)*. She wanting stability, and me wanting to travel and constantly repeating that I'd leave for a year as soon as I'm done and that I won't be able to call weekly was really the nail in the coffin of our dysfunctional relationship.

*Everyone in the family around me is obsessed with ADHD, autism spectrum and high potential testing, both for themselves and me. While I believe that there are different people in society, thus different ways to work, and that society is dominated by the neurotypical way of working, I don't want to be diagnosed just so I can get medication to adapt to society.
I also hear a lot that it can help me know myself better, and this is true, but I already know my personality traits enough that I can live my life happily. If you need a diagnosis to understand why you don't like something instead of putting the blame on yourself, no problem, I understand, but I don't. I've read in this forum about iatrogenesis, and trying to overly adapt oneself to one's diagnosed mentality is probably an example of it (or maybe not, and I just want to namedrop this). If I'm happy and others around me are, then I am fine. Just need to make sure in a while: "Am I fine? Yes I feel fine. Do you feel fine? Yes, thank you.".
Also, why is everyone here so obsessed with the MBTI? It's just so vague it doesn't make any sense. But rant is over, let's move back to topic.

I have, surprisingly, a bit matured now. So when I got in the current relationship I am now in, I kept repeating that I was a bad lover, because I never communicate if away, and I will follow through my projects no matter what. What a bad idea to get in a relationship with me, better be ready! But actually, SO moved in and life is so easy going that I know it's worthy of a lot of compromises. She knows too and I believe that's a very very very important quality for a relationship. Of course, the ideal compromise is the one that doesn't feel like one! So when she decided to stay in Switzerland for studying, I decided to stay there to make money instead of traveling. I could say it's actually the reason I'm on this forum right now.

More about the dating rather than the actual relationship: we met through a friend who was in love with her, and it sort of just happened—I lost one of my best friendship and got a romantic partner. It was maybe a bad bet at first since I didn't know her very well, but I was very impulsive and got very lucky as is often the case in life . I don't regret it, but I could have, had she been less the best partner I could aim to get. I believe I'm very bad with dating because if I have interest in a girl, I act weird and generally lack the confidence to build a friendship until I take gigantic steps, whom, in the past, had the effect of scaring the girl away if she wasn't already interested in me. This is why Tinder helped at first because you'd show interest before actually socializing. This increased my confidence and I was just more natural in return. Now, I've heard a lot of stories of guys just putting their hands on the girl leg or leaning in for a kiss without a clue, just because they got a match so "this must be it, right?".

All in all, I've, at some point, just accepted that I was clueless instead of trying to analyze whether that smile was a good one or not. Instead, I'm just acting natural, and if I don't feel like socializing but really want to, I can always drink more alcohol. Current SO said she was actively flirting with me and that I was also constantly flirting with her. Thinking back on the first times we met, I was just a bit more silent than the norm, and smiling confidently to people, mostly because I didn't feel the need to be cool. I had no expectations which made me very much natural and open. That's with the input I now got from her that I say that, but honestly I feel like she did all the hard job!

Concretely, she said once that "she'd like to know me more in depth", and that was sincerely a good yet simple clue. Another time, she said she was going to visit family in another country:
— "Oh! I'm going on a trip in this region at the same dates, how cool it would be to meet in your town" (also, but not only, thinking pragmatically about couchsurfing).
— "Yeah sure, would be fun." (her not really thinking that'd happen).
Fast forward a month, I call her—"300km from your town, I'll be there this evening, where do we meet?". We meet, we talk, we're two in another town, we touch hands, we hug, we kiss.

I say she did all the work, she says I was cocky. I think I was impulsive.

I don't say I can give advice as I am clueless—"good thing, because I didn't ask!" you might say—, but if you meet someone you like spending time with and would like to spend more time with them, just tell them this! I guess romantic relations are a mix of friendship and sex, so you can also tell them that they look good and that they're very pretty/handsome (seems like the adjective is important depending on gender). Then hug them when you leave (best is to do this with everyone anyway ). If you want "only sex" like some do, I have no clue, because I never got "only sex" (not that I never wanted). I guess you must either be drunk, or in a group of very open minded people to have this.

RoamingFrancis wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 04, 2023 3:49 am

I have honestly only done really long hitchhiking adventures where I have been on the road for months. Could be cool to do shorter ones that are a little less grueling. I lived in a squat for a little while so I could meditate full-time but then I got kicked out. Are any of the abandoned places you encountered healthy? Some of the scenes I have seen like that seemed to have a lot of substance abuse going on which I really prefer to avoid. And interpersonal challenges usually destroy those sorts of experiments.

Longest was only a month and a half for me. I like coming home more often that I thought. When HH was too tiring, I'd couchsurf for a few days before leaving again. Staying at someone's place is something I could probably do more. But when I was staying at SO's family for weeks, I was sooo bored! So maybe WWOOFing or in a natural location with plenty of hikes would work better.

Abandoned places, healthy? You just need to find a nice one! I guess you meant squats. In this case, you also need to find a nice one! I've seen squats with lot of drugs and others that were really low-profile, low blood sugar, calm people who just don't like the concept of rent and like communal living. I'm a bit obsessed with stuff and I feel like there's always to much mess around in squats, and it's a bit dirty and the electricity isn't safe and people should wash dishes more, and why is this old yogurt still there, I told you to pick it up! Maybe once I'll be more relaxed.