Extroverts - how do you do ERE?

[RoamingFrancis]

@theanimal Could you comment more on what your experience was like integrating into social circles in Alaska?

[classical_Liberal]

@RF

Social capital is more valuable than financial capital in ERE. Extroverts have a huge advantage. For some reason you are not seeing it.

At some point I had the same concerns. Mostly because i felt "preachy" about low consumption and/or ERE. It was a self esteem thing. I "wanted" people to see me as successful, but I had chosen this life that outwardly appears less successful in its material signaling. Once I left that behind and just lived life, I found no one that matters cares how I live. Social connections have paid dividends for me since then.

[theanimal]

@theanimal Could you comment more on what your experience was like integrating into social circles in Alaska?

I first moved here to work for a tour company in the Arctic that provided housing. There were only about 20 other people there and we all lived and worked together so you got to know everyone pretty quickly. Although there was a high percentage of people that stayed year round, the work was ultimately seasonal so there was always a fresh round of faces that came come summer. As these types of jobs do, it tended to attract a younger crowd (rockstar profession) and most people there were in their 20s, with some exceptions far older.

I eventually moved to a subsistence community nearby where the demographics were nearly the opposite, hardly any young people but people with lots of skills who had lived there a long time. I demonstrated a strong interest in the area and learning and some of the neighbors were happy to help out and share their knowledge, tools and time. I didn’t have any skills or really anything tangible to offer in return at the time besides my company, but I think that was appreciated.

With only 13 or so people in the community, you get to know everyone. At least everyone that wants to be known. This includes any frequent travelers to the community. One such group was a pair of pretty young wildlife biology grad students. I first met them in the depths of winter when morale and visitors are at their lowest. They wanted someone to hang out with while doing field work and by this point, I was nearly desperate to find someone around my age to do something with so we made a perfect match. I ended up tagging along on their research work and also ended up earning some income from doing so.

I ended up moving to the nearest urban area later on where I didn’t know anyone outside of a handful of those graduate students. I would hang out with them and meet some of the people who they hung out with. One of them talked about this forestry program he managed. I ended up applying and doing that for the next 3 summers. The people there held many of the same interests, outdoor recreating, hunting, gardening, some self sufficiency etc. and they ended up comprising the vast majority of my current friend group. It also ended up being where I met and started dating my lovely wife.

In the area I live now, I previously have tried other things to make friends and meet love interests outside of work. When I first moved here, I’d say yes to every social invitation, as it was a possibility for new friends or dates. I also did things like jiu jitsu, dance classes and attended a lot of free events at the university.

I guess the long and short of it is that you need to put yourself in an environment where these types of relationships can occur. I wouldn’t meet friends who have the same interests and do the same activities as mine do now in Chicagoland area. I would presume the same is true for you with ethnobotanists or similar activities of interest. My friends don't do exactly what I do or would like to do of course but there is enough of a common shared interest. Finding that area may take a bit of work, but once you’re there a positive, friendly attitude and openness to learning goes a long way. You also need to say yes a lot, things end up leading to opportunities that you can’t plan for or necessarily imagine. Hope that helps.

[RoamingFrancis]

@theanimal I feel like I'm meeting the right people. There's a surprising amount of stuff happening locally, though it took me a while to find it. I thought I'd be a lot farther than I am by now, and am thinking I may have to spend another year here. But I don't want to make excuses for not being adventurous either...

[grundomatic]

@RoamingFrancis
I get the struggle. I even brought it up with my MMG group. I think the difficulty for an extrovert when starting down the ERE path is that there are fewer examples to copy, and creating your own solutions is more work.

I guess my strategy is something like "Think and plan ahead to avoid getting sucked into a spendy situation." I explicitly think about this, but still fall short of implementing it every time. What I don't strive for at all but continuously find happening is being showered with goods just for, I don't know what, maybe being a friend? Maybe my circles are just generous? Maybe they think I'm struggling? Maybe they don't know what to do with their surplus stuff/money?

Examples:
I run a D&D game for some friends. The accepted practice is that the DM is bringing the "game planning and preparation" to the potluck, and everyone else brings food and drinks. Costs me nothing.

In another group, I'm a player. I got tired of paying extra to have food delivered, not to mention losing game time to figuring out dinner at the beginning of the session. The next few sessions I offered to pick up dinner on the way over. Everyone threw way too much money at me and refused to take change. Then we changed locations to help a member not have to find child care. The host cooks every time now, and to pull my weight I play sous chef and help with the meal. The other players bring the snacky type food.

I helped a friend move. I think we took two pickup loads to their new place. They piled gaming stuff on me for helping, probably valued in hundreds of dollars. I didn't feel it was a fair exchange, so I offered to paint a mini for them. They will try to give me even more stuff for that. (Me: "Why are you giving me all this stuff!?! Stop, it's too much!" Them: "I don't need it.", as they add more stuff to the box.)

Coworker friends invited us over for dinner. We found out they had no plans for their anniversary in a few weeks. We offered to watch the kids so they could go out. We had to refuse monetary payment, but I think we were still sent home with some booze. Really, all you have to do is pay a little attention to people's kids and both the kids and the parents will love you. Instant "uncle".

[Jin+Guice]

I'm 50/50 in the introvert/ extrovert scale, which means I'm pretty extroverted for this forum. I dunno what my strategy is really. I will be bored if I sit at home? I like house parties a lot? Being a musician helps? I'm good at making friends for some reason? I like to get laid, which pushes me out of my comfort zone?

Is the problem that you can't meet people or you can't meet people who don't spend a bunch of money?

My "strategy" for high-spenders is: 1) I am kind of a dick. Everyone knows I am a cheapskate and I'm not sorry about it and I'll just make fun of you and your bouge sandwich that I can just get from the dumpster in 5 minutes. 2) I hang out with other weirdos and people who are "poor." 3) I try to manipulate my friends into doing cheap activities by predicting the underlying need and trying to meet it in a way that is cheap. "Oh that Indian restaurant sounds really nice, I just learned how to make a new Indian dish and can also make pizza and I noticed you already have all the ingredients in your fridge and they are about to go bad." 4) I am willing to accept people paying for things for me. Sometimes people will pay for me to do shit with them bc they like me and know that I either won't or can't afford to do the shit they want to do. This is usually, but not always, food or fancy drinks.

I don't always win. Social friction spending is probably my biggest spending category, but that's bc I can afford it. We're also always doing something that I actually like.

[shaz]

Preemptively make social plans that suit your desired lifestyle.

Left to themselves, yes, other people will often make plans to do lame things like meet at a restaurant. Luckily they have a creative friend like you who can suggest s'mores and a campfire at a regional park. If you get out ahead of the restaurant plans they will never even notice that restaurant nights have been nixed.